good and quiet

Plans for crying in the car during my lunch break derailed by my car being parked half a mile away at a charging station

I wish I knew what I am or what I want. I’m almost thirty and I literally still can’t tell if I’m aromantic or if I just don’t like men or if I’m demiromantic but could hypothetically like anyone or demi but only for genderqueer people and women. I wish I could just figure it out!! Hypotheticals are so useless. I can convince myself of anything. I want to be in love so bad but the first and last time I ever had a crush was 20fucking16. Being on dating apps is like, well are you willing to wait 6 months to a year to see if I want to kiss you? I’ve been on three dates with a guy who’s so sweet and shares so many of my interests and all I felt when he asked to kiss me was uncomfortable. Fuck.

Something is definitely wrong because I has a near full day of rest and then I worked one (1) day and felt so overwhelmed I felt like a wild animal in a cage. I want a break but I just had a vacation. When will it be summer. What is wrong with me

Okay I’ve eaten so I feel better but I have to say this Ramadan has been really difficult for me so far. I’m a lot more irritable. I generally am able to not get mad but this year I’ve had to be gentle on myself and allow myself moments of irritation as long as it’s only in my head and I don’t express or act on it. I think it’s because there’s so much shit happening in the world. Just mountains and mountains of shit. And everytime you think you’ve got a good understanding of the pile and how much work it will take to fix what’s that again? That’s right, more shit

These past few nights my mind has been so nosiy and I don’t know where to offload it all

fuck off fuck OFF fuck all the way off!!!!!!!