Ephemeral System

a hometown is a type of dead wife

oh, no, you misunderstand me. those were my monkeys. yeah the circus and i have since parted ways. yeah it was the elephant thing, i dont really want to address that right now though

washing machine time to human time converter online

im a fake fan of everything i like because i cant remember anything

Instead of going to work tomorrow why don’t we all just dig a really deep hole

My understanding is that she’ll be coming around the mountain when she comes

What’s the opposite of Build-A-Bear

I Want That Twink Obliterated

oh i’m sorry would you rather me beat an alive horse?

starting a new fuck/marry/kill called aro/crack/attack where you take three characters and decide who you're making aromantic, whose egg you're cracking, and who you're doing grievous bodily harm

i’m doing really well for someone who goes through the five stages of grief every day

i could be your pet rock. id be very good at it

ive had some time to think and honestly i dont think id be a very good pet rock. i dont know what i was thinking. theres too much anger in me

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

*spits up blood & looks up, smirking* heh, torture me all you like but ill never tell you the answer to the sphinxs riddle, because im stupid as fuck, & dont know it

my mind palace is not up to code

a red string of fate can be a leash. if you're enlightened