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I can’t remember the first time I ever heard of this thing called a blog. I know it was many many moons ago.  I never thought it was for me.  I mean, I lived an entirely ordinary life and always seemed to say what I always thought were the wrong words and even if they were the right words, I didn’t have much to say and was always worried that I would say something that might offend someone or just plain old sound stupid. So, go easy on me ok?

I sit here this morning writing this because I just read my dear friend’s final entry in his own blog. He started his blog ‘oldbutnotyetwise’ 9 years ago. And I just learned of it last year when I reconnected with him. I've read every one of his posts including his last... his self-authored obituary. His last piece of advice - "Don't keep putting things off until tomorrow, because sometimes tomorrow doesn't come." Advice well taken my friend, wish me luck (I can see you smiling with that smirky smirk ;-)

Life is a funny and wondrous thing and often very challenging thing. It takes you on little side trips that seemingly don’t make sense and move you in different directions that you never thought you’d move in. And then, all of a sudden, all of the tumblers fall into place and it makes sense. Sometimes painfully so.

My friend Suzanne suggested I meet David. My marriage was in its final throes and I needed a male perspective. So we met. I liked him. Instantly. We talked as if we’d know eachother for many years. And he was delightful. He was a gentle giant who listened so intently and then asked you the most thought provoking and revealing questions to help you better understand and come to your own conclusions about whatever you were uncertain about.

Not long after we met, we were chatting one night about Sue’s birthday coming up and were trying to figure out something special we could do for her. Well, a visit to Winnipeg in December with -40 celsuis degree temps (well maybe it was -20 but it sure felt like -40!) with an almost stranger wasn’t what I was thinking but somehow, he convinced me that it was a great idea and before you knew it, we were off! We became great friends and, for reasons I won’t explain here and certainly not through any fault of his, we communicated only once a year (when he’d sent me a birthday text or email). He did so every year for almost 8.  

Fast forward to June 2023.  I read a facebook post of David’s that had me concerned.  Robin (his beautiful wife) and he were leaving their dream property in Nipissing and moving to Cambridge. When I asked him why, he told me something that took my breath away much like a gut punch would.  He had been diagnosed with ALS.

ALS.

At that time, I was enveloped in taking care of my 93 year old mom. She had Alzheimer’s, couldn’t speak or walk or later even eat. It was a terrible time and a horrible death.  Still, she was surrounded with love and our family did all that we could to let her know how much she was loved. But more on that maybe in another post.

I suppose I tell you this because I’m trying to find a reason why I didn’t fully enter back into David’s life until about October/November.

My friend Dana had once brought me a meal when I lost either my brother or my sister (sorry, can’t remember which) and then my friend Karen did the same when I lost my mom. I can’t tell you how much their thoughtfulness meant to me and how grateful I am to this day for their kindness. So, I was determined that this is what I would do for David and his wife.

He suggested I watch Tuesdays with Morrie - a movie about a man with ALS. I did and promptly asked David if we could be Tuesday people.  Well, it wasn’t every Tuesday and it wasn’t always Tuesdays but as much as his schedule and mine permitted, I would bring a meal for the three of us to share. It was a very special time for which I would be eternally grateful. We would eat and talk and enjoy eachother’s company. Often times David and I would take their ever-so-sweet Australian Shepherd named Kiwi for a walk around the neighborhood. David in his $30,000 wheelchair that seemingly did everything but make you dinner ;-)

It was on these walks that we had our deepest talks. Sometimes about what was to come and the inevitable outcome of ALS; sometimes about love and relationships; sometimes about favourite books and movies.  His favourite author was Robert James Waller.  One of his favourite movies was based on his book, The Bridges of Madison County. Other movies he loved were Life Itself and Boyhood. I’ve watched them all now and thoroughly enjoyed every one of them. I felt that by watching them, I would know David better.

He loved the natural world. He loved the paradise that Robin and he called home in Nipissing. He loved his dogs, every one of them. He loved his friends. He loved Chicken Parmigiana, Lasagna, Butter Tarts (without coconut), Boston Cream pie and, given he had a second helping, he at least liked my Goulash.

But most of all, he loved Robin. Oh how my heart aches at the thought of the beautiful, deep and pure love that they shared. It was the stuff of books and movies. It was the real deal. Even with thoughts of all the challenges of ALS and his imminent death, the one thing that brought him to tears and made him hurt the most was the thought of having to leave his beloved Robin. He didn't want to. If he could, he would have moved heaven and earth just to be able to stay by her side. And I know Robin would have as well.

Robin is an unexpected gift in all of this. She is incredibly kind and funny and sweet and truly beautiful. She is strong and courageous and so loyally and steadfastly took care of David until his last day. Though she had done so much - had given everything to David so that his dignity would be protected, his spirit supported and his heart filled with her love - she was still worried that she hadn't done enough and that she made a few mistakes. Robin, you don't know how incredible you are and what a gift you gave him. You are a hero in every sense of the word. I love you for everything you did for David and for how much you loved and protected and helped him. You were his everything and it's so clear why. I'm so grateful we connected and look forward to many more years of friendship if you'll have me.

The most heartwrenching text I've ever received from anyone was from David. It was his final text.

At 9:38pm on Thursday, May 23rd, 2024 he wrote:

"Light a candle at 10:00 tonight, I love you."

His time had come. I wrote him back. I didn't know if he'd read my text until the 25th. Robin told me he had. She also told me that he wanted his celebration of life to be on June 2nd so I could attend. These final gifts of his are indescribably important to me and have touched me so deeply.

He meant so much to me. And he gave me so much. Winnipeg, Justin Hines (especially "Say what you will"), little surprises like dessert from Bread Bar, an Ethopian restaurant, a little mom-and-pop italian restaurant, sushi, a beautiful hand-turned pen that he made himself, a book by Jann Arden. He gave me permission and encouragement to try things; to get out of my comfort zone; to believe in myself and even to love myself (because there was a time when I couldn't do either because of who I'd become and the ones that I'd hurt); to forgive myself; to accept things as they were and not to worry about things you cannot change; and to always see the good even in the worst - because, as he said, there is always good. Even ALS, he said, brought him gifts. The gifts of the love of friends and especially the deepening of the love Robin and he shared.

On May 8th at 10:45 am he sent me this and said that this was what he was pondering that morning and he thought that I might also appreciate it:

"You can't skip chapters, that's not how life works. You have to read every line, meet every character. You won't enjoy all of it. Hell, some chapters will make you cry for weeks. You will read things you don't want to read, you will have moments when you don't want the pages to end. But you have to keep going. Stories keep the world revolving. Live yours, don't miss out."

-Pillow Thoughts

I'll leave you with that for now but in David's tradition, I will also leave you with a few questions to ponder...

Who do you miss and wish you had back in your life? I encourage you to connect with them now not later if you can.

Do the people you love know you love them? Have you communicated how much they mean to you?

What's your story and are you really living it?

Whatever your answers are to those, I wish you a love like David and Robin's, an appreciation of the natural world and all the animals in it, good health, peace in your heart, courage and wonderful adventures!