Encyclopedia of Advice

Past responses.

Let him know! I mean its totally normal for him to have girl friends and maybe his ex falls exclusively into that category now too but you have to let him know how this is making you feel. Honest communication is always the best approach… He may not realise his actions are upsetting you or you may let him know and his response will show you that it really is harmless friendships.

I’m sorry this happened to you, cheating is terrible and you don’t deserve that. It also sucks that you have to see the girl he cheated with around - that sure doesn’t help making things get easier.

Know that what he did is his fault and has nothing to do with you. It was entirely his choice to make that shitty decision and nothing you could have done or did do would alter that. This whole process will take time but just keep strong knowing you are so much better than what he did to you.

There is no need to have such a future planned out. In fact it will most likely give you a lot of unnecessary stress when life inevitably does its own thing and that doesn’t fit with your pre-planned path.

Focus on what you enjoy, what you could see yourself doing for 50+ years in the future. If going to university is a plan for you then your first year can be really general anyway, you can get a taster of a few things before working out what you want to specialise. If you feel completely blind however, there is no need to rush into university or any other course of study. Give yourself time to figure it out. That may mean taking a year of full/part time work or going travelling. Allow yourself to figure out what is important to you. Personally, through my studies the best way I have found out what I am interested in is by trying a bunch of things I thought could have appealed and realising some are really not for me.

Be as open as you can. It’s a tricky situation because you don’t know how she is going to respond. Have faith in her - you obviously appreciate her enough as a person to want to be with her and talk with her about your mental health so go into this with a positive attitude. Explain how your mental health problems affect your day-to-day life and also how they don’t. Breaking down stereotypes and negative associations will help her to be more at ease at the situation. Explain your medication and how it helps. Discuss what triggers things for you.

This is providing she takes it all well… Give her as much information as you feel comfortable with and that you feel like she can handle at this early stage. In terms of knowing whether she can handle it: ask her questions and gauge her responses to you. Tell her you know its a lot to take in at once. Give her time to process what you’ve said and then come back and see what she says. Most people will want to help, or be there for you (even though they may not know how). If she’s completely negative about the situation then you know you’ve dodged a bullet but mental health affects so many people and we almost all know someone affected so I hope that is not the case with her.

Tampons can seem pretty scary and it’s not a great feeling when you can tell that it’s not in properly. If inserted correctly you really shouldn’t be able to feel it at all. They kind of have to go in on a pretty funny angle. Look at the little diagram that they provide in the information sheet that comes with your box of tampons. It recommends standing with one foot raised on the toilet seat so that your legs are far enough apart. Also, try using a mirror so that you can really see what you’re doing. It does take a bit of practice, but make sure you only do it when you’re actually on your period. You should be totally fine in the pool if your tampon is in correctly. Once you think you’ve got it right I would recommend testing it a few times before jumping in! If you’re worried about leakage then wear a pad as a safety barrier for the first time (obviously not in the pool :P).

I am so proud of you, you have managed to tell someone something that’s obviously been playing on your mind massively. That’s so important, suppression is never healthy. Honestly as humans we all just feel what we feel. You mentioned that you’re young so give yourself a chance to explore this within yourself. If you have a friend or family member that you feel comfortable sharing this with already then great, go ahead and do that. Explore who you are as a person, it’s amazing if you can do this from a young age. Always stay honest to yourself, it will help you live a much happier life.

Hi, I spent a weekend with my penpal recently, he came down to my area(we live in the same country, but he’s on the other side to me) Since he’s been home, we’ve only talked to each other once. I sent him a long message 7 days ago on the site I met him on four months ago and even though he’s been online every night,no reply. I feel so pathetic but I can’t stop checking if he messaged me.  I can’t shake the feeling that he’s ignoring me. I don’t know what to do..I’m so so scared because this has happened before with people I thought were my friends cutting off all contact with me. I’ve been trying to think of something I might have done that could have upset him but I can’t think of anything. Maybe I’m just being paranoid and I should just wait it out. We had a good weekend together and I treated him really well..the last message he sent me was telling me he enjoyed the weekend so I don’t know I’m not getting a reply.  I have his number and have him on facebook but honestly, I don’t think I should message him again..I don’t want to be clingy but I do like him a lot and I want to know him more. This evening my mother said something that worried me..she asked me had I heard from him since and I explained to her. Then she said “Hmm..you must have done something to spook him. Don’t you think that’s strange you haven’t talked much?” He’s an Asian guy so I thought about our cultural differences..we had talked about hugging(he said he likes hugs depending on the person and when he’d meet me he’d hug me) and every time I touched him(his arm, back) I asked if it was okay to do so and he said it was and he hugged me back when I hugged him but my mother said “even though he said it was okay to you, deep in his heart he may have thought differently/been uncomfortable” I feel like I may have appeared too full on without meaning to :’/   He’s going home in six months so maybe he doesn’t want to get too close but even so, I’m hoping to visit him before the end of summer. I don’t want to lose him.. I could say more to you but this ask is getting too long already ;;

Do you think he’s ignoring me? What would you do if you were me?

I end up giving this advice so much because people truly do get very caught up in their own scenarios. We look at everything that’s happened and try to find some meaning when really, it’s way to hard to determine by ourselves. There’s not one factor we can look at and say “this is why everything else that has happened since has happened this way”/”this is why everything is playing out as it is”. Sometimes it’s just too tricky to determine. 

Really you have to talk to the person and find out what’s going on. I say it all the time and I’ll say it again to you now :) I truly believe this is the best was to deal with these kinds of situations. Give it a go and see what he says. In the end, if he can’t be honest with you or doesn’t bother replying then as much as it might suck right now, he really isn’t someone worth wasting your time over. We know a good friend or a good person for us to be with based on how they treat us and sometimes if we’ve tried everything else to no avail, we have to know when to let them go.

Even though you don’t want to hear it, you’ve really just give yourself the advice that you didn’t want to hear. It’s summer, who knows when you will next see him. The only way that you can guarantee that you guys will continue to communicate is if he talks to you (but feeling like you’re waiting round is no fun at all) OR TALK TO HIM! Honestly, nothing will progress if you don’t and deep down I think you know that too. It really seems like you think you’ve got pretty intense feelings for this guy so you need to make the effort to find out he feels too.

The most important thing you need to keep reminding yourself is that the way he acted does not determine who you are, or probably even how you behaved in the relationship. Even if something was missing for him, it doesn’t mean that you were failing to give him something… More just that there was an incompatibility there between the two of you.

You haven’t done anything wrong! From what you’ve said to me you’ve been friendly but not pushy. Perhaps he’s shy too. Also the fact that your message to him didn’t mention liking him but just that you’d like to be friends is good because it comes off as less intimidating and forceful. There’s nothing you can do that will make him reply to you before Sunday obviously. But try to catch his eye and if you see him looking at you then just give him a friendly smile :) If you’re feeling super confident you could go up and start talking to him however if you don’t feel ready for that then this is a good starting point.