ai yo

ahahah..... hey..... sorry anon i barely go here （；´д｀）ゞ

hahaha hey anon i’m sorry it took so long to answer this..... are you still there....

anyway yes!

i can’t read it but from what i remember the gist of it is basically

“pls stop eruri fanservice”

“what fanservice??? whether you like it or not, do you think isayama draws stuff just for fanservice? perhaps it’s love/hate but pls calm down”

“oOOooH omg so eruri is love/hate how dramatic omg the fangirls must LOOOOVE that huh! you’re totally doing fanservice!”

levi’s words sound beautiful but the sentiment behind it is SO SAD. the world ISN’T innocent, it’s full of hate and death and anger. and he says “it won’t have been worth what they’d devoted” that’s so fucking depressing lmao. literally “i’m glad you died so you wouldn’t have to face the truth of this shitshow.”

the way he said “our” role as if he hadn’t been right there doing shit for four whole years on his own. no, instead he’s tying himself to erwin. talking as if he’d died with him. wow this is such a cheerful monologue guys!!!! 🙃 please can someone confirm if all this was really in the original jp.

and the rest is generic “welp we the old guard gotta pave way for the kiddies” which..... way to segue into that after what you just said, levi. tbh i don’t have strong feelings about succession, dreamy erwin eyes or no. before the rumbling i found everyone’s efforts to secure a genocide-free future very lacking, and now that CONTINENTS worth of people are dead, stuff like ~entrusting the future~ doesn’t get to me emotionally when it seemed no one worked enough for an alternative.

so levi delivered the kids with the nice sparkly eyes to that nice sparkly ocean... where they saw their superpowered friend suggest global genocide and errybody just kinda. shrugged it off. ok. 😬 even if they stopped the rumbling in the next three seconds, instead of feeling inspired by their efforts i’m more cynically depresso over the countless others who died in the process.

oh darn, guess i’m no better than levi in the end

....................anyway

Levi comes aware to the feel of the pen being slipped from his fingers, and a warmth suddenly replacing the slight chill of the autumn afternoon.

“Ah, I’ve disturbed you.”

“’S fine.” Levi uncurls himself from Erwin’s dinky bedroom table, then tugs the jacket back over his shoulders when Erwin attempts to take it away. Judging by the light he’d only been out for a few minutes, an acceptable enough lapse. “I wasn’t planning to nap anyway. Filling out this shit’s just so boring my mind rejected it.”

Requisition forms, always more requisition forms. Fucking fussy government pigs. No wonder he fell asleep.

“Or maybe your body needed it, with how hard you’ve pushed yourself lately.”

“I know how to take care of myself, Erwin.”

“Of course,” Erwin says mildly, “but whenever you feel bored again there’s a perfectly serviceable bed just a few feet away. For you to relax in.”

“It’s only perfectly serviceable because I make it for your sloppy ass.”

“And as payment for the service, you are granted rights to use it freely like you already do every other piece of furniture in this room.”

“I hate your bed, Erwin.”

“Is there anything actually wrong with it, Levi?”

“It’s comfortable.”

“Yes.” Amusement seeps into his tone. “Ideally, beds should be comfortable, so one can sleep in them.”

“Tch.”  

Erwin’s bed is not just comfortable, it’s big for someone like Levi. And warm, and smells like Erwin. Levi runs his hand along the smooth sheets, sometimes, on the days Erwin is too busy to tidy up and leaves it a half-rumpled mess for Levi to fix. That’s all the indulgence he allows himself, that feels safe. To actually use it, to lie there and breathe in the scent of Erwin… that’s asking for trouble. Levi’s in too much of it to go looking for more.

Levi turns his attention back to the papers. “Anyway, I’m busy. Some of us have work that won’t get done by sleeping in beds.”

“Oh… yes. They’re calling on you now.” Erwin says, looking into the distance and suddenly so solemn Levi wonders if he’s gotten into another clash with the higher ups. “Though I wish I could relieve you of such a great burden.”

Levi snorts. “Begging nicely for supplies sticks in my craw but it’s not a great burden. Neither is whatever stupid party trick they’re going to ask for next.”

Erwin reaches out, and Levi moves to give the papers to him but Erwin’s hand glides past them towards Levi’s face.

“Levi. We’ve run out of time.”

“What.”

Erwin’s cupping his cheek. Levi’s brain freezes.

“Thank you for connecting us here. For cherishing these memories. I wish we had time for me to express who unutterably proud of you I am, how grateful—”

“Erwin?” This can’t be happening. This isn’t—

“More than anything, I wish I could shelter you like this. But you’re not really here yet.” Erwin’s thumb traces a line across his cheek and it’s everything Levi has ever wanted except for the part where Levi is terrified because Erwin’s having a massive psychotic break.

“What the bloody fucking hell, Erwin, did you hit your fucking head—”

“I wish we could let you sleep a little longer.”

Sunlight streams in from the window, perfect and golden, bathing Erwin in light. It hurts to looks at. Levis eyes are burning— it’s from the glare—

“I’m so sorry.”

“No.”

“Levi,” Erwin says. He’s so terribly gentle. “You know what you have to do.”

Levi shuts his eyes. He doesn’t want—

“You have to wake up.”

He doesn’t— he doesn’t—

Levi wakes up.

“Captain!” shrieks Connie. Grit has stuck on the dried tear tracks on his face. Over his shoulder Levi can see the huge spires of bone, marching implacably onward. Somewhere in there is a neck with a string of bombs wrapped around it.

“Captain, are you alright!?”

look i do think his idea has logic and it’s not just erwin he dedicates his promise to but levi’s fixation on killing zeke is still so hilarious sorry.

like the MINUTE he had the justification it was “WELP time to guillotine the gorilla” and throughout all these chapters he never let up. like the time he told erwin to stay behind, there’s a strategic point that would help save humankind but also it’s just something he really wants personally, all wrapped up in erwin. it’s so funny and sad and gay 💀❤

i talk about it flippantly (bc it hurts lol) but it’s not that i want levi dead bc i think traumatized people can’t recover and be happy.

it’s bc the snk verse is awful and i do not have the confidence that any main left standing is even gonna be given the opportunity to try. like the world can be beautiful sometimes but it’s also super cruel and actually.... is literally in the process of being genocided by the MC.... it’s turned out to be that kind of story. in comparison, after framing death as relief earlier in the manga, yams has presented their dead comrades looking peaceful in some kind of afterlife.

so what do i want for levi who is already suffering constantly, more torture or for him to finally be free of the violence and reunited with everyone, especially erwin? i want levi to be able to take a break from this desperate struggle and the burden he carries asap, especially if there’s a possibility that the afterlife is paths fuckery and it MIGHT disappear if anything happens to og ymir/the founding titan.

i don’t always agree with snk/yam’s philosophies. and things miiiight not end up too grim but right now this really is the kindest option i see for him in the context of this particular story and also the option that still allows for the eruris to kiss, so....

2020 notice: i am still putting this up now this because it makes me laugh cry. and because, though certain persons are probably gone and will never see this, there you go.

erwin is so curious and thirsty for knowledge and a SKEPTIC!!! about the shit he reads! that’s what kickstarted his whole plotline if only he weren’t dead, he’s definitely not going to just go swallow grisha’s words lol.

bc if this were some other manga i’d be fairly sure that eren wouldn’t inherit his dad’s ideas & instead acknowledge both sides have done legit terrible deeds in the past, but still try and fix things with minimal bloodshed etc

but eren is... well. “if i know the truth will i know where direct this rage inside me” hahahaaa. i kind of don’t think he’ll want to continue his father’s fight, but after all this i’m not sure he WON’T, either. legitimately unsure. & eren has the power of the coordinate.... also everything yams hinted before....

....is this where the armin vs eren conflict will begin in earnest lmao

anyway! but erwin is dead, so. which other remaining characters will sue for peace negotiations (HANGE MY LOVE??) & will they get their way? idk where levi’s place is in this decision-making process but i will laugh sadly for 10000000 years if he somehow ends up being “sure but i still gotta kill zeke ok” or worse, is ok with some more fighting as it will facilitate that damn vow. (i would never have entertained this thought seriously before, but i never entertained him deliberately & consciously prioritizing erwin with humanity at stake either and look what happened)

Levi watches them go, sometimes. The Wings of Freedom ripple on their backs as they stream out the walls. He wonders what it’s like to fly the gear outside, with the world spread before you, wide open sky. Garrison soldiers rarely take to the air.

But he watches too as they come back. If their shaken, defeated postures aren’t enough to put him off wondering, the sight of a frantic mother searching for her child among the survivors would easily strangle any curiosity he had left. He can’t put Kuchel through that, nor Kasimir.

And there’s Erwin. Erwin who’d almost enlisted years ago despite everyone’s protests. Who’s still friends with Hange, furtively discussing blasphemies about the fucking Walls, who never quite lost that hungry gleam in his eye. Even now Levi gets chills thinking about it. For all Erwin’s intelligence, he isn’t like Levi. He’s soft, trusting, with the survival instincts of a lemming. If Erwin joins, he knows, Erwin will die.

Levi slams his blades into the wall on either side of Erwin Smith’s godforsaken neck. Wooden splinters fly from the force of it.

“Where the fuck,” he spits, “is Eren Jaeger?”

Erwin doesn’t even flinch. His eyes look strangely dead. “In the hands of better people than you or I.”

Levi yanks one of the blades out, presses it to Erwin’s throat, against his beating pulse. “There’s no way in hell you’ve given him up. Where. Is. He.”

“You really can’t torture his location out of me. You can torture me, but I made sure to know nothing about his arrangements once he left my hands. Anything I say will just be the pain talking.”

“Don’t you fucking start playing that game with me--”

“This is no game. I’ve,” Erwin lets out an uneven, shuddering breath. “I’ve been wrong, I see that now. Not about the government, but everything else. Refused to see past my own pain... but I can’t afford to keep doing that anymore. Not with these stakes. That little boy is humanity’s only chance of survival. You’re not getting him, or any of Grisha’s research. It was the least I could do to help, Levi. You’ve come here for nothing.

“Except me. You can bring my body back to Rod, for all the good that will do you now. They’ll make a scapegoat out of you too, if you return.” Erwin’s voice is thick with bitterness.

“You’re just-- giving up?” Levi can’t believe that. He won’t believe that. After all these fucking years--

“I’m sorry, Levi,” Erwin says, and for a split second the bitterness gives way to that damnable, damnable hint of affection in his eyes again-- “this is it, I’m afraid.”

-

the mp verse (x)

“i fooled myself”

so i had like a dumb dramatic follow-up to this about how erwin obviously feels guilty because he thinks he’s betrayed the SC by doing this for his own dreams but he’s implied that there were instances where be got carried away into the heroism of the sc creed

(and of course he frames this as ~*~ deceiving himself~*~ rather than genuine care for humankind’s fate because erwin smith is unable to perceive himself in a positive light ever BUT ANYWAY. i digress.)

and now HE CONSCIOUSLY TALKS ABOUT WANTING TO GO TO THE BASEMENT SO MUCH THEN TURNS AROUND AND RACES TOWARDS ZEKE ROCKS WHY CAN’T YOU JUST

no actually i just like like how histora asserts herself, throws levi’s words back at him and he’s like “we have no time for this fINE YOU CAN COME ALONG UGH!!!”

yeah sorry can’t hear ya over all me GLEEFUL YET PAINED SCREAMING

but seriously i love the flavor of eruri “~fanservice~” in the manga because this tends to be integral to their characters and their plot. it’s not just something that can be dismissed out of hand lol there’re real strong feelings here!!! bone-deep!!!!!

hell even the supplemental material! like damn the sexy promo art is sweet, but the bulk of their so-called “~pandering~” isn’t posters or random merch that doesn’t really mean anything to the story. instead it’s guidebook info, character profiles, spinoffs acknowledged and referenced in the manga, short stories that (whatever your opinion of their canonicity/content) the publishers are quick to assure people are super careful to be true to canon guys!! look we got close supervision from isayama-sensei & everything!!! we swear!!1! & to be bundled with manga releases. there’s real meat to these. it’s actual information, characterization, whether people decide to engage with these extras or not.

it hurts how erwin just... absorbs the hate and insults and negative judgements people throw his way. and it’s totally fucking unjustified???? and conversely he never fires hate and judgement back?????? he always has a certain respect for others?

even when he says grim things like “humanity will never stop fighting itself” i never got a sense of contempt from him, it was more like, that was just a fact (which i agree with in a non-apocalyptic way, conflict is part of our nature) and something people have to live with.