Rin's Xdinary Brain Rot

Tears streamed down my face as I knocked on Hyeongjun’s door. His parents’ cars weren’t in the driveway but I knew he was home because I could see the light coming from his window. I knocked harder and tried calling his phone again, but he wouldn’t pick up. Grumbling in frustration, I picked up my bike and got back on, the wind quickly drying my tears.

I debated going to Gunil’s house because he’d talked me out of some dark places before, but honestly I knew I needed comfort more than I needed advice right now. I found myself pedalling the familiar route to Jooyeon’s house before I knew what I was doing.

By the time I got to Jooyeon’s house it was late, and dinner time had long since passed. Dropping my bike on the lawn, I knocked on the door and prayed someone would answer. Less than a minute later, I was greeted by Jooyeon’s mom’s familiar face.

“Hi Y/N- oh sweetie, what happened?” she said, her warm facial expression shifting to one of concern when she saw my state.

I probably looked like a mess. I was still in my uniform even though school had ended hours ago, my eyes were probably red and puffy, and I could feel the dried tear tracks on my face every time I moved it.

“Is Jooyeon home?” I asked, cursing how fragile my voice sounded.

“Yeah, of course, love. Come in,” she said, waving me inside. “Would you like anything to eat or drink?”

I shook my head as I toed off my shoes, following her up the carpeted stairs. She knocked on his door but got no response. Jooyeon and his parents had a system for how they could come into his room, it was cute. If the door was ajar, as it was now, it meant they could come in, but they usually still knocked as a courtesy. The whole thing was really sweet and respectful, I had trouble believing it was a real parent-child relationship. My parents just barged into my room whenever they pleased, only knocking half a second before they opened the door.

Jooyeon’s mom pushed open the door to reveal him sitting on his bed with his back facing the door, headphones on and connected to his bass, which he was playing. No wonder he couldn’t hear the knocking. His mom left us alone as I stepped into the room, dropping my backpack by the door and walking slowly in a wide arc around his bed so as not to scare him.

My tactic failed, of course, because when Jooyeon was playing music, he got really into it. He didn’t notice me until I was practically in front of him and he jumped a mile in the air as his headphones fell around his neck and his glasses got knocked askew.

“Jesus, Y/N, you scared me! How did you get in here?” he exclaimed, putting his hand on his chest.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, scuffing my socked foot on the carpet, “your mom let me in.”

“What’s up? Why are you here so late?” he asked as he fixed his glasses and started to put his bass away. “Did we have plans that I forgot about?”

“No, nothing like that,” I rushed out, shaking my head worriedly. I didn’t want him to feel like he was obligated to hang out with me. “I just um-”

“Jooyeon!” his dad called from downstairs, interrupting me. “Can you come help me with something?”

“Sure!” he yelled, looking at me. “You’re good here, right?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” I said, waving my hand in what I hoped was a nonchalant manner.

Jooyeon must not have given it as much thought as I did because he rushed downstairs in an instant, leaving me alone in his room. I stood there for what felt like an eternity but was only two minutes according to the clock on his nightstand before I decided to head downstairs as well.

I went into the kitchen where I could see Jooyeon’s mom sitting at the kitchen island reading a magazine, her reading glasses perched on her nose. If I looked to my left I could see Jooyeon in the garage helping his dad take down a bunch of boxes from the shelves.

“Hi, honey,” Jooyeon’s mom said, taking off her glasses to look at me. “Do you want something to eat?”

“Yes please,” I said quietly, sitting at the island as I continued to watch Jooyeon.

A few minutes later, a steaming hot bowl of ramen and a glass of water were placed in front of me. I smiled at Jooyeon’s mom gratefully and began to eat as I waited for my friend to return.

I’d just finished my bowl when Jooyeon walked in from the garage, going to the sink to wash his hands.

“There you are,” he said, taking my dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, “do you wanna go up to my room now?”

Nodding, I followed him up to his room, closing the door behind us.

“Do you wanna play a game?” he asked, setting up his console before I could even reply.

Sighing, I took the controller from him and settled myself on the floor, preparing myself to lose. I knew I was Jooyeon’s favourite person to play video games with, because even though I wasn’t as good as some of his friends, I was the only one who didn’t complain when he won several times in a row.

We played a couple of rounds, but every time I tried to talk, Jooyeon didn’t seem to be paying attention. Eventually, I got frustrated so I died on purpose early in the game so that Jooyeon would finally turn his attention to me.

“Hey, why did you-” he started to ask, stopping when he saw the tears gathering in my eyes. “Hey hey hey, what’s wrong?”

He turned off the TV and scooted closer to me, any thoughts about the game surely escaping as he saw his best friend in distress.

“It’s Mel,” I got out, my voice sounding warbly again as the tears spilled out of my eyes.

“Melanie? What did she do now?” he asked, putting his warm hands on my shoulders.

“She-” I hiccuped, gasping for air as my chest shook with the intensity of trying to contain the sobs from wracking through my body. “She got all upset because I’m moving and she said we should stop being friends now before I forget about her.”

If Jooyeon was shocked by the news of me moving, I couldn’t tell, because my eyes were screwed shut as I attempted to stop the tears from coming out.

“Oh, Y/N,” he murmured, sympathy and concern lacing his voice. “Do you need a hug?”

I nodded, my bottom lip quivering as the tears threatened to spill over again. Once Jooyeon pulled me as close as he could with our knees touching, the floodgates opened again as I began to cry into his shirt.

It was really difficult to hug while we were both sitting on the floor, but I didn’t want to say anything because I was scared he’d pull away and I really needed to be held. Luckily, I didn’t have to, because Jooyeon noticed too.

“C’mere,” he mumbled, pulling me into his lap so he could bear-hug me properly.

Wrapped around him like a koala, I buried my face in the crook of his neck as I continued to cry. We’d never been this close before, but if he was uncomfortable with our proximity, he didn’t say anything as he rubbed comforting circles on my back.

“Jooyeon, you know you’re supposed to keep your door open when you have gue-” his mother started to say as she came in, stopping when she saw her son and his best friend in what probably looked like a very compromising position on the floor. I started to scramble away but Jooyeon held me firmly in place.

“Mom, I swear it’s not what it looks like!” he explained hurriedly. “Y/N’s going through a tough time.”

“Oh honey,” she said, her eyes softening as she came further into the room to hand me a tissue box and a bottle of water from Jooyeon’s mini fridge.

“Feel free to stay the night, Y/N,” she said. “I’ll call your parents and have Jooyeon’s father put your bike in the garage so it doesn’t get stolen.”

“Thank you,” I mumbled appreciatively.

She patted my head comfortingly before leaving the room, closing the door behind her as she left. Jooyeon took a tissue from the box and pulled away slightly so that he could wipe the tears from my face.

“Melanie’s dumb anyway,” he said, opening the water bottle and giving it to me, “remember that time in second grade when she wouldn’t let me play with you guys because I spent one recess playing with Jiseok because he was new?”

I nodded, drinking half of the bottle in one breath.

“She’s always been protective of her friends, scared she’ll lose them. It’s why she cut me and Jiseok out when we switched schools. She pushed us away before we could push her away, and now she’s doing the same to you.”

“It’s not fair,” I mumbled, burying my face in his neck once again, “how does she know that I’ll push her away? I didn’t push you guys away, and I even made new friends because of it.”

“I know,” he said, patting my back, “you just have to convince her you’ll keep being her friend even if you don’t live nearby or go to the same school anymore. Now let’s get ready for bed. I think I still have a set of your emergency sweats in my drawer.”

I disentangled myself from my best friend and stood up, wiping the rest of the tears from my face as he rummaged around in his drawer for whatever clothes I’d left the last time I’d stayed over. I retrieved the toothbrush I always carried around for this exact reason from my backpack and took the clothes from him as I went into the hall bathroom to get ready for bed.

I was glad I’d had the foresight to leave a set of comfortable clothes at each of my six friends’ houses. My house was the furthest from all of theirs since we went to different schools, so I usually ended up sleeping over when our hangout sessions ran late. My only friend that lived in my neighbourhood was Mel, hence why she was so upset that I was moving both neighbourhoods and schools.

The clothes were a blessing, though, because my school uniform had to be made of the most uncomfortable material ever made. It was like they had mixed cardboard and pure static electricity and turned them into clothes. Stepping into the sweats I’d left was like coming home after a long day, which in a sense, I was. Even though the clothes were mine, they smelled like Jooyeon because he kept them in his drawer next to his. It was a comforting mix of the scents of the detergent his mom used and something else I couldn’t place but was undeniably reminiscent of Jooyeon.

When I returned to his room, much more composed after my breakdown, Jooyeon was clearing textbooks and sheets of music off of his bed. I knew he normally just slept with them pushed to one side, so it was a kind gesture that he was clearing them off for me.

When he was done, I crawled into the right side of the bed because I knew he normally took the left, and held my breath as Jooyeon placed his glasses on the bedside table and settled in next to me. It wasn’t the first time I’d shared a bed with Jooyeon, but it had been a while since all of our recent sleepovers also featured Gunil, Jungsu, Seungmin, Jiseok and Hyeongjun and consisted of the seven of us in a pile of blankets on the floor.

As Jooyeon turned off the light, plunging us into darkness, I tried to remember when the last time we’d shared a bed was. Probably before he changed schools, before… Before I realized I had feelings for him. I don’t know how I would survive this proximity now that I was in a post-breakdown state of clarity. Jooyeon’s gentle voice interrupted my train of thoughts.

“I’ll miss you when you move,” he said.

I turned to look at him but could only see the vague outline of his head in the dark.

“What do you mean?” I asked. “I’m moving closer to you. That’s why Mel’s mad.” “What?” he asked, turning to face me as well.

“Jooyeon, you know I’ve been trying to get into your school ever since you applied. The music program there is much better than the one at my current school. I finally got in, I start in September. We’re moving so that I have a shorter commute to school.”

“You mean- I get to see you at school every day?” he asked, his voice sounding breathy with wonder. “And live close to you?”

“Yes,” I said, reaching blindly for his hand and finding it resting on the covers between us. I gave his hand a comforting squeeze, which he returned. We’d been doing that for as long as I could remember. “I’m sorry I forgot to tell you, I was gonna tell you after I told Mel but as you can see that didn’t exactly go as planned.”

“I don’t care,” he said, pulling me to his chest in a crushing hug. “I know now, that’s what matters. Is it bad to say I’m happy?”

“No,” I managed out, my lungs being squeezed in his tight grip.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, easing his grip on me but not letting go.

Now that we’d been in the dark for a bit, my eyes were starting to adjust. I could see Jooyeon’s face, only inches from mine. I could feel his warm breath mixing with mine as my eyes scanned his face. He watched me carefully, letting go of my hand bringing his up to cup my face.

“I have to tell you something,” we said at the same time, each letting out a laugh at the synchronicity.

“You first,” I said, worried that I’d change my mind depending on what he said.

“Y/N,” he started, and I could feel his heart racing under the palm of the hand I’d lifted to rest on his chest, “I’ve been in love with you since second grade.”

My eyes widened and I let out a short gasp, trying to remember all the way back to second grade.

“Please say something,” he urged, his eyes staring imploringly into mine.

I silently blessed and cursed the fact that my eyes had adjusted to the darkness, the only darkness being the streetlights outside flooding in through the windows. It was a blessing that I could see the sincerity on Jooyeon’s face, but it was almost too much for me to handle.

“You’ve got me beat,” I murmured, feeling his breath hitch at my confession, “I only figured out I loved you when you left for a different high school.”

“That’s still- That’s three years, Y/N,” he said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I scoffed, lightly slapping his chest. “You waited ten!”

“I thought you didn’t feel the same way,” he whined.

“If you’d told me sooner I might’ve realized I did sooner,” I whined back.

We both laughed at the ridiculousness of our situation, his head falling until his forehead was pressed against mine.

Feeling charged from our confessions, I closed the gap between us and kissed him. He reciprocated immediately, using the hand that was cupping my face to pull me closer. We kissed for what felt like an eternity until we eventually pulled away because we ran out of air.

“Do you think the rest of the guys know?” he asked, his voice low even though we were the only ones in the room.

“Oh, definitely,” I said, thinking back to all of the knowing looks I’d received from Gunil. “They’re definitely going to make fun of our obliviousness for a while.”

“We’ll get through it. Together,” he promised, kissing my forehead.

We fell asleep like that, with my head tucked into the space between his chin and his chest and his arms encircling me protectively. If his mom saw us like that when she came to wake us up the next morning, she didn’t say anything.

Masterlist.

Photo credits: 1. 2. 3.