you really blew the pooch

new mychart message! aw damn....doc says my reality and existence lab work was wayyy off so she's referring me to an Ontologist

so fucking stupid that meds literally work. "swallow this pebble it makes you think" hateful

im just someones weird sister

i drinka the coffee i get big

Dealing with burnout is sooooooooooooooo easy all you need to do is operate at 40% indefinitely and be kind of mad at yourself the whole time.

Lolll *washes up unconscious on the shore* Yaaaaayyy

it's meee I'm your guardian angel hiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 so. in about six months, you're gonna die of starvation. 🥺 and if I don't protect you, I will get: #fired! 🫢 and that is No Good 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa So. 🙏 I looked into causes of starvation, and it turns out: Your death is totally preventable! 😯 Uh oh! 😆 There's more than enough food to sustain you without interfering with anyone else's survival, but you're not allowed to have it! 🤨 Whaaat? 🤷‍♀️ Apparently, your death is premeditated by thousands of things called "shareholders." So. 🙏 I've been killing people,

when i talk shit about golfing, please know that none of it is about mini golf. it could never be about her. she's done nothing wrong in her entire life. god's perfect little putt putt.

i say idgaf and then im still dreaming about my childhood best friend

hey sexy what time do you plan on being done grieving

oh, honestly I was planning on reopening the same wounds again and again and again and again and again and again and again

sorry that i ended two consecutive messages with "lmao." i don't know why i did that. it looks really dumb doesn't it. i'll edit one to get rid of it. you can end my stupid pathetic life if you want

sorry that i ended two consecutive messages with "lmao." i don't know why i did that. it looks really dumb doesn't it. i'll edit one to get rid of it. you can end my stupid pathetic life if you want

that looks so good. can i ask you something?

being alive is pissing me off. where are the moments of respite