(I finished my freshman year this spring with a 4.0 GPA, an off-campus research internship, and three professors contacting me suggesting that I apply for a fulbright scholarship.  These tips aren’t coming out of my ass.) 

1. LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SAY THIS: YOU DO NOT NEED TO “GET INVOLVED” IN STUPID CLUBS IF YOU DON’T ENJOY THEM.  Hear “get involved! :)” for the 1000th time and just barf in your mouth a little and move on.  If you work hard and get good grades, and socialize with people on campus when you have free time (it comes more naturally than you think) YOU WILL.  BE.  FINE.  Actually better than fine.  You’ll have time to get a real job/internship, which by the way, is what the real world wants to see you prioritizing.  Moral of the story: Only join clubs if they help your personality thrive and feel healthy.  Don’t do them because you feel pressured.  

2. DON’T TAKE SHIT FROM A N Y O N E. I know you’re trying to fit in and take the stance of trying to make everyone happy to make sure you’ll have plenty of friends.  But you have to realize that you literally just met these people, and they just met you.  If they create an uncomfortable environment for you that makes college harder to cope with, get them the fuck out of your life. Ain’t nobody got time for people’s high school-ass drama.  

3. SKIP YOUR CLASSES SOMETIMES.  If you really have your shit together, it won’t matter.  Your school will say the amount of skips you can get away with before it harms your grade.  Use. Them.

4. BECOME THE MASTER OF WRITING ESSAYS IN ONE NIGHT.  You will have to.  I’m telling you right the fuck now.  And you can get an A, if you work your lil ass off. I’ve done it many times.  

5. DON’T CARE FOR EVEN 1 SECOND WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU.  If you wanna wear sweats and no makeup, do it.  If you want to dress up and take time to put on makeup, do it.  If you want to stay away from partying, do it.  If you want to party, have a good ass time.  If anyone has enough time to judge you, they need to be studying harder or getting a hobby.  Make yourself comfortable and happy as fuck and enjoy your time in college worry-free. 

6. BE THE ASSHOLE WITH A TABLET OR LAPTOP IN LECTURE.  You won’t have time to copy it all down.  You’ll be miserable.  Just trust me.  I know studies say its more effective to write stuff down for memory, but, write them out later or something.  Learned that one the hard way.

7. DON’T REWRITE YOUR NOTES IF IT DOESN’T HELP YOU STUDY.  If you know doing that doesn’t help you memorize, don’t do it, period.  Or, if you have a collossal asston of notes (like I did) it isn’t even worth rewriting them all in the first place. I’ve fallen down that hole and lost motivation and time.  Just reread them or make flashcards or whatever.  Study for effectiveness, not aesthetic.

8. BE PREPARED FOR LAB TO GO THE “WHOLE TIME.”  Yah, you’re gonna see 3 hours on that brand-shiny-new schedule of yours and be like there’s no way it’ll go that long, right? LOL about that.  Just mentally brace yourself.  Eat and drink beforehand for the love of god we don’t need hangry people handling chemicals.  

9. COMMUTING DOESN’T MAKE YOU A LONER.  Just.  No. If you live close to campus, are comfortable with commuting, and know you’ll save yourself MAJOR debt by doing it, do it and don’t feel a fucking ounce of guilt about it.  It’ll be some early mornings, but your fresh out of college broke ass will thank you, and you’ll use your time more effectively.  (Plus you get a non grimy shower like??)

• september 7, 2019 •