Elm and Vine

Knee deep in composers weekend which is actually busy as shit!

It turns out the fucking doe puppet song I'm writing is gonna tear people's hearts out like the beginning of up because it's beautiful and gentle and about discovering the world around you.

It's like the puppeteer made this puppet have life and wobbly knees and a natural curiosity about the forest as it is old enough to finally explore on its own.

There's this sense of joy and excitement and unease. It's a waltz with weird time sig changes. And getting to compose to that has been so fun. Im straight like tom and jerrying the video of the puppet at the piano and moving to the flute afterwards.

I love looking back on life and how my love of music and composing and puppets has kind of brought me here. Composing is not something I think people associate with me. It's more popular to be a producer but honestly I am such a sucker for analog instruments and my biggest dream rn is to conduct an orchaestra playing music I wrote. I kind of would love to take composition classes there's a few classical schools in Chicago maybe it will be composers summer.

A year or so ago I got approached to do music for a puppet show for a stranger. I literally have no concept of who they were I still don't really have knowledge of how they knew who I was but I was in the process of a YES year. I wrote music I assisted with Foley and really headed up sound design. I was asked back for another performance of the same show and blessed be my papa died and I had to fly to Florida for a funeral and miss the performance. So I rush ordered a recording of the music and gave them instruments for Foley and said godspeed.

I'm so glad I put that extra effort in because my God showing that level of reliability and effort and I think care meant 1. Casey got to show their show to a broader audience which got them this expansion grant and 2. I was invited to continue composing for the piece as we expanded it.

What a fucking phenomenal experience getting to do puppet composition and live sound performance has been. I get to just be the cogs for the show, but I'm part of the spectacle which the showrunner and puppetmaker has openly admitted. The change of instruments from moment to moment and scene to scene is really fun and gets to use all my talents in such a cool way.

I never thought I would get to be here that instrument collection and the journey I've had taking lessons in so many things has really taken root in something like this, something that... Idk is so aligned with my soul? Is that weird to say. My interests my passions and my skills and talents. I'm so grateful someone saw that in me and I'm so grateful that I just was like who cares where I met you hell yeah let's do it.

Also I got a violin out of it haha which a violin and a 100 dollars is pretty great if you ask me. I also have access to a choir now I asked one of the puppeteers if I could contract them for my choir song on the album and they were like what fuck yeah.

I canceled one of my studio days which was SO necessary I'm so busy and burnt out. I have one more month of personal training but I actually like the gym now so I will hopefully still be going without a trainer even just to go on long walks or stair masters. Anyway

I tallied up my spending since I have put myself and my music at forefront

Cost of lessons, paying artists, my live show expenditures, the cost of actually recording the album and I as it turns out love buying instruments still to this day

My lessons have cost me as much as the album itself! Mostly piano, large amount of vocals and recently dance as well. I'm really enjoying the self improvement side of working on the album because I get to have all this experience in me that didn't exist before, but it is very ephemeral. For piano I didn't even have a piano song on the album until last month when I added a new one. I feel like I am really working out muscles I haven't in a long time. And even though my personal training is technically for my back I really have been working out for my singing as well. My goal is to do cardio 4 times a week and really work on my breathing and core muscles.

Bought a lot of instruments and studio gear that is gonna last me. And only time will tell if spending 1500 a song is a good price for recording all included. I'm delighted with the results so far. Especially for someone used to spending zero. I'm definitely struggling I think with conceptually how much I spend on myself these days. It feels very selfish. I did not grow up with a lot of money. I did not ever ask for things, not games, not experiences, not even food. I felt strange asking for stuff as I got older and the reality of our situation set in. Only asked for stuff mom said she was gonna buy already. I remember for homecoming I got a dress that was 100 dollars and was like no please don't spend that on me. Then wore it multiple years.

Dad wanted to book me studiotime and I said no that's a waste of money and honestly yeah I was no where near ready to be in a studio. And I spend money on myself all the time now because I worked my ass off in college for 9 years and got a good job which I'm very proud of but for Elm and Vine? In a way that's like Im gonna take a large percentage of my take home and bet on myself. Bet that my music is good. Bet that it's enjoyable to listen to. Bet that people who play it have fun like I do.

I'm only gonna do the 6 songs. Make an EP. Print CDs. Send it to labels send it to radio DJs send it to friends and family. Then all that money is going back into savings for my future and I'm gonna just move on. Maybe do performances. Sell the CDs at tables. Id

I finished up a super cool commission this weekend and my payment was a ticket to the show it's gonna be the intro of. I'm actually excited but crazy nervous this will be my first time sitting in a room watching a room full of people listen to something I made. It might be nothing. It might be insanely long it's 30 seconds for an hour long show so idk.

I have some voice lessons I have to go to before it. So I am hoping singing for an hour gets all my anxiety out. I'm very excited to go but I'm crazy nervous I'm expecting for people to spin around in their seats and hiss and boo at me.

Idk it just this is a group of film maker and stage producers so getting their approval on it as a concept is really important to me because it might mean other cool work in the future including like actual composition work which is such a dream.

I just need to remember regardless of how it goes I can always compose for my own damn self and if people hiss and bo I don't need them. Because work is fun again. And I love physics and simulations. And life is a nightmare.... I'm sad again. I do have to go tho. Bless my lil chillins heart he's so cute. I am so anxiety

I am so excited for this album. I'm writing another song for it because oops of course I am and I realize even though I can't get a full orchaestra like I planned I can definitely compose for a quartet. I have this dream of getting to show off my composition skills in some way with music because despite the fact I'm composing for almost every instrument on the album I Love Classical Music and feel some kind of way about proving myself as a composer who is self taught.🪥

Anyway this is gonna be a great pizzicato piece something I love when a song has this light and airy music that leads kind of into a pop punk electric guitar situation. I feel really confident this one is gonna be just another banger on an album of bangers.

I was telling my sister I'm sorry this album is taking me so long but I'm so proud that each song has such a unique take on something I struggle with, and my voicing of my relationship with different aspects of my life and hardships and each song is special in such different ways. There isn't a single song I'm not excited about and when there is I listen to it until I come up with something I like.

And each one has a different bell I'm so excited about that. There used to be a reason for it but now it's just for me more than anything. Live recorded by me of course. Usually sampled. Sometimes performed in the studio. I'm just. I'm so happy.

I sometimes have this out of body experience imagining the child in me who used music as a way to manage the pain I felt and I look down at myself now 30, feeding my cat in my apartment and saying "I gotta finish this commission for my friends show so I can get back to work writing my song" and I'm just that little child again skipping school to play ukulele by the pond.

And went off it 3 days

And I... I wrote a song. And part of me is afraid.

This medicine is the best thing that has ever happened to me I talk about it all the time.

But like I barely write or sing when I'm on it. I'm not positive that is why but like the discomfort I feel from my emotions the release valve was art and if I don't feel the discomfort do I not need the release??

This is very Diane from BH coded but. Am I me without my music. Am I me? The song I wrote was so good. I never do that anymore. In my past what was once a spigot of never ending pain and beauty is now drips. And only when I'm accidentally unmedicated?

I've been having a hard time lately. I way over did it last year and I'm trying to let myself rest. Being met with illness, pain and fatigue so it was extremely needed. However I signed up for 4 big things, 2 studio days and 2 commissions. I just also didn't consider how much it would take out of me at this point. I never finished editing video for second studio day. I never finished the website. And I'm really proritizing my new friendships right now. If I'm being real performing was always intended to make friends and show people my music. I kinda did that enough. Now that my music isn't really on the Internet I'm not chasing any numbers or metrics I got from that. I am allowing myself the grace to stop doing the short form video thing because I hate them. And I miss actually making the music. I miss playing piano and writing songs. So I'm just retreating a bit.

I had to unfortunately reschedule studio day 1 for Jethro. I think I'm just terrified of it as a concept it feels cursed and I don't want it on the album. So I'm gonna record it later. However! I am still going full throttle on the June studio day I think it will be fun and good and being able to focus on it will be important to me. I just don't think I can do both. Especially with my commissions I'm doing.

Now commissions I think shouldn't in priorities take top tier but if I'm being so real I love them because they push me out of my comfort zone, i learn a LOT from doing them, making something for someone else's vision means I get to put my spin on an idea someone else has. I get to use instruments I don't typically use. I get to have outside critiques that I have to listen to because it's a product.

I learned about a Dorian scale for this commission I'm almost done with, due at April. It's not paid and it's for friends but I'm so proud of it, it's a real quick intro. They have a DnD comedy show coming up and wanted a Kazoo Choir. I gave that but my sister said it sounds like a swarm of bees and they agreed. So I had to go back and take some kazoo out and add another instrument which I have a Lyre I never use. Just for my memory I found out after I had by ear a week before already tuned it accidentally to not only a Dorian scale but the exact root Dorian scale I used for the kazoo part so that was so wild to find out. I had just tried making it sound kind of medieval. I think I did something really cool with it and I'm really excited for them to listen to it but they still haven't responded. Sister said she thinks this is the one.

Just the idea that music I made is also going to be featured in some media outside of my current zone is so cool to me. These friends are starting to be sort of a live production team with 2 shows under their belt and I'm kind of hoping this is a step in to maybe me getting to do more music for them to have during their shows: intros, outros,bumpers sound effects. I'm so glad they asked me. Ugh I hope they like it

The other commission is an extension of the one I did last year for the live puppet show. I wanna pour a lot of fun in to that one but it is requiring me to pick up instruments I haven't touched in a bit. I'm thiiiinking of getting a better theramin. Thinking of getting a new ukulele it's been 10 years and 5 years. I love both my Ukes but I need a tenor for this next song and I wanna have a good tone. Plus with the cancelled studio day I am saving a bit of money that can go toward new instruments.

I filled in the hotspots and the images for the puppet verse on idle. I need to get the animations for idle and open. I obviously want to sound design the entire site. Its a big dream to get to do foley sound design and composition more part time as a gig so getting that resume filled out means this website is a perfect place to demo my skills in that area which is going to be a massive project.

I don't think having it fully sound designed is necessary due to me having all the time in the world and this being my website and no deadlines. I'd really like to get this out there though! Even if it's kind of quiet.

Something before it gets out there I'd like to code a block of text that comes up on page load and disappears on a click which helps users know what the fuck is going on! Because what a weird website this is. For now it's just going to be a flavor text but eventually it's going to be Picard saying it to you as you explore each area.

I wanna finish all the hot links on the fun pages, though some myspace pages are going to have nothing because that is the most complicated layout I have so far.

I want to do the block of text that goes away on a click

I wanna finish the puppet everything links, and animations

I want to link all of the songs on all the character pages to Bandcamp for now

I want to finish the last two character pages and their songs (not long not complicated.)

I want to Coming Soon the fortune teller It doesn't need to show anything yet

I want to finish Linda's and Yukon's Page but not necessary.

It will be over.

I drank coffee at 4 pm, got jazzed as hell talked to my friend about the website and her excitement made me genuinely so excited to finish the beta of the site I spent almost 10 hours just making image and gif assets to plug into logic I haven't written yet.

Anyway the concept for the website has chrystallized over tonight. The idea for hidden pages and secrets and all this other stuff I already knew was going to be in the app including a Neopia style region selector AND stars based fortune teller AND my love of gold star stickers all is wrapped up in this home screen

And even more so to bring in the act of discovery: from page 1 the story is that the user is an alien or cadet exploring Elm and Vine Planet for the federation (or what ever I kind of want it to be nerd star trek but not necessary) and they are collecting pages to bring back to the ships archivist to learn about the creator Eli

There might be some grand even scheme I hide within the pages. Idk. Maybe the creator has a plan to blow it all up idk. I'm enjoying gamifyimh and thread weaving but For now it's just cool to look at my actual planning that went into all these projects. I'm literally so so proud of this site because it's just such a culmination of so much work and knowledge. The songs are just part of it. And what's more I never could figure out how to show off certain projects I make like a ballet? And musical? Idk I just had no clue. For now it's just so so nice to have a landing zone.

An example of the selection bridge board thing which I think will be the footer over the whole website for navigating purposes. It will allow the user to return to the planet or contact me at any time.

I think me learning to code is the best thing that's ever happened to me

The only part of the planet I have left (for now) is the puppet party. I don't exactly know how I am going to show off the work I did on puppets this year but there are a few ideas kicking around.

This is just such a perfect way to show off what a fucking freak I am but it's cool and clearly hard work so you kinda just gotta give me props for being a very dedicated freak.

.... What if me as Picard in the corner giving advice or introducing things. I have so many great photos of me as Picard.

All of these are assets rn nothing is coded. In fact I have so so much to code just from the assets I created tonight it might take me a week.

As well as the Rock Opera. A lot ofnpeople don't know --- hell only like 4 people do know, about a quarter of my songs are from a rock opera with characters and acts. I'd love to be able to let people walk through the concept art and ideation that I went through making it.

I finished another page today. Currently the plan is to have a VineSpace section which are ALL of my characters individual MySpace pages and music players with playlists of the songs I sing with them. That way people can explore them as individuals. All of the Ballet characters lead to this page

Which I spent all night on. Currently there is an animation that has a title screen and the opening curtain. Then there are hyperlink boxes on each character loading their song into the site player. The little me conductor in the corner is a secret you have to hover over the curtain to reveal it. And when you click a song doesn't play hut my reel on youtube for the Kazoochestra does play. Which I love. I love the fun and creative ways I get to integrate my different things into this site. So much that was lost to the world or o the algorithm now is FUN to find and discover. I could click around it all day. This is giving such big NeoPets and Homestar Runner vibes.

Other ideas I have so far since NeoPets is gonna be the inspiration, the main page is a big drawing I will commission from one of my artist friends. Or even better all of my artist friends and make a collage (?). Anyway I don't evenknow what each of the world's will be. I would LOVE a WIP graveyard where there's just an animation of me sobbing and placing a rose on the grave of a WIP and instead of a player its like... each headstone? And maybe in the corner there's a grave digger version of me and it says "click to vote what gets dug up next" and maybe as time goes on there can be like a list of Brought Back to Life songs

I want there to be a Carnival obviously. There are 3 acts. First act takes place at the carnival second act takes place at the carnival but it's bad now, and 3rd act is a wedding. It's so not fleshed out but it would be fun to get to make some images to show what's happening at each scene. Or something like that.

I would love a memory road style thing with my baby songs. Maybe a year book? Songs from my first sound cloud and the story behind them because there's quite a few I hate just live in the past.

Then uh the musical is SO not finished but I could include it as a building. The Ginny Bar. Pouring drinks etc. I mean it's still in Lanning phaes

And finally shit the album! Album Hub. I dont even know what it could be. Leave this Fight maybe its a train station. Bell Tower. Idk crazy. all I know is it's gotta have all the vlogs and all the work I am doing there because that's the first big thing people might wanna know about.

I have so many things I'm doing and it's all so cute and making it Neopets and homestar and MySpace and explorable music players is so much more fun and so much more my brand.

. Im tired boss. I signed up for 3 potential gigs, haven't heard from 2 of them but excited for the one I've secured. I need to make pocket lovers and think of some gags and bits I can say amd do to make them special. I'm not gonna do a big video for this one just a nod to last year and hand out the lovers. Bless it some people have been sad they didn't get any.

I finished the Lover printout this weekend and recorded a wrap up video of my year this year.

I'm neck deep in promo for the tour. So far there is (1) Stop but today I just got asked to host (!!!)an open mic on the 26th so you bet your ass that's becoming stop 2. If not also the actual open mic on the 19th haha

I also made puppet lovers this year, distinctly different than last year as i got to do so much puppet fun. And also sent messages to about 30 people offering to send them/give them specific ones! And for people who came out to shows and took pictures with me in costume they get special ones of those pictures.

Oop ok so I got qsked to Headline last minute because the headliner backed out. They asked yesterday I said I could sing a Christmas song and spent last evening and the train ride arranging one. I am gonna look through my other songs and see if I have anything else that I can fill 12 minutes with. Maybe dear sunflower. I figure 3 3:30 songs and a couple minutes of banter. I could even do 4 minutes of banter and 2 3 and a half minute songs. I'll look around.

Filling 12 minutes won't be hard. Filling it in a remarkable way is the trick. It's Ernest Lover. I have a lot of Ernest Lover songs just not many that are... Christmas.

I think im gonna do powerless and magpie and end on I'll be home for Christmas and call it a night. I have an hour today to finish up the arrangement and I only have one chorus left, maybe add a solo instrument and some bells and whistles and it will be done.

I'm so proud of myself that I not only am prepard to do a headline a day before but I can whip together an entire 4 string arrangement of a song in the 3 hours I have free before the performance.

I've started applying for shows for my december Magpie Tour. I hope to get at least 3 gigs and one open mic at my home place Eli Tea. I have one secured and one applied for. I have a couple more in mind. It could be cute to have something for puppets. I don't wanna stretch myself too thin like I always do so I'm gonna just do the same bit at each show. Either sing or slam poem. I also wanna make different characters for the pocket lover

I also finished my Halloween costume for Salem.

I wanted to recreate my rooster costume from when I was a kid. And I ended up looking showgirl so im gonna be a Show Rooster.

I had the idea for my costume to distinguish myself as a show rooster to make myself a blue ribbon to wear.

I'm actually so proud of the ribbon tbh.

Probably one of my favorite Halloween costumes I've done and a BITCH to pack and fly with. So many delicate parts. I didn't have a blue ribbon so I used the resistance band I got at physical therapy when I threw my back out.

I'm so excited to do this gig and the fact it's the first stop on my trip is so great because I get my jitters out early everything else is just have fun and frollic. And get tattoos and eat good food and Halloween vibes and play with my friends!

and the cost to rent a car/Uber all month really killed me. I have decided it's time to really start taking my exercise seriously since my body is now my main mode of transportation. When the body breaks down I'm SOL. So tonight after work I'm going to the Gym for just 15-30 minutes focusing on stretching and back/core. I need to care for my vessel man. Especially because the rate I'm saving for a car will take me 3 years to buy a beater outright. The problem is all my money is going to the album not car. And that's ok I'm redirecting money elsewhere to car fund so each month I'll be bringing it down to 1 and a half years. Hopefully the goal is next winter I get a car outright that is just a point A to point B for difficult commute days.

Meanwhile I am so close to the NASTY CAT gig and honestly dreaming of it. I have always wanted to sing this kind of rock vocals but I don't always write for it so I am grateful to myself for making myself this opportunity. Amd for including puppets and for my friends being there and how great I feel in the costume.

I have so many making ofs I didn't finish, mostly of when I was concussed and the other was just because the show ended up looking kind of dumb. So I would like to one day post the in between of my year for BGT and the kooky show or just mush it all together since that's how I experienced it. But I really think studio day is the coolest part of my year so far and I really want to get that footage done. I editted down 8 months of footage down to 18 minutes and 8 hours of studko day down to ~10 min. My friends VHS-C footage ended up looking so cool and because the audio isn't as good it did a great job of concealing spoilers but giving just enough to keep you interested.

I'm so glad I'm doing as much filming as I am though editting is really a whole other full time job I think I was in that chair all day yesterday.

Also my friend sent back metal drums for nasty cat which sound phenomenal. So so excited to have gotten to work with him long distance. Working on the bass and scrapping the rest of the puppet work to just finish the track this next couple of weeks. I'd rather have a polished, mastered track than a poorly constructed puppet vest. I also need to go over the jokes before and after to make sure the performance is polished too. And start packing and make the tattoo appointment for my friend and i. Having a great time with this video too. Actually really wanna get this one out but it can be short like 10-15. The others were whole productions and this is not but the big production part is the flight/seeing my friends. And getting tattoos and Halloween in Salem w my friends :>