EMMObatman

yesterday was really hard. Today isn’t any easier. Idk if you knew the extent of my relationship with your mom. She wasn’t just “my exs mom.” She was still my adopted mom. I was always her favorite adopted kid. I loved her as if she was my own mother. In fact I felt like she was more of a mother to me than my own sometimes. She constantly checked on me. Always made sure I didn’t need anything. Always making sure I was ok. That I was actually living my life. We always talked about you. She loved you so unbelievably much and did nothing but miss you. She forgave you. I know you know that. But I was so happy when she told me that. I didn’t express it. I should have. I should have told her that I was proud and excited that you 2 were speaking again. I know it wasn’t frequent. Just here and there but it meant the world to her. She didn’t have to say it. I knew because she was telling me. She always let me know when you two talked. But one thing she didn’t tell me is how bad things were. She never told me about anything other than starting home hospice. And she played it off like it was no biggie just that they were helping with pain management. I’m not ok at all. I’m so unbelievably broken. I should have visited her more. I should have called her more. I should have been the one checking in. That was my job. Not hers. I’m sorry you lost her. I’m sorry you have to grieve this. I was there for so many good times with your mom. I saw the relationship. I can’t even imagine how you are feeling. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I should have fought to keep you in my life no matter the cost. But then again on another hand I should have never left…. I should have come back that night. I shouldn’t have let my head go to such a dark place to not want to come back. I should have come home. I should have fixed things with you. I should have done a lot of things different with you. I’m so sorry…..