hi i'm esther
26, she/they
UK
please do not follow or interact if you are in recovery/recovered and/or under the age of 18, or you will be blocked
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Xuebing Du
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Misplaced Lens Cap

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@estherislost
hi i'm esther
26, she/they
UK
please do not follow or interact if you are in recovery/recovered and/or under the age of 18, or you will be blocked
psa under the cut

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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you can stay indoors all day when the sun is out, and sometimes it's nice like a cool draught from a tranquil spring, but watch out because if you stay indoors for two days in a row while the sun is out you start doing odd gothic literature things, stalking the halls and passages and muttering to yourself and parting the blinds to gaze down at your neighbours with a haunted look before turning away to contemplate your mannequins #yourmannequins. three days and you're basically fucked. you have to throw a towel over your head to scurry as far as the store for milk and people jeer at you like frankenstein's monster.
top 3 hobbies for young adults:
1. borrowing misery from future
2. carrying grief of the past
3. agonizing over the present

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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UNPOPULAR OPINION: A lot of "mental health issues" disappear when bills are paid, rent is secure, and the fridge is full. Peace is expensive. And pretending money doesn't affect mental health is privilege.
i don't care what those tiktok and instagram influencers tell you, have three meals a day!!! have a snack!! have that sweet treat!! have food that makes you feel good!!! especially if you're a woman!! starving yourself to look "desirable" will only make you desirable to people who want you to stay malnourished forever. it's a cycle of misery!!
“Do it scared” “do it alone” are all great tips, but my biggest takeaway from therapy is do it messy. This is especially true if you’re getting out of a burnout, which I experience often. Literally just do it messy. You don’t need to pick the perfect trail to walk, the perfect playlist to listen to, whatever the fuck it is. You don’t need to have a meticulous to do list and wake up at the exact time you planned and drink the exact amount of water you planned to drink. Like the biggest thing for people like me to remember is sometimes it’s okay to do it messy. Put on a random yt workout and just get it done in sweats. Do 5 minutes of a daunting task and go from there. Sometimes just getting up is a win during intense burnouts or depressive funks. Literally just do it messy.
nothing infuriates me more than somebody with scars making an off topic video on tiktok/reels & someone will always find a way to be mad and point out the scars, saying shit like “we can see them bro”. like damn do you expect somebody to just uncut themselves from the past
I think the purest form of love is just wanting someone to notice life with you. "taste this. look at that. hear this song." again and again. until you can't imagine noticing life without them.

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there’s quite literally nothing that i crave more than being skinny and comfortable in my body
I've been particularly sad recently, but I'm so exhausted, I don't even have the energy to be cognizant of it
thinking on that last rb just there a bit and honestly i rly think that and needing something i can absolutely control are the 2 core reasons for my €d r3l4pse. i'm so hated by so many people and i just want to disappear and not be seen, to be so unrecognisable that i'm invisible and like a ghost. i feel like i don't deserve to participate in this world, to belong, so withering away seems like the only suitable option. that, and the sense that this is a talisman of sorts, for me. something i can cling on to for dear life whilst everything collapses around me, like a buoy in an ocean.
If I was smaller there’d be less of me to hate

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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