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YOU ARE THE REASON

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Today's Document
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⣠Chile in a Photography âŁ

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@emzwrist

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Iâm always here if you need to talk đ
What do you do when youâve run out of options? When the hurt wonât leave and you canât escape the fear? I canât carry this pain anymore. I am so weak and tired. Any hope I had is gone. This isnât gonna get any better, is it? All I have ever wanted was just to feel okay. But I guess that just isnât going to happen.
im such a burden on everyone. an inconvenience. a complete waste of space ruining everyones lives. i wish i would die soon.Â

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I want to die. But I donât have the constitution for suicide, so I just walk around wishing I were dead in the hopes itâll end.... one way or the other.
âYou get depressed because you know that youâre not what you should be.â
- Marilyn Manson
âSometimes suffering is just suffering. It doesnât make you stronger. It doesnât build character. It only hurts.â
â Kate Jacobs; Comfort Food
Facts
The games you played were never fun
You'd say you'd stay but then you'd run
Billie Eilish- Bored
Need a place to hide, but I canât find one near
Billie Eilish âLovelyâ

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All lies
Your lies will never keep, I think you need to blow them out đŹ đĽ
After you
Look at me, see who I am after all this time youâve been away. Look how I look at you, how my eyes donât even reflect you anymore, how my heart doesnât beat frantically, my hands donât tremble, my voice and breath donât fail, how I donât love you anymore.Â
Now I can walk in a straight line towards you without the risk of falling or stumbling of love. I can look at you for a long time without surrendering to your charms, without losing myself in your games, without falling into your mouth.Â
And if you complain, if you go around saying that Iâve become insensitive, cold and bad, Iâll get you, tell you everything Iâve seen, everything Iâve been through, Iâll tell you about the day you threw my heart on the ground, slammed the door and left, how I cried till I fall asleep, how I decided to change, to kill you from my mind, set fire in our story.Â
It was your acts that pushed me, that left everything as it is now, that made my heart allergic to you, to your world, that turned my dreams into nightmares with your face. Itâs too late to forgive you, to try to forget the moment you broke me into countless pieces, so donât raise your hands, donât ring my bell, donât open your lips, donât say you love me, all I want you to do is look at me and see how I am after you, how I can shine brighter without your shadow on me, how I can breathe without you on my chest.
You only really fall apart in front of the people you know can piece you back together.
Sarah Dessen (via 20somethingandstilllost)
You say âsorryâ
Only when youâre lonely
You send me sweet nothings
And i make them always mean something
Oh when will i learn
That yours âiâd stayâ
Meant youâd never change
- Too late
FUCK YOU, fuck this
all of it,,,
everything is temporary
happiness, life, people, promises
all of it is fucking temporary
i hate it, i hate you
everything you brought me, i hate it
you promised me you wouldnât do this
what did i expect though??
i shouldâve fucking known not to trust you
the promises, the happiness??
was it all just a game???
is there something iâm missing??
you promised me you wouldnât hurt me
so why the fuck did you do this???
i fucking hate that i believed you when you said all those things.

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I hope you feel warm inside when you think of me.
Then I hope a sudden pang of regret engulfs you when you realize what a rarity of a woman youâve lost.
If you feel warm just thinking about me, imagine how you would have felt if you gave yourself completely to me?
Your loss.
Not mine.
Remember when you love a girl and you let her go this is what will happen.. you think you are tough until you realize.
She was a rare one, the kind of girl with a big heart. The kind that loved to love. Sheâs not your typical girl. Any other one wouldâve given up on you and all the ridiculousness so much earlier. It will be a slow and gradual slip until sheâs left with no choice but leaving.
There will be a moment when it finally clicks and sheâs had enough.
Sheâll get tired of waiting for you to figure it all out. Sheâll get fed up with giving 100% and only getting a fraction of that back. There will be a time when love will no longer will be enough.
This is when youâre going to start realizing she loved you more than anything. That she was the only girl whoâd put up with so much of your crap.
Youâre going to miss her.
Youâre going to miss the way she smiled. She wasnât always a big fan of it but god that girlâs smile could light up a room. Youâll miss how you would look over at her and when she saw you her lips instantly formed that grin and you couldnât help but smile back.
She smiled at you for no reason because she loved you and looking at you. Now you look around and there isnât anyone smiling at you.
Youâll see that the one person you could always turn to when your day was rough.
You could call text or show up at any moment and she would always be there for you. She didnât want it to come to this. She wants to be there for you, she wants to be a shoulder when you need it and your voice of reckoning when you canât find it.
Late at night, youâll roll over and where she used to lie, where you used to wrap your arm around her and pull her close will be a cold empty space. A bed that used to seem so small will suddenly become so large.
Her absence will begin to drive you crazy.
Itâs that same silence she received from you. You probably at the time didnât realize that she started most of the conversations; she sat inches away from you on the couch and waited patiently for you to put down your phone. She never complained, never got angry she just kept it inside.
Youâll wish you had noticed sooner.
You wish youâd noticed that she felt like she wasnât a priority in your life. Youâll wish you had sent more texts, just let her know you were thinking about her. Youâll wish you stopped checking your phone and paid a little bit more attention to her. If you had, you wouldâve noticed her slipping away.
If you think about it, her texts started to become shorter and shorter. She stopped texting you first thing in the morning, stopped asking you how your day was, she stopped putting herself out there. She hoped you would have caught on and picked up the slack, but you didnât.
You lost her slowly, not all at onceâŚ.but you didnât even notice.
Youâll miss the ease of things. She made everything easy, she didnât play games, she didnât treat you terribly and she went above and beyond to make you happy. She was everything you wanted and everything you needed and didnât even know it. You stopped being everything she needed. You pushed her to the point that you became everything she didnât want.
Youâre going to miss the little quirks that made her who she was. Youâll catch yourself saying words and phrases that sheâd say that used to annoy you but now makes your chest tighten in angst. Youâll go to places that have memories imprinted in them and theyâll replay in your mind each time you walk in.
Your phone will buzz and youâll hope itâs her.
Youâll hope she caves, gives in because sheâs always been there for you. Youâd kill for the chance to reel her back in and for everything will go back to normal but she wonât take the bait. She loves you still but she canât handle it anymore and she has to keep herself guarded and away from you.
One day youâll go out and youâll see her across the room, either by herself, with friends or perhaps a new guy. Jealousy, remorse, sorrow, and every other feeling imaginable will flood over you.
When she looks your way, pay attention to her eyesâ there will be a mixture of feelings. Memories of the two of you and the love she had for you but then sheâll look away.
Heartache is going to sink in, and youâll be the only person you can blame.
Sheâll be gone and youâll be left to stand there, watching her be happy and wonder why you let her go. She made it look so easy, seeing you and moving forward but what you donât understand is seeing you crushed her a little bit as well. Moving on meant forgetting you, it meant learning to love someone new and it meant comparing everyone to you.
So unless you truly want to feel like this pay attention to her.. yes she may worry to much or sometimes you think she over reacts, yes it may take up some of your time yes it may be a hassle sometimes because you just donât feel like it but what is going to feel better having her thinking you are the best thing in the world or being without the girl who completed your world.. and thatâs some food for thought..