eSuccubus - Free Erotic Mp3s, Videos and More

Went for a walk for Beverages. Going live at http://twitch.tv/eSuccubusplays at 5 pm pst. Watch me sort over 3000 books in Arcane Library. Every 100 books I'm gonna spin a big wheel with some of the incomplete games I've played so far (Everything is Crab, Prime Monster on the hardest difficulty, Retail Hell, Mina the Hollower, Inscryption Kaycee's Mod, Phasmophobia). Just unwinding after a rough week, and if you are too - maybe you would like to watch a goblin.

CW: Sad, self-indulgent I think I definitely need to set somewhere up for my musings and thoughts on life, art, etc. not because they are particularly meaningful or worth reading to anyone else, but because for a long time I lived in enforced silence. I'll blog here for now, but I probably need some place officially separated from this e-dentity. It sort of never clicked in my head that things I think which aren't about just providing content for people, might still be of interest to people. I grew up neurodivergent in an environment that didn't really get that, that in fact taught me a lot of really bad coping skills including just shutting down. And so I just kind of pared all these parts out of myself that for others are a basic part of living. Talking about my history, my experiences, became secondary to keeping the people I was responsible for alive, and this kept me from really *doing anything but that*. I just became, work, sleep, repeat, and missed out on a lot of the reasons why you do those things. I'm paying attention to my own care and comfort now though. I never really said it over the years, but most of my profits from my creative endeavors went, to keeping other people alive while I lived like a monk, and not much to my comfort. I'm going to try to be more self-careful from now on. I'll set up a youtube or a little blog somewhere and keep it linked at the bottom of linktrees or as a hidden page places or something because I'm still not comfortable being forward or the face of anything - see how I don't even announce when I'm gonna be streaming. But I do stream sundays at twitch.tv/eSuccubus and I will try to talk about Stuff when I'm able. Part of why streaming is a natural expression opportunity for me is I actually *can* talk sometimes, when the game is right and I forget I have an audience. That's the funny thing, some of it even *is* interesting, but when I think about talking about my past, or my life, immediate feeling that it's self-indulgent and self-centered. The shame-faced kind of shutting up. This also keeps me from working outside of erotic writing. I've ghost written a lot of non-erotic stuff, done narrative commissions, short games, but other people always put their names on them. And some of it *is* tied up with survivors guilt - who am I to be here when so many people more deserving of attention didn't make it this far? And some is selective mutism, and some is just, trauma. Which I'm working on. It's rough when a lot of, the basic history of oneself, is impossible to communicate to other people. It ends in a lot of little rules for myself to make me not just bottle up every creative thought. Like "if I start crying while leaving the message, I should try to hit enter on it, cuz that's rare" or "when you notice you can say something you usually cant, say it to everyone it applies to, quick, before the chance passes"

I have begun streaming~ http://twitch.tv/eSuccubusplays on Sundays for now. I have that goblin vtuber coming in next week. Also gonna be editing the streams and posting them on youtube (theres nothing there except my first one which has terrible audio balance. Also in my second one the game sound balance was too loud.) But you can see my pngtuber standin who is just a leetol goblin:

Not much there yet, but people tell me I need to self promote early. I'll be doing point and click, some horror classics, maybe some collabs or doing a live TTRPG or something. Also gonna definitely do some video game essays when I have something to say that feels worth sharing.

Working with a broken website that has cool visualizer graphics to make background visualizers for my tracks so I can put them in more places. Can put SFW meditation and relaxation hyp on youtube. I could probably post most of my monster girl stuff to Pornhub/hypnotube/whatev too. Writing a simple goon-along script for a fansly vid I will then be the model for (at least at first). Also, thicc goblin girlfriend and HDG collab. Busy week ahead.