Can you hear the silence?

`` Ugh.. ``

How many nights did he stay awake and pulled an all-nighter now..? Ray had already lost count. He was tired.. So very tired.. And yet he couldn’t allow himself to rest. No, not now. He needed to keep up with his work, or otherwise he’d just turn out to be a disappointment again..

If only his body was stronger..

Hm...

Saeran felt like he was forgetting something.. Sometimes it got really easy to lose track of time in Saeyoung’s windowless bunker. Saeran really couldn’t help but wonder how Saeyoung didn’t go crazy down here yet. No wonder he had the habit of having a horrible sleep schedule at times. 

But then again, he would be a hypocrite if he’d start preaching about a healthy day and night cycle.. Saeran often tried to avoid sleep by whatever means necessary.. Most of the time a bad night would leave him way more exhausted than not having slept at all, let’s say.

One thing he did like about Saeyoung’s bunker was the couch, though. It was comfortable and perfect to just be lazy on. Until now Saeran was playing some weird game on Saeyoung’s GrayStation, he had no idea about the plot of the game and was honestly not as interested in it anyway, but it was a nice distraction and a cure for his boredom.. 

Only the sound of a notification on his phone managed to drag his attention away from the TV.

`` Ugh, what does he want now? ``

Expecting it to be another message of Saeyoung, who would frequently message him whenever he was out (and honestly, Saeran did appreciate it, but still had a hard time admitting it), Saeran couldn’t help but to let out a small groan. Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t a message of his brother. It was a reminder notifying him about.. 

Oh, riiight. That’s what he was forgetting. Yoosung was planning to come visit today. It had been a while since they last met. Though he didn’t remember whether it was Saeyoung who invited him or not.. Whatever, Saeran got at least a little used to the company of the other RFA members, even if.. He couldn’t exactly understand why they would want to spend time with him, after what he had done and what not.. With a small sigh, Saeran managed to get up from the couch, he should probably tidy up a little before Yoosung arrives.

Almost as if on cue, the security alarm notified him of someone at the heavily locked and secured door. Hmm... 

How long had it been since Saeyoung brought him to this hospital..? Saeran completely lost track of the days that had passed. The time he didn’t spend yelling at the nurse, the doctors and the therapist, or the time he didn’t spend throwing things around and basically wrecking his room, he was looking out of his little window. Day after day, hour after hour. 

Whenever the hospital staff left him alone, he would do nothing more but stare outside. There was something calming in watching the clouds pass by. This sky reminded him of the times his heart was still full of young, naive hope. Since then Saeran had long forgotten this feeling... Well, no. It was no real feeling to him anymore. Hope was just an illusion that would quickly be crushed below the weight of reality. The world was cruel, and there was not a single person he could trust anymore. Reality left the poor boy broken and defeated. But the sky always stayed the same. It would always eventually turn back to the beautiful, soothing blue, with fluffy clouds passing by. 

Yet, the only thing that managed to truly irritate him was the frequent visit of his brother. He couldn’t wrap his broken mind around why Saeyoung wouldn’t just leave him alone, or why he wouldn’t understand that Saeran would never let him close to him again. Saeran didn’t want to trust again, not after Saeyoung had abandoned him all these years ago, he was nothing but a filthy liar.

A small noise managed to interrupt Saeran’s thoughts and distract him from staring out of the window. The sound of the door opening. He wished with all his heart that it was just a nurse, and yet he also hoped for.. Someone else. But of course, there he was yet again. Saeyoung.

Almost as if flipping a switch, Saeran’s peaceful mood was gone. He needed to get Saeyoung to leave him alone.

`` You, again?! Didn’t I tell you not to come? What do you want? ``

His words sounded harsh and cold, just as always when having to confront Saeyoung. He couldn’t show any weakness, or otherwise Saeyoung might get the wrong idea. He wasn’t the weak kid he used to be, and he always felt like having to prove that to Saeyoung.

Isn’t it fascinating how the presence of one person could make or break one’s day? Or how much influence a single person could have on one’s mindset?

Ever since Sharon accepted his request to.. ‘Test’ his game, Ray was always looking forward to seeing her or talk to her. Something he loved doing the most was arrange a pretty boquet of flowers and bring it to her, or.. Bring it to her room, if they happened to miss each other. The fun part was not looking for the prettiest flowers in his garden and arranging the flowers only, what made him so happy was her reaction towards his gesture. Even though this gesture always felt like such an insignificant, little thing, like something he could do better, her reactions always made him smile.

And right now, Ray was holding yet another boquet of fresh and pretty, colorful flowers. Perhaps this time he wouldn’t miss Sharon.. He could offer to explain the different meanings of the flowers to her, if she was interested. Oh, how that made his heart race! But.. Even though he was heading straight for her room and stood right in front of her door, he hesitated to knock.

What if he would be disturbing her? Or.. What if he would enter and find the room empty yet again..? He was content leaving her the flowers on her bed, yes.. But he’d also like to see her.

//angst is my mif

lucielchoi-707 replied to your post “;; You ACTUALLY want to kill me and my feelings, don’t’cha?”

middle name*

Care || Accepting

Such a kind soul.. 

“ N-no, it’s fine! Really. I can do it myself. ”

He didn’t want to look even weaker in front of someone so sweet and helpful. Weak, Ray was so weak.. He had to prove to everyone that he wasn’t as weak and as useless as he might look. How could he possibly accept help from anyone in this sorry state? No.. He couldn’t

He had to put on a brave face, so that she wouldn’t worry. She had enough worries as it is, even though Ray kept trying to shield her from as much as possible. Just to ease her mind a little.