Erika Gaulia

Just talk to her, what’s the worst that could happen? Even if she simply laughs in my face, it would surely hurt more in the long run knowing that I never even gave it a shot. Why don’t I just do it? I keep trying to convince myself that it could actually lead to something: there is always the possibility that she’s not how she seems. But, of course, who am I kidding? What possible, tiniest, speck of a chance would I have with someone like Julianna? It’s laughable even imagining it.

Still though, what better opportunity am I going to get? She’s actually here. At this party. She never comes to parties, everyone knows that. There are certainly not going to be any more opportunities for me after we graduate. I’ll probably never see her again after this. But no. Still no. Absolutely not. A woman like Julianna, making time for a short, dim-witted, chubby guy who is definitely going to be bald in a few years’ time? Please. I’m so far beneath her that she’d probably just look at me like some microscopic worm had walked up to her and opened its mouth.

In fact, I basically am all but invisible to her I think. Even though we’ve lived opposite each other in the hall since freshman year, I’m pretty sure she still doesn’t know who I am. We’ve not said a word to each other all this time. Never given me so much as a look. Not that I haven’t wanted to spark up some kind of conversation though. Many times have I fantasised about just that. I’d be happy with even a ‘hello’. I thought about transferring to some of her classes once or twice, to maximise those opportunities, but that just seemed too desperate even for me. In a way, it’s strange seeing her out like this. I’d always assumed she was the sort of person who viewed frat parties as beneath her. I guess I thought of myself as that sort of person too, but look at me now.

-

She disappeared inside the house for a while, but later in the evening, I found her again in the garden, over with a group of sorority chicks. She seems to be part of the group, but she’s not talking to any of them. It’s always amusing to see her like that because she’s so much taller than them. Definitely well over 6 feet in flats alone I’d guess, and who knows what height in heels as big as those. I watch her from the edge of the garden for a bit. She takes infrequent sips from a red cup, probably filled with the same sickly punch that I’m drinking. Occasionally she looks away from the group and scans the party. I make sure to avert my eyes toward something else whenever she does.

I feel sorry for her in a way, she looks so bored. Although come to think of it, she always looks bored. That sort of seems to be her default state. Supposedly she does have real friends, presumably hobbies and stuff too, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen her enjoying herself. It’s not like she comes across as annoyed or disappointed by people, more just absent—like there is nothing around that is even worth having a strong emotion about. It’s only the times I spot her in the library at all hours of the night, beavering away on whatever project it is she’s working on that day, that she actually looks like she’s fully invested in something.

Do I really know her? I like to think I do, but I guess no one really does. She seems unknowable in a way, as cliched as that sounds. She doesn’t exactly give much away. What are we supposed to think? People only know the things other people have made up about her, and most of that is just inspired by how she looks. Those who have been lucky enough to speak to her just say she’s unfriendly, aloof. I guess they’re right. The word aloof was pretty much invented to describe someone like her. But the weird thing is I’ve heard others say she’s actually just shy. I can’t believe that though. How could someone who looks and dresses like her be shy? She only gets away with being as anti-social as she is because she’s so ridiculously good-looking. Anyone else would be shunned into being an outcast behaving like her. That’s part of the reason I guess why I never felt I could go up and talk to her. It’s too obvious. How many guys must she have to reject on a daily basis?

After all this time, I still struggle to understand how someone can really, genuinely look like her. How can she be a physical human being inhabiting the same world as the rest of us, as opposed to some illusion—a figment of a horny adolescent’s imagination? Even 3 years on, she still seems as unreal to me as the first day I saw her. Whenever I pass her in the hallway, or while out walking through campus, I have to stop myself from instinctively rubbing my eyes to wipe away the mirage. She always looks like she’s stepped straight off of a computer screen, with body parts precisely curated and then sculpted into a paragon of femininity.

I almost don’t believe it. Her face is simply too exquisite to have emerged naturally. It has this unerring elegance to it while at the same time being so obscenely sexy that it overcomes me with feelings of shame to even look at her class headshot for too long. Then there’s her style, which by some miracle manages to do justice to her innate beauty. With her pristine foundation and blusher contrasted against dark lipstick on plump lips, she always applies her make-up so perfectly that it looks like it’s a part of her face. Her hair falls carelessly yet immaculately onto her shoulders, jet-black locks occasionally parting to reveal turquoise highlights that match her eyes. Her style choices seem to be the only glimpse any of us ever get inside the head of Julianna: she obviously loves colour. Tonight she’s wearing a space-themed multicoloured dress, a figure-hugging number with nebulous purple clouds interspersed by black voids, dotted with gold symbols and sparkly four-pointed stars. Admittedly, the dress covers rather little of her body, but this is on the more modest end of things for her. I am more than happy to excuse her for it though. I get it. If I were as implausibly stunning as her, I would probably want to dress up like a mystical cosmic butterfly as well.

Anyway, I like to flatter myself into thinking it’s just her mysterious personality and exuberant sense of dress that draws me to her. But if I am honest, her body has the largest part to play in that. How something like that is even possible, I have no clue. It certainly defies some biological principles, or at the very least statistical probability. The fact is, Julianna is a very tall and incredibly slender woman, so where in the hell did those enormous breasts come from? They’re each bigger than her head for God’s sake. It’s the sort of thing that pains me to think about, and I’m just a guy. I can tell the other sorority girls in that group she’s with are having the same thought: How can one person be so physically blessed with so much all at once?

I know most people still assume she must have had a boob job or several, and with them being that size I get what they’re saying. But those people don’t know what they’re talking about. I’ve spent enough time studying her now—looking at the way they wobble, how she balances her weight as she walks, how softly they compress and squish when she uses her arms—they’re the real thing. Besides, I spoke to a guy once who went to high school with her. Apparently, she always had massive boobs, even when she was much younger. Out of curiosity I also asked him if she really was always this 6-foot-plus, impossibly beautiful, yet frustratingly unknowable goddess that we see before us now, and he merely shrugged and said “pretty much”.

I get sad when I think about it though really. Not just because all of this just makes me feel like a pervert, which I am, but sad because I’m probably just one of the thousands of such characters she must have to deal with on a daily basis. If anything, her weariness with the world is understandable if the way I think about her is any good reflection of it. I take comfort in the fact that I’ve never acted on anything, and wouldn’t even think to, but I can’t deny that I do think about her a lot. And like so many others, I catch myself staring. It’s so hard not to when someone like her is nearby. Even though, like staring at the Sun, I know it’ll only lead to me hurting myself. And sure, she’s blessed, but she doesn’t deserve that. One can have too much of a good thing I suppose.

In some ways, it must be a drag looking like she does. The attention is one thing, but having a body so crazily out of proportion must be physically exhausting. Although she never lets on that she suffers from it, even imagining the back pain makes me wince. I guess she could always get a breast reduction if she wanted, so perhaps she doesn’t mind their weight and the attention they bring. She certainly doesn’t cover them up that much. And I can count on my hands the number of times I’ve seen her wearing a bra. Also, where does she even find dresses like that anyway? I can only guess that she makes them herself. Whatever the case, I am frankly losing my mind seeing her standing there in that thing.

I remember in my freshman year that, for a long time, I thought she must have been some hallucination—her beauty something only I could see. But then I realised she was simply so attractive that people felt uncomfortable even bringing it up in conversation. Eventually though the almost offensive beauty of the new freshman down the hall couldn’t go ignored. Then people got to know her—and learned of her unsettlingly aloof personality—and something about the spell seemed to break. Now everyone knows her, for better or worse. She’s sort of infamous, in a way. Julianna: the ridiculously hot and ridiculously tall senior who rarely speaks and has gigantic tits. Again, it’s only because of her looks that she even has some semblance of a social life. Despite rarely engaging with anyone, she gets invited to things constantly. I guess it’s just so people can be around her and bask in the second-hand beauty. Of course these events she'd only ever attend sparingly. Like this one, funnily enough. For some reason, that is anyone’s guess, in the final week of semester, Julianna has finally decided to grace us with her presence—at a frat party of all things.

-

As I watch a few basketball players now attempt to make conversation with her, what I can’t understand most of all is how she’s managed to remain single all this time. Why have I never heard of a boyfriend, or even a girlfriend? To be honest, I’m not entirely sure if people even try and hit on her. They must do, surely, but I’d certainly never attempt it. From the way she carries herself, I get the impression that the idea of a relationship is simply beneath her—that there is no one around who remotely matches up. Perhaps when people have tried, she just obliterates them so totally that they never mention it again, pretend like it never happened. Now that I think of it, I did hear of one guy who tried to hit on her at some college event and was even seen maintaining the conversation late into the night. But then he ended up transferring to a different college straight after that and was never seen again. Unrelated, I’m sure, but it makes me wonder how bad could it have gone if she was indeed the cause of all that.

I suppose Julianna really just has no interest in anything like that. From what I hear she’s a very driven woman, very academic. They say she works night and day, and from the handful of times I’ve been in the library late at night, she has always been there. She’s at the top of all of her classes I hear too. Everyone majoring in some math or physics electives—or whatever difficult subject it is she’s majoring in—talks about how insanely smart she is. I can barely even wrap my head around it myself, but then there’s a lot that’s hard to believe about Julianna. As improbable as it is that someone who looks like her could be some kind of super-genius as well, it sadly does seem to be the case. I know she’s on the Dean’s honours list this year, the only one from our graduating class. Someone told me recently too that she’s also made it onto some incredibly prestigious astrophysics grad program, and that schools were practically falling over themselves to offer her fellowships. I can only imagine what they’ll think when they see what she looks like.

It’s shameful really that these are the only things I know about her. I can’t claim to love her exactly, but the place she occupies in my mind is definitely adjacent to that. It worries me that living so close to Julianna was what has spoiled my own romantic exploits during my college career. What kind of person am I to think all these things and still never talk to her? Not even a word. Even after lusting over her for three years, all I know is that she loves stuff to do with space, is incredibly intelligent, and has huge boobs. I’m pathetic really. Why should I be rewarded with a conversation when that’s the end result of my three-year masturbatory obsession?

But then I think to myself: Maybe that’s exactly why I should talk to her. Strike up a conversation. Just get it over with so I can get on with my life. Rip off the bandaid as they say. Maybe I’ll find out that she’s just a huge bitch and I can get over this stupid crush. Or maybe we’d actually hit it off. The latter doesn’t seem so likely, but who knows? I’d kill to even see her smile at this point.

-

As the night wore on, the peak of the party’s activity waned and people began to disperse from the garden of the frat house, either making their way inside to collapse, or scurrying off in couples to some darkened hedgerow to fuck. I’d mostly kept to myself that night, only making light small talk with people if I had to. Drinking far too much of the punch too, which I was now aware was more potent than it tasted.

But I could feel the Dutch courage growing in me now. All that time I had kept a watch on Julianna. She was always easy to spot, such a radiant and colourful vision of a woman, and always a good head-or-so taller than those around her. At one point she drifted from the latest group of sorority girls that were boring her, and towards an empty section of the long marble balustrade that bounded the far end of the garden. I waited for a moment to see if she was planning to join a different group, but she paused. Looking out at the party, scanning it, her gaze eventually landed on me, staring right back at her. I felt in that instant her dazzling emerald eyes pierce my skull. Then, without warning, the alcohol in my veins lifted my feet on my behalf and caused me to walk toward her. I was unable to stop myself, like a magnetic force was moving my body against my will. Her face though, implacable as ever, showed no hint of emotion. No suggestion of either interest or otherwise that I was now approaching her. She merely stood there and waited.

By the time I was a few feet away I felt my face go hot, I knew I must have been turning bright red, my entire head felt as if it was about to explode. Julianna remained still, standing right before me, her breasts so large they occupied an uncomfortable amount of my vision. I realised as I neared her, that I had forgotten just how tall she was. In the heels she was wearing she towered over me at something that must have been close to 6’7’’. I looked up at her face. Oh her face. God she was just too beautiful for me, or for anyone, I thought.

Though we had been staring directly at each other for almost half a minute by now, Julianna had still not opened her mouth or even made so much as a move. In her left hand, she was still holding a red cup. For some reason I found myself lifting my own drink and offering her some kind of weird salute,

“Hey, uh, Julianna. Congrats on making the Dean’s list.” I said.

To which a single eyebrow raised slightly, her eyes looking down at me with half-interested curiosity,

“Thank you Carlos.”

Oh crap. Panic set in as I learned that she did know my name after all. Somehow I never expected that. I knew I shouldn’t have been surprised, having lived so close to each other for three years, but still.

“Uh, you’re welcome.” I continued “So, are you… enjoying the party.”

Some of my drink got caught in my throat, making me sound like a frog, but she ignored it. Instead, she just stared down at me with a blank expression for a few seconds, blinking emptily as if to confirm that really was how I was going to begin this interaction.

“It’s fine,” she replied eventually, in a serious but not unkind voice, “I told myself I’d go to at least one of these things before graduation.”

I chuckled nervously, trying to clear the stench of awkwardness and insecurity that was accumulating around me,

“Oh, heh, yeah they’re not really my thing either. What do you usually do instead?”

“What do you mean?” She asked in response.

Once again her voice was not unkind, but it was oddly stern—a manner that suggested she couldn’t quite believe my offerings of conversation were really as dull as this.

“I mean, what do you usually do in the evenings?”

“I usually just stalk the streets to find men to hypnotise and kill.” She answered without emotion.

I paused for a moment in silence, her response was so abrupt that I didn’t even know how to react.

“I’m kidding.” She continued eventually in the same deadpan, before relieving me with just the smallest of smiles out of the corner of her mouth.

“Oh! God… Right, yeah…”

I could see from the subtle roll of her eyes that she had lost hope in me already, though the smile that then followed, surprisingly, carried no element of disdain.

After some further stumbling introductions on my behalf, we did gradually settle into something more closely resembling a human conversation. We exchanged a few more lukewarm sentences about the party and our feelings on finally graduating. She told me about the PhD program she was about to embark on and I tried to stop my eyes from glazing over when she described what she was going to be researching. Something about galaxies, I think. She even asked me a few questions about what I was planning to do, to which I had to admit I had not made any plans for how to make use of the business degree I would soon be in possession of. I expected her to roll her eyes again at that, but she just stared at me blankly, as if my lack of motivation was something she found impossible to even comprehend.

A while later, and as the lingering partygoers began to behave in an increasingly wild and debauched manner, we decided to sit together on the marble balustrade and watch them, freshly topped-up cups of punch in hand. I was grateful for the new position as standing talking to a woman so much taller than I was becoming both uncomfortable and slightly embarrassing.

Safe to say though: I was freaking out. I had tried to keep my growing panic about these developments bottled up, but thanks to the alcohol, I was unable to gauge how much of it might have been coming across in the contortions of my face. But miraculously, Julianna had shown no desire yet to leave our conversation. She had even invited me to sit beside her after getting our refills. It was going so much better than I could have ever anticipated. Julianna of all people, perhaps the smartest and most beautiful woman in existence, actually wanted to talk to me over anyone else at this party. I was so desperately out of my depth that the only way I could focus myself was by thinking only about how to get from one sentence to the next, and by trying my best not to look at her rack.

We gradually exhausted most of the general-purpose topics of conversation students would usually share with each other upon a first meeting. She had humoured my boringness by answering everything politely, but also while sharing precious few details about herself at the same time. I could sense then that a lull in the flow of conversation was approaching. So I decided to make an unannounced attempt to go somewhere deeper.

“So, do you have any regrets?” I blurted out after a fresh silence had stewed between us for an uncomfortable few seconds. For the first time that night, she actually seemed interested in something that had left my mouth. She turned to me and stared down her nose with a look that was avuncular, if a little condescending—like she had just witnessed a small rodent perform a trick.

“Regrets? How do you mean?” She replied, that smirk returning to the corner of her mouth again.

“I mean, things you would have done differently? In college… or in life I guess.”

“No. I don’t.” She replied, turning away from me again.

Once again her reply was so matter-of-fact, and without any form of elaboration, that it took me a second to recalibrate.

“Really? So everything in your life has gone exactly how you wanted it to?”

“Yes.” She answered without a pause,

For a second it looked like I had blown yet another attempt at conversation, but this time she continued.

“Why do you ask? Are there things you wished went differently?”

And the spotlight was back on me. Unfortunately, it seemed my attempt to peel back some of the layers of Julianna had backfired, as it had done several times already now.

“Oh. Well… Yeah,” I sputtered. “Loads of things. I guess we have slightly different outlooks on life.”

Julianna paused for a moment in thought, before shifting her position so as to face me head-on. I once again had to struggle to stop my eyeballs from involuntarily pointing down towards her chest which was now being compressed together by her arms and hovering unnervingly close to my own.

“What do you regret, Carlos.”

She said, enunciating it almost as if it was not a question. Having never heard her talk at length before, I was surprised by just how formal and authoritative her manner of speech was. Her voice had an attractive sonority and depth to it, but at the same time was almost robotic. It gave me the impression that her thoughts were formulated so precisely in her brain that she merely needed to open her mouth and everything she wanted to say would emerge exactly as conceived.

“Oh, you know.” I continued, “just my whole life really. Failure to achieve what I want. Failure to even try.”

I tried to make it sound like one of the dry jokes she would have made, but I could hear the emotion catch in my throat as I spoke, undermining any attempt to come across like I didn’t wholeheartedly believe what I had just said.

“But you got into a good school, I see you have friends, what do you regret?” She asked back, surprising me with a sudden kindness in her voice.

This thread of conversation was not going how I had wanted, and I knew I needed to try and divert from it. But when I looked up at Julianna again she was still staring deep into my eyes, just like she had when I first approached her. Her expression was neither warm nor cold, it was devoid of all emotion yet was somehow incredibly intense. Her wide hazel eyes felt like they had latched onto my own, making it impossible to look away. In the light coming from the frat house in the distance, her smooth, lightly-tanned skin almost looked like it was glowing.

I blinked frantically to try and snap myself out of whatever tipsy daydream was threatening to swallow me up.

“Oh nothing.” I replied, eventually, still feeling startled by Julianna’s gaze. “I just think I’m in a rut, romantically.”

No!, I thought, and slapped my hand across my mouth in shock. I had never intended to add the word “romantically” yet it had somehow fallen unbridled out of my mouth anyway.

“I see.” Julianna continued on my behalf, a semi-smile forming again. So you wish you’d had more hookups? Gotten a girlfriend?”

“I don’t know why we’re talking about this, I wanted to know about you!” I cried, trying to laugh it off. “But yeah, I thought college was when that was all supposed to happen. I’ve just not managed to figure it out. Too much time spent holed up in my dorm I think.”

Julianna turned away from me and looked out across the party. The revelry was now dwindling, with only half the attendees who had been there when we began talking left roaming the garden in a state of undress.

“Well there’s plenty of drunk sorority girls here tonight. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind one last fling before graduation.”

There was an unmistakable note of derision in her voice now.

“I’m not interested in them.” I heard myself say—the second time in a row I had said something without meaning to.

I glanced down at my cup and saw that my punch had disappeared. It was only when I looked up again that the wooziness hit me all at once. I could see Julianna’s cup was almost empty as well, but unlike me, she appeared as calm and centred as always.

“What are you interested in then?”

She replied, eyes narrowing. Her voice was snarky and pitying, but still managing not to come across as unkind.

“Oh come on.” I guffawed at an uncomfortable volume, shaking my head in disbelief.

But Julianna shot back at me sharply,

“Humour me,” she said, taking another sip.

I could really feel my heart thumping now. The drunken courage had so far allowed me to keep up in a conversation with the most beautiful woman I had ever met, but it was obvious now that she was operating on a different level, probably one I would not be able to understand even if I was sober. Yet despite the fact I was sitting here trying to drown myself in a mire of inadequacy, she was still here by my side, egging me on. Perhaps my rambling and drunken incoherence was amusing to her in some way.

“I’m not sure what you want me to say… what were we talking about?” I asked her, my voice sounding weak and panic-stricken all of a sudden.

Julianna smiled and shook her head genially, “you were telling me about your regrets—your failure to find romance in college. I’m asking you: what is it you wish you did? Who is it you wish you did, if you prefer?”

“Well, you know,” I began cautiously, “it’s not really like I have any specific regrets. It’s more generalised regret—a feeling of wasted time.”

“That’s not good.” She replied thoughtfully.

“You don’t feel like that, at times?”

“No” was all she said in response, her reluctance to elaborate further unsurprising at this point in the conversation.

Several minutes of silence drifted past, during which time I tried to regain focus on my surroundings, and Julianna quietly sipped what remained of her drink. She seemed to be watching the party again—the wasted sorority girls in their bikinis, and the various athletes in team jackets attempting to hook up with them in as an enthusiastic but unthreatening manner as they could manage without being given the mace. Julianna seemed both curious and disinterested at once, as though she was somehow their elder, watching the children play their trivial games. Though in reality, she had said precious few words to me so far, I still found myself struck by how remarkably wise—and in a way, ageless—she seemed to be. It was even more surprising just how much this impression had made me forget the outlandish sexuality of that preposterous body of hers. That had clearly been what drew me to her in the first place, but there were just too many astounding and confusing traits about this woman to keep track of at once. It was only when she leant back to stretch her spine that the outward swell of her breasts reminded me of their existence. Each time I had to gulp and look away as they threatened to burst out of her tight, multicoloured dress.

Something caught Julianna’s interest then, and she turned to face me again,

“You know they’re all wasted,” she began, gesturing towards the scenes of animalistic lust playing out in the garden, “Those girls, all the basketball players treat them like shit. If you go to one and talk to her kindly, perhaps hold her hair while she vomits into a toilet, she might even let you fuck her.”

Her smirk suggested she was joking again, but her tone remained as deadpan as ever, to the point that it felt inappropriate to laugh.

“I don’t want that” I replied, knowing full well how she would respond to that.

“So what is it you want, Carlos?” came the inevitable question, one that she was apparently so eager to know the answer to.

I started speaking but found the words clog up like detritus in my throat and come out distasteful.

“Where are you going with all this, you want me to just describe my perfect woman or something?”

“Please.” She said, shooting me another piercing stare with almost-black eyes that I could swear had changed colours since I last looked.

“I mean, it’s not like I think I’m in a position to be picky” I began, my words slurring more than I wanted “but, you know, I’d want a nice girl, someone who wouldn’t mind just being my best friend. Someone who I wouldn’t have to try and be someone else around.”

“Uh huh?” She replied, rolling her eyes.

“What?” I spat back, “what’s wrong with wanting that?”

Julianna sighed and placed one hand on my thigh.

“Nothing, it’s just that ‘that’ was not really much of anything. I was hoping for something more. Tell me something you would usually never admit to. I took a chance on you, Carlos. You seemed like perhaps you had more going on in your head than the others.”

After she took her hand away again, a brief glint in her eye caught mine as she went in for another sip of her drink. Her black eyes seemed to have some streaks of colour appearing in them—strips of green and gold light erupted inside the irises of her left eye, and a dazzling segment of sapphire appeared in the right. I could sense them communicating something to me, silently. Broadcasting some kind of intangible information.

Julianna’s game was still impossible to determine, but the clues had mounted to the point where I was at least certain there was a game being played. She was goading me into doing something. Saying something. What, I had no clue, and was too hopelessly outmatched by her intellect to attempt to find out. But whatever it was, she had taken some hold of me, and I felt a hidden part of me open up.

“Fine… well, if I’m being totally honest… You know, I came over here originally to… sort of…”

“Uh huh?” She interrupted again, nodding at me with sarcastic encouragement.

“I mean, it’s just… I’d always… sort of… liked you…? You know?”

I'd done it. Holding my breath, I braced for impact. But Julianna did not react at first. She instead placed her cup down beside her on the ledge and shuffled her body around so her chest was pointing directly towards me again.

“Me?” She replied, pointing to herself, her voice betraying a sort of forced naivety that she wasn’t attempting to conceal,

“Yeah,” I replied quietly after a beat. I squinted as if a bomb was about to detonate.

Julianna went silent. Instead of putting me out of my misery, she decided to leave me in that state of nerve-wracking suspense, stewing over what I, for no apparent reason, had just admitted to her. I began to question why I did it. But in my state of shellshock, I couldn’t quite figure out how I was even supposed to feel. Julianna just looked down at her lap for some time. We both stared at her fingernails, which were painted black and dotted with thousands of tiny white stars that seemed to sparkle when the light struck them. Eventually, she looked up again, and returned her gaze to mine. The slow, sultry opening of her eyelids made my heartbeat thrum at an even more alarming rate than it had been.

“You don’t even know me.” She said softly, with a breathier voice than before.

“I-I know, but ever since I first saw you… I just… I thought…” I trailed off, feeling incredibly self-conscious now about the fact she had yet to return any sort of similar sentiment towards me, positive or negative.

“What did you think?”

“Just… you know, that you were attractive,” I replied, bitterly.

The words came out harder than I expected. I felt a new sense of irritation come over me. How was she was managing to get this out of me while offering nothing in return, not even a let-down?

“I see, what about me do you find attractive?” Julianna asked. Her eyelids fluttered at me again as if to try and pull me deeper into their trap.

“Well, surely you know Julianna,” I replied, the irritation building further now.

“Tell me.”

In a moment of panic, I stupidly glanced down at her breasts again and felt a sense of frustration—at myself more than anyone—bubble to the surface.

“What do you want me to say? List all the things I find attractive about you? The list of things I don’t would be far shorter. Empty, in fact.”

Her eyebrows raised in anticipation as if to suggest I was finally approaching the destination she was guiding me towards.

“I see. How interesting.” She answered.

I was stunned. Her reply was so condescending that I could scarcely believe I was still talking to the same pleasant girl I had spent the evening with. From the way she had reacted to my admission of attraction to her, anyone would think I had deigned to ask God herself if I could sleep with her. The attitude of this woman had turned in a blink from playful banter, to some kind of off-putting ego trip— one I was keen to escape from.

“Fine, Julianna. You got what you wanted I guess. Yes, it’s true: I like you. I’m sure you find it hilarious how every sorry guy in this college has got a crush on you that’s as big as your tits, but how do you think we feel having to be around some giant super-intelligent super-goddess like you all the time. Save some for the rest of us why don’t you?”

I knew even before opening my mouth that my outburst was a humungous mistake. I half expected Julianna to pick up a nearby drink and throw it in my face, but instead, she just continued to look down her nose at me with the same mirthful smirk as before.

“Huh.” She said, nodding to herself.

“What!? Tell me!” I spat, before sensing the pitiful back-pedalling that I knew was about to follow, “Fuck! Look… I’m sorry it all came out like that, I didn’t mean—”

“Do you think about my tits often, Carlos?” Julianna interrupted.

I froze, my mouth and eyes gaping wide open at her.

“It’s just that you’ve always looked at them a lot,” she continued, “I wonder if they occupy your mind when I’m not around too.”

The way she was speaking was so casual it sounded more like she was asking me for an opinion on a new haircut. Instead, it appeared I had now stumbled into a mind game that involved me being interrogated over having private thoughts about her breasts too often.

“Look, I don’t know what this is… but I’ve had enough. This conversation is making me uncomfortable. I think I’m just gonna—“

“How many times have you imagined having sex with me?” She carried on, ignorning me, before seizing my wrist with her hand to prevent my escape.

I glanced around at the party, but suddenly everyone, even the drunken girls, had disappeared—only a few jocks remained, all of whom were too incapacitated to rescue me from wherever this was headed. Julianna on the other hand was still staring at me with wide, emotionless eyes, one entirely green and the other blue.

“Look, whatever it is I’ve done to upset you… I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry if my behaviour has ever come across as untoward, or seedy, or… I mean, I would never even think to hurt you or even go near you. Never in a million years would I have thought someone like you—”

“Would want to fuck you?” She interrupted, the smirk disappearing in an in an instant,

“No! I’m sorry, okay!? I apologise. Whatever it is, I apologise. What is your game here? Just tell me and put me out of my misery okay?”

With that, she turned away from me and released my wrist. A few seconds later a sharp pain emerged from where she had grabbed me—the skin around my wrist was stinging badly and in the darkness almost looked like it was beginning to blister. Julianna then stood up at once and wordlessly held out her hand, instructing me to take it. I did as I was told, wincing slightly at the temperature of her palm which seemed far hotter than could have been healthy for anyone's body.

Hand in hand, Julianna led me out towards the wooden gate at the far end of the white marble balustrade we had been sitting on. The back garden of the frat house that had hosted the party led out directly into a series of open fields, which seemed to be where we were going. I was once again unnerved by how frighteningly tall she was, and how much stronger she seemed to be than me, in spite of her slender build. I gulped as I watched her shapely hips and firm buttocks swerve elegantly as she walked ahead of me. Her strides were long and fast and betrayed little of the cumbersome weight she carried on her chest. I tried my best to keep up, but found myself at all times lagging several steps behind.

Though my mind was awash with anxiety and fear, a submerged part of my reptilian brain still roiled with excitement. I couldn’t quite believe that I was holding hands with her after all the time I had spent imagining it. And she wanted me, although for what exactly, I was still unsure of. My emotions were conflicted. As happy as I was to be led away from the party by Julianna in that moment, I couldn’t shake the idea that it was because she meant to harm me in some way.

Following the dirt path down the hill, we found ourselves at a final stone wall. She instructed me to mount it after her and we dropped down into a dark field filled with ankle-length grass. Now with the frat house far off in the distance behind a thicket of pine trees, it was a struggle to see even a few feet in front of me. The field was illuminated only by shreds of moonlight piercing through cracks in the clouds overhead.

“Seriously, can you please just explain what it is we’re doing out here?” I called up to her, “I’m getting pretty freaked out now.”

“I just want to get to know you better. Really take you all in.” She called back, tugging my hand towards her even harder, “I got the feeling that the lack of privacy back there was inhibiting you.”

I yanked my hand free from her grip, instinctively shaking it so as to dispel the pain from where her intense heat had scalded me. Sensing me release, Julianna whipped around and stared down at me with an expression of mock surprise.

“Well fine. I guess here will do,” she announced.

Despite the fact it was almost pitch black, I was somehow still able to see all of her body in surprising detail. I could follow the outline of her curvaceous figure, identify the stars that speckled her dress. Even her skin seemed to glow in the dark, as if illuminated from somewhere deep beneath the flesh. I gazed up towards her face and her eyes like immaculate sapphires were shining down on me, reflecting an unidentified source of light. It was all too much to take. I felt the frustration building within me again.

“Just tell me what you want,” I cried out, “Everything about you is so fucking confusing. I’ve confessed about that stupid crush I had on you, but what crime is that really? I never did anything. I just left you be. If you’re torturing me just for that, then I don’t think it is really all that fair.”

Julianna sighed and smiled. “I’m not intending to torture you, Carlos. You’re doing that to yourself. All I’ve done is ask you questions.”

I looked away in desperation, but the woman quickly grabbed my jaw in her hand and forced me to stare into her eyes again.

“Now, why don’t you touch my breasts?”

I heard myself scream internally. Unable to even react at first, I paused to replay what I had just heard. But as the silent seconds dragged on it just seemed ever more like a transient aberration of my mind. Then she repeated it.

“Carlos. Touch my breasts. Come on, just do it.” She said again, more forcefully this time, before grabbing my wrists without warning and pressing my open hands into her awaiting chest.

All possible doubts as to the realness of Julianna’s breasts were dispelled in instant by the impossible softness I felt under my hands. They were so soft that it made their simultaneous shapeliness appear to defy physics. Yet they were obviously monumentally heavy too, and nor could I understand how she was able to hold them up when supported only by that thin dress. I allowed her to continue forcing me into groping her for a while, but she eventually released her hands and permitted me to play on my own. I had long since chosen to ignore the erection that had appeared in my pants, as I was too enraptured by the moment. The one thing I was clear on was that there was unlikely to be another opportunity like this.

While I continued to fondle Julianna’s breasts over her dress I began to notice that her body had become even more visible through the darkness. The dim glow that I thought I had seen emanating from her skin before seemed to grow brighter. After a few minutes spent squeezing her chest, it was unmistakable—her entire body was glowing now, lighting up a few-feet’s radius of the grass around us. When looking directly at her skin the light seemed constant, like the Sun seen through thick clouds, but when looking away and out at our surroundings, the light darted and rippled, as if refracting off the surface of a pond. I looked up at her and noticed that this light was pouring out of every section of bare skin, not just her arms and shoulders. Even her face, neck and breasts were glowing, with only the dress and her hair silhouetted against the light.

“Julianna. What the hell is going on!” I blurted out. “Am I just completely wasted, or is this real…? Y-you look like you’re glowing or something.” I made to release my hands from her breasts but she grabbed my wrists once again and forced me to press them into her even harder.

“Don’t worry. Just something my body does. Now tell me what you feel. How do you like them?”

“What do you mean? You mean your boobs? I don't know what you want me to say. I mean, they’re amazing, yes… but I-I’m more concerned about what is happening to you. Can you explain something to me for once, please!?”

Julianna breathed in deeply, arching her back as if she was absorbing something from the atmosphere. She pushed out her breasts further in my direction and I found myself clenching down on them harder, grabbing and squeezing sections of soft flesh at random. Despite not being able to even grab a decent amount of them in my palms at any one time, I did my best to give their entire volume my attention.

“All in good time.” She said finally. “Now do as I ask. Tell me what you feel. What do you think about them?”

I still couldn’t understand what she wanted out of me, but as her tone was darkening somewhat, I saw it best to try at least.

“I… I love them. They’re so big. So huge, I can’t believe they’re even real.”

“Good. More.” Julianna replied, a slight breathlessness coming over her previously calm demeanour. Her eyes were now closed.

“I’ve wanted to touch these for so long. I’ve thought about them every night, thought about you. How beautiful you are. How unbelievable you look, all the time. I never in my dreams imagined I would actually get to…”

“Go on.” She continued, now talking only in between sharp gasps of air. “Tell me more. What do you think about me?”

She was panting now, as if my mere words were causing exertion in her in some way.

“I don’t even know what to think. I can’t understand it. No one can. How you are this perfect? So beautiful, so tall, so smart. You’re like a woman from another planet. How is any of this possible? And your tits… Oh my god.”

I pressed my fingers in further.

“More.” She yelled, throwing her head backwards.

“I-I don’t know what you want!”

“Do you masturbate to the thought of me?”

“Yes! Of course, I do! You’re incredible, Julianna. A goddess. You might be the most amazing woman in the entire world.”

“Ughhhhh” she cried out with a deafening wail. The light from her body shone so brightly that I had to cover my eyes.

After concluding a long, visceral moan, Julianna finally threw her head forward again and looked down at me from above. My hands were on autopilot now, just continuing to vigorously play with her enormous soft masses, occasionally reaching down into her dress to get closer to them. She paused to inspect the way I was attempting to jiggle and toss them around in my hands, and briefly joined me to squeeze other parts of the flesh in between her own fingers.

Apparently satisfied with my attempt, she then crouched down so that her face was at a level with mine. Her skin was now gleaming so brightly that she looked more like a being made of pure light than a human woman. Her eyes had changed colours once again but were no longer even recognisable as such—her irises transformed into two iridescent portals of pure colour that changed from green to magenta to red and then blue with every blink. Although throughout all of this I had continued to fondle her breasts in an unmistakably sexual manner, she had yet to touch me in any way that could have been interpreted as anything remotely intimate. I still couldn’t understand what her game was here, but it was obviously far too late to ask questions. I was no longer even sure I knew what this woman was.

“Are you scared, Carlos?” She asked calmly.

“No.” I replied, “I mean. Sort of. I’m also very turned on. It’s a confusing feeling.”

“Good. Do you want to have sex with me then?”

“Yes,” I replied straightforwardly, not leaving even a second’s pause for any stupid rational thoughts to catch up.

Thinking that I finally knew what it was that she wanted, I instinctively stepped forward to kiss her on mouth which was only inches away from my own. But before I could reach her she brought up one glowing finger, and placed it gently over my lips, stopping me in my tracks. It was scorching hot against my skin, and far larger than I expected it to be.

“No. Tell me.” She spoke in a half-whisper.

“Tell you what?”

“What you want to do to me.”

I tried to muster some kind of thoughtful response but ended up just letting the words fall out as they came to me.

“I… I don’t know… I want to fuck you so bad. I’ve wanted nothing more than that for years. Even just to touch you. Kiss you perhaps. God, I just want to touch all of that incredible body of yours. I want to make love to you.”

“Love? Really? Doesn’t sound like love, Carlos.” She boomed all of a sudden, her voice rising in volume and lowering in pitch in an instant.

Julianna then began to stand up again. As she did, her bosom escaped from my grip and rose up far above my head and out of my reach. Only then did I realise that the breasts I had been trying my best to play with in my hands were much, much larger than the ones I remembered grabbing a hold of. In fact, it seemed all of Julianna had grown in size while she had been crouching and I had failed to notice it. When she straightened her back and erected herself to her full height again my eyes were drawn upwards to the sky, only stopping when her head came to a rest a good several feet above the height she once was. I stepped back and swallowed sharply. The woman was now in excess of eight or perhaps nine feet tall—her stomach level with my eyes. Her breasts were also substantially larger, even in comparison to her new stature, and looming just above my head. All while this was happening her body continued to exude its unnatural glow, which due to her new immense size was now bathing the field around us in an undulating light show of multicoloured beams.

“Julianna!” I cried out. “What the fuck is happening right now!? What is this? You’re not human, are you?”

The woman laughed deeply, her voice even more sonorous than before, it reverberated through the ground and up into my bones.

“Sort of. I’m a Siren, Carlos.”

“What the hell is that?” I yelled, shaking my head in disbelief, “You mean… Like a real Siren? From mythology, or whatever? That sailors find at sea?”

“Are we at sea?”

“No, but… come on, you know what I mean.”

Julianna chuckled “Yes. A bit like that.”

“But what does that even mean? This isn’t real, right? I don’t understand. Why are you so big all of a sudden? And why are you glowing like that? I feel like I’m about to go blind if I keep looking at you any longer.”

“Oh you’ll be worse than blind if you do, I’m afraid.”

Without waiting for a reply, Julianna inhaled deeply and leant backwards as far as she could, eventually crashing to the ground on her back. Though she shook the Earth around me as she landed, the grass caught her fall somehow—the short tendrils experiencing a rush of explosive growth, enough to craft a tangled nest in time for her to lie back in. Once she had come to a rest she propped herself upright, with her legs splayed open, inviting me in. Her dress, that at first had seemed to grow alongside her, was now gradually dissolving into her skin, revealing her entire body naked before me. All I saw now was an awaiting vulva watching me ominously up ahead.

Lying back on her low grassy throne in front of me, and with her feet placed flat on the ground, I could tell she had grown even further. I walked towards her cautiously, finding myself no taller than her knee now. From around one side of her legs I could also see that her breasts had also continued to outpace both the rest of her body and had now tumbled off her body. They gathered up into two heavy heaps each resting half in her lap, and half on the ground either side of her.

“Tell me what is going on!” I shouted, tugging at my hair, more out of fear than anything else, “I really feel like I’m losing it here!”

Julianna began to laugh once again and with each successive intake of breath, more beams of intense light shone out from different parts of her nude body. I could see all around her that the once lifeless grass was bursting with new growth—tiny multicoloured flowers dotted the ground at her feet and large leafy ferns were bursting forth from the perimeter where her breasts met the ground.

“It’s you, Carlos.” Julianna began, "This is all because of you. Because of your lust. I feed on it. It gives me my power. The way you people lust over me from a distance is usually enough to sustain me most days, but sometimes I just want to take it all the way with someone like you. Really drink it in. You can see what it does to me. This feels as good as it looks. Honestly, I’ve never managed to get this big before. You must really want me.”

“What do you want with me though? Please, whatever it is I’ll do it. Just don’t hurt me.”

“Don’t you listen?” Julianna boomed, leaning forward so she could look at me closer, standing meekly between her legs. “It’s not about what I want. It’s what you want. Every lustful thought you have about me just makes me bigger and stronger. And I want more. I want you to submit to your desires, Carlos. To feed me… Now, I could continue to ask you what those are, but I see there’s no point. I know how much you want me.”

Without waiting for my permission Julianna reached down and wrapped one giant glowing hand around my body. I watched my clothes turn to cinders and disintegrate away from my body due to the scorching heat radiating from her hand. Although my clothes were gone in seconds, she seemed to be able to stop herself from burning my skin if she so desired, and I was left unharmed, this time.

The next thing I felt was being lowered down towards her naked figure, my body now only half the length of her torso. She placed me in between her breasts, which had swollen to sizes exceeding double-decker buses. Even though they now spilled out across the ground on either side of her, they were so large that they comfortably engulfed most of her chest and even her lap as well. Once I was safely lying on her stomach, nestled in between the tops of her breasts, she then used her arms to compress more of them down around me. I felt myself be entirely submerged, surrounded on all sides by soft walls. But despite having been swallowed up into this fleshy prison, I could still see everything around me as clear as day, the little available space illuminated like the inside of a bulb from the light pouring out of every inch of her skin.

I squinted through the blinding light. Up close, her flesh was unlike any human’s—she had no freckles, hairs, or even veins to speak of. But when I really inspected it, I noticed that it was not completely featureless. There were blurry pockets of colour moving and shifting around a few centimetres underneath her skin. Emeralds, blues, and golds, all twisted and distorted in formless overlapping shapes, never staying still. I did not get to admire the colours for long though because I soon felt the Siren clench her flesh down around me tighter still, her giant breasts squeezing the air from my lungs as they encroached. Just as my life felt about to be squeezed from my body, they receded, only to return once more a few seconds later. In and out, she compressed and released her breasts around my feeble frame, and I felt a little more of my soul escape my body with every successive pulsation.

By the time they finally receded enough to allow me to look down at my naked and bruised body, I could see I was already in the process of ejaculating. My cum spurted out like a dart and struck some nameless section of nearby boobflesh. As the tiny white splatter landed, it caused bolts of lighting to spark out of her skin and wrap both me and the Siren in spindles of electricity. I felt my entire body shudder, causing me to lose my balance and fall backwards out of her cleavage. l landed with a thump on her hard stomach. The vast entities that were Julianna’s breasts parted and revealed her smiling face once again. It shone down on me brightly, like the full moon rising between two gleaming mountains.

From all of the light bursting from Julianna’s giant body, I could only imagine the scene this must have been creating around us. But looking across the field from my elevated position, it seemed as tranquil as when we had arrived. Julianna leant forwards again so she could look at me up close, lying naked and shrivelled on her stomach like a discarded rag. I was unable to keep track of her growth, but she seemed to have become even larger than when she first picked me up.

I tried to gauge her emotion, her face was somehow both exactly the same yet even more beautiful and impossible to read due to its cosmic size. Locks of black and turquoise hair were flailing wildly all around her head as if submerged underwater. Occasionally more bolts of lightning would spark up in random places, and sparkle across parts of her face and hair. Her eyes were now spinning kaleidoscopes. Thousands of colours spiralled around her irises, many of which I couldn’t name like interlopers from beyond the visible spectrum. Her eyes beamed even more brightly than her body and caused complicated patterns of light to flicker across her body and mine. Yet besides all this terrifying splendour, the Siren’s aura was somehow matriarchal in a way that assuaged all fear I might have had.

The enormity and incomprehensible beauty of the creature I was lying on made her impossible to resist. The only thought going through my mind was a desire to submit to her. To make love to her. To give her everything I had. I had to find a way to do it, somehow. I knew that was what I wanted, it was what I had always wanted. But ironically it was now more unattainable than it had ever been.

Seeing there were very few options available to me, I simply began to kiss her. I lay down on my front and I kissed whatever parts of the Siren’s skin I could reach. Her flesh had an intense and sweet-smelling aroma. It tasted in a way like every fruit I had ever tried all mixed into one. Yet when I touched her with my tongue, her body gave me a sharp numbing shock as if to punish me for the transgression. But still, I kissed her. Over and over again. With every successive kiss, I felt like I was leaving more of myself behind. Each time it became harder to wrench my lips from her skin again. It was like her body contained a vacuum that meant to suck my very essence inside of it through porous skin. I tried to call out to tell her how much I loved her, but the noise that left my mouth was nothing more than a rasping death rattle.

After only a few kisses I was already exhausted. All my energy and will had evaporated away, slipped like water through my fingers. Though in its place was a new feeling. I sensed myself being called elsewhere. So struggling onwards with what little remained of my strength, I turned myself 180 degrees around and crawled down her stomach towards her open legs. I could still hear her laughing in the background but time itself felt as if it had slowed. Her voice caused the surface on which I was lying to lurch up and down, but I clung on as best I could. Julianna had grown so much now that even her navel took several successive heaves of my body to reach. But I knew where to go. At last, I knew what I wanted. And I was going to take it.

Finally, I reached the edge, I crawled on my hands and knees through the foliage that had sprouted up all around her crotch. Dense patches of grass and broad-leafed plants were bursting from her skin in place of pubic hair, and growing ever larger before my eyes. There were even some blooming orchids exuding their pleasant perfume, as well as vines that crept off of the edge of her body and dangled down into the emptiness beyond. I knew what lay there. I could hear it even as I came, but could only now see it as I neared the edge. Between her legs, a powerful waterfall had emerged. A rush of water coursed out her body from a source unseen and cascaded to the ground, 15 feet below me. It kicked up a cold spray into my face, and an impressive rainbow formed when the vapour caught the eery light that burst out of the Siren’s skin. With my destination in sight, I knew that what energy remained within me might be enough to fulfil my final desire, but little else.

I tested the rushing water with my hand at first. The current was so strong that there was a chance I would not be able to fight it back, but the water felt cool and inviting. The oppressive heat coming from the giantess had caused a thick layer of sweat to form all over my body, so I was desperate for refreshment. I took one last look back at the Siren’s face and swallowed my fear. With a final sharp intake of air, I slipped off the edge. I pushed back the torrent of water roaring from her vulva, forcing my body into the source.

I fell in, and the world dissolved away. I felt myself freed at last. No pain, no anxiety. Nothing. An eternal black void with only the last rays of light from the Siren’s body reflecting off of the interior of my eyes. But then they faded too. After a while, the only sensation I could hold on to was the sound of Julianna’s voice—unintelligible cries echoing in what remained of my ears.

-

When I finally awoke I felt very different. I tried to determine if I had been hurt during the hallucination I had suffered last night, but surprisingly I felt fine. Good—energised, even. But as I lay there staring upwards at the cloudless morning sky, I realised that I could not feel anything at all. I was unable to move.

Only a few minutes later did my vision change. I sensed my eyes blink involuntarily, followed by the sensation of being pulled upright by something. I was sitting in the centre of a vast pasture, lined on all sides by dense palisades of pine trees. Only a low stone wall broke the line of the trees at one side, with a small dirt path leading up a hill towards a house behind it. The field all around me was half-flooded with water, and the grass flattened to the point of unrecognisability, as if something vast and colossally heavy had crushed it back into the Earth.

I tried to use my arms to feel around my environment, but soon realised I could not. In fact, I could not even confirm that my arms, or my body, existed. Everything that was happening seemed out of my control. But just then, I sensed myself be lifted up into a standing position. My eye level rose up from the ground and when it reached its peak, a long and satisfied sigh erupted from my mouth. The voice that I heard was not my own. It was a woman’s.

Then, my head tipped forward, and what I saw nearly made me want to cry out in horror. Instead of my familiar pudgy male body, all I could see were two enormous breasts attached to my chest. They were terrifying in size, compressed to the point of suffocation inside a tight dress that was patterned with purple nebulae and stars. I could see to my left and right that locks of black and turquoise hair were falling across my shoulders and collar bone, but the breasts were so huge that I could not see any of my body beyond them.

The entire world then began to somersault. I felt myself tip forwards, but just before I crashed head first into the ground I stopped. My hands then emerged in front of me. On their own accord, they grabbed a pair of large black stilettos that were stuck half-embedded in the sodden ground. My hands inspected the shoes for while, compared them against my feet, and then eventually tossed them aside when it was clear they were several sizes too small.

I realised then that some feeling was returning to my body, only it was nothing I recognised. I felt keenly the annoying way that the masses of boob restricted my ability to fully bend down to get the shoes. I then felt their immense weight pull on my back when I stood up again. Yet, somehow, I managed it. Despite the incredible size of the two giant sacks of flesh that I was now forced to carry in front of me, I was stable. I then felt myself begin to walk forward, swinging my slender arms to and fro casually, as if the poorly distributed weight of my body was something I knew instinctively how to manoeuvre. My alarming lack of autonomy over my actions aside, I felt comfortable. This foreign body I was in was certainly much too large, but it actually felt surprisingly light. And strong. I felt stronger, in fact, than I could ever remember being.

I was in motion now. My body walked forward against my will, with my head glancing around to check its surroundings. Someone was using my hands for me, using them to touch various parts of my body. They squished the sides of my boobs together and then tugged at my dress to ensure what little of my body it was able to conceal was still doing the job.

I then reached the far edge of the field. My long legs stepped over the high stone wall with ease, but I then ran into more trouble with the low branches that dangled over the path leading up the hill. Finally, I reached the familiar marble balustrade of the frat house, and I stepped through the gate. The garden was a mess—red cups, empty bottles, and various other pieces of unidentifiable trash were strewn all over the place. The surface of the swimming pool was peppered with items of discarded clothing too. The only soul in sight was a shirtless man still passed out on one of the deck chairs.

I could hear voices coming from inside the house, so I walked toward them. Reaching the half-open French windows, I felt myself step through. My body seemed too large for the doorway though, meaning it was forced to bend over to fit inside. Once again I sensed the colossal weight of my chest pull down on my back, but my legs and back held strong enough to take it.

Inside was a similar state of ruin. More boys lying unconscious on sofas, and some on the floor as well. Two of them were awake but looked especially haggard. They had lit up a joint and were passing it slowly between them. I watched them as their sunken eyes followed me walking in a stooped configuration across the room. In that instant, I suddenly felt a foreign but powerful aura of warmth and pleasure enter my body from their direction. I wanted to double over from the intensity of the sensation but my body kept walking forward regardless. The feeling was frightening in its unfamiliarity at first, but unquestionably pleasurable—like a glorious, satiating nectar was being beamed invisibly through the air and then absorbed through every pore of my awaiting body. I felt my lungs inflate slowly to take it in. “Was she always that tall?” One of the boys said. “Jesus, her jugs look massive today,” said the other. Somehow I could hear them from across the room, and without them needing to open their mouths.

My body craned itself through the living room door and out into a spacious hallway that I was able to stand upright in. A few sorority girls were preening themselves in the mirror beside the front door, attempting to smear the previous night’s makeup into something presentable. I felt myself approach them from behind and look into the mirror. The face of Julianna stared back at me. Her stunning visage—with its usual implacable expression, impossible to read—was where my reflection should have been. Unlike the girls down below me, somehow all of her makeup was as immaculately applied as the night prior. Her shimmering black and turquoise hair fell down in perfect clean strands across her shoulders whereas theirs was matted and dirty.

Julianna and I looked down at the girls for a moment in unison, but quickly returned to the reflection when we realised they were invisible beneath the canopy of her chest. The three girls were so short that Julianna’s ginormous bosom came close to scraping the tops of their heads, a fact they were all clearly aware of. The girls shifted around uncomfortably to try and pull away from the imposing female body that towered over them. “Fuck, I forgot how huge this bitch was,” one of them said wordlessly as she averted her eyes from the mirror. I tried, but wasn’t able to receive the same nourishing warmth from her that I had from the boys. Only one of the girls in the group gave me that sensation—the one whose gaze remained transfixed on my breasts. “Oh God, just let me touch you. Please. Just once.” she thought.

Out in the street, I found myself in a state of peacefulness as I had never experienced before. Though I was no longer in control of my actions, just a mute and inert observer of everything that was happening to me, I was nevertheless fully experiencing every thought, feeling and sensation passing through my host like they were my own. I felt the Siren’s pleasure and elation as she strode confidently down the road. The cool morning breeze on our skin, the hard pavement under our bare feet. I could feel the tight dress constricting our body and digging into the flesh, but it was not unpleasant—it only reminded me of its majestic size. Most of all though I felt at ease. My mind could think thoughts with a clarity and precision that I hadn’t imagined possible. Unclouded by worries, anxieties, or confusion, everything made sense. The inner workings of the world were apparent—obvious, even.

Soon, I found myself on a busy suburban road—the campus, and my dormitory lay off towards the far end, and all alongside me were students leaving their houses and apartments to take the same early-morning journey. They were all so small, I thought. Even the basketball players walking along in their sneakers and athletic gear were two heads shorter than I. It seemed to upset them when they saw me.

I could hear various students talking silently behind my back. Wondering why I was still in my dress at this time in the morning, if I was taking the walk of shame. They wondered how tall I was, or if I had always been this tall. Some boys would think nasty, venomous thoughts about all the things they would do to my body if they got the chance. Images of my naked breasts flickered through their mind’s eyes, occasionally with their stunted penises being swallowed up inside my cleavage. They imagined the noises I might make if I allowed them to penetrate me. If, despite my strength and stature, I might submit to them like any other girl. Oddly enough, these were the thoughts I loved the most. The sicker they were, or the more pitiful the thinker, the more excited they made me feel. That strange nourishing sensation returned every time. It filled me with some dark emotion I was unable to pinpoint exactly—activating a sense I could not name.

As I walked towards the campus I made sure to look down at all the boys having those thoughts about me. I ignored them for the most part—I was content enough to bask in the despicable things that went through their minds as they watched me stride quickly past and overtake them. But every so often, I would catch the attention of a different sort of boy, one whose desires lay buried deeper. With those boys, I would slow slightly, enough time to look down and offer a sultry flutter of my eyelids, before walking on, my hair blowing in the wind behind me.