Blog Rousiland

I've seen a few moots doing this and it looked fun!

* Make this picrew of yourself

* Take this uquiz (How Fandom Would See You If You Were A Fictional Character)

...yeah that seems about right 😅🫠

Ok let's go, I like this kind of quiz.

Sinon je suis cute non ?

Bon j'ai pas encore les cheveux verts mais bientôt ça sera le cas :D

I've seen a few moots doing this and it looked fun!

* Make this picrew of yourself

* Take this uquiz (How Fandom Would See You If You Were A Fictional Character)

...yeah that seems about right 😅🫠

Ok let's go, I like this kind of quiz.

Tired of buying a $60 game that stops being functional a year later when big corp decides to pull the plug on its support? Tired of companies being able to brick things you own because they feel like it? Tired of beloved games becoming lost to time?

There is currently an initiative being pushed in both the EU and UK for game companies to be held accountable for keeping at LEAST some version of a game functionable.

The movement is currently in dire straits but has been gaining a ton of traction lately that could bring it back. If you are a resident of either, there's things you can sign to get things moving!!

ROUGHLY ONLY A MONTH LEFT TO SIGN!!! ONLY EU OR UK CITIZENS CAN SIGN!!!

LINK TO EU INITIATIVE

LINK TO UK PETITION

And for more info, you can visit the Stop Killing Games site!!

While this movement only applies to Europe at the moment, it has the momentum to ripple outwards to other countries if we keep it alive and continue pushing back against companies that want to pulp games they don't deem lucrative enough.

If you are unable to sign, consider passing the post around! I doubt anyone WANTS their favorite game to die forever, so if there's enough eyes on the movement we're bound to make progress. Thanks for reading

I’m just a transmasculine straight guy, who doesn't read gay fics and is not especially interested in it.

BUT I happened to watch Eurovision, and I began to obsessively love Bird of Pray. As it happens, I then wanted to find out more about Ziferblat, and found them really nice and I like their other songs. I joined their Discord server. I became a zefirka, and I was neutral about Danya and the other two because idk, I am very often neutral.

BUT I started spending time on Tumblr because why not. After seeing girls, gay and even lesbians drooling over Danya, proclaiming how handsome and cute he is, I also started to think this, but more in the sense that I admire him and wanted to be more like him (wtf). Because it's true, I think he has a nice face, a great voice that conveys a lot, and especially when he sings, he suddenly has incredible charisma.

BUT, always in a why not logic, I continued to spend time there and encountered some ships with Lucio. And in my brain, it was like “but wtf are these real people being shipped ???” because, even though I'm no stranger to character ships and waifus 👀, I had never seen the equivalent with real people. That's how I discovered the RPF. I also ended up noticing how much the real Danya is a desperate fan of Lucio. And at that moment in my head, it was just “oh he's so cute about that” and “his outfits are gay, he acts gay, Danya are you gay ?”.

BUT then, I also saw that someone launched something called Lucanya. First I just thought “Huh, okay”, but I came back with my typical “why not” and “the art is really good ;)”. And in a way it was satisfying, because I friendly like Danya, and seeing him so invested in finding Lucio, I thought he really deserved Lucanya. And while I don't really know Lucio and am neutral about him, I find these two absolutely adorable.

It's the same for Danyaso, I'm neutral and I don't know Tommaso that well. Buuuut… the art is also really good lol. And I think that after reading your blog and seeing Danya as a puppy, I now really see Danya as a cute and desperate puppy girl (as a wolf therian, I don't dislike that at all) which makes her absolutely adorable (wtf) (I don't know why in my head Danya is a girl now, but my brain is on a “why not” mode, so why not).

I never thought watching Eurovision would have this kind of effect. I love Eurovision now. People, be aware of the risks before watching Eurovision.

If my sister was looking at me, she would be exactly like that :

And I would be capable of saying yes, I'm gay for Lucanya, I think the whole world could become gay for Lucanya, let's share Lucanya with the world, let's make the world gay for... wow, calm down, myself. I'm really into this.

So, in the space of a few days, I discovered that the RPF exists, that Lucanya exists, and that I am currently reading it, and that in fact both :

I admire, identify with a little, and want to be like the real Danya,

but also my brain likes to treat him like an adorable puppy girl. Yum. Wait, what ?!

Jeksbhduslab28jw?8sabzvwisl?? Emmarousil.exe has stopped working.

I don’t understand my weird brain but I understand that your art is incredible, that what you write is really good. So I don't know if I should thank you for making me hungry, but thank you for feeding me. I notice that this text is much too long. Sorry, I got carried away, as usual lol. I also notice that I wrote this text literally in frenglish, idk - why not - lol - KEEP CALM. Let’s turn it into english. I also notice this text is not a question. So, DO YOU SEE HOW POWERFUL YOU AND LUCANYA ARE ?

Thank you for your ask (?)! I really enjoy hearing people's opinions and thoughts about the things I do. I am glad my art has made all these thoughts stir inside you. that's one of the main points of the things i do

I hope you allow me to make my own ramblings, perhaps not really that related to the actual content of this blog but i hope that still pertinent enough

i need to preface all of this saying that i am also a transmasc straight guy and as weird as it is because i literally have a real people gay shipping account, i dont really care that much about men as actual objects of desire, and thats obviously not the point of this blog. i have always been interested in gay media, ever since i was a female teen reading yaoi doujinshi while rotting away in the solitude of her room. and i still am nothing but that, but now im an adult man that still doesnt take anything seriously at all

And i guess i should have assumed that my interest on gay manga (without never really caring that much about men sexually) should have given away to young me that it wasn't much about sexual desire but more about gender gratification

I draw what i draw and i write what i write not really for sexual gratification (in fact im a very sex-repulsed person and probably running around asexuality or demisexuality altogether. but i wouldnt know, really. you of course wouldnt expect a person like me to know much about these topics), and its more about gender expression. i like thinking about power dynamics and humiliation and overall men taking more submissive roles in gay relationships because as fucked up as it sounds, it helps me cope with my own gender failures. i am a very feminine person, i am very tiny and have very girly features (not in a "twink" way, but more than i straight-up just look like a girl), and ive never have really felt like i deserve being a man. so i make it everyone's problem. i like to explore and dissolve gender roles, i like to think if that i can portray men in more femenizing and humiliating situations, then it somehow can put them in the same level as me

i think its fucked up but thats the idea. my art is supposed to be a little bit weird, a little bit fucked up, a little bit uncomfortable, a little bit disgusting. it helps a lot that the subjects are real people. it makes it weirder for others and for me, it makes it more tangible. in my mind, these people are nothing but fictionalized versions of themselves i can use to project my own insecurities and needs, but at the same time they're real, they're tangible, they can be a little bit just like me, even if only on my fucked up brain.

i look at this the same way i would see any other destructive coping mechanism. i dont think that what i do in here is any good. i know its weird and i should probably stop but i would rather write yaoi of real men that seeking for other even more destructive ways to understand myself and come to terms with my own body.

i dont really care much about these people, in the sense i am fully aware these are just fantasies i am making in my brain in order to project something even deeper, even more complex. i think danya is a beautiful person (with an even more beautiful soul), but i also really do not give a fuck about his sexuality or anything of the sorts, i know he's most likely straight, he has a girlfriend, i am just making all this shit up and i really do not care. its not about him, its more about myself, and i just use him more as an instrument to explore my gender and sexuality because i have no interest on perceiving myself

and at times i get surprised people can care or can relate to the things i do because they gather specifically to me. theyre not really meant to be that pleasing to other's eyes, theyre absolutely not really meant to be hot or something, i just play around and find out and other people seem to care! so thats good i guess,

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Woaw, je ne m'attendais pas à une réponse aussi longue que mon message - pas parce que je ne le veux pas, mais que ça n'arrive jamais. En fait, je suis même content d'entendre tes propres réflexions, parce que je crois que si je le fais c'est aussi pour que d'autres se sentent plus légitimes à le faire.

J'avoue, je ne m'attendais pas à ce que tu sois... toi, je ne sais pas comment dire, j’espère que tu as compris ce que je veux dire. Mais en fait, maintenant que j'ai tout lu, ça fait sens. Beaucoup de sens. Et en fait je suis content d'avoir fait mon cringe et de t'avoir envoyé ça, parce que maintenant sérieusement, aussi étonnant que ça l'est pour moi, j'ai l'impression que ta réponse me parle beaucoup.

Je vais être sérieux ici parce qu'en plus du fait que ta réponse soit sérieuse, elle a éveillé une réflexion sérieuse pour moi.

Dans mon message - qui était en grande partie très cringe parce que j'aime bien, c'est ma personnalité - ce n'était pas très clair, mais moi non plus je ne vois pas du tout les hommes comme objet de désir, même sur tes dessins. Ce n'est pas pour ça que je les aime bien. Quand j'ai écrit mon message, je ne comprenais pas pourquoi je les aimais bien (et je ne suis toujours pas sûr maintenant). Tes dessins n'ont aucun effet sexuel sur moi, et que j'aime voir Danya-puppy féminisé non plus. Je n'ai aucune attirance pour ce personnage. D'ailleurs, je vois exclusivement le vrai Danya comme une bonne personne, avec qui je voudrais juste être ami (et ressembler, mais ça c'est aussi parce que je suis un transmasc complexé je pense...). Si je suis sincère, au début j'étais un peu gêné par tes dessins. C'était inconfortable même. Pas juste parce que c'est homosexuel et que je suis hétéro (du moins sur le plan romantique), je crois que c'est par rapport à moi, “je ne peux pas me permettre de regarder ça alors que je suis un bonhomme aha [rire nerveux]”. Après je ne sais pas pourquoi, j'ai eu envie de les revoir. Et j'ai juste trouvé les dessins mignons. Et après je les ai bien aimés. Ça m'a beaucoup troublé, et c'est d'ailleurs pour ça que j'ai écrit mon premier message. Quand je ne comprends pas mon cerveau, j'écris comme pour essayer de mettre les choses en ordre, pour essayer de les comprendre.

Sur le plan sexuel, en fait j'ai aussi du mal avec ça. Quand c'est fictif ça me va (d'où les waifu haha). Mais je n'arrive pas à me représenter moi-même physiquement, parce que mon corps me dégoûte, et que je fais tout pour l'oublier. Quand j'imagine des choses uniquement romantiques, ça va. Mais le toucher je ne supporte pas.

D'ailleurs la seule personne qui pouvait me toucher était ma sœur, enfin pas vraiment mais c'est compliqué à expliquer. Mais c'était la seule personne dont la présence et la chaleur ne me dérangeait pas. Et depuis qu'elle est partie, c'est très difficile pour moi.

J'y pense, mais en fait si je n'ai jamais été intéressé par n'importe quel contenu gay, c'est probablement parce que je n'étais jamais tombé dessus. C'est la première fois que je lis/regarde vraiment, et je crois que je viens juste de découvrir que ça m'intéresse. Peut-être qu'avant je n'en avais juste pas besoin, parce que j'avais ma sœur, et c'était elle qui m'aidait avec mes problèmes. Maintenant qu'elle n'est plus là, je traîne beaucoup plus en ligne, parce que je me saoule à mon écran d'ordinateur pour m'échapper. Je pense que c'est le facteur décisif.

Et c'est (pas) drôle parce que moi aussi je ne me sens pas légitime. À dire que je suis un homme. Parfois je me dis que non, je ne devrais pas dire ça. J'ai été pendant longtemps dans le déni. Encore une fois, c'était ma sœur qui m'a sauvé du déni, et qui me rassurait à propos de ma légitimité. C'était juste la personne dont j'avais besoin (et d'ailleurs parfois je me demande si c'était pas toxique, mais on était très fusionnels). Maintenant je me sens seul, très seul, et je ne sais pas comment gérer mes problèmes tout seul. Je ne sais plus quoi faire, et je suis en train de chercher. Alors je comprends très bien en fait, que ce que tu fais soit un mécanisme d'adaptation.

Maintenant je me demande si ce n'est pas juste pour la même raison que toi, au final, si j'aime tes dessins. Parce que mes fictions hétéro ont toujours eu un côté amère. J'ai toujours détesté n'importe quel contenu avec un couple hétéro avec des rôles genrés parfaits. Parce que je me dis que non, ce sera jamais pour moi, parce que je me dis que je ne suis pas un vrai homme. Et maintenant je suis presque en train de pleurer (et je t'assure que me faire pleurer est un miracle, je suis insensible. ça veut dire qu'il y a bien quelque chose de vrai dans ce que je raconte, je ne pense pas être complètement à côté de la plaque).

Je suis heureux que ce que tu fais, qui est personnel, puisse plaire à d'autres gens qui ne sont pas dans ton cas. Mais peut-être que dans mon cas, c'est le même mécanisme qui me fait aimer tes dessins ?

Enfin je sais pas. J'ai du mal avec tout ça je n'ai jamais été très lucide de ma situation, mon mécanisme a toujours été le déni (et c'est déjà incroyable que j'assume ça XD).

Enfin mon soutien (je sais pas quoi dire et ça me semble bizarre de dire ça mais ça me semble aussi bizarre de dire autre chose ou rien, donc tu sais que je sais pas quoi dire voilà XD).

(au fait je ne sais pas ce que veut dire yaoi, mais je pense quand même avoir compris. j'ai juste peur qu'internet me juge.)

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Wow, I wasn't expecting a reply as long as my message - not because I don't welcome it, but because it never happens. In fact, I'm really glad to hear your own thoughts, because I think one of the reasons I'm doing this is to make others feel more comfortable doing the same.

I admit, I didn't expect you to be... you, I don't know how to say it, I hope you understand what I mean. But actually, now that I've read all your entire reply, it makes sense. A lot of sense. And I'm glad I did my cringe thing and sent you that message, because now, seriously, as surprising as it is to me, I feel like your response really resonates with me.

I'm going to be serious here because, in addition to the fact that your answer is serious, it has made me think seriously about it.

In my message - which was mostly very cringe because I like it and that's just my personality - it wasn't very clear, but I don't see men as objects of desire either, even in your drawings. That's not why I like them. When I wrote my message, I didn't understand why I like them (and I'm still not sure now). Your drawings have no sexual effect on me, and seeing Danya-puppy feminized either. I have no attraction to this character. In addition, I exclusively see the real Danya as a good person with whom I would just like to be friends (and resemble, but that's also because I'm a complexed transmasculine, I think...). To be honest, at first I was a little embarrassed by your drawings. It was uncomfortable, even. Not just because it's homosexual and I'm straight (at least romantically), I think it's because of me, “I can't look at this because I'm a real man, haha [nervous laugh]” (I know it's meaningless, but I can't help thinking about it). Then, I don't know why, but I wanted to see them again. And I just thought the drawings were cute. And then I really liked them. It really bothered me, which is why I wrote my first message. When I don't understand my brain, I write as if to try to put things in order, to try to understand them. And the cringe is a way to lighten the mood for me and others.

About sexuality, I actually have a lot of trouble with that. When it's fictional, I'm fine with it (here the waifu, haha). But I can't imagine myself physically, because my body disgusts me, and I do everything I can to forget about it. When I imagine purely romantic things, I'm fine. But I can't tolerate touch.

In fact, the only person who could touch me was my sister, well, not really, but it's complicated to explain. But she was the only person whose presence and warmth didn't upset me. And since she's gone, it's been very difficult for me.

I think about it, but actually, if I've never been interested in any gay content, it's probably because I've never come into contact with it. This is the first time I've really read/watched it, and I think I've just discovered that I'm interested in it. Maybe I just didn't need it before, because I had my sister, and she was the one who helped me with my problems. Now that she's gone, I spend a lot more time online, because I get drunk in front of my computer screen to escape. I think that's the deciding factor.

And it's (not) funny because I don't feel legitimate either. To say that I am a man. Sometimes I tell myself that no, I shouldn't say that. I was in denial for a long time. Once again, it was my sister who saved me from denial and reassured me about my legitimacy. She was just the person I needed (and sometimes I wonder if it wasn't toxic, but we were very connected). Now I feel alone, very alone, and I don't know how to handle my problems on my own. I don't know what to do anymore, and I'm searching. So I understand very well that what you're doing is a coping mechanism.

Now I wonder if it's not just for the same reason as you, in the end, that I like your drawings. Because my heterosexual fiction has always had a bitter side. I've always hated any content with a heterosexual couple with perfect gender roles. Because I tell myself that no, it will never be for me, because I think I'm not a real man. And now I'm almost crying (And I assure you that just making me want to cry, even if my tears don't flow, is a miracle. I am insensitive. That means there is some truth in what I say. I don't think I'm completely off the mark).

I'm glad that what you do, which is personal, can appeal to other people who aren't in your situation. But maybe in my case, it's the same mechanism that makes me love your drawings ?

Well, I don't know. I have a lot of trouble with all this. I've never been very clear-headed about my own situation, my mechanism has always been denial (and it's already incredible that I'm admitting this XD).

Finally, my support (I don't know what to say and it feels weird to say that, but it also feels weird to say something else or nothing at all, so you know I don't know what to say, there you go XD).