Tips for dealing with perfectionism + overcompetitiveness + anxiety?
Hello!! Iâll divide this up into the three different areas. These are just a couple of points or links that might be helpful!
I know the feeling of perfectionism! It is an irritating trait to have! The quote âperfectionism doesnât make you feel perfect, it makes you feel inadequateâ is really true. Here are a couple of other things:
try to determine what drives your perfectionism - is it teachers who are overly demanding? Is it your parents setting extremely high standards? Is it yourself trying to control yourself into seeming perfect? Then remind yourself that no-one is bound to be perfect. We live, learn and make mistakes. Life is an experience and the journey through it isnât going to be smooth. Realising that not all expectations can be reached will help to lower the pressure youâre putting on yourself.
understand that perfectionism isnât about excellence - your perfectionist tendencies arenât about your achievements or growth. In reality, theyâre hindering your capabilities since you might be shying away from trying something out of fear it wonât be good enough. Remember that perfectionism doesnât promote self-improvement but self-doubt.Â
lower your expectations and set realistic goals - when you think about it, does setting yourself with unattainable standards do any good? Generally the answer is no. Give yourself goals that are actually attainable like instead of getting 100% on a test, aim for anything about 85%. Figure out what youâre currently achievements are and aim a little higher. Youâll be much more satisfied if you can see small improvements, rather than a lack of achievement.
remember some things are out of your control - you cannot control everything in an attempt to satisfy your perfectionist ways. Sometimes things in life just happen. Learning to accept that will help to settle your mind.Â
put things in perspective - remember that not everything can be perfect and if it isnât, does it really matter? Does a mistake in your notes matter? Does getting a lower mark on a test matter? As long as youâre trying, giving things your best and learning from your experiences there is nothing wrong with that.
know that mistakes are part of the road to success - similar to the above but everybody makes mistakes (if you didnât sing this as Hannah Montana Iâll be a little sad). Mistakes help you learn. You havenât failed or let anyone down. Youâve learnt that that wonât work and that changing something will help!
surround yourself with positivity - if things, people, events are making you conscious or feel inadequate, try removing them from your life. Think of all the positive, supportive people you can be around. Learn to love your quirks, flaws and mistakes.
For overcompetiveness here are a couple of things:
donât let the idea of competition take over your life - life isnât a competition and people arenât completing with you in everything. Turning everything into a competition can either make you feel more self-confident or kind of inadequate.
keep it friendly - if youâre having a little competition with a friend, keep it that way. Donât let it get nasty or about pulling each other down.
consider other people - admittedly beating someone who is bragging about their marks is truly thrilling however that is best kept to yourself (I had a super competitive year in high school and knowing that I did get higher marks than people who were rude to me/my friends and bragged constantly about getting the highest grades is quite pleasing, but I kept it to myself). But anyway, try to focus less on other people and their marks. Does it really matter if they beat you or you beat them?
remember not everyone is the same - Not everyone has the same standards or goals as you. Whilst you might want to beat 90%, you might have a friend who really struggles in the class and wants to get 60%.
avoid comparing yourself to others to your detriment - seeing your friends or people you know doing being successful, doesnât mean you arenât!Â
think that scores donât really define anything about you - it is cool if you do well in a class, there is no denying it. When youâve worked hard it is great to see scores that reflect it. But a test grade doesnât really make you a better person than anyone else. A score isnât going to recognise more important traits you or other people have. So in the grand scheme of things, competitiveness in a school environment isnât worth consuming your thoughts!
And finally for anxiety, I am not going to pretend to be an expert with it. Iâve experienced small bits of anxiety but my advice probably wouldnât be fantastic. Instead Iâll link some useful posts written by people whoâve experienced it first-hand and have applied such things. Here are some links:
self-care masterpost (includes stress and anxiety reduction)
dealing with stress and anxiety
coping statements for anxiety
tips for when you feel anxious
I hope this helps! :-) xx
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