Lea wonders what Xemnas would think or say if he knew Lea’s scarcely even able to forgive himself for the things he’s done.  That though he may tell Xemnas to let go and forgive himself,  he knows full well it’s easier said than done. He thinks back on those early days after recompletion, where everything felt so overwhelming, so vast and incomprehensible, the weight of the keyblade in his hand a shackle more than a gift, despite his desire to be able to wield it.  How hard he’d thrown himself into training in order to stop thinking, caring about nothing but his promise, the will to atone and even then —– even after everything’s said and done,  Roxas and Xion and Isa back at his side,  the trust of the other keyblade wielders firmly in his grasp and new friendships to have borne from that entire journey,  he still feels like he hasn’t done enough.  Like the past still clings to him like unwanted baggage he’ll never be rid of. 

They’re both burdened, aren’t they? If only there was a way to convey this to Xemnas without sounding like the biggest hypocrite on earth,  never practicing what he’s ultimately preaching.  And where would he even start? The things he’s done,  had to do,  in the organization and away from it are still topics that feel too heavy on his tongue and too tangled in his brain and heart to start making sense of it. Besides, way things are going now, Xemnas would likely just find a way to blame himself for that,  even though Lea’s aware all of Axel’s choices and betrayals had been his own. Because he’d been selfish. A coward. 

So in the end he simply stays silent, holding Xemnas’ hand and leaving the choice to move closer or keep distance up to his friend, green eyes watching attentively. Xemnas still looks miserable, too small for the size of him. At least the shivering has stopped and his skin doesn’t look three shades of too gaunt any longer. 

The request takes him by surprise, heart skipping a beat as raw affection swells in his lungs and gets caught in his throat. It doesn’t abate even when Xemnas seemingly changes his mind and turns away, and there’s no need to think at all this time when he closes that distance between them one final time.  Nudging Xemnas’ knees up to angle with his own, Lea slings one arm over Xemnas’ side, grabbing hold of his hand again before pressing it against Xemnas’ chest. Heat engulfs them almost instantly, their shared body head amplified beneath the sheets. It’ll get uncomfortable later, and Lea is probably setting him up for a very awkward wake up call getting this close to a naked Xemnas, senses overtaken by his scent, the feel of soft, warm skin, the sound of their tandem breathing as he nuzzles gently into Xemnas’ neck. “ This okay? “ He murmurs like he hadn’t even heard Xemnas’ denial. “ Or y’ can turn around. “ 

As if to make the decision for them, there’s the soft patter of paws on the floor, a sudden dip in the bed as Higgs joins them on the bed, wasting no time to curl himself into a soft ball against Xemnas’ stomach, his weight against Lea’s arm. The soothing sound of purring fills the air around them, paws kneading into the sheets and Lea’s never been more grateful for the cat, for always being there, reaching a part of Xemnas Lea’s not been able to get to yet. “ Well. Looks like you ain’t goin’ anywhere just yet. “ A beat,  “ It’s not a weakness, y’ know? I like being held too when I feel bad. You’re not weak for needin’ company, “ even if he doesn’t think he deserves it. “ Get some rest, okay? “

Sleep becomes the distant whisper that fades into the dark, only a concept so far removed from him that he doubts it’ll be any time soon in which they would become reacquainted. He lays there on the side, staring at the opposite wall where the shadows are still and only the light continues to shift, the silver blue square of moonlight cast from the window that’s cast across the plaster that crosses slowly across the white plane. From its position and the intensity he judges that night could very well cross into morning in a few handful of hours. Guilt again squeezes and twists as a knife deep in his gut, scraping away at his already raw insides. How long had he been here, taking up so much of Lea’s time when it could be better spent finding rest? What had he disrupted through his actions should Lea had plans for tomorrow? How many times had Lea admonished him for his thoughtless and reckless actions?

He moves to sit up and grows still at the sudden presence sliding so near, Lea’s body slotting neatly against him as though they were pieces meant to be together. Fingers dig into the sheets as an arm curls around his middle, that painful grip keeping him from jerking an elbow into the body beside him. Reflex and instinct, both having served him well in combat turning a simple moment shared with a friend into more than it should be. He forces an exhale, eyes squeezed shut as he breathes in Lea’s scent, familiar, comforting. Just as before in the bathroom though he hadn’t expected this when he’d been so certain Lea would turn away or at the very least simply let him go.

Then they are joined again by an unexpected presence though the moment Higgs curls against his belly, warm and welcomed as always, he finally smiles. The soft purrs as comforting as being held, more tangible than the phantom memories that continue to haunt him and taunt him with that was never his though he still mourns that loss. It nearly fills the considerable void that has yawned open in him since his return, when he is meant to be complete yet both his heart and his memory torture him with fragments of a past that he’d so studiously ignored when he’d been nothing.

He no longer has – never has had those moments, but he does have Higgs and he has Lea as a friend, who has refused to let go when Xemnas has never given him a reason to continue with this unbreakable grip. He searches through the dark and the purrs grow, Higgs stretching even closer for Xemnas’ touch, lifting his chin to be scratched at that one perfect spot. He huffs with tired amusement and with that comes the sudden crash of exhaustion. He blinks against it, tries hard not to look at Lea pressed against him, still working so hard to be the steady foundation upon the uneven and breakable ground that he walks.

   “ wait, you made all this? “ lea’s sitting up in bed, blinking perplexed at the breakfast tray placed before him.  “ this looks —— amazing. “ pardon the hint of surprise,  but last time xemnas had tried to make him omelette, he’d spent most of him time crunching around on pieces of egg shell.  @enigmatias​  ~ ♥

    𝐢𝐬𝐚  𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬  𝐭𝐡𝐞  𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 , which  only  causes  his  brows  to  furrow  as  anxiety  starts  to  bubble  in  his  chest  —   there’s  a  percieved  hesitance  to  xemnas’  actions , and  as  sensitive  as  this  situation  is  it’s  no  surprise  that  isa  begins  to  worry  that  the  man  who  he’s  chosen  to  give  his  life  to  would  second  guess  their  decision  previously … that  is  until  xemnas  finally  speaks , and  all  the  anxious  energy  is  sighed  out  in  a  moment .      ❝    i’m  not  exactly  an  expert  on  getting  married  or  proposing , but  i  assume  the  other  ring  is  picked  out  at  a  latter  date ,    ❞    he  admits , lifting  his  hand  to  gently  touch  xemnas’ .   ❝    xemnas …    ❞     his  words  catch  in  his  throat , the  anxiety  coming  back  yet  again  at  his  words , and  a  grimace  begins  to  appear  on  his  mouth .    ❝    you  understand  that  my  conviction  towards  something  i  have  decided  is  hardly  breakable , and  i  had  decided  that  i  would  be  at  your  side  long  before  i  had  the  heart  to  realize  how  much  i  wanted  it . naturally  my  promise  to  stay  at  your  side  has  evolved  with  the  development  of  our  emotional  comprehension , so  you  don’t  need  to  wonder  if  there  is  ever  a  moment  when  i  am  uncertain  about  my  intentions  with  you .    ❞     he  takes  a  deep  breath , moving  his  free  hand  up  so  that  both  hands  cradle  xemnas  hand  that  holds  the  box .      ❝    however  if  you  have  doubts  about  doing  something  like  this  i  will  never  push  it  on  you , i  simply …  —    i  don’t  need  a  ring  to  prove  how  much  i  care  for  you , nor  a  ceremony , i  just  need  you .   

     ❝     and  i  would  like  you  to  have  the  ring , even  if  it  is  not  a  symbol  of  what  i  originally  intended  it  to  be . it  is  only  fitting  that  things  will  evolve , as  we  have , from  the  original  promises  made …     ❞     isa  realizes  then  that  perhaps  he  may  have  assumed  too  much  in  xemnas’  words , taking  meaning  when  perhaps  that  wasn’t  what  was  meant  to  be  said .     ❝    but  if  this  is  genuinely  about  you  wanting  me  to  have  a  ring  as  well , perhaps  we  should  go  into  the  shop  together . we  can  look , together , if  that  is  much  more  preferable .    ❞

Clarity scrapes through the murk and misery that’s settled across his soul. Clearing away at his own doubts with the light of realization. A moment that happens far too often as he has acknowledge time and time again. Being human, being so susceptible to the traditions and expectations of how one is meant to act still troubles him. The burden of acceptable behaviour weighs and yanks at him enough to have him stumbling through the days with only the steadying hand of the other man beside him to keep him upright still. What would he do without Isa? The thought still circles as a shark in the waters scenting the vulnerable parts of himself.

“I want this.” A declaration for himself as much as it is to assuage any of Isa’s fears. There too reflected in those green eyes does he see the self-same doubts that circle within the mind of the man he loves. Doubts that are a creature that is best starved than to be fought head on. To have Isa here with him is enough to turn his mind away from those thoughts, to lose himself to the touch and the soft cadence of his love’s calming voice. His gaze drifts to the ring once more, a gift that he had never once expected though he cradles with reverence. The band is of a dark alloy, a smooth metal he fails to recognize, plain and without adornment yet a ring that he could easily wear. A symbol rendered physical, that he can finally touch and show to the world of the bond that he shares with this man. A bond and a promise.

“More than anything in the world I wish to share my life with you and no ring or ceremony changes this desire. What doubts I harbour now is how I might disappoint you in my failures to grasp such concepts as engagements and marriage. It has never occurred to me that a ring would be necessary and now I realize my failure.” Research would be necessary. Something that he has taken for granted when he should have been more prepared. He should have been the one to obtain a ring and to present one for the man before him. So much that he should have done and yet such opportunities continue to slip away.

No more, not when he can do better for Isa. Resolution becomes nearly as solid as the gift in his hands. He leans forward, pressing a soft and affectionate kiss to Isa’s lips, smiling against him as there is once again that well of warmth. He loves this man. He wants to do better for him.

Lea places his chin on Xemnas’ shoulder, watching and listening silently as his friend touches his hand and speaks once more of the past.  What can he really say to that?  They’d both sought to hurt and obliterate each other back then.  Lea would’ve swung that Keyblade down without mercy had Xemnas not stopped him in his tracks,  proving all his bluster and bravado to be nothing but a front to a weak and doubting heart. How easy he’d let anger and resentment run away with him back then.  He’s glad he somehow managed to let that go,  against all odds and despite the rocky start to that uneven path it took them to get here.  Now if only Xemnas could let it go too; if only Xemnas could start to believe what Lea’s been trying to convey:  that he bears no rancor,  no hard feelings.  That he understands and forgives. 

“ It’s in the past, “ he finally murmurs, lightly resting palm and fingertips on Xemnas’ chest, comforted in the sensation of his friend’s heartbeat against his skin. “ And considerin’ the amount a’ times you’ve already told me off for pushin’ myself too far durin’ training,  I think you’ve grown past wantin’ me dead, “ a steady beat of silence passes, tone changing from that weak attempt at amusement to something more serious, something lower and more intimate. “ I trust you. “

With that, he makes the decision to leave the water for them, eager enough to cut the discussion short, not wanting to give Xemnas any more reason or time to dig deeper into his ruminations.  It’s a gentle process, one started by a soft press of lips to Xemnas’ shoulder,  his hand only briefly leaving Xemnas’ grip only to hold it out again to help the other man up.  His sodden underwear is quickly dried, a small trick he still recalls from all those times he’d dried his own coat in the organization.  A towel is passed to his friend, his then free hand carding once again through silver tresses to dry it the same way before doing likewise to his own locks.  Xemnas still clings to his hand like it’s a life line — and though it makes toweling off a little awkward, Lea doesn’t even think about letting go. it feels comfortable; like a port in the storm for him as well.  It’s not until after he left the water that he noticed just how drained he feels; wrung out from all the emotion still causing turmoil inside his heart,  the melancholy that’s not quite dispersed yet between them. 

“ C’ mon, “ he leads them to his bedroom, climbing back between the mussed sheets before tugging on Xemnas’ hand.  His friend’s still naked,  but Lea’s tired enough he can’t really be bothered by the effect it has on him any longer.  A debacle for later.  “ Come here. “ 

Judgement never comes. Expected and perhaps in a way Xemnas could never wholly fathom, disappointing. Shouldn’t the sin call for penitence of a sort? A call for reparation for the ruin and misery that he has wrought? Yet the storm never comes. No thunder or lightning to herald the wrath of vengeful gods. Only the warmth of a single too forgiving and perplexing man who holds him close and murmurs comfort into his ears.

It’s in the past, as Lea has said, forgiveness laced in every word. No trace of bitterness at all for what Xemnas has personally done to him. No anger for the burden that he now shoulders. And for every gentle touch that guides him out of the water, for every moment that Lea pauses in his efforts to simply look at Xemnas, hands hovering over his body as though seeking permission, it is further affirmation of what Lea has declared again and again throughout the night. He is forgiven. His sins mean nothing in his household. 

That above all is what hurts the most. He squeezes his eyes shut, but allows himself to be lead to the bed that smells of Lea, allows himself to be pulled down to the mattress, sheets tugged over them both. At some point in the haze of the journey from bathroom to bedroom he hadn’t been aware of when Lea had cleared away most of the mess and switched off the lights, but now he shivers in dark, listening again to the familiar patter of rain against the window. He’s warm enough now that it’s near impossible to recall how chilled he’d been, limbs near frozen from being soaked through. Yet there’s only the need to pull his arms to himself and curl inwards. 

As a creature with no future and only shards of a past, what would he be if he were to truly let it go. Take those borrowed parts of himself and then what he has managed to carve of his own being and cast them aside as though tossing stones from a cliff. Let his past sink away, let part of himself sink away. Lea could speak so easily of forgetting and moving on in his refusal to dwell upon the discomforts of those years before, but he would pale into nothing without that foundation. And that should have been enough to warrant his friend’s disgust and loathing. 

He stares at Lea from across the space that he has created between them, an entire stretch of mattress and sheets that span as a boundary. When Lea has been so quick to close every inch of space between them before, this decision has him puzzled. Only their linked hands still serve as that physical comfort. He thinks for a moment of pulling away. Lea has done more than should be expected even in the name of friendship that he has sworn by with so much conviction since he’d begun questioning the logic of what is it that exists between them. Enough so that he nearly does, but the lingering doubt that shadows his heart has him slump against the pillow. He’s weak of heart and he will likely spend the rest of his existence confounded by that burden that twists and aches as it does now. “Lea.” He speaks softly yet in the dark there is comfort enough to be found to find the will to continue on. “Can you hold me?” 

i know trailers can be deceiving but holy fuck is that live action mulan trailer REALLY PISSING ME OFF

    𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭  𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞  𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞  𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝  𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐬  𝐭𝐨  𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡  𝐡𝐢𝐦 , holding  and  seizing  his  mind  far  more  than  he  should  have  allowed  it .  we , xemnas  had  said . perhaps  he  read  too much  into  it , caught  in  a  wave  of  energy  from  the  coffee  he  was  drinking , but  the  thoughts  they  birth  were  enough  to  cause  a  rise  in  his  chest , breath  filling  it’s  depths  out , before  it  caused  his  heart  to  flip  nervously .       this  stupid , elated  heart , thinks  of  dreams  that  follow  a  winding  pathway  and  catches  itself  when  it  wanders  too  far  into  the  territory  of  the  ‘ we ‘  isa  imagines . as  a  matter  of  fact , isa  &  his  fool  heart  had  been  considering  those  sorts  of  dreams  for  quite  a  bit  now . it  skips  & stutters  when  they  both  find  their  home , together , and  becomes  a  yearning  ache  when  it  glosses  over  the  things  they  might  do  together  within  that  home .       maybe  he’s  far  too  stuck  projecting  an  old  want  from  childish  days , xemnas’  face  replacing  the  glued  together  amalgamation  of  what  his  teenage  heart  considered  to  be  their  dream  person , and  he  felt  frustrated  at  his  newly  discovered  emotions . so  frustrated , in  fact , that  it  becomes  an  audible  sigh  he  moves  to  smother  with  a  giant  gulp  of  his  coffee .      ❝    maybe  so ,    ❞    isa  finally  answers , tone  a  little  tighter  than  it  was  before , but  relaxing  as  he  considers  the  education  he  could  earn  in  a  world  like  this .    ❝    it  is  a  very  nice  world , isn’t  it … it’s  hard  to  imagine  we’d  find  one  just  like  it , or  similar , with  the  vastness  and  uniqueness  of  each  world .    ❞     isa  finally  looks  over  at  xemnas  when  he  speaks  again ,  surprised  by  the  change  of  subject , and  there’s  a  rise  of  heat  against  his  cheeks  he  blames  on  his  previous  thoughts  when  xemnas  makes  a  point  to  call  him  by  isa . the  surprise  on  his  face  melts  into  something  warm , the  fondest  of  smiles  growing  on  his  lips  &  his  eyes  encompassing  all  that  warmth  in  his  chest .    he  had  said  that  it  didn’t  matter , he  did  think  that  was  the  case , but  at  the  moment  he  felt  there  was  nothing  more  pleasing  to  hear  than  ‘ isa ‘ resting  on  xemnas’  tongue.      isa  suddenly  thinks  his  heart  is  truly  clouding  his  judgement  where  xemnas  was  concerned , as  if  it  was  the  first  time  it  had  ever  happened .

     ❝    i  don’t  know  what  i  want ,    ❞    he  lies  so  effortlessly , turning  his  eyes  away  yet  again  just  so  xemnas  doesn’t  see  through  them . he  attempts  to  bite  his  tongue , clamping  down  on  words  so  he  doesn’t  say  anything  ridiculous , but  he  is  physically  incapable  of  holding  himself  back  at  the  moment .    ❝    i  would  like  to … i  would  like  to  remain  where  you  are . as  isa , as  saix , or  both  —‌   it  doesn’t  matter , i  would  just  like  to  continue  to  be  like  this … with  you .    ❞

To be set adrift without a chart to guide their way has been his true course since his return. Life without direction overwhelms him more than anything that he has experienced. And thus does he wander, navigating as a blind man through unknown waters. When it had only been him alone did the prospect seem daunting. What was he to do with his time? With no ultimate goal or designs to realize? And with that had come fear that hummed as faulty wiring beneath his thoughts, constant and droning and impossible to ignore. 

To stumble upon Saix ---- Isa again… 

Xemnas shares too many memories with a man who’d moved lives as pieces across a board, planned and thought of every eventuality from high above. From that knowledge does it make it impossible for him to believe for anything to be ordained by fate or destiny. Yet the sheer coincidence of finding Isa again within the disorganized chaos of that library is enough for him to doubt at times. What would have become of him or of the man beside him had their paths never crossed that day. Should the current and flow of his life delayed him even by a few hours or days then perhaps he would have never found Isa again. He would not be here, standing side by side with the only man in the universe he has ever come to trust.

In truth he would be satisfied with a life here or a life committed to the exploration of the stars so long as it is done with Isa by his side. Never again does he wish to experience the all-consuming loneliness of existence that had been his lot when the universe had contrived once more to give him life. Not so much a second chance as it is a first attempt at humanity. His own heart beats, each contraction and expansion giving life and vitality to each part of his being.

He looks over once more at Isa, frustration bubbling only slightly to find the man’s focus elsewhere. Understanding his own emotions is a task so seemingly insurmountable, what hope did he have to understand another’s? Isa especially, who still masks his emotions as much as he does his own thoughts. Xemnas reaches, the back of his hand grazing along that strong curve of the man’s jaw until he nudges once more for Isa to look at him. Green eyes. Belonging to a man who has brought him closest to joy. 

“I too would be content to remain with you. More than content. To journey together or to remain here and to perhaps one day build a new home together.” So that no longer would he be a listless vessel, but a man within his sanctuary, safe and warm and no longer alone. He lets his hand fall, reaching instead to take Isa’s within his own, tugging him along until they merge with the ever moving flow of people. Surrounded or as simply two souls in a lonely world, it matters not. None of the denizens of this world or the next are of any import. 

He shifts within the limbs that have wrapped around him, cool sheets having slid from their bodies so that he spies the pale expanse of flesh and the bright red hair turned near black in the dark. If he were to close his eyes he can imagine its original vivid shade and of the bright green eyes that would peer at him, burning and bright as though there were still a heart to provide that fire.

The weight of a new world bears down upon him through the passing of nights. When the pale light that spills through every window, every open door becomes golden rather than the sickly pallid shimmer that’d smeared across the eternal dark. The gravity of a new moon is felt from without as much as it is within and for an empty being such as he, a mere creature of dust and bone, he is as easily caught in the pull of Kingdom Hearts as any wandering comet that strays too close to a greater celestial body.

Soon. There comes the whisper that slides through his mind, a spark of realization close to what he believes could be excitement. Or as near to excitement as a nothing such as he can feel. Still he can no longer deny its existence as much as he can feel the faint stirrings of all else that has bloomed within his chest. A wave that expands from a single point that he now knows is the fault of the great heart that looms large from above.

For where else could these strange echoes have come if not from the origin of all hearts? Even if he knows that these phantom feelings have been there long before Kingdom Hearts had been nothing more than a thought within his mind.

Beside him there’s a soft murmur as Axel stirs, still lost to his dreams that Xemnas would envy him for it if he could. Instead he lays beside him, the need to sleep having come and gone. The need to rest is rare yet more and more has he found himself in repose, spending countless nights with Axel in his bed. An arrangement he had never agreed to yet it’d happened without his understanding.

There comes another urge, a whim that should not exist, yet as he watches the man beside him does he reach for him, the backs of his knuckles grazing across Axel’s cheek, following its contour, the rise and fall of bone, the slight hollow beneath and then pauses as an errant lock of hair spills over his hand. He’s touched this hair enough to have memorized its feel, the softness that is counter to the mess of spikes. There’s a twitch at the corners of his lips and then he tucks that lock behind an ear, letting his hand fall to rest at the curve of his companion’s neck.

At long last with the passage of time, those lashes flutter and there’s a soft yet sharp inhale of breath. Axel wakes and with that comes the full animation of his features, that expressiveness that he expects when Axel blinks sleep away and awareness creeps in. There’s irritation interwoven with confusion though that too gives away to shock and realization until at last there comes the rueful smirk that Xemnas had been expecting.

And something else behind the sparkle of amusement, something that’s all too warm.

“Kinda creepy wakin’ up to you starin’ at me like that, y’know.” Axel pushes himself up with an elbow and leans forward in a gesture that mirrors Xemnas’, a hand resting briefly against his cheek until it slides to the nape of his neck, pulling him forward.

There was a time when he might have reproached Axel with a reminder of their stations. That need has come and gone long ago. “Good morning.” There’s hesitation that he spies in Axel’s features that evaporates into a deeper smile. It’s in that smile that realization finally sinks, hits him with enough concussive force that he loses breath. 

A shadow of confusion crosses Axel’s features as he studies him, brows furrowing as he sweeps a lock of silver hair away. “What’s the matter?”

    𝐭𝐰𝐨  𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭  𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬  𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐝 ,though  what  xemnas  was  searching  for  was  a  slot  already  filly  up  for  isa  —‌   if  fate  had  not  been  as  kind  to  him , he  would  be  struggling  to  find  something  akin  to  what  xemnas  searched  for  too . he  takes  a  slow  drink  of  his  coffee , grimacing  at  the  watered  down  taste  of  bitterness  that  could  have  been  good  enough , while  letting  thoughts  cycle  around  in  his  mind .      ❝    my  life ? you  never  asked ,    ❞    though  saix  did  not  put  much  thought  to  it , and  would  have  dismissed  it  if  xemnas  did  ask  about  it . his  grimace  deepens , legs  crossing  as  he  grows  slightly  closed  off … because  of  saix’s  dismissal  of  the  past , there  is  not  much  he  can  say  —‌   he  was  born , and  he  lived , and  he  went  to  school , had  birthdays .       ❝    it  was  alright ,    ❞    he  starts , dismissing  it’s  importance , before  clenching  his  jaw . he  promised  to  be  honest  to  no  one  in  particular , and  it  wasn’t  as  if  xemnas  was  not  allowed  in . it  was  just  difficult .       ❝    i  was  born  and  raised  in  radiant  garden , obviously , and  childhood  friends  with  lea . we  were  poor  growing  up , but  i  think  we  were  pretty  happy . my  dad  died  when  i  was  young , i  remember  that  pretty  vividly , and  we  couldn’t  make  ends  meat  without  him  so  i  had  to  work  on  top  of  studying  hard ,    ❞     his  words  become  faster  &  faster  as  he  goes , trying  to  get  out  as  much  as  possible .    ❝    i  graduated  valedictorian , lea  was  just  behind  me , and  saw  an  oppurtunity  to  become  an  apprentice  to  ansem  before  leaving  for  starting  higher  education  classes .    ❞

    he  pauses  there , staring  down  at  the  ground  covered  in  their  elongated  shadows . the  silence  lingers  longer  than  he  anticipates , and  he’s  sure  xemnas  begins  to  assume  he’ll  never  speak  again .    ❝    i  didn’t  have  the  chance  to  start  those  classes ,    ❞    he  admits , looking  up  from  the  ground .    ❝    maybe  i’ll  try  to  start  some .  ❞

The river of people continues without pause and he watches the current flow with detached interest. It would easy enough to slip into those waters and sink, become another face among a population of millions. The crowds are as empty in a way as the vast streets of the world he’d once resided, perhaps more so when a single soul was as obtrusive and obvious as a beacon in the dark. Here he could forge a life for himself, find a home amid the high rises and submerge himself into the pedestrian day to day. He ponders that possibility as he listens to his companion, one voice among so many yet that voice is as clear to him as silver bells, another beacon that draws his attention from idle thoughts.

Saix recounts a life too seemingly too mundane for what he would have painted for his former right hand. How could someone who had clawed and butchered his way to the very top come from such humbling roots? It makes him wonder if other possibilities, of another timeline in which Saix could be yet another face in that crowd had his world never fallen to the dark. What then would Isa have grown to be? A man working with numbers and ledgers? A musician? Someone who too would live in those towers of glass and steel, content yet inert?

He turns the coffee within his hand as he listens and paints within his mind of the idyllic life of a naïve and hopeful boy, remembering distantly of that Isa when he’d once been another man and then of the version he’d stumbled upon without a heart not long afterwards. Xemnas had only ever truly known of the other version and it was Saix and his company that he preferred. Yet what was Saix without that boy? What is the man before him now but a strange fusion of both still struggling to find definition of his very soul, as though the parts of himself could be easily placed and organized within boxes to be labelled and tucked neatly away within the vault of his being.

“A world such as this would have an institution in which you could devote yourself to your studies. I imagine what education they could provide here would far outstrip whatever you would have gained at Radiant Garden.” Even if Ansem the Wise had taught him much within that time he’d apprenticed with him, much and more of his education had been through his own research and studies. His old master had only been the gate to a greater world, a stepping stone to his own pursuit of knowledge and in many ways his mentor had hindered his studies with own stubborn ways.

“Or perhaps we could find another world, one more committed to knowledge, I’m sure such a place exists.” If this were Saix’s dream, one that had been halted by his own machinations to attain his own goals then he would see to it that Saix would have his instead.

He sets the coffee aside, unsatisfied with what he’d tasted and lacking any interest to finish what was left. His gaze instead wanders to those skyscrapers once more, gleaming white where the sunlight glances off their surface. He truly could live with in a world like this and knows as he turns that thought within his mind that even if he could, even if he wanted such a life, he is unlikely to do settle on any one world if Saix chooses to continue.