"love what is mortal"

any other lesbians w/ocd having it seriously mess with their identity? like yes, I know that I have only been in love with women, only been romatically attracted to women, only wanted to kiss, and date, and marry women. Every time I imagine kissing/marrying a man I physically cringe. However, there is a stigma around previously declared lesbians realizing that they are bisexual later in life (which I can somewhat understand, as it feeds the idea that lesbians can be "turned" by the right man). Like most people, I'm not blind, but even acknowledging that a man is attractive or even feeling something akin to envy makes me sick to my stomach, and question my identity entirely. Deep down, I know I don't actually want anything from them, that it's admiration at most and differs entirely from how I feel about women, but then I wonder if there might really be a "right man out there" for me.