Life really be doing her big one at all times cause it’s never a chill one 😔 like miss universe, please cash in my gold stars? When is it my turn to actually THRIVE? When do I get to live up to something that matters? Is it my fault or your predetermined destination? Is my purpose to be a side character/ supporting role? Like am I only here to add value to someone else’s bigger picture/ story?
I dead ass feel like I’m an npc that randomly gained consciousness in like gta or ready player one or digital circus.
Idk if any decision I’ve ever made or will make matters? Cause like dead ass “real life” is just a concept. So is time. So is reality. So is everything.
When is real life going to fulfill me more than not? I know it won’t be perfect at all times but it’s so shit for so long to me and everyone around me is like…..what? My brain, body, and soul is tired and might lose it when it really hits that THIS is what life is as a human… it’s so confusing and complicated when it shouldn’t be .
I need the answers/ meaning to life but I also don’t. What does it even change? Especially if no one sees or cares about it that way. Cause it’s easier to be naive and it hurts less to live on the surface and not have to worry about logistics.
I’m sad and stressed about anything and everything that is out of my control and also shit I don’t think once about years ago. Why now? Why is anxiety and depression crippling me? Why can i fucking deal even in the hardest of times when others break at the simplest? Am I strong? Ignoring?
I wanna be 10 again. Nothing actually matterd then.
Honestly I don’t even know who I am or what I want or
Whatever I’m drunk and have finally been able to try to put my thoughts into an actual thing and this is probs stupid and may not make sense but it’s nice to get out out to the void.
I hope doing this changes my “insanity “(doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results) whatever
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