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im writing you this now for you to read in years to come... in almost 2 weeks you will be 6 years old. and tonight as your sleeping in my bed twisted up in the blanket i watched a movie called riding in cars with boys... by now im sure ive made you watch this ... but i just want you to know a few things .. this movie is somewhat kinda like my life i mean the 15 and pregnant thing is similar and all. i just want you to know that I ALWAYS WANTED YOU... there was never a doubt in my mind from the very first minute of your exsistance that i did not want you. and i have had a struggle these past 7 years even before you where born and i gave up alot of things for you to be here... BECAUSE I NEEDED  YOU HERE. i love you with all of my heart and i dont want you to ever think you ever held me back from doing anything i dont want you to ever feel like that kid in the movie... im not perfect im def not the perfect mother but i try hard... and i have guilt for some of the things ive done and have not done for you... but just always know if its was possible id give you everything you ever wanted. and i try to be the best i can possibly be for you... but i dont have it too easy just like drew barrymore in the movie... i have alot to deal with and sometimes i dont realize how certain things might effect you... its very true 4 or 5 days in life change your life forever... i just hope im a possitive in some of those days. i dont need you to go to college i dont need you to be rich or anything like that i just want you to not deal with the struggles and problems and pain that i have felt in my mer 22 years of existance.. you deserve more than that... all i want you to do is LIVE and be as happy as you can be. and ill always be here for you no matter what you do.. no matter how bad you fuck up cause i mean come on everyone fucks up from time to time. no matter how bad you fuck up you can always come to me and tho i might be upset i wont be mad at you for a mistake that your have made as long as you do what you can to make everything right. and be a good man a simple kind of man. strong and brave with a big heart with and amazing mind even now at the age of 6... it scares me to know every year we are growing older together your life is pretty much in my hands untilyou can do for yourself and i just want you to know... that ill always be proud of you as long as you try... as long as you dont give up all you have to do is hold on for ride that this roller coaster of life is going to take  you on... all you have to do is hold on to yourself and never forget who you are and what you believe in.