You Are Home.

I’d never wanted anything so bad, as I wanted you that night. The way your hand hung beside mine after you would run it through your hair. The way you would lay low in your chair so that when you laughed I could feel it move through me; just like the goosebumps. The way you would look over at me during a really funny part and smile, it made me want to melt. You had my heart already, and you may have known it right then If the theater wasn’t so dark. It hid all the small parts of me that were a dead giveaway, like my hand that hung so close to you, but just far enough that you couldn’t feel it. The way my eyes would dart to you every once in a while just to see you smile. The way my body leaned towards yours and my feet crossed in your direction. The way that I would sweep my hair from my face so that it hung across your arm. The way my heart was beating louder than any laugh in the theater that night. I tried to get inside your head right there, see if I could feel the rapture in your heart as well. All I felt though was sadness, because here I was sitting as close as I could to this boy, this beautiful boy who I loved, and I knew that it was the closest I would ever get.

What you never understood is that I don’t want you to miss me. I don’t want you to stop calling because it’s too hard and then send me drunken messages about how we used to be. I don’t want to be someone you slowly forget. What I want is to be yours. To be so irrevocably yours that missing me is not an option. You won’t forget me because we’d be together. I don’t want your promises, I just want you. Missing me means nothing when I know you don’t have to. I could be in your bed, beside you forever, but instead you are missing me. You are missing me because you can’t promise me forever and I don’t want to have you now, if tomorrow you are gone.