!!!!

They just invented the world’s fastest sandwich. They’re calling it the autobáhn mì

The most basic, intractable fact about mental illnesses is that you simply cannot willpower your way out of them. The only exceptions to this rule are the ones I have, which continue to disable me due to lack of determination and other grave personal flaws

you ever get so into the whole "it would have been good if it was good" thing that it gets kind of embarrassing. it would have been good if it was good but it's Not and in fact it's maybe worse than anything else but unfortunately. it still could have been good. if it was go

fellatio sounds like a supporting shakespeare character rather than oral sex on a penis to be honest

patiently waiting for someone to fall in love with me. i refuse 2 date. i refuse 2 flirt or make a move. how could this go wrong.

got my first ever official customer complaint because when i was going over the terms of their life insurance they were like "well i don't plan to die" and i was like "well you're going to"

remember when every week you could go on the computer and watch a new episode of succession

I also think that the strength gap is at least partially manufactured women would in fact be stronger overall if little girls were encouraged to do physically taxing games and activities and eat their fill while they’re growing vs having to constantly diet and be sedentary indoors (or god forbid do intense cardio while under-eating). The amount of adult women honestly afraid to lift weights bc they think they’ll get bulky as though bulking isn’t a full time job that athletes have to spend all their time on and anyone on earth gets shredded from just using their adult muscles for their intended purpose, girl your bone density 🥀

if you say women are intentionally nerfed from birth in 2026 people look at you like you’re insane and start condescendingly telling you about how women are just better at different things (but not during their periods haha) but this was a completely basic feminist talking point I grew up with like “girls can do it too! [shot of little girls climbing and running with boys]” nickelodeon commercial tier base level I hate it how is everyone suddenly dumber than the average 7 year old

at what age does it start sounding wierd to call your baby "it" ?

none. #it/itspronounsbaby #wokebaby #hellyeahwokebaby

The most useless dashboard warning light in your car has got to be the 'we slidin'' light. Like, thank you, but I am so very much aware that I do not have full control of my vehicle right now.

You should be starting a recipe book. I don't give a shit if you're only 20-years-old. The modern web is rotting away bit by bit before our very eyes. You have no idea when that indie mom blog is going down or when Pinterest will remove that recipe. Copy it down in a notebook, physically or digitally. Save it somewhere only you can remove it. Trust me, looking for a recipe only to find out it's been wiped off the internet is so fucking sad. I've learned my lesson one too many times.

cats are always sitting in windowsills. cats are always sitting on the backs of couches looking out windows. but ever since moving into my new place I've been the one doing that and cats have it right