Eric Foltin

What is the best excuse you have heard lately? If I had to pick the best excuse I’ve heard lately, it’s got to be, “It’s my emotional support animal.” Funny how every trip to Walmart or the grocery store suddenly feels like a visit to the county fair. There are dogs everywhere. The signs on the front door clearly say No Pets, but apparently reading has become an advanced skill. The magic phrase…

There are a lot of things you expect to see when you live in eastern Ohio. Rain. Snow. Humidity that feels like you’re wearing a wet blanket. Allergies trying to assassinate you every spring. What you don’t expect is to walk outside, look up, and realize the sky looks like somebody turned the world’s brightness down to about 40%. These photos weren’t taken during a foggy morning. It wasn’t low…

If you had to be an animal for a week, which one would you be and why? If I had to come back as an animal for a week, I’d pick a dog without thinking twice. Specifically, one of my dogs. Those furry freeloaders have life completely figured out while the rest of us are paying bills, answering emails, and pretending meetings couldn’t have been handled with a sticky note. Their biggest daily crisis…

Do you think we’re shaped more by our experiences or by who we are? I think people love pretending it’s one or the other because humans have an unhealthy relationship with making everything a damn team sport. Nature versus nurture. This or that. Pick a side. Reality doesn’t care about your neat little categories. It’s both. Always has been. Every experience you go through leaves a mark. Getting…

What’s a piece of technology you’re convinced will exist in 20 years? If there’s one piece of technology I’m convinced we’ll all be wearing in 20 years, it’s AI earbuds. Not just earbuds for music. That’s old news. I’m talking about earbuds that become your damn brain’s sidekick. You put them in when you wake up, and they stay there until bedtime. They’ll probably outsmart half the people you…

Which book have you read more than any other? Humanity keeps acting like everyone has that one book they’ve read fifteen times. The Bible. The Lord of the Rings. 1984. Some dog-eared paperback that’s apparently become part of their personality. Meanwhile, I’m over here looking at a bookshelf like it’s decorative furniture. Books and I have reached a mutual agreement. They leave me alone, and I…

This weekend was proof that you don’t have to spend a thousand bucks or drive halfway across the country to have a good time. Friday was dedicated to doing absolutely jack shit. No errands. No projects. No pretending I was going to “be productive.” The internet keeps trying to convince us every second of our lives has to be optimized. Screw that. I sat around, relaxed, and somehow the Earth kept…

Are you a lifelong learner? I consider myself a lifelong learner, and honestly, I don’t understand people who aren’t. There is always something new to discover. It might be technology, history, cooking, woodworking, photography, or just a better way to do something you’ve been doing the same way for years. Learning keeps life interesting. The day you decide you know enough is the day you start…

What’s one habit that has improved your life the most? The habit that’s improved my life the most was finally learning to stop carrying everyone else’s problems and working myself into the ground. For a long time I thought staying busy and always being available made me a better person. It didn’t. It just made me tired, stressed, and wondering where all my free time disappeared. I spent years…

There are days when Mother Nature politely reminds you who’s actually in charge. Then there are days like today, when she looks at a road, shrugs, and says, “Nah, that’s a creek now.” I came around a bend and found what used to be a perfectly normal road completely swallowed by muddy water that was moving way faster than I was willing to test. Somewhere there’s probably a GPS still insisting,…

What’s a chapter of your life you’d title “The Hard Years” — and what got you through it? If I had to name a chapter of my life, it’d be The Hard Years. Hell, if I’m being honest, that chapter lasted almost my whole damn life. The last twelve years have been the best years I’ve ever had. Everything before that? It felt like life kept looking at me and saying, “Let’s see what else this guy can…

People always ask, “How do you give them away?” Simple answer? You don’t. You just do it anyway. This little goofball heads to his forever home today, and that’s exactly how it’s supposed to end. That’s the whole point of fostering. You patch them up, spoil them rotten, teach them that people aren’t all terrible, and then hand them off to a family that’s been waiting for them. It still…

What’s a book you think deserves a sequel? If I had to pick one book that deserves a sequel, it’d be my autobiography. Minor problem. I haven’t written the first one yet. The first book would mostly be me trying to survive while the universe keeps throwing random garbage at me like it’s running some kind of twisted game show. Chapter 1: Trusting people. Mistake. Chapter 2: Trusting people…

What villain actually had a good point? I’ve been thinking about this, and I keep coming back to the same answer. Magneto. Don’t get me wrong. The guy went completely off the rails. Every inconvenience didn’t need to end with metal flying through the air and half the planet getting threatened. But if you ignore all the comic book insanity for a minute, the guy understood people. That’s what…

What’s a lesson that took you far too long to learn? The lesson that took me way too long to learn wasn’t how to fix a car, pay bills, or survive adulthood without a manual. It was this: never completely trust anyone. That sounds harsh, but life has a way of sanding off the shiny optimism you started with. Friends disappear. Family lets you down. Relationships change. People make promises they…

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? If I could live anywhere in the world, I’d still stay in the United States. I’ve got no urge to learn a new language, convert currency every time I buy a cheeseburger, or figure out why every electrical outlet looks like it came from a different dimension. Just point me west and drop me somewhere in Colorado. I’ve been there enough to…