Elodon

a quick and dirty shader mixing guide i scribbled together on twitter at 2 am

I put the four outfits I used in the thread that are a little hard to see under the cut:

Then the human shows up, tastes it, and likes the pain. So now there's this flightless fucking mammal eating the chili. Like not even a fruit bat or anything, a flightless fucking mammal chomping on the chili.

What the fucking shit, God, cried the chili, I specifically requested the opposite of this.

Now hold on, wait a moment, replied the God who talks to plants but has no idea what the fuck these apes are going to do next. It might be something cool.

And in a flash of a second, in barely fraction of the time that chili took to develop capsaicin, the humans went from walking across land bridges and rowing little boats across small waters, into building ships that could cross oceans. More humans tasted the chili, and liked the pain. They took the seeds with them, and planted it elsewhere.

See? They spread the seeds.

They're still not flying, said the chili, still feeling insulted and betrayed.

But before the conversation was over, the humans were still not done fucking around and nowhere close to finding out. The ships became machines, and another machine was invented, capable of flight. Now, not only were the humans farming chili on continents far too far away for any of the birds that originally ate it could dream of flying, but the chili flew with them to lands where it could possibly not grow, so that humans over there could also eat it and enjoy the pain.

You see? They spread your seeds and fly.

anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."

just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.

i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.

when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.

but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.

i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?

most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.

now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.

and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.

Some punks with more guts than brains tried to charge him and Guard Fenton just stared them down until the inmates lost their nerve and wouldn’t get any closer than ten feet from Fenton. The lights flicker. He doesn’t move, doesn’t blink. The man might not even breathe. The feeling is similar to walking through the forest and stumbling across a bear standing in your path. Something that seems so friendly from a distance but you dare not cross in close quarters. Something that makes your heart fall out through the seat of your pants. 

Hardened crooks who would willingly risk being tracked down by The Bat if they escaped won’t gamble their chances with Fenton. The guy simply has bad vibes, “horror movie vibes” as Harley so eloquently puts it. For everyone who has the good sense to stay put during Danny’s shift they get a bright, friendly smile and a congratulatory  “Good choice” during his rounds later. Two words that feel suspiciously like dodging a bullet. 

Fun Bonus Ideas:

Inmates place bets as to what kind of messed up stuff Fenton gets up to in has spare time to have such sketchy vibes. The most popular vote is serial killer. Another fan favourite guess is underground fighter, the Deathmatch variety. 

Newer inmates are like ???? Why the fuck do you let this guy push you around??? He’s a child like half your size???

Danny, directly behind them- breathing cool vapor down their necks with his spooky fukcn eyes:

Personally I think the Ao3 one is of higher quality :)

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/14032172/1/Danny-is-an-Arkham-Security-Guard

https://archiveofourown.org/works/36363223/chapters/90658183

A long long time ago, in a sea far far away, called the Sea of Stars, there was a powerful and cruel Empire that ruled over the sea’s countless islands. On and among many of these islands, there was a small but courageous Rebellion, seeking to cast down the Empire and win freedom for the islanders. As we join our story, the Rebellion has recently discovered that the Empire has built a great magical weapon, powerful enough to destroy entire islands, in the form of a huge armored battleship called the Death Star. The rebel Princess Leia is aboard her own much smaller ship, fleeing the pursuing Imperial forces, in possession of the arcane secrets of the Death Star’s making …

So yes, magic is everywhere in this retelling. Darth Vader’s armor is magical and he will die if he takes it off, but while he wears it he can ignore blows that would kill anyone else. The lightsaber doesn’t even need to be translated; it’s a magical sword with a blade fashioned of light, that the wielder can ignite or extinguish at will. Artoo and Threepio are possibly magical creatures made of metal, or possibly just servants (one who never talks, one who almost never stops talking). All of the aliens are either Weird Foreign People or Uncanny Creatures such as goblins, trolls, et cetera. And the Force is the Force, of course, of course. (Really, the only part that might seriously confuse a medieval audience is the complete absence of Christianity.)

the Lucent Tales book is lovely and full of insight, but I particularly like the third story because it offers some (super cool) information on the origins of the adorable moths, as told through the research notes of Krill, ghost to Ubartu-ana. magiscience aside, there is a lot to unpack here. Ubartu-ana is clearly an ass, but Krill themself is not exactly a fan of the Hive either - at the very least not of their Hive. is this because of their lightbearer’s cruelty upon being rezzed? how many doubts did Krill have? did they give in to peer pressure, did they hear an unexplainable call to choose this person in particular? what shape do their regrets take? how does it feel, to wait for so long and have their hope so simply crushed? do they, too, consider the proto-Hive “weak pests”, do they echo Ubartu-ana’s sentiments upon meeting him, or do they still see some merit in the Hive they might’ve perhaps seen when they made their choice? is their research merely scientific curiousity or do they hope to heal the ailments of Ubartu-ana’s patients? all of these? none? is the final line, of their name - Krill - being poetic in that everything of value about Ubartu-ana came from his ghost, a clue to their original opinion, or a cruel little joke of Krill’s own?

I realized that there weren’t really any super detailed Destiny OC sheets, so I spent a good few hours making this one. It’s completely free to use, and feel free to take notes based on it if you don’t want to use the actual sheet. I tried to make it as straightforward as possible, but in case I didn’t make something clear enough, I made an example one using my main guardian, Atlas the Titan Boi. If you want to repost it, I left instructions on the final page of the document about reposting and what my boundaries are.

If you do end up using any part of it, or just want me to see your guardian, TAG ME!! I want to see your guardians, and it makes me so happy to know that I maybe helped someone out.

Happy Worldbuilding!!

-Ez