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Just sharing the sheer amount of shit I have started, gotten too busy to finish, and either stopped caring or simply have no memory of how I achieved some style I was going for.
Bitching/Crying/Screaming into the void below
Starting something on my one free day then either struggling through a million distractions and having it look like shit or waiting for next week to continue working on it little by little fucking sucks. I feel like my brain is getting ripped in half.
Not to mention how I remember my enthusiasm at starting each of these but canβt remember what I wanted with it. That never used to be a problem before.
Wanting to do a painterly style more than anything but being so slow is awful.
And getting advice from people who do not work 6 days a week and donβt work out or donβt look after their friends or family or just generally antisocial selfish pricks (mostly old men) telling me I did that to myself makes my blood boil.
And though I made money from my art and still do, chasing clients most of the time is no better and has only gotten harder. Mentally especially.
Donβt get me started on how Iβd love to replay all these games again. The hours I poured into, say, Dragon Age that inspired some work, that I cannot for the life of me recall. Seems so dull now?
Since Iβm already bitching I am also a bit of an Ipad hater. The time I wasted wrestling with opacity settings and disk space is horrendous.
I will not always have this work schedule but itβs still a shame. Feel like a moron lol
The current pre-Pyrkon grind makes me forget I draw stuff besides merch, but I still absolutely do and love it <3 I miss it already, but July's gonna be entirely dedicated to completing all of my current commissions + ArtFight so #soon :)
Huge thanks to all the commissioners here, I loved working on these!
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"Mother Moon"
For my project "Solarcvlt"
Winter slowly fading & in many folklores the wolf was animal of this transitionary time between "life & death"
Wolves mate in the deep of winter now the she-wolf is symbolically carrying the young sun into the new year.
During the dark winter days the moon is lighting up the darkness.
The wolf takes the form of a goddess, because they both share a fate. Once seen in high regard both have been shunned by humans leading warfare against nature, the wolf & the female bodyβ¦
Both of them became associated with sin & evil forces, degraded by the urges & greed of mankind
sun carrier became sun eater disregarding the cycle of rebirth & the goddess became the evil witchβ¦
Also I need to be that person but as it's probably visible, the fire has been added digitally the original shots are artificially lit. Open fires and forests are a bad idea. The smoke is also food safe glycerin fog!
I want to thank everyone for all the love for this project during its creation it makes me extremely happy that all you like my personal works so much!!
Figures like this will be available to be custom ordered soon, more info in a separate post!
Working on a thassa's oracle sleeve for a tattoo apprenticeship portfolio!! My job hasn't given me work (or paid me) for like six months, so I figured... I might as well chase my dreams!!
(Also shoutout to my tattoo artist for explaining how to use tracing paper to layer sketches...!! Absorbing as much knowledge as I can through the pain lol)
my partner does bookbinding as a hobby, and I asked him to bind the 36 Lessons into a tome for me to have, just for fun and also as a cool way to reference them for my writing. I think it came out amazing!
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How the cover of "Renegades" was created.
I asked the HarperCollins team if I could make this video since there was so much excitement online about the art, and they kindly said yes! As a Warriors kid, this was my honor!
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I saw your comments n posts in the butch group and realised just how little I knew.
irl I am surrounded by very little (no) community. Mostly terfs or gay people who are biphobic or bi people who are transphobic and so on. I argue with them every day to the point I thought I was more aware of some identites than I was.
Thanks to mostly you and a few others, I finally looked up some labels you mentioned and realised that butch fits in a lot more people than I first considered and it honestly made me sorta happy.
I have also gone down the nonbinary/agender rabbithole and accidentally found a label which fits me perfectly but I didn't think existed for some silly reason.
So, this demigirl butch lesbian is very grateful that you expanded my view, or maybe just reminded me of something I forgot but once felt. And I confess,, you have the cooler flags as well. Keep being u !!
Hello!! Thank you for the compliments!! Im still learning about being butch myself. Honestly im not your typical butch (hell i cant even present masc cause i still live with my parents, im 19 for context) and honestly im still learning about butchness myself and i still feel so invalid in so many ways.
Honestly you will find your people, i didnt even know other butches existed offline until i went to Helsinki in early 2025 and i saw at least seven masc-presenting women in my 36 hour stay. Hometowns are usually filled with shitty people anyway!! I hate my hometown too!! You should move away and find your people. We're always here to help over in the butch dykeblr space!!
Nothing is invalid or atypical when youre 19 and still figuring it out. God knows I was Being Strange. Just trust you'll grow into it and you won't always have to hide. The impostor syndrome washes away on its own, but I remember when I was going around with that mindset also. It *is* very magical to see older butches and gay couples where you wouldn't expect them to. When you finally have an idea of what you want for yourself. It also helps to go "no one can tell me who I am or kick me out of here" like a stubborn kid. You don't have to explain your survival to anyone.
The freedom day will come and when it does. it'll feel like popping off a bra. and you wont expect it to come so soon but you'll know you wont have to go back, ever. And thats really cool.
Id love to move but alas, all my family is here and i have a good job going. Maybe I can take a trip...
May we armwrestle in Helsinki someday πͺ i shall yap no longer.
Good luck leaving for greener pastures or if you, like me, choose to stand your ground and refuse being bullied out of your home anymore.
