Good morning--

public service announcement that 90% of funny sourceless viral fantasy book excerpts on tumblr are from Discworld, including this one

can you even fucking imagine how insufferable a bunch of catholic elves would be

John Ronald Reuel Tolkien did not write The Silmarillion for us to sit here like we have to *imagine* catholic elves being insufferable

Elrond in the Undying Lands is much like going to a family reunion. Who is this person and how are we related? She clearly knows because she's hugging me and saying how tall I've gotten, but I have no idea. Please someone use her name so that I can pretend I knew it all along.

Sybil, Vetinari, and Leonard, all preteens, solving a citywide mystery together. Have fun y’all. Make the city fear the trio of autistic beans terrorizing them

maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them

starting to think these maidens are stumbling in soaked through from the rain just to steal my beautiful gowns and homewear are any of you actually lost

At the checkout in Home Goods loading the belt with nothing but candelabras in all shapes & sizes while the cashier watches sympathetically and asks if it’s the maidens again

I think it's an unrecognized practice to allow yourself to outgrow and shed versions of yourself that were more socially successful than who you want or need to be now. Not every new chapter is bigger and bolder and hotter, I think that's a very modern social media "glow up" mindset and doesn't actually have any room for what real transformation looks like. Sometimes we change exactly as we need to and it's not what anyone else was hoping for and that's part of it being important and true.

her eyes were the sickly green of the sky before a tornado, and to his horror he discovered she could throw cows around just as easily

to his horror? weak shit. outta my way gayboy im boutta get it

Due to a horrible mix up, Jonathan Teatime has been sent to Dracula’s Castle rather than Jonathan Harker. What follows is a mailing list service that chronicles Teatime’s attempts to slay Dracula by slowly erasing all evidence of vampire lore. People not believing in Dracula doesn’t effect him in any meaningful way, but the sudden lack of respect and appropriate fear from the peasantry does make him very upset.

No matter how progressive or well-read you are, there are always going to be moments in your life where somebody pushes back against something that's so culturally ingrained you never even considered it before. And you'll say "Huh, it never occurred to me to challenge this but you're right" and that doesn't mean you were "morally toxic" before, it means you're a non-omniscient human capable of growth.