maple syrup.

His eyes shot open as he sat up in bed. His chest was tight. It mirrored the same feeling of heartbreak. It was like waking up from the most perfect dream. The one he had wished to never wake up from. IT was a beautiful, sugar coated fantasy. As if it would ever happen, he shook his with a small cynical laugh. Yeah, a fantasy was all it was for him. Every chance he had to move forward, he just stood frozen. It wasn’t healthy. 

Stephen pulled his knees up to his chest as he stared blankly at the wall. What was wrong with him? It was just a dream. Just a dream where he had finally gotten the chance to be with the one he loved. But, he had to keep repeating to himself, it was nothing more than a dream. A dream that caused the broken star to fall further into whatever hell this was. Slowly, he turned his sights to the empty half of the bed. It was still empty. Had been for months. He closed his eyes and laid his weary head on his folded arms.

All he could think of was finding a way to numb this pain. He couldn’t bear it any longer. It was getting harder to hide behind a fake smile. A smile to help hide his loneliness. Why couldn’t he finally be able to smile for real? Make a smile last that wasn’t forced. This wasn’t much of a life for him to be living. No one knew how hard it was getting. No one could know.

Raising his head up and leaning against the head board, he opened his eyes. They filled with tears quickly. Turning to his right, he faced his one cure for this whole thing. A half drunken bottle of Jack Daniels. Without any hesitation, he took a strong grip around the neck of the bottle and twisted the lid off. That’s when he did hesitate. Was this the best way to cover up his problems? Shaking his head, he shoved the bottle to his lips and chugged a bit back.  It burned, but he loved the feeling. It made him feel alive for only a moment. That’s when he repeated the process. 

As he let his arm with the bottle lay down, the tears fell. It was almost ironic really. The man who plays a hero needed saving. The question was- could someone save him before it was too late? The bottle slipped from his grasps as he began to cry harder. The alcohol wasn’t cutting it anymore. It wasn’t numbing it the way it used to. “Fuck.” He spat out breathlessly as the tears stained his cheeks and sheets. It’s funny that he wasn’t the one who seemed broken, but he was an actor. He was good at portraying fake things. His feelings? They were becoming the easiest yet hardest to fake. 

After having been roused from being under so deep, it took her a second to realize what had woken her; before she reached for her cell blindly, without bothering to look at the caller ID. It hadn’t occurred to Emily to do so, her mind still fuzzy and acting on instinct until cognitive thinking could kick into gear. “...Hello?” she answered, her voice raspy with sleep, unsure who could possibly be calling at such a late hour. The despairing sobs sobered Emily up quickly like a bucket of freezing cold water to the face. 

She frowned at first, but in the split second it took her to recognize the familiar deep resonance -- she stopped, only to hold a hand to her chest, an abyss of a well forming there; where her heart immediately dropped into darkness below. The strangled words that she clearly heard coming from him, pleading with an anguish and pain that she had never heard from him before.

It filled her with sorrow and a heartache that buried itself into her very bones. A lump had formed in her throat and any words that she may have said, disappeared, leaving her tongue blank; without a reply. It almost sounded like a completely different person, and maybe if it hadn’t been in the dead of night, and she hadn’t been talking into her phone in the pitch darkness, maybe she would have stupidly passed this off as a joke, some kind of elaborate prank of some kind. Maybe it wasn’t Stephen at all like she’d assumed, and it was someone else she knew who was going through a crisis and needed her help.

But no..she had become so familiar with the pitch of his voice, the tone of it when tethered to different emotions. There could be no doubt in her mind who was on the other end of the line and a glance at her screen confirmed it anyway. Apparently she hadn’t answered him -- again, stupid. Of course she’d come to him, she’d drop everything if that were the case. Her heart raced in her chest as she pushed the covers off of her and made her way out of her bedroom. “Y-Yes..I’m here Stephen. Of course -- I’m on my way, okay? Just..just hold on, I’ll be there really soon, stay there.”

“--Don’t..don’t do anything until I get there, okay? Please just...” she tried not to get frantic or panic, but she cared too much to have the strength to pretend like she wasn’t affected. “--..I’ll be there soon”, she promised before hanging up. Grabbing her keys and her coat, she headed out the door and luckily hailed a taxi within a minute.

If there is a God, your senses are right! 

It made him laugh softly to himself when he read that she was going to try and dress better. She never had to do that. To him, seeing someone wore out or nearing the brink of a break down was beautiful. It helped show who the person truly was. It was kind of ironic, huh? The man who thought beauty came from being at your worst kept playing like he was perfect and okay.

The soft smile turned bigger as he saw her appear at the door. “I always try to be quick about it.” He joked. “Thanks.” Stephen uttered before moving quickly into the home, so she could close the door. Hearing that she opened him a beer, he nodded happily. “That’s more than okay.” He was never one to turn down a drink. There was a deeper reasoning behind it, but for now, he would keep that to himself. Again, it fueled his fear of rejection. The same rejection he felt by Cassandra. 

Suffice to say, the difference may be subtle at a mere glance or even when looking but not really..well looking -- but something...a feeling of some kind, told her he wasn’t okay. No matter what he said or how much he smiled, something inside her told her she shouldn’t take anything at face value. There were truths to be found behind the bravado he projected on the outside.

She was glad he found the beer adequate, as she had not thought to ask before she selected him something to drink. Perhaps it was because she felt like she knew him all too well by now, that decisions -- like what he preferred to eat or drink; at least for simple day time nutrition, came naturally. She supposed it was a part of working with someone for so long and so closely. Emily moved over to stand by Stephen, picked up her glass as she did so and took a small sip of her wine.

Stephen had come back to Vancouver not long ago. It was a place of beauty and wonder. Something he hadn’t had in so long. Everyday being here made him a little bit stronger. It made him realize that all that had happened up to this point happened for a reason. From his marriage, to the birth of his daughter, to his divorce, and to finding all of his friends. It was like a new world for the young actor, and he was planning on seizing the moment, or as his best friend says “Carpe Omnes. It’s not only seizing the day, but Seize everything.” or something like that. He was never good at remembering how exactly it went, but it stuck with him. That’s what he had to keep telling himself everyday. Not only should he seize the new day, but he should seize everything and take it by the reins and run with it. 

As he drove down the road with the windows down and music playing, he couldn’t help, but be thankful for his friends. Especially ones like, Emily. She was always there for him. They hadn’t known each other long, but she was someone he knew he could run to if need be.  That’s the one thing in this world filled with doubts and worries that he knew was true. She always knew how to make him smile or get out of his head for even a moment. He treasured that and her deeply.

On the radio, a familiar song came on. One that just made him stop for a moment. Well, that and the red light. It was that new Adele song. He caught himself slowly beginning to sing along as the light turned green. “I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet….To go over everything..They say that time’s supposed to heal ya, but I ain’t done much healing..” He softly sang out as he pulled slowly into Emily’s driveway. He stopped singing and just let the words flow over him. Every lyric and verse reminded him of how it was with Cass after the divorce, but he knew he couldn’t just sit in the car and mope. 

Emily hummed quietly along to the sad long notes with a faint smile on her face as she put down her phone. Although she joked about trying to look decent, she didn't bother trying to alter her appearance, perfectly comfortable with Stephen seeing her so plain and casual. After some years working on the show with him, he’d seen her tired and exhausted at late shoots that ran early into the morning, and happened upon her in the make-up chair, pre make-up and before her caffeine jolt.

She was past the point of being embarrassed in front of him, at least where attire and presentation were concerned. Emily didn’t think he’d be too long more, so as she waited, she fed Ophelia and opened a beer for Stephen and poured a glass of white wine for herself, set it down on the table, just as she heard a knock on the door and a familiar voice call out to her from behind it. His tone made her smile softly and chew on her bottom lip unconsciously as she opened the door to see Stephen standing there. Immediately resting against the frame, she greeted him warmly, “hey, you made it in good time,” before she opened it wider and stepped aside to allow him entry, “--come on in.”