just leave me to die: a FFXIV adventure

so y’all probably noticed that i haven’t posted here in… pretty much years. here, or my ffxiv tumblr, or my art tumblr, or… anywhere, really. i think it’s about time i explain why.

tl;dr: ghosting.

i had good friends. really good friends. i loved them to bits, i’d do anything in my power to help them in any way i can. idk if it’s because of past associations or maybe i was too enthusiastic with my care that it became too much, but we ended up distancing. a lot. i don’t blame them in the least– if anything, i blame myself. i ended up falling into a deep depression after that, and while i won’t go into the details, let’s just say it ended with me being in more than one abusive friendship/relationship and i ended up at a point of becoming suicidal.

thankfully, i’ve never acted on such thoughts, but i still had those thoughts. every time i looked at a knife or my mom’s medication, i wondered, ‘…what if…?’. the only thing that kept me from buying a gun was the price. it scared me. it still scares me that i had those thoughts and i couldn’t do anything to fix it because, y’know, getting help costs money. money we can’t afford to throw away. so i suffered in silence. and when i was done with that, i slowly learned and matured, doing my best to pick myself up, piece by piece.

and i think it worked.

i’m happier now. i don’t have many friends, but the few i do confide in are precious to me. i have a girlfriend who i’ve been with for almost a year now, and i love her more than anything. i’m slowly paying off my debts– one will be completely paid off next month. i have a steady, well-paying job, i’ve been going to the gym to lose weight (bc i ended up putting on like 40-50 pounds due to my depression, go figure), i’ve just been working hard to become a me that i can be proud of.

so why the title?

because, in a way, i’m still attached to this tumblr. to my ffxiv tumblr. to my art tumblr. to everything that only gives me bittersweet memories and leaves me in tears at night. and i’m tired. i don’t WANT to cry anymore. i don’t WANT to think of my previous friends and only feel betrayal and self hate. i only want to think of the good times, even if they were forced on their end. so i’m abandoning this tumblr. the ffxiv one. the art one. i’m starting anew.

if y’all are interested, i’ll be over at mothisms. it’s empty now, but i’ll be utilizing it as a catch all, like this tumblr was meant to be. i’ll be using it to post my interests, my artwork, my adventures in ffxiv, my day-to-day life– maybe not so much the last one, i have a twitter for that. you don’t have to come here with me, but if you do, i just have one rule: just be you. just be yourself, like i’m trying to be.

and if you don’t want to follow, that’s perfectly okay. i wish you all the best and that only happiness comes your way. and maybe, one day, our paths will cross again. ‘til then, keep on keeping on.

25 of them. I tried to make them as open as possible to as many character concepts as possible, but apologies if a few of them aren’t applicable to a given character!

When is your character’s nameday? Do they celebrate it? If so, how? Do they pay any heed to the god whose month they were born under? Do they have any happy memories of their namedays in years gone by?

What name does your character go by? How were they given this name - did they choose it themself, earn it through their deeds, get it from their parents, or something else? Do they still go by the same name they were born with? Why or why not? If they renamed themselves, did they change their nameday too?

What is your character’s gender? How do they relate to the concept of gender? Do you have any worldbuilding headcanons about gender in Eorzea, and if so, how does your character fit into them? Did they ever receive boons or face problems over fitting into their expected gender role?

How old is your character? Do they look their age? How do others react to them based on their age? Do they live up to those expectations, or not? Do they wish they were older or younger? Why or why not?

What race is your character? Do they have many friends of the same race? Do they face any prejudice from others over something to do with their race? How do they relate to the concept of “being [their race]”?

What clan is your character from (e.g. Keeper vs Seeker; Xaela vs Raen)? Do they follow the traditions of their clan, or have they struck out on their own? Do they face any prejudice over the clan or race they hail from? Does their clan affect the way they view themself at all?

Where on Hydaelyn did your character grow up? How do they think of the place they spent their childhood? If they still live there, then do they sometimes wish they could move elsewhere? If they don’t, then do they sometimes wish they could go back there?

Where in Eorzea does your character live? Did they grow up there? If not, why did they end up there - did they choose to move there, or were they forced?

Where’s your character’s favourite place in all Eorzea? How often do they get to visit? Why is it their favourite? How about their least favourite - is there anywhere they’re a wanted fugitive, or simply refuse to tread foot?

Is your character affiliated with a Grand Company? If so, which one, and why? What role do they play within it? And what do they think of the other Grand Companies? If not, then do they have any strong opinions about any of the Grand Companies?

Is your character affiliated with a Free Company? If so, which one, and why? What role do they play within it? If not, would they ever join one, or start one themself?

What does your character think of the Twelve? Do they pledge themselves to one of them, worship all of them equally, or not worship any of them at all? Why or why not? What do they think of the different gods?

What does your character know about Primals? Have they ever had direct contact with any of their worshippers?

What is your character’s dayjob? Are they “an adventurer”, or something else? How do they survive from day-to-day?

Is your character proficient with any methods of attack (such as weapons or magic)? If so, which ones, and how did they learn to use them? Do they, or would they ever, own a “job stone”? If not, then is that by choice, or happenstance? Would they learn if circumstances changed?

If your character was injured and needed help, who would they go to? Or would they try to deal with things themselves? Do they have many personal allies and friends in Eorzea, or do they try to stay independent?

What does your character do by way of a hobby? Do they get a lot of “spare time” to pursue things they enjoy, or are they constantly busy with duties or chores? Is there a hobby they wish they could pick up, but can’t for some reason, and if so then what’s stopping them?

What festivals of Eorzea does your character celebrate? Do they have a favourite? How do they go about spreading the festivities? Are there any they avoid - if so, why?

Does your character have a romantic life? If so, why not - lack of opportunities, or lack of interest? If so, what’s it like? How do they think of their love(s), and how does the world view the partnership? Have they, or have they ever thought of, “settling down”? Why or why not?

Does your character have any companions, such as a chocobo or a pet such as is found in the “minions” tab? If so, what are they like? If not, why not, and would they ever want to have one?

Has your character ever met any of the major lore characters, such as the Grand Company leaders, Ishgard’s elite, or the Scions of the Seventh Dawn? If so, in what circumstances, and did they find the meeting positive or negative? If not, are there any they would like to meet; and if so, what would they like to say to them?

Where was your character during the Calamity? Did anything happen to them as a result of the Calamity? If not, why not? If so, what’s the worst thing they lost? Do they feel they’ve recovered after the Calamity, or do they feel they’re still picking up the pieces? Do they believe that the Seventh Astral Era has truly begun?

How does your character view death? Have they ever had to attend a funeral? If they were tasked with organising the funeral for someone, what manner of rites would they have performed? Do they believe in an afterlife? What about the Raise spell - do they believe it can be used, at all, or for the forces of good? Would they consent to being Raised themself?

Has your character ever done something that’s considered illegal in any part of Eorzea? Were they ever caught - and if not, are they fearful of being so? Do they believe what they did was wrong? Do they feel guilty, or vindicated? If they haven’t, then what would it take for them to break the law? Do they consider themself “law-abiding”? Are they afraid of law enforcement, or have they simply not had an opportunity that would be worth breaking the law for yet?

SALT GOT A HOUSE!!!!!! SALT GOT A HOUSE!!!!!! SALT GOT A HOUSE!!!!!!

stargazing on a spring night

Hey guys! I thought I’d so something fun this weekend, so I did my best to sexualize the alphabet and turn it into a headcanon game!

So here’s how it works. You send me a character (or a few), and the corresponding letters that you want me to answer for them!

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex) B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person) D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?) F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual) G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc) H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.) I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)  J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon) K = Kink (One or more of their kinks) L = Location (Favourite places to do the do) M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going) N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc) P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.) Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.) R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.) S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…) T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?) U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make) W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice) X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words) Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?) Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)