I Have a Job and It's Ruining Me
After graduating from college, I immediately started job hunting. After a month, I finally got hired, but it was a project-based job. Having a contract job felt quite embarrassing for me, so I didn’t share much about it. I just told people I had a job.
A week into working onsite at the office, I got a glimpse of the environment and the people I would be working with. I told myself right away: Don’t lose yourself. I saw my coworkers getting angry and talking down about applicants who weren’t in front of them. I felt like they looked down on the applicants, and I made it my daily mantra to not lose my principles and not become like them.
However, one month into the job, I found myself adopting their behavior, becoming the person I had tried my best not to become. Like them, I started talking down about applicants behind their backs. Since I only interacted with them online, as soon as the mic was muted or the phone call ended, I’d call them "dumb" or other derogatory terms. I became toxic.
Although the pay is good and it allows us to have unlimited paid overtime hours, I believe that allowing your employees to work overtime without reminding them to slow down or rest, and just letting them be overworked, is not good. It feels like the company is more focused on getting the job done, rather than ensuring that we are healthy and not burning out.
Even though I’ve made friends with my colleagues, who are also on a project-based contract, and we bond and laugh together, it’s not enough to make an employee happy. I know it's not, because I know myself. And I try my best to romanticize life and find good things beyond all the bad things. But lately, I don’t even have the time, energy, or motivation to find something beautiful. I don’t even feel like taking pictures or sharing the good things anymore.
And although I understand that this behavior was caused by stress and the ramping season, which made the job more fast-paced than it should have been, I still believe that kind of behavior is wrong and unacceptable. I’m part of the Human Resources department—the people that employees should be able to rely on. I always imagined being in the applicants’ shoes, and I know I wouldn’t like it if my recruiter was badmouthing me behind my back.
This job is ruining me.
It’s also making me lose my principles and ethics. How can I push an applicant to continue the employment process when they give me reasons like not having enough money for the fare or dealing with a family emergency? But I still do it, because if I don’t, it will affect my job performance. One month in, and I’ve already gone through a roller coaster of emotions and experiences in the company.
How can I offer an applicant the option to move to the next batch and contact them about receiving their equipment when, just a few minutes ago, they informed me they couldn’t proceed with onboarding because they had just lost their brother?
This job is making me sick.
Now, after a month and a half, I can proudly accept and say that it’s a good thing I’m not permanent in this company. My contract is about to end, and with that, I will have my freedom.
My job is ruining me.
The workload is tolerable, and I can manage it, but the culture in this workplace is something I do not want to be part of. It is toxic and makes people spiteful. I even brought the spite I had from work home, and my mom noticed it.
My colleagues and I are tired and angry.
We understand the situation, and we accepted this job, but the superiors who should be supporting us aren’t doing anything. The tenured people in the company have adapted to the toxic environment and culture, and they’ve just tolerated it, making it the norm.
My job is about to end, and I can’t wait for that to happen.















