kaorushami !

Humans weren’t perfect; no one was, no one was inherently evil or righteous or well, supposedly. However, mankind couldn’t help but pedestalize people, and Menelaus was no exception when his dearest Helen existed. Many people compared her to the goddess Aphrodite when they spoke of the woman’s beauty. Hell, the men who arrived to be her suitors had to agree to fight and raise an army if anything were to happen to her, even if they weren’t going to marry her. Many people considered Menelaus lucky to have such a perfectly beautiful woman in his possession. From her gorgeous mid-toned skin to her wavy, sandy-blond hair that looked breathtaking in the morning light, to her radiant green eyes that sparkled whenever she got excited. Soft, subtle pink lips that men wished their wives had. Everything about her was perfect!

Menelaus was a lucky man, truly lucky to wake up to that pretty face every morning. But perfection was truly in the eyes of the beholder, and sometimes that didn’t mean conventional.

When Menelaus woke up to Helen beside him once again, he brushed his fingers through the loose strands of her hair that she had attempted to braid before bed last night. He smiled sleepily, though when some of his palm registered an unusual warmth, he frowned. ‘She never usually runs this warm,’ he thought and pressed the full palm against her cheek. ‘Definately warm a touch warm’

Before he could do much else, the woman started to stir. She nuzzled against his hand and shimmied closer to his body. Her voice was gravely and groggy as she spoke. “Hm? Kff! Morning.” Maybe she was fine, maybe there were just too many blankets on her? Menelaus adjusted himself and pulled his wife to him and kissed her forehead.

“G’morning, my love.” He pushed down his worries for the moment; it seemed like nothing; it had to be nothing.

They did their usual routine of spending some of their morning in bed, cuddled up with one another, enjoying the peace. Until they remembered they had responsibilities. As they got ready, Menelaus noticed a few things. The soft sniffles that sounded pretty wet, the muffled coughs, and how Helen would pinch her nose and pitch forward in little fits. Was she catching a cold? No way, not his perfect, precious wife.

At breakfast, she was much quieter than usual; she gave short replies or just nodded. When Menelaus had to leave to handle a military meeting with a few other groups, he offered to take Helen with for once she declined. ‘Odd, she usually loves going on these meetings with me’

“I have a few things I need to atted to here sndf, remember the shipmbents, dear?” She reminded him, of course; how could he forget? Though he couldn’t help but be hooked on the muddled stuffiness in her voice, that pathetic little sniffle did nothing to clear it.

“Yes yes, thats right. Are you alright, love?” Menelaus finally asked as he picked up a himation to wear. He watched as Helen straightened her posture and quickly nodded.

“Yes, I’mb alright.” She walked over and helped him put on the cloak and brushed back strands of Menelaus’s thick, ginger hair. A kind smile spread across her face.

“I’ve already asked one of the servants to make something for you to eat on the way. Don’t need you in a foul mood all day, do we?” Menelaus chuckled and shook his head.

“Guess not, gods, you know me all too well; what would I do without you?” He gave her one last kiss, this time on the lips, before he left.

He spent most of his day bored out of his mind and half annoyed-only half because of the food- he hated meetings. At times he couldn’t help but worry about Helen, especially when the other men around brought her up. She didn’t sound well. He hoped deep down it had truly been nothing; he couldn’t help but wish he could spend his whole day with her, at least then he could watch over her. Still, he shook that from his mind; she wasn’t helpless; she was strong, perfect; she could handle herself.

Besides, he’d rather spend a whole day fretting over her than be in this stupid meeting; it was the same old same old. They could at least not be boring! There was no amount of money you could pay Meneleus to spend the night there either.

The ride home wasn’t any different; with the days getting shorter during the winter, it was no surprise when he came back in the dark.

He all but kicked down the door to the palace; as soon as he was inside, he announced his presence.

“I’m home!”

Many of the servants greeted him kindly as they busied themselves with their tasks. As he passed by the dining area, he expected to see Helen monitoring the servants while they set the table. When she wasn’t there he decided to ask.

“Where is Helen?” One of the young servants paused and looked at him shyly, and stammered.

“In the- in the weaving room si-sir” Menelaus furrowed his brows. Helen sure loved her crafting, but she also liked making sure the table was set right-she was particular about it- let alone not being around to greet him when he arrived home.

As he turned to head towards the upper palace, another servant mentioned something. “She hasn’t been herself at all today.”

So he hadn’t just imagined it.

He made it up to her weaving room and gave a slight knock before he entered. This time he got greeted by what most called the opposite of perfection, the opposite of godly, the opposite of beauty.

There Helen sat with a blanket around her tense shoulders, her nose reddened, eyes glassy and dark with a distracted look. Her hair tousled and face flushed, and boy, the sound she made.

“Eh!? Heh! Heh! EsschHHeeuhww!” Her body jerked forwards, shoulders hiked up as she sneezed into a blanket-covered hand. From where Menelaus stood, he could see a thin line of snot connect and drip down from her nose in the candlelight. A warmth crept across his cheeks but he quickly shoved that aside. He leaned against the threshold of the door coolly as he spoke up. “Bless you, dearest.” He had to bite back a laugh when the woman jumped at the sound of his voice and turned around swiftly. She quickly tried to fix herself up, those soft wet sniffles from earlier sounded much more productive this time around.

“Oh! You’re hombe, I must’ve lost track of tibe” Of course, no matter how much divine beauty people believed she possessed, Helen couldn’t hide being some semblance of human, demigoddess or not. She sounded exhausted, much more than the usual tiredness of dealing with new shipments and having meetings of her own and delegating the servants. Then her shoulders tensed again and she uttered a breathy “eh ehh excuse behh bme”

As Menelaus drew closer to place a gentle hand on her shoulders, she clenched her mouth, scrunched her nose and pitched forwards in a repetitive fit. These were much smaller and sounded a little painful.

“HpPT! NgkKKGxtt! HHEH-! HmpPP'kngt! HmpPP'kngt HHEH-! HmpPP'kngt!” It looked like the fit wasn’t going to end, and the poor woman struggled to even get a real breath in between. When Helen did manage to catch a slight break, she gasped for air and groaned. It took a moment for Menelaus to get it together himself. His larger hand rubbed soothing circles as he asked.

“Are you sure you’re alright? You sound truly dreadful. That had to’ve hurt.” Helen tried to compose herself; she nodded and attempted to lean away from her husband and stand up from her chair.

“I-i’mb fide, Laus, I-I prob- I probmiiihhh. Oh dnuhh dno!” This time, however, she stifled once, and the rest managed to struggle their way out. “pPT! NgkKKGxtt! heh! hHEG’nnsSSHHWw! hHEG’nnsSSHHWw! hhGNSHHhuhw!” These sneezes managed to rock her whole body, threw her off balance a little, to the point Menelaus had to hold her and pull her to his side. These weren’t dainty, soft sneezes; they were rather impressive, and something about this made Menelaus’s heart both melt and pound furiously against his chest.

There was one thing for certain: he was right; she wasn’t well. “Alright, you’re heading to bed.” He concluded aloud before Helen could protest; he swept her off her feet. Oh, how charming. As he headed for the door, Helen finally found her voice. A little hoarse and very congested-sounding, but it was still hers.

“Wait! I’mb finde Laus! Please, guh snddff ugh I can have dinner with you at the table.” Menelaus looked down at her and shook his head.

“I will have the servants bring some food and medicine to our room. I’m not leaving you alone for long…mmm maybe draw up a bath, how does that sound?” He caught the slight bewildered expression on her face for a moment, but continued to carry her to bed. After he flagged down a servant and gave them his orders and finally made it to their bedroom. He placed Helen carefully on their bed and began to swap his outfit for something more comfortable. He picked up a handkerchief from the wardrobe and handed it to Helen wordlessly. She muttered a soft apology and blew her nose, or well, a measly half-hearted ‘attempt’. It didn’t sound like any had budged; it didn’t sound like she tried, despite how full her sinuses sounded from the incessant sniffling.

Unceremoniously, Menelaus flopped onto the bed with a heavy sigh and crawled over towards Helen and held her to his chest.

“Oh, how I missed you.” Helen let out a stuffy laugh and nuzzled into him; she kept the handkerchief close to her face like she was trying to hide.

“You’ve only been gone for the day; you act as if you’ve been sent on a voyage.” She playfully teased; Menelaus dramatically whined at her.

“It felt like it; they kept droning on and on and on. We get it, we all get it your dick is big and so is your army.” That got a full-body laugh from her, something Menelaus always loved. He loved when Helen was completely unrestrained, and that was something he wanted right now. Dinner went without a hitch- well, not literally, but still no complaints there.

The bath was where things got interesting. Menelaus sat on the upper steps in the water of the large bathing pool with Helen sat between his legs on the one below him. They helped each other wash up, enjoying the warmth of the water permeating their sore bodies. Every now and then Helen would go into a stifled fit and apologize; the steam made things much looser, but Helen wasn’t keen on letting much out. Suddenly her hitching went from erratic to a defeated sigh; frustration painted her face. She rubbed gently at her nose and slumped a little. Finally, Menelaus asked,

“Why do you hold them back? It's clear you’re not feeling well; that obviously can’t be good for you.” Helen blushed hard and shrugged; her fingers fiddled around with her hair.

“I know I’m not exactly very…pretty like this; the least I can do is keep it to myself. I don’t want you to get this.” Menelaus blinked for a moment before he gently commanded her. “Face me.” Helen hesitated, then turned to face her husband, but she didn’t look at him; she kept her head down. Helen wasn’t exactly a shy woman usually, and it broke Menelaus a little to see her shrink in on herself. He brought his hands to her face and tilted it up, and he smiled.

“You’re beautiful, and you’re mine.” Helen shook her head. “I’mb a bmess, I sound awful, I-” Menelaus pulled her into a kiss before she could continue. He could taste the cold on her tongue, but he didn’t care; honestly, he’d do anything if that meant he could be cuddled up with her. He kept one hand on her waist, the other on her face. He felt her breath flutter and quicken in short hiccups against his lips. A little whine escaped before they pulled apart- but not very far- and Helen brought up a hand to fan at her face. Eyes squinted, lips parted, her whole face slack, nostrils flared and dripped down to her upper lip. It was almost erotic the way she looked so unraveled and consumed by the urge to sneeze. However, when it went away, the defeated face she made was almost enough to make Menelaus lose it himself.

“Ugh dnot again, so-sorry.” Menelaus shook his head and rubbed his thumb against her cheek sweetly.

“No apologies needed, please. You can’t help it; being sick happens, besides you look precious like this to me.” Helen looked at him like she didn’t believe him, but she didn’t have much energy to argue. She melted into his frame and admitted it.

“I feel awful sddrck I cadn’t get bmy sdeezes out dnow.” Menelaus hummed softly and thought about it for half a second before he brought his hand to Helen’s nose.

“What are you doing?” She asked, as soon as the calloused pads of his fingers touched the tip of her nose he felt her take in a breath.

“Helping” he said simply. He rubbed up and down on the tip, then on her septum. Wetness gathered on his fingers as her nostrils flared widely. Helen grabbed his wrist and, between hitches, barely got out his name.

“Bmmheeeh heh bmedelahhh hhgh!” But she didn’t move his hand; she tilted her head a little and leaned into it. Menelaus’s voice was warm and quiet at he shushed her.

“Shhhh let it out, my love, let me help you.” Her whines intermeshed with her hitches, her shoulders jerked, and her nose twitched. A deep gasp finally escaped, and she lurched forwards.

“Heh! hHEG’nnsSSHHWw! hHEG’nnsSSHHWw! hHEG’nnsSSHHWw! hhGNSHHhuhw!” Menelaus’s hand and wrist quickly became soaked; he could feel the warm snot drizzling down. Just seeing it made his own face flush hard and the moan Helen let out definately did him in.

“Gggnuuugh. That’s bmuch better, gods I bmade such a bmess, I’b sorry.” When Menelaus snapped out of it he just ran his hand under the water for a bit.

“Its alright, you needed it.” He then brought his hand back up to help clean off the mess he had caused. When he got a look at her, seeing her nose running from both red, angry nostrils, he finally relaxed it was like he fell in love all over again.

“Stars above, you’re gorgeous.” He muttered.

After a while, they got out of the bath and went back to their bedroom, where Helen was cuddled up to Menelaus’s chest, snugly.

They had managed to find a few handkerchiefs, which they piled nearby on the bed, and they quickly became useful. Helen brought up a hand to rub at her nose; you could hear the squishing of congestion.

“Ugh dnot agaihhd.” Her words wavered; immediately, Menelaus felt something pulse and his heart pound against his ribs. It got even worse when she weakly asked, “ceeh cad you duh do that thih thig againd?” through her hitches.

“Uh-of-of course.” Menelaus all but jumped at the opportunity! He had to steady his hand as he brought it to her face; this time they brushed in a feather-light touch against her nostrils. They twitched and flared while she gasped desperately, “thehh there yes rih right thehh there!”

He kept his finger there with a little more pressure as he traced the rims. He couldn’t believe she was truly this sensitive! He had to bite his lower lip to keep the soft growl from coming out.

“hHEG’nnsSSHHWw! Hehg heh! Eh! hHEG’nnsSSHHWw! hHEG’nnsSSHHWw! hHEG’nnsSSHHWw!” Spray coated his hand, and mess ejected and splattered onto his palm while strands of it leaked down her face. But her eyes still stayed hazy, and her chest heaved.

“Dnuhh dnot duh duhh dode! hHEG’nnsSSHHWw!” Her sneezes were rough and seemed to need a lot to fuel them. Snot covered Menelaus’s fingers and ran down the back of his hand as he kept going. He circled Helen’s angry red, sensitive nostril and used his other arm to hold her through it.

“hHEG’nnsSSHHWw! ESschhEUhhww!” Spray darkened and dampened the fabric of her sleep gown and made it cling to her chest. With one final- “hHEG’nngsSSHHWw!” a large rivulet of snot poured out from both nostrils. She moaned in relief and slouched into Menelaus again. “Thagk you, thats betteh heh!” A last-minute tickle resurfaced and she swiftly turned into her husband’s chest and muffled the oncoming sneeze into him.

“hhhHRRSSHHHhhhiih!” Now he was truly red in the face; the warm wetness definitely had seeped through the top and it spread from the center out. When Helen pulled away, a large, thick string of mess was still attached to both of them.

“Fugk i made such a bmess” She whined. Menelaus nodded, his mouth dry as he tried to respond “Ye-yeah a bit” What he didn’t expect was for Helen to lean into his ear and tell him through thick, soupy sniffles. “I see snddrck sdrck this feels good sdgh guh for the both of us.” He was too embarrassed to admit it out loud, which was confirmation enough. Her eyes narrowed in a playful seriousness. “If I dodn’t have to hide frobe you, you wodt hide frob bme.” She stated. Menelaus agreed and pulled her into another kiss. He groaned as snot smeared against his upper lip, and this time he was the one pleading breathlessly. “Let me take care of you please; let me have you, hold nothing back!” “Okay, you will have bme.”

Menelaus started to kiss from her lips up to her nose, she shivered against him and grabbed onto his top.

“Tiih tigkles” She warns, he kept going, placing light kisses on the underside of her nose. As her head reared back, Menelaus practically chased after it while he encouraged her.

“C’mon, give it to me, let me have it. mmgnh I know you feel awful so give it to me.” Helen whimpered, whined, and her gasps got higher in pitch as she built up till she snapped forwards and sent a fit right to his face.

“hHEG’nnsSSHHWw oh guhh gods! hHEG’nnsSSHHWw hHEG’nnsSSHHWw! EG’nnsSSHHWw! Hehh heh eh! EG’nnsSSHHWw! HuhG’nnsSSHHWw!” It was like getting hit by ocean spray; it soaked through his mustache and went down his neck. Any mess that didn’t make it to his face ended up on her chest and left her cleavage glistening. Out of reflex, Menelaus’s tongue swiped at her nose and got a small taste of that awful cold she had filling her head. Adoration glazed over his brown eyes when he looked at her. Truly the best thing he had seen. Through heavy panting, Helen laughed a little and kissed him shortly. “You seemb to be really edjoyig this~” She teased. Menelaus nodded and kissed back as he brushed a lock of Helen’s hair out of the way.

“I can’t help that my wife is the most gorgeous being to me, even if you are making a mess of yourself.”

“Ugh bmy dnose is sore ad still full.” “Anything I can do about that?” He asked, Helen then looked at his lips then back at him then away, a shared shyness filled the space when they both realized what the solution was.

“You-you don’t have to, i-i just….your lips felt good…” She backpedaled.

“I don’t- I don’t mind at all” It felt so silly to be this shy about something. Helen nodded and leaned her head back again. Menelaus only took a second before he pressed his lips to her nose and let his tongue slip out and lick carefully at her septum. A drawn-out, relieved moan came from Helen, and she grabbed onto his shirt. “Yes like-like that, feels good.”

Her nostrils continued to flare against his warm, wet tongue as it slid up and down and ventured to her nostrils. Helen pressed in and whimpered out needily.

“Ih id-idside plehh please.” So he did; he pushed his tongue inside, which earned him another moan of encouragement and the taste of her tongue fresh on his tongue. He flicked it, let his tongue swirl and lick at the pulsing insides. It was almost addicting the way things tasted, so wet! She hitched against his mouth with not much time to warn him when his tongue caressed at a certain spot.

“I’bm guhh guhh GoddaEG’nnsSSHHWw!! EG’nnsSSHHWw! Ehh! Heh! HEHG’nnsSSHHWw!” Snot poured onto his tongue heavily, and he swallowed without a second thought. He had been doomed since the first kiss that morning. “Duuh dodnt stuhh stop’b pleh please, please put iih it id!” Helen begged; well, when your queen begs you so pathetically, and looks at you like you’re the only one she could ever need, you do as she says.

interesting business facts for business ladies. sherry's been sniffling her way through a blocked nose and false starts all morning and jo has a solution... let's hope the office closet walls aren't too thin

CENSORED VERSION!!!!!!!! but not to worry, u can find the uncensored on my twt