* /

cassie had gotten on to the level of the girl, crouching down so she wasn't looking down at her. paying her all the attention in the world. "you're so right! they don't have to eat it," cassie said, nodding at the logic. the her mom showed up. it wasn't lost on cassie how protective she was about her daughter. but cassie understood it. respected it. "i did ask her a question. i really needed the advice," she said, nodding up at the woman. "you don't think they'll care?" she asked, smile fading slightly. "both, huh? that’s the adult answer. practical. very… keep the peace," she said, glancing between the bags before standing up and tossing both into her cart with a flourish. "guess i'm going for party diplomacy. nobody can complain if there's choices."

he hadn't let it show to everyone else, but these past few weeks without her nearly caused him to break. their relationship, or whatever it is, was certainly confusing. their shared denial of their status only seemed to make matters worse. he hadn't felt like this before, never looked at anyone the way he did with her. he sat countless nights alone, trying to piece together everything, but he came up blank every time. he sighs softly as she cupped his cheek, his own hand raising to rest on top of hers. he couldn't help the way he leaned in to the touch, he didn't want to resist it either. " right, yeah, i know you're forgetful. " he shrugged it off like it was nothing, refusing to acknowledge the fact that she forgot him stung like nothing he had ever felt before. it was easier to pretend he didn't feel anything, to disregard the fact that he was so soft for her. all he could handle was whispering to her while she slept, to have the darkness be the only witness to his affections. his heart was cold after all, right ?? he wasn't designed to be tender. " it's not a big deal. " despite his words, a hint of pain lingered in his voice. here he thought he was going to tell her off, to stop messing him around. yet here he was, brushing it off like he hadn't been agonising over her for weeks. it was just better this way, right ?? " are you okay, though ?? " he needed to know that, at least. he'd go scorched earth if something had happened to her. " i...it was uh, " he laughs anxiously, feeling like he was making a fool out of himself. " it was quiet without you, y'know. "

west had always been warm. even when he was quiet, when he was trying to pretend like things didn’t affect him, there was still something steady about him. like he was a place she could land without shattering on impact. and that was the problem. cassie wondered if she would have picked up on the hint of sadness in his voice at his words if she wasn't sober. it was subtle, but it was there. like he really believed she had forgot about him. but no amount of drugs or distance could keep west from occupying her mind. no one, other than her brother, had accepted and cared for cassie the way that west did. the way he was always soft with her, understood her. "i'm okay," cassie promised in response to his question, expression soft. and she was. but only now that she was back. in reality, she should have stayed away. cassie could’ve told him the truth then. could’ve let it slip past her lips in the same breath as an apology. could’ve told him that she left because she was selfish and scared and didn’t know how to stay. could’ve told him that she felt like a fucking curse, a burden. that everyone she cared about eventually got hurt just by being near her. that she couldn’t let that happen to him. but she didn't. she’d thought leaving would keep him safe. she’d thought disappearing before he could get tangled up in her curse was the smart thing to do. the right thing. but she wasn’t good at doing the right thing. she wasn’t good at letting go, either. hearing him say it was quiet without her… well, it felt like being kicked in the ribs and hugged at the same time. she knew that was his way of saying he missed her, but without showing it. it made her wonder why he wasn't direct with her. what made him think that he couldn't just be open with her. especially when she felt the same way. she wanted to make a joke about how of course it was quiet without her. but she couldn't think of anything. then after a few beats of her heart hammering she simply said: "i missed you."

" business hours are on the door . " the announcement reverberant between the small building's walls , following the chime of the front door ⸻ signalling that the associate had in fact not locked it . apsara walked out of the space of her office and into the adjacent lobby , her presence no longer cloaked but seen . " we're closed . "

she looked down at the glass door behind her, then back up at the woman in front of her. the word law glared at her from the plaque by the entrance like it was personally offended she hadn’t noticed it sooner. "oh," cassie said after a pause, like that explained everything. she took a lazy step backward but didn’t actually leave, just swayed a little in place. her eyes were wide, bright, like she was trying to process where exactly she’d ended up. "i thought this was-" she waved her hand vaguely, fingers tracing invisible shapes in the air. "you know. somewhere else."

cassie’s teeth caught her bottom lip for a second, like she was debating how much to say, or maybe just trying to remember where she left her train of thought. her eyes flicked up, catching the other's. "hmm," she hummed, dragging the sound out like she was testing the weight of it. "yeah… maybe." she tipped her head back, the soft clink of bracelets sliding down her wrist as she played with the straw in her drink, like she wasn’t thinking too hard about it. "there's no maybe. i'm definitely going to something. you should come," cassie said finally, and her grin widened like she knew something the other didn’t. "i mean, you look like you could use a little fun."

cassie made him feel different. almost not like himself, but in the best way possible. she brought out a softness in him that he was certain never existed before. he didn't act tough around her, he didn't need to be. the harshness of his world just seemed to float away around her, making him want something different for once. he couldn't help the small smile that formed at her agreement, letting out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. " great, yeah. " he looked around them, the idea of having to push past everyone again seemed unappealing. so instead he shuffled to the side, planting his palms against the wood again, hauling himself over the countertop. he dusted his hands off on his jeans. he stared at her for a moment again, still stunned that she was finally in front of him again. he moves slowly, gently taking hold of her hand before slowly tugging her towards the back. he went far enough until the music drowned out slightly, hesitantly releasing her wrist from his grasp. he shoved his hands into his pockets, nervously shuffling between his feet as he searched for something to say. " i'm...glad you're back. " it was the truth, but he left out how scared he was. " did i...did i do something wrong ?? "

cassie couldn't help but let out a giggle at him hauling over the counter top. she allowed her hand to be taken, grateful to feel his touch again, and to be led round back. where they were completely alone and could almost forget about the party happening out front. she frowned slightly when he let go of her and even more so at his words. cassie’s heart clenched so tight it felt like it might crack clean in half. the warmth of his hand still lingered on her wrist, even after he let go, and it made her chest feel too small for her lungs. she stood there for a moment, shoulders stiff and chin dipped, staring at where his hands had disappeared into his pockets like maybe if she kept her eyes there, she wouldn’t have to look at his face. because it might break her heart. he was too much. but in a good way. too kind to her in a way she wasn’t sure she deserved, too steady in a life where nothing ever held still. and it wasn’t his fault. you told me you loved me. that was what she wanted to say. but the words stuck like syrup in her throat, sweet and sick and sticky. he hadn’t even meant for her to hear it. she was supposed to be asleep. and instead of staying, instead of answering, she ran. "west," she started, his name barely a breath. it came out soft, like her voice was afraid to carry it. she reached up to cup his face gently, unable to bear it that he thought that. "no. you didn’t. god, no. you didn’t do anything wrong." far from it. a thumb brushed over his cheek reassuringly. fuck. how was she supposed to fix this? "i'm sorry i didn't call. i just... forgot. you know how i get." a poor excuse.

cassie was hovering somewhere between pleasantly floaty and might actually fall off this stool, and she was aware enough to know it. she glanced down at where her foot dangled, no contact with the floor, and gave her ankle a little swing, like that might somehow stabilize her. it didn’t. but she didn't let him know that. "i'm perfectly balanced," she countered. her eyes focused back on him as he listed off. "hmm," she hummed, squinting at him through smudged mascara and the haze of whatever cocktail of substances still lingered in her system. "necking tequila like water? an admirable skill we both share. but carrying me out? bold of you to assume i go easily," she said with a grin. but when the water turned up, cassie realised how thirsty she actually was and chugged half the glass in the first sip. she took a deep breath as she set it down then examined him again. "my name is cassiopeia. which, i know, a mouthful. most people just call me cassie. i’ll get us an uber. i’m real good at finding things on my phone. mostly playlists. and cat videos. but, you know. multi talented." there's a pause from her for a moment - then a sudden wave of anxiety washed over her, which so often did. "but you don't have to look out for me. you should enjoy your not. not that i'm not fun but... i shouldn't have disturbed you." she hated inconveniencing people. and was usually always fine on her own anyway.

"thinking to get you out of a tough spot? that's a rarity around here." cassie squinted at him like he was a puzzle she almost understood but not quite. her pupils were huge, swallowing up most of the brown in her eyes, and her fingers curled loosely around the edge of the bar like she might float away if she didn’t hold onto something. "slow down? i'm at the perfect speed. i'm sat, aren't i?" besides, she had forgot what she had even taken. whether it was meant to make her slow or buzzed. but right now she just felt chill. "looking out for me? yeah, i have a few people. they're not here right now though." she looked around sharply as if to check. she hoped they weren't. they'd probably try and make her go to bed. "...but, like," she started, a little slower this time, like the words were surprising her, "that’s real nice of you to ask." her smile this time was smaller. "not a lot of people do. like- really ask, y’know?" a beat. then- she perked up again, just as fast. "but," she announced, as if she hadn’t just had a brief brush with sincerity, "i am totally fine, thank you very much. this isn't even my final form." she tapped a finger to her temple, as if that meant anything.

west almost stopped in his tracks as she dropped down, hiding away form behind the bar. hiding from him. it almost felt like a gut but, but he persisted, finally landing himself in front of the bar. his palms press flat against the wood of the countertop, hauling himself up slightly so he could catch a glimpse of her crouched down. " seriously, cassie?? " he questions out-loud, unable to stop the words from slipping past. he lowered himself back down when she stood, simply just staring at her in disbelief. " hey. " he repeats, his mind desperately rattling for something to say, but he was left with a void of empty thoughts, the image of her the only thing he could focus on. " you do, too. you always do. " he cleans his throat, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. what the fuck was he supposed to say ?? he had thought about it all the weeks she had been gone, his mind settling on being mad that she just ditched him out of nowhere. that was until he saw her in person again, and all those feelings seemed to be plucked straight out of his mind. " can we talk ?? " he huffs out finally, his brows knitting together in confusion. he needed to be away from the music, the sound of people talking and having fun. somewhere private, where it was just the two of them for a moment. " we can go out back, yeah ?? "

cassie almost winced the second she heard his voice. like she’d actually been caught doing something criminal instead of just… hiding behind a bar like a total coward. which, okay, maybe wasn’t great. no, it wasn't great at all. when had she ever acted like this around him? he had never given her any reason to hide or run. never hurt her, scared her. yeah - she was a total coward. shit. she should’ve expected this. him. looking at her like that, like he wasn’t sure whether to be pissed or relieved or both at the same time. like he wanted to shake her and hold her all at once. and maybe that was fair, but god, she wasn’t ready for this. she hadn't expected to see west this early. to see him while she was sober. her fingers drummed against the counter, restless, as she forced a lopsided grin. but then he complimented her. like he always did. and cassie's expression softened. a genuine smile on her face. his stare pinned her in place, and she could tell - oh, he wasn’t letting her slip away this time. her mouth opened, some half formed excuse on the tip of her tongue, but then he said it. can we talk? cassie tensed, her fingers stopped twitching and rested against the counter. talk. oh, we are so not doing that. she could feel herself slipping into deflection mode, into the easy, thoughtless banter that kept her from feeling anything too deep. but then she saw the way his jaw tensed. the way he rubbed the back of his neck like he was actually nervous. and something in her chest twisted because he meant it. and cassie owed him it. owed him an explanation after ignoring every text, every call from him. "yeah. yeah, okay out back." is all she managed to say.

cassie sniffled dramatically and wiped an imaginary tear away from her eye. "it was truly one of the most devastating moments in my life i swear." as if she hadn't had plenty of pizzas since that moment. "i do drink to forget, thank you very much, but mostly i drink to fuel my bad decisions. huge difference." her eyes gleamed with mischief. "but damned souls and forgotten sins? oooh, now that is a much better excuse." she tilted her head, tapping a finger against her temple. "maybe i was a pirate in a past life. or a runaway princess. or- oh! maybe i was a nineteenth century con artist who scammed rich men out of their fortunes before disappearing into the night." she waggled her eyebrows. "would explain a lot, honestly." then, at the shift in tone, at the softness in her friend’s voice, her teasing energy faltered just slightly. because for all the wild stories and laughter, for all the chaos she wrapped herself in like a second skin, there was something about hearing i'm just glad you’re here that hit different. so, of course, she deflected. "oh, y’know." she waved a hand vaguely. "still wildly irresponsible, still making terrible choices, still somehow not dead, which is honestly an achievement at this point." she grinned, but there was something a little too practiced about it. then, after a beat, she exhaled and actually answered, voice a little quieter. "i, uh… i tried the whole ‘getting my life together’ thing. didn’t really stick." she shrugged, swirling the ice in her glass. "turns out, i kinda suck at stability. who knew?" she looked up, flashing that classic cassie smirk, but there was something wary in her eyes. like she wasn’t sure if she wanted sympathy or if she’d start running the second she got it.

the   uncomfortable   stools.   the   cheap   fluorescents.   the   smell.   he   didn't   feel   entirely   in   his   body.   milo   was   floating   above   it   like   he   had   dropped   acid.   his   head   whipped   around   when   he   heard   commotion,   but   saw   it   was   only   some   locals   greeting   old   friends.   fuck,   maybe   not   like   he   was   high.   he   seemed   like   was   running   from   something.

cassie wasn’t sure how she got there, specifically. like, in a broad sense, she knew. feet, movement, doors, time, blah blah. but right here, right now? that was fuzzier. she had been somewhere else, and then the music changed, or maybe her body just decided it wanted to be elsewhere. was she in deseo? she might've been in deseo. her mind had probably been craving wings. but not now. now she was blinking slow and heavy at the man who just ordered whiskey neat, swaying slightly. "whoooa," she murmured, mostly to herself, because, okay, his whole vibe was just, like… intense. "you look like you’ve got sooo many thoughts," she mused, propping an elbow on the bar, chin on her hand, just staring at him. "like, a crazy amount. like, maybe too many." her head tilted, just slightly. "do you ever think about, like, not thinking?" a slow blink. "just, like… letting your brain be quiet for a sec? i think mine’s quiet right now. or maybe it’s really, really loud, but in, like, a cozy way." she giggled.

cassie had wasted no time when she got the chance to head over to the cubhouse. she had been happily twirling in place, caught up in the neon haze of the party, when a voice cut through the noise. she turned too fast, almost tripping over her own heels, and blinked up at the woman in front of her like she’d just walked out of a dream. "ace?" she said slowly, as if tasting the name. she knew him, of course, but she didn't recall seeing him tonight. unless she had - in all honesty, her memory was fuzzy already. "i haven't seen him. i don't think..." she tilted her head, looking the other up and down now with obvious appreciation, taking in the outfit, the lipstick, the whole vibe. "but i gotta say - if you don’t find him? pretty sure you could just, like, stand here looking all mysterious and tragic, and he’d find you." she grinned, playful and teasing, before biting her lip, like she’s debating something. then, with a little shrug: "wanna make me your search buddy? i’m amazing at looking like i know where i’m going."

“  do  i  have  ‘  gullible  idiot  ’  printed  on  my  forehead  ?  please  get  the  fuck  out  of  my  face  .  “  already  filled  with  tension  as  the  club  filled  up  ,  kendra  had  stepped  over  to  the  hostess  stand  where  a  young  man  had  tried  to  fake  a  reservation  for  a  vip  booth  on  his  phone  .  biker  associated  or  not  ,  deseo  had  become  one  of  the  best  clubs  in  texas  ,  due  in  part  to  the  hard  work  she  had  put  in  .  tonight  ,  the  place  was  packed  and  she  was  not  going  to  let  some  fresh  out  of  college  little  moron  scam  his  way  into  a  vip  booth  and  rob  them  of  $150  .  as  a  bouncer  carted  the  boy  away  ,  kendra  sighed  ,  looking  down  at  her  phone  that  hadn't  stopped  pinging  all  night  .  ”  there  is  no  way  we  are  out  of  coronas  ,  we  are  in  texas  for  fuck's  sake  !  "

the situation didn't involve cassie at all, yet she found herself drawn to the slight commotion that had happened. she blinks up at Kendra, then at the bouncer dragging away the failed scammer. "oooh, was he trying to, like, lie? people are so bold," she said, as if she, personally, has never lied in her life. then there was a buzz from the other's phone and a frustrated exclamation. "oh my gosh, wait, do you need a drink? i was gonna get another one anyway, and, like, you look kinda… y’know." she made a vague, flustered hand motion. "like you need tequila. or maybe, like, a little forehead massage?" her fingertips wiggled, as if demonstrating. "i give great forehead massages."

cassie leans against the cool wall of the back corridor, one cheek pressed to the surface like it might steady her spinning head. everything feels soft. the air, her limbs, the way her thoughts float instead of land. she’s not sure how she even got back here, but she’s here, and she’s - oh. someone’s talking. her eyes find the girl.. cassie blinks slow, watching her crook a finger and yeah, maybe cassie is high as hell, but she swears she actually feels herself being reeled in. "mm?" she tips forward off the wall, legs moving before she decides to, feet quiet on the floor. then the robe drops, and damn. cassie’s head tilts. zipper. right. her brain clicks sluggishly back into place. "yeah, yeah," she mutters, stepping in close, fingers brushing the fabric. "i got you, babe." she tugs at the zipper, but it’s caught tight. her hands aren’t working right, too loose and lazy, so she bites her lip, focusing harder. "shit, okay, hold still. you smell insane, by the way." she says it like an absentminded observation. finally, she manages to work the snag free, the zipper sliding up with a satisfying glide. she presses it all the way to the top, fingertips grazing warm skin, before smoothing down the edges. "there," she says, stepping back, swaying a little. a slow, lazy grin stretches her lips. "now you look like you could ruin someone’s life. in a good way." she winks, like maybe she’d volunteer.

west had been darting around a few different places, checking up on the members here and there. it was difficult to switch off entirely, his mind latching onto the very empty spot in his mind. he missed her, and parties only seemed to remind him of her further. he checked his phone frequently despite the fact that she never responded. he waltzed into the forge, another place that was a reminder of her, and for a second, he saw her standing behind the bar. however, this time, the image of her didn't fade away as it usually did. " cassie? " he calls out, his voice almost cracking. west begings pushing past people, his boots clacking against the floor at a hurried pace. " cassie, is that you ?? "

it had been easy to return. fall back into her job. after all, she had always promised that she was going to come back and it had only been a few weeks. but cassie had needed time away. not that it changed anything. there had been a thought - a glimpse of getting clean. at least, that's what cassie was telling herself. the reason she had left. but really it had been because she was scared. scared of those silly little three words. whispered so softly to her, so tenderly. he hadn't known she'd been awake and cassie didn't know if that made things better or worse. because everything else they did didn't feel domesticated but that did. as she was behind the bar, facing away and cleaning a glass, she heard her name from a familiar voice. at first, she thought she imagined it. wouldn’t be the first time. missing west had done weird things to her brain. like making his voice echo in places he wasn’t, turning random guys at parties into almost hims if she squinted hard enough. but then she heard it again, closer, and her breath caught somewhere between her lungs and her throat. oh. oh. she turned just as he came into view, pushing through the crowd like a man chasing down a ghost. and maybe, in a way, he was. after all, she had disappeared like one. her fingers clenched around the glass. "west," she breathed, barely audible over the noise, like saying his name too loud might make the moment break. and then, in classic cassie fashion, she panicked. because shit, she hadn’t planned for this. not so soon. she thought she’d have time to prepare something witty, something casual, something that wasn’t just standing here, staring at him with her heart climbing up her throat. so instead of being normal, she just ducked behind the bar. crouching and trying to get her head straight. she had come back because she missed him too much and now here she was hiding from him? perfect logic cassie. she could hear his boots. knowing he was in front of her. her instinct was to get on all fours and crawl away. escape out of the back. but even she knew that was ridiculous. so cassie stood, finally looking him in the face. her throat was dry. “hey,” her voice came out softer than she meant it to. she cleared it, forcing something breezier onto her lips. "you look good." too good. like someone she should’ve never left in the first place.