You sit on the trunk of your car waiting for her to pull around. The November air is cool but you can’t help but sweat, fearing that you still haven’t lived up to her standards, that you still haven’t done enough, that all the changed she made to you still weren’t enough for you to be loved. She parks her car and gets out and almost runs to you and practically jumps onto. You console her, and tell her everything would be okay. Having her in your arms felt your world was turn back upright and all your stars had realigned. You both don’t move for a long time and sit there in silence. She pulls back just enough to look up at you and smirk a little bit. The pain in her bloodshot eyes, is enough to break your but that slight smile keeps you together. You both stare deep each other’s eyes for the longest time.”You look good”, “you do too” you reply. She moves in to kiss you but you draw away. Thinking back, you can only seem to recall of her telling you about Marcus and their relationship. You can only remember that she had never really been invested in the one you both had together. She seems shocked and a bit hurt, but still don’t understand why. “Kiss me” she says in the smallest voice. You’re heart skips a beat, The words you’ve been waiting to hear for years, and now they don’t seem to make sense. You’re cynical of her intentions. “Where was our first date?” you ask her with a slight crack in you voice. She seems confused.
“Where was our first date?” you repeat, this time more sternly.
“Whats my favorite show? Where did I grow up? When did I fall in love with you? What is the song I have for your contact when you call”. She falls stagnant, sheepishly giving in her answers through the silence.
“ We went to NCCHR our first date. You wore that yellow floral blouse, beige skirt and your favorite pair of chuck taylors with the rip on the inside of the left shoe. My favorite show is The Wire. I fell in love with you that day my car broke down and we walked 7 miles in the rain back to mom’s house, laughing and making jokes the whole time, and me taking care of you that whole day after cause you caught that cold and your feet hurt. Charlene plays when you call.”
She can no longer bear your gaze, and has let you go and turned away from you.
“You spent all that time changing me into him, you never even took the chance to really understand who I was. All the while I let ‘love’ blind me to the fact that you never really wanted me for who I was, only the ghost of who you wanted me to be.”
The air falls motionless.
“Whats my name?” you finally ask.
She turns to you, “Marcus I jus-” she stop when she realizes her mistake.
“Exactly like I thought. You need to leave.”
You turn back around and slowly walk back inside, close the door behind you and slide down its frame and let the tears roll.
A text pops up from her a few minutes later and reads, ‘ What happened to you being my prince?…’
You stare at the screen and slowly type out ‘I have my own autonomy now’- delete her thread and lock your phone.
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