ellemahon

culturenlifestyle:

I felt fear when I should have felt love.

Invest your whole self in people. I mean it: do not be afraid to put everything you are into someone. Do not be afraid to give that person your all. In return, you’ll receive more than you could’ve ever imagined. Be weary, though, that you cannot make that person your happiness. When you love them, give them all you have but get out of bed in the morning for yourself. And please, promise me that you will not allow yourself to be too absorbed in their brown eyes. When the light hits those same eyes and transforms them to the most inviting hazel, do not lose yourself. I mean it. When you make someone else your happiness, they become your sun, your moon, and all your stars. They illuminate your life. But what happens when your constellations find a new sky? You wake up one morning to the sheets pulled over and an unfamiliar emptiness - nothing but the indentation of the body that once slept beside you. You frantically reach over for your phone - something familiar. The text you read shatters your heart and forces you into the depths of your sheets. “I can’t do this anymore. I mean it.” Suddenly, your sky is dark. No sun, no moon, and no stars. You find yourself searching for a new happiness - a body to fill the empty space next to you in this new darkness; something to illuminate your sky once more. Anything.

Indeed, I would love to climb on top of you, generating the ultimate road trip but I rather make your mind orgasm first. You desire my body while I fantasize about becoming your perfect object of obsession. Granted, we both have needs that can’t be denied but is it memorable without sentimental intimacy? By all means, keep kissing me, keep touching me, and keep studying my psyche. Let that flourish into you memorizing the days I taste the sweetest and my need to feel you the deepest. Can we do something different, can we explore each other’s soul, can we merge our complicated worlds, can we fall in love?

I don’t want to tell you how I feel with with words, because when it comes to you, my words jumble and mush in my head, my poems for you don’t come out right, they feel like the puzzle piece that doesn’t fit, everything I feel contradicts itself, there is no elegant sonnet, no poem, nothing I can write that can describe what I’m feeling.

It may seem that giving up appears the easiest option. It may appear that giving in looks your best bet. But how do you know things won’t get better? It’s possible that when people are struggling they don’t want to help themselves. To me, that isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s just some loss of control. Regain that control, get through tomorrow and try your best to smile. Things can so easily and quickly change.

All I can offer you is me. This incomplete, broken person. And I’m trying to give myself to you, and you just ignore me.

Held reverently,

If I cut you off, chances are, you handed me the scissors.

It was an early morning bar room and the place just opened up And the little man came in so fast and started at his cup. The broad who served the whiskey, she was a big ol’ friendly girl And she tried to fight her empty nights by smiling at the world. And she said ‘Hey bub, it’s been a while since you’ve been around. Where the hell’ve you been hiding and why d’you look so down?’ But the little man just sat there like he never heard a sound. The waitress, she gave out a cough, And acting not the least put off, she spoke once again, She said, ‘I don’t want to bother you; consider it’s understood. I know I’m not no beauty queen, but I sure can listen good.’ And the little man took his drink in his hands And he raised it to his lips. He took a couple of sips, And then he told the waitress this story: ‘I am the midnight watchman down at Miller’s Tool & Dye, And I watch the metal rusting, and I watch the time go by. A week ago at the diner I stopped to get a bite And this here lovely lady, she sat two seats from my right, And Lord, Lord, Lord, she was all right. ‘She was so damn beautiful that she could warm a winter frost, But she looked long past lonely and well nigh onto lost. Now, I’m not much of a mover or a pick-‘em-up-easy guy, But I decided to glide on over and give her one good try. And Lord, Lord, Lord, she was worth the try. ‘Tongue-tied like a schoolboy, I stammered out some words, But it did not seem to matter much, ‘cause I don’t think she heard. She just looked clear on through me to a space back in my head. It shamed me into silence as quietly she said: “If you want me to come with you, then that’s all right with me, ‘Cause I’ve been going nowhere, and anywhere’s a better place to be.” ‘I drove her to my boarding house and I took her up to my room, And I went to turn on the only light to brighten up the gloom, But she said “Please leave the light off. I don’t mind the dark.” And as her clothes all tumbled ‘round her, I could hear my heart. ‘The moonlight shone upon her as she lay back in my bed. It was the kind of scene I only had imagined in my head. I just could not believe it, to think that she was real, And as I tried to tell her, she said “Shh … I know just how you feel. And if you want to come here with me, then that’s all right with me, ‘Cause I’ve been oh, so lonely. Loving someone is a better way to be.” ‘The morning came so swiftly, but I held her in my arms, And she slept like a baby, snug and safe from harm. I did not want to share her with the world or break the mood, So before she woke, I went out and bought us both some food. I came back with my paper bag to find that she was gone. She’d left a six-word letter saying “It’s time that I moved on.”’ The waitress, she took her bar rag and she wiped it across her eyes, And as she spoke, her voice came out as something like a sigh. She said ‘I wish that I was beautiful, or that you were halfway blind, And I wish I weren’t so goddamn fat. I wish that you were mine. And I wish that you’d come with me when I leave for home, ‘Cause we both know all ‘bout emptiness and living all alone.’ And the little man looked at the empty glass in his hand, And he smiled a crooked grin. He said ‘I guess I’m out of gin, And I know we both have been so lonely, And if you want me to come with you, then that’s all right with me, ‘Cause I know I’m going nowhere, and anywhere’s a better place to be.’