𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒍ㅤ𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗿ㅤ.ᐟ

as he gets to work at calling the restaurant and placing their order, his mind wanders in a way that has very little to do with the task at hand and more so regarding what might be running through jesse's mind. kolby knows he can't properly begin to understand the weight of everything on jesse's shoulders, but he's been a first hand witness to how hard jesse has worked for years, and knows that dealing with the fallout of not meeting expectations isn't going to be easy. he ponders over what to say in order to help, or if words will even get his point across enough— kolby doesn't realize he's zoned out in the midst of overthinking until the employee on the other end of the line clears their throat, and he hurriedly forces his attention to snap back in to place their order. " foods supposed to be here in about twenty! " he calls behind him towards jesse's room, tossing his phone carelessly to the side.

« I CAN'T KEEP HAVING this conversation with you, » he begs, but his gaze wavers, unable to hold onto theirs. « i'm trying to protect you. » that apology has begun to wear thin though, when arlo knows that what they have should weigh more than whatever comment a family member can make. that particular part of him is hard to shed though.

ashtyn knows too well what it's like to have a parent that expects too much. her own never seemed to accept her no matter the strides she made to better herself— she liked to think that she had done plenty over the past few years. her relationship with arlo had been a safe haven minus the glaring issue of being kept a secret. while at first she was been just fine with it, lately the reminder only made that deep seated feeling of not being enough grow heavier in her chest. " this doesn't feel like you're trying to protect me, arlo, " her mouth pulls down in a frown, continuing, " it hurts, you know? i can't help but feel like you're embarrassed to be seen with me. "

" i don't need you to fix anything , okay ? can we please just fucking drop it . "

he should know better than to poke and prod when the problem stems from him, but how can he sit here when the other seems so obviously miserable? " we can't just drop it. i apologized, what more do you want from me? what's it gonna take for you to stop being so pissy around me? "

" it's an award show . it's like five hours long , i just need you to come and smile for a few cameras and pretend like you aren't miserable . it's not that hard . "

" kiiinda hard not to be miserable when there's a shit ton of cameras shoved in my face. " he didn't handle the attention well even on his own day-to-day basis, and he wasn't even under the spotlight nearly as much. " what's in it for me? surely you could ask someone else who'll do a better job. "

x

marnie feels her breath catch at the confession. for a second, she just stares at marisol, her fingers curling around her engagement ring. "that's the problem," she admits quietly. "i don't regret it either." how could she? there was a time marnie had secretly been in love with marisol, and she thought she had gotten over it by now. "i keep telling myself it's just pre-wedding panic or self-sabotage, but every time i'm with him it just feels like i'm performing. but when i'm with you, it feels real."

marisol turns her head to look elsewhere, attempting to hide the softening of her expression. even if it's a no-brainer to her, she knows marnie has more to lose. it isn't like marisol is the picture perfect example of a good partner anyways, and it's foolish to expect marnie to walk away from a committed relationship just for the chance they could work out in the end. marisol can't remember the last time she devoted herself to someone, not in the way her heart secretly longs to with marnie. " i... i could be whatever you need, " she finally confesses, " all i know is that it doesn't feel right to see you with him. not when i know i could do better — make you happier. what's a marriage worth if it doesn't feel real anyways? "

but it was for that reason that when he hadn't heard anything a couple nights in a row, that taylor got worried enough to venture over there and knock on the door to their apartment. "sorry, not a freak. you've just been weirdly quiet." and then he realized they probably don't even know who he is. "i'm next door."

" jeez. you've been paying attention that much? can't tell if i'm supposed to be flattered or creeped out. " the deflection came as easily as breathing for the singer, who'd rather die than admit to any kind of loneliness that plagued his usually colorful life as of late. he didn't realize how obvious it had been that things had grown too quiet, but thinking back on it, a couple of days worth of quiet that stemmed from terrible writer's block and exhaustion probably made him stick out. " next door... " he repeated, smirk forming on his face, " you're the one i'm hearing late at night watching tv then? god this place is a shithole. "

He couldn't help but smile when his eyes met the others', his fingers gently tracing their arm. "We both know we'd be lying if we said we didn't love this. Nobody is going to know. I don't kiss and tell."

riley let his gaze travel over hunter in quiet contemplation. " god. i hate that you're right. " he finally acquiesced, a smile dancing across his lips as he reached out to intertwine their fingers. " i mean it. i have a reputation to uphold, y'know? can't have you running around telling everyone what we're up to. "

"I could use you, you know?" She tapped her nails on her keyboard as she looked across the table. "Could be the start of a career change?"

" a career change ... ? " ashtyn let the words roll off her tongue as if testing how the idea sounded— breaking away from her band to do any solo work was... well, intimidating, scared the hell out of her in a way she wasn't prepared for. " the offer's tempting, but i've never done anything on my own before. "

the air feels heavy with the weight of what they both refuse to say. jesse knows his own facade is flimsy at best — even if it weren't kolby in the driver's seat next to him, he thinks anyone could see right through him now ( — or maybe, it's because it's kolby that he has so much trouble summoning up that usually easy cheery facade ). " mmm — yeah, " he says noncommittally, feet stretching out before him into the footwell, body sliding just a fraction more down in the seat. " i am really hard to replace. " almost stubbornly he hangs onto that carefree attitude, a little too forced and exaggerated. no doubt kolby can see right through it, but jesse doesn't like the alternative any better. he still feels scraped raw, exposed without his consent after everything that happened. blue eyes stare up resolutely at the red light, even as he feels the weight of kolby's gaze bearing down on him. the instincts battle within him : the urge to be honest with kolby, the reflex to hide any hurts beneath an infallible exterior. he allows himself to reach across the center console, hand pressing over kolby's knee in a familiar weight, voice softer — not so cheery, but closer to genuine. " it's good to be back, though. " he missed him — that is an easy enough fact to recognize, even without the long string of texts and photos still sitting in stark evidence on his phone.

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (2005) dir. Ang Lee