ella (djo's verson)

You kept to yourself for a couple of days, going to work and acting as if everything was fine. You had orders up to your neck and your fingers ached from the constant hours of frosting and piping designs onto cakes for customers. You’d also just found out that one of your longest working coworkers had just put in her two weeks and would soon be leaving so you’d need to find a replacement within the week so that they could be trained before she left. Just more stress added to your plate as if you weren’t ready to break down at any given moment.

You tried to just get lost in your work, choosing to put your headphones in and frost away, the spatula in your hand gliding effortlessly over the frosting as you smoothed it onto the cake. When you truly focused on your craft instead of the stress going on in your life, you felt the way your brain calmed down for a couple of minutes.

Managing to get through quite a few orders that day, you left in the early evening after closing up, setting up supplies for the next morning and checking the stock on the cream cheese for the frosting. You’d need to make more tomorrow when you get in.

—

The drive home was pretty lackluster. You hummed along to the songs on the radio, both hands on the wheel, window down, the evening breeze hitting your face as you drove, the sun beginning to set behind you as you pulled up your driveway, parking your old pickup truck that luckily, hadn’t been giving you problems lately. It was a good thing considering you and Gator weren’t talking when he was the one who always fixed your truck no questions asked.

God you missed him…

You made dinner for one again and it felt so wrong as you sat alone at the table, running your fork over your plate but not really eating much. You hated being alone, it was miserable. At least you knew Smoky was safe, and had brought home a new friend. The new cat hadn’t let you pet her yet, but she also wasn’t too skittish. You decided to name her Hazel and you knew she’d warm up to you eventually. You left out extra food for her alongside Smoky’s.

At around nine-thirty there was a sharp knock on your front door and you paused, getting up from your seat in the living room. You’d usually never answer the door this late but maybe it was Gator coming to apologize? It sounded like his knock… Maybe he’d just misplaced his key..

“Look I’m not really interested in talking to you- I’m still fuc-” You paused your sentence immediately when you opened the door to see Roy Tillman standing on your porch.

“Uh- Roy?” You tilted your head curiously. Many years ago you might have referred to him as Mr. Tillman, but that had changed. You were one of the only people in town that could get away with calling him Roy.

“Hey sweetheart, sorry to bother you this time a’night. Gator wouldn’t happen to be lurking in here would he?” He peered past you into the dark hallway as you shook your head, crossing your arms over your chest.

“No, I haven’t seen him in a couple days. We got into a fight. Is he- Is he alright?” You asked, instantly assuming the worst. Something was wrong.

“He was acting strange last night, we got into a dispute, nothing out of the ordinary and he left slammin’ doors and shit. Excuse my french darlin’. He’s been ignoring my calls and texts all day which isn’t like him. Not that I care too much, but I need him to do something for me and now he’s gone.”

You took in his words, looking down at the old floorboards.

“Did he say where he was going?”

“No, but I assume he was going over to that girl Chloe’s place. That girl seems like she’s no good.”

That was the first and probably the only time you’d ever agree with anything Roy Tillman would ever have to say.

“She’s keeping you and Gator apart, isn’t she?” Roy asked, leaning against the doorframe, his cowboy hat slightly crooked on his head as he moved his hand up to fix it, watching the way you nodded in defeat.

He clicked his tongue as he fixed his hat. “You and Gator have been inseparable since you were toddlers. He’ll come back, I’m sure of it.” He tried to comfort. You wanted to believe that was true, you just didn’t really know.

“I think he’ll realize that he doesn’t want that girl at all soon and he’ll come running back to what he really wants. His real prize.”

You looked up and finally met the Sheriff's gaze, suddenly feeling a bit exposed, like he could tell the feelings you held for Gator, the emotions you tried to keep under wraps, never telling a soul.

“My advice sweetheart? Make him jealous, let him realize what he’s missing. And if that doesn’t make him come running back to you like a damn dog, I don’t know what will. You have a good night, keep this door locked, yeah?” He patted the doorframe with one hand before stepping back, making his way off of the porch, cutting through the tall grass back to his property.

You closed the door and locked it, sighing as you made your way back to the living room, not even interested in the show you were watching on the tv anymore. Gator was missing? That wasn’t like him at all.

You pulled out your phone, pulling up his contact. After your fight you’d removed the emoji from next to his name and just changed the contact to ‘Gator’ instead of ‘Gates’ like that was somehow getting back at him for how he’d been treating you.

You debated it for a moment, fingers hovering over the keyboard before you typed up something quick.

You: Your dad just stopped by, said you haven’t been home and was asking if you were over here. You good??

You sent it, letting out a sigh as the message delivered. It was read within seconds and you saw a typing bubble.

Gator: He’s asleep, it’s Chloe. He’s fine.

You felt anger flare up inside of you again. Why was she on his phone? Why did she feel like she had any right to text you on Gator’s phone?

You: Okay. Tell him to call his dad in the morning, he’s worried about him.

Gator: Will do

Gator: Did Smoky ever show back up?

You: Mhm.

Gator: Good. I was SO worried. Well I’m going to bed, I’ll tell Gator you texted in the morning.

Gator: *image attached*

Gator: He’s all worn out.

The picture she sent was a selfie of her laying in bed with Gator who was absolutely knocked out next to her, mouth parted slightly, eyes closed, hair messy and no longer slicked back in the style he usually wore it in, as if he had showered or had been sweating. He looked so peaceful and that’s when it really hit you. You were jealous of Chloe. You wanted Gator to be asleep in your bed next to you instead of in her bed. You wanted him as more than a friend and you hated yourself for it.

—

You knew Gator’s mother’s birthday was coming up within the next week and every year the two of you celebrated it, even if she was no longer around. It helped Gator come to terms with it but also sort of gave him the space to miss his mother, no matter how many years it had been. It was also usually one of the only times you saw him cry freely in front of you.

He didn’t text you and ask if he could come over when the day finally rolled around, he just showed up after work, standing on your doorstep, looking exhausted, like the day had really kicked the life out of him.

The two of you had barely spoken since three weeks ago in the barn. You’d seen him in passing because he was always around but that was about it. No coming over for dinner, no horse rides to the creek, no him showing up to the bakery while he was on shift trying to snag a free cupcake off of you for his lunch… It was as if the two of you were now just two straight lines running in the same direction as opposed to being connected, weaving in and out of each other like you used to.

You hadn’t been sure if he was going to show up but you’d made the cake anyways. A lemon blueberry cake along with some light baby blue frosting. You’d baked it even after your long day of work, even though your fingers ached from the amount of frosting you’d done.

And you were glad for it when Gator showed up.

“Hi.” He said softly, barely even able to make eye contact with you, scuffing his shoe on the welcome mat before you shifted to allow him inside.

“Well look what the cat dragged in.” you gestured to him as he slipped his shoes and jacket off, hanging it on the coat rack by the door.

You wanted to give him a lot more shit than you were but you knew what day it was, it was a hard day for him and you gave him some grace. You could deal with your other issues later. For now, you were going to be there for your best friend.

He followed after you into the kitchen, face lighting up when he saw the cake sitting on the counter. You had frosted the crumb coat, giving it time to set in the freezer before you were ready to decorate the rest of it. You and Gator always did that part together even if he was horribly bad at it.

“Blueberry lemon?” He asked, stepping closer to the counter and the cake.

“Mhm, her favorite. You gonna help me decorate?”

He nodded wordlessly.

You stood back and watched as he messily frosted the cake, somehow managing to get it all over his hands and the counter as the spatula worked to swipe the frosting over the cake. You tried to hide your fond smile but it was hard. Just having him back in your house made it feel warm again, not as empty and broken.

“How was your day?” You asked, trying to gauge how hard the rest of the night was going to be. His emotions always ebbed and flowed on days like these, especially his mother’s birthday so you were prepared for anything.

“Work was… Shit. Chloe was… Also shit.”

You tilted your head at his words as you watched him toss the piping bag and spatula into the sink before grabbing a paper towel to try and wipe up the mess of frosting he’d left on the counter.

“Well I could see why work was probably shit, but why was Chloe shit too?” You spoke gently, wanting him to be able to open up to you if he felt like it.

“It just- she just- She’s not-” He shook his head, waving the thought off as if he felt like he couldn’t say it. Like it was wrong. “It doesn’t matter, we just got into a fight s’all.” He shrugged, glancing back at the cake.

“Can we finish decoratin’ it now?” He asked and you nodded. You’d washed and dried from fresh blueberries, setting them in a small bowl as you grabbed a lemon from the basket of them sitting on your counter, cutting it up into thin slices to decorate the top.

You also rifled through your pantry to find some purple sugar sprinkles to add on top as well. It wouldn’t be the prettiest cake, it never was, but it was a way to celebrate the day, just between you and Gator.

Gator messily placed the fruit on top of the cake, the complete opposite way your skilled hands would and you couldn’t help but chuckle a bit.

“You laughin’ at me, mama?” He asked, raising a brow when he turned to look at you.

“Just funny is all.” You shrugged as he went back to work. You helped him with the sprinkles so he didn’t get them all over the kitchen and by the time you guys were done, you had a finished cake. It wasn’t exactly beautiful by any means, a bit sloppy but it was perfect in your eyes.

After the cake was finished Gator tensed up a bit again like he always did and you came up beside him, wrapping an arm around him, letting his body mold itself against yours.

“You wanna sing happy birthday?” You asked, dusting some dried frosting off of his shoulder. You always asked because sometimes it just seemed too difficult of a task for him to do.

“Yeah. Yeah I do.”

You placed one little candle in the top of the cake and lit it, watching as the flame danced in front of your eyes, the slight burnt smell from the candle as you lit it bringing you comfort, memories of all the birthdays you’d enjoyed with Gator over the years.

Happy birthday was sung and you let Gator blow out the candle, tears forming in his pretty brown eyes that broke your heart.

He hated crying about it, especially all of these years later, but there was just so much unknown. Was she dead? Was she alive? And if she was, why had she never come back for him? Her only son?

You’d told Gator countless times before that there was no timeline for grief, that he was allowed to feel sad about it for the rest of his life. He just had a hard time accepting that.

“I miss ‘er…” He said softly and you instinctively pulled him into a hug as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. He cried silently, no big, exaggerated sobs. Just soft sniffled breaths as he held onto you, scared if he let you go that he’d lose you too.

Little did he know he’d never, ever lose you. You were just a part of him and you always would be.

Eventually he pulled himself together, wiping at his eyes and letting out a soft chuckle, shaking his head. “Sorry.”

You smacked his shoulder lightly “Quit apologizing you dick. You know you don’t have to apologize.” He laughed at that and nodded.

“Want a piece?” You asked.

“Yeah, dying for a piece. Miss eatin’ your cake all’a the time.”

It was true, he hadn’t eaten any of your cake in a while now, just because the two of you had been too stubborn to talk about what happened, instead ignoring each other as if you never existed. You knew you wouldn’t be able to keep that up for long but you still tried anyway.

You cut the cake, Gator getting a bigger slice as always and then the two of you settled onto the couch.

“Wanna watch the notebook?” You asked, glancing over at him as he was already shoveling bites of cake into his mouth. He nodded, frosting on his nose.

“You and that damn movie I swear..” He shook his head, mouth covered in blue frosting and you leaned over, using your napkin to wipe him up. The whole time he just stared at you, barely daring to breathe until you finally pulled away.

You turned the movie on and settled against the couch to eat your cake. As the movie progressed your plate and Gator’s was stacked onto the coffee table and the two of you snuggled up under the blanket, your head resting on his chest as he laid his head on the top of your hair. You knew it wasn’t exactly normal for best friends but it made you happy that even dating Chloe, he still treated you the way he did.

“We should watch somethin’ new next time, doll.” Gator rubbed your shoulder and you just hummed, shaking your head.

“Why, what’s your suggestion?”

Gator shrugged. “Somethin’ that.. Ain’t the notebook?”

“You said you liked this movie!”

“I do, just gets borin’. Pretty sure I could recite the whole damn thing in my sleep at this point.”

“I only put it on because you like it.” You huffed, smacking his arm.

“Well I only watch it cuz I thought ya loved it.”

“Guess we’re both just idiots then, huh?”

“Sure are.” He said softly, pulling you as close as he could get you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Missed ya, mama.”

“Missed you too, Gator. Even if you’re a dick.”

“M’sorry for the way I’ve been actin’. Guess I didn’t realize. M’gonna be better, I promise.”

You sighed, his words only bringing you a little comfort.

“Do you love Chloe?” You asked and you felt him tense against you.

“What?”

“Do you love her?”

“Well I… I don’t know.. Not.. No.”

“You don’t love her?”

“I don’t.”

Well you weren’t sure if that left you with confusion or relief. Maybe both?

“Then why are you still with her?”

His words broke your heart.

“Guess I just wanted someone, tired of not knowin’ what it’s like ta be in love. Or just ta have someone ta come home to every night. Just wanted to see what all the hype was ‘bout. It ain’t nothin’ special.” He sounded disappointed.

“Then break up with her, Gator.”

“Oh you’d just love that wouldn’t ya?” He pinched your arm and you yelped. “S’more complicated than that. And she’s not a terrible girl-”

“Gator-”

“Hmm?”

“I know I’m the one that brought her up, but don’t talk about her when you’re with me like this, alright?”

He squeezed you a little tighter at your words and nodded, yawning.

“Understood, mama.”

You felt sleep beginning to tug at you, intent on pulling you under. Gator looked to be in the same boat as you. It wasn’t too terribly late, but the day had exhausted both of you, maybe even in different ways, but with the same end result.

“Thanks fer makin’ the cake, thanks for not turnin’ me away or cussin’ me out. Lord knows I probably deserved it.” He sighed, fingers absentmindedly playing with your hair as you laid on his chest, the two of you getting more comfortable on the couch.

“Well yeah but sometimes it’s not about what you deserve. I think love sort of squashes all that other bad shit. So even though I am still very mad at you, I can look past it.”

“Ya love me?” He chuckled, teasing.

“Of course I do, idiot.”

“Love ya too, mama.”

Part of you wondered if he’d ever told Chloe he loved her. You really hoped not, you wanted that to be reserved for just you. Wanted his love to be towards you only.

You remembered what Roy had told you…

“I think he’ll realize that he doesn’t want that girl at all soon and he’ll come running back to what he really wants. His real prize.”

Were you truly Gator Tillman’s prize? Prize for what? You didn’t really want the title of prize, you just wanted the title of his, plain and simple.

You didn’t tell him to leave and Gator made no move to even though the drive to the Ranch would take all of one minute. He wanted to stay with you, curled up on your couch, plates covered in baby blue frosting still sitting on the coffee table.

The two of you fell asleep intertwined, pressed against his chest as he snored softly, the sound a comfort instead of an annoyance, filling the lonely silence of the old house you called home. Maybe this was what it was supposed to be like, it was easy like this.

—

Echo and River leaned their faces against each other through their stalls as they stood together in the barn,

Smoky and Hazel laid curled up outside underneath the old rocking chair,

And you and Gator laid together on your couch.

Everything was right in the world, this was what it was supposed to be like. You didn’t worry about the future, didn’t worry about Chloe, because Gator had chosen you to spend his night with tonight, not her.

—

The next morning you’d try to pull yourself away from Gator to sit up but he’d held you in place, still snuggled up against you, not even bothering to open his eyes.

“Gator we gotta wake up, we fell asleep on the couch.”

He just let out a little huff, pulling you closer, still half asleep.

“Just give me a minute ta hold my girl.”

His girl.

You were his.

And nobody was going to get in the way of that… Right?

————

You kept to yourself for a couple of days, going to work and acting as if everything was fine. You had orders up to your neck and your fingers ached from the constant hours of frosting and piping designs onto cakes for customers. You’d also just found out that one of your longest working coworkers had just put in her two weeks and would soon be leaving so you’d need to find a replacement within the week so that they could be trained before she left. Just more stress added to your plate as if you weren’t ready to break down at any given moment.

You tried to just get lost in your work, choosing to put your headphones in and frost away, the spatula in your hand gliding effortlessly over the frosting as you smoothed it onto the cake. When you truly focused on your craft instead of the stress going on in your life, you felt the way your brain calmed down for a couple of minutes.

Managing to get through quite a few orders that day, you left in the early evening after closing up, setting up supplies for the next morning and checking the stock on the cream cheese for the frosting. You’d need to make more tomorrow when you get in.

—

The drive home was pretty lackluster. You hummed along to the songs on the radio, both hands on the wheel, window down, the evening breeze hitting your face as you drove, the sun beginning to set behind you as you pulled up your driveway, parking your old pickup truck that luckily, hadn’t been giving you problems lately. It was a good thing considering you and Gator weren’t talking when he was the one who always fixed your truck no questions asked.

God you missed him…

You made dinner for one again and it felt so wrong as you sat alone at the table, running your fork over your plate but not really eating much. You hated being alone, it was miserable. At least you knew Smoky was safe, and had brought home a new friend. The new cat hadn’t let you pet her yet, but she also wasn’t too skittish. You decided to name her Hazel and you knew she’d warm up to you eventually. You left out extra food for her alongside Smoky’s.

At around nine-thirty there was a sharp knock on your front door and you paused, getting up from your seat in the living room. You’d usually never answer the door this late but maybe it was Gator coming to apologize? It sounded like his knock… Maybe he’d just misplaced his key..

“Look I’m not really interested in talking to you- I’m still fuc-” You paused your sentence immediately when you opened the door to see Roy Tillman standing on your porch.

“Uh- Roy?” You tilted your head curiously. Many years ago you might have referred to him as Mr. Tillman, but that had changed. You were one of the only people in town that could get away with calling him Roy.

“Hey sweetheart, sorry to bother you this time a’night. Gator wouldn’t happen to be lurking in here would he?” He peered past you into the dark hallway as you shook your head, crossing your arms over your chest.

“No, I haven’t seen him in a couple days. We got into a fight. Is he- Is he alright?” You asked, instantly assuming the worst. Something was wrong.

“He was acting strange last night, we got into a dispute, nothing out of the ordinary and he left slammin’ doors and shit. Excuse my french darlin’. He’s been ignoring my calls and texts all day which isn’t like him. Not that I care too much, but I need him to do something for me and now he’s gone.”

You took in his words, looking down at the old floorboards.

“Did he say where he was going?”

“No, but I assume he was going over to that girl Chloe’s place. That girl seems like she’s no good.”

That was the first and probably the only time you’d ever agree with anything Roy Tillman would ever have to say.

“She’s keeping you and Gator apart, isn’t she?” Roy asked, leaning against the doorframe, his cowboy hat slightly crooked on his head as he moved his hand up to fix it, watching the way you nodded in defeat.

He clicked his tongue as he fixed his hat. “You and Gator have been inseparable since you were toddlers. He’ll come back, I’m sure of it.” He tried to comfort. You wanted to believe that was true, you just didn’t really know.

“I think he’ll realize that he doesn’t want that girl at all soon and he’ll come running back to what he really wants. His real prize.”

You looked up and finally met the Sheriff's gaze, suddenly feeling a bit exposed, like he could tell the feelings you held for Gator, the emotions you tried to keep under wraps, never telling a soul.

“My advice sweetheart? Make him jealous, let him realize what he’s missing. And if that doesn’t make him come running back to you like a damn dog, I don’t know what will. You have a good night, keep this door locked, yeah?” He patted the doorframe with one hand before stepping back, making his way off of the porch, cutting through the tall grass back to his property.

You closed the door and locked it, sighing as you made your way back to the living room, not even interested in the show you were watching on the tv anymore. Gator was missing? That wasn’t like him at all.

You pulled out your phone, pulling up his contact. After your fight you’d removed the emoji from next to his name and just changed the contact to ‘Gator’ instead of ‘Gates’ like that was somehow getting back at him for how he’d been treating you.

You debated it for a moment, fingers hovering over the keyboard before you typed up something quick.

You: Your dad just stopped by, said you haven’t been home and was asking if you were over here. You good??

You sent it, letting out a sigh as the message delivered. It was read within seconds and you saw a typing bubble.

Gator: He’s asleep, it’s Chloe. He’s fine.

You felt anger flare up inside of you again. Why was she on his phone? Why did she feel like she had any right to text you on Gator’s phone?

You: Okay. Tell him to call his dad in the morning, he’s worried about him.

Gator: Will do

Gator: Did Smoky ever show back up?

You: Mhm.

Gator: Good. I was SO worried. Well I’m going to bed, I’ll tell Gator you texted in the morning.

Gator: *image attached*

Gator: He’s all worn out.

The picture she sent was a selfie of her laying in bed with Gator who was absolutely knocked out next to her, mouth parted slightly, eyes closed, hair messy and no longer slicked back in the style he usually wore it in, as if he had showered or had been sweating. He looked so peaceful and that’s when it really hit you. You were jealous of Chloe. You wanted Gator to be asleep in your bed next to you instead of in her bed. You wanted him as more than a friend and you hated yourself for it.

—

You knew Gator’s mother’s birthday was coming up within the next week and every year the two of you celebrated it, even if she was no longer around. It helped Gator come to terms with it but also sort of gave him the space to miss his mother, no matter how many years it had been. It was also usually one of the only times you saw him cry freely in front of you.

He didn’t text you and ask if he could come over when the day finally rolled around, he just showed up after work, standing on your doorstep, looking exhausted, like the day had really kicked the life out of him.

The two of you had barely spoken since three weeks ago in the barn. You’d seen him in passing because he was always around but that was about it. No coming over for dinner, no horse rides to the creek, no him showing up to the bakery while he was on shift trying to snag a free cupcake off of you for his lunch… It was as if the two of you were now just two straight lines running in the same direction as opposed to being connected, weaving in and out of each other like you used to.

You hadn’t been sure if he was going to show up but you’d made the cake anyways. A lemon blueberry cake along with some light baby blue frosting. You’d baked it even after your long day of work, even though your fingers ached from the amount of frosting you’d done.

And you were glad for it when Gator showed up.

“Hi.” He said softly, barely even able to make eye contact with you, scuffing his shoe on the welcome mat before you shifted to allow him inside.

“Well look what the cat dragged in.” you gestured to him as he slipped his shoes and jacket off, hanging it on the coat rack by the door.

You wanted to give him a lot more shit than you were but you knew what day it was, it was a hard day for him and you gave him some grace. You could deal with your other issues later. For now, you were going to be there for your best friend.

He followed after you into the kitchen, face lighting up when he saw the cake sitting on the counter. You had frosted the crumb coat, giving it time to set in the freezer before you were ready to decorate the rest of it. You and Gator always did that part together even if he was horribly bad at it.

“Blueberry lemon?” He asked, stepping closer to the counter and the cake.

“Mhm, her favorite. You gonna help me decorate?”

He nodded wordlessly.

You stood back and watched as he messily frosted the cake, somehow managing to get it all over his hands and the counter as the spatula worked to swipe the frosting over the cake. You tried to hide your fond smile but it was hard. Just having him back in your house made it feel warm again, not as empty and broken.

“How was your day?” You asked, trying to gauge how hard the rest of the night was going to be. His emotions always ebbed and flowed on days like these, especially his mother’s birthday so you were prepared for anything.

“Work was… Shit. Chloe was… Also shit.”

You tilted your head at his words as you watched him toss the piping bag and spatula into the sink before grabbing a paper towel to try and wipe up the mess of frosting he’d left on the counter.

“Well I could see why work was probably shit, but why was Chloe shit too?” You spoke gently, wanting him to be able to open up to you if he felt like it.

“It just- she just- She’s not-” He shook his head, waving the thought off as if he felt like he couldn’t say it. Like it was wrong. “It doesn’t matter, we just got into a fight s’all.” He shrugged, glancing back at the cake.

“Can we finish decoratin’ it now?” He asked and you nodded. You’d washed and dried from fresh blueberries, setting them in a small bowl as you grabbed a lemon from the basket of them sitting on your counter, cutting it up into thin slices to decorate the top.

You also rifled through your pantry to find some purple sugar sprinkles to add on top as well. It wouldn’t be the prettiest cake, it never was, but it was a way to celebrate the day, just between you and Gator.

Gator messily placed the fruit on top of the cake, the complete opposite way your skilled hands would and you couldn’t help but chuckle a bit.

“You laughin’ at me, mama?” He asked, raising a brow when he turned to look at you.

“Just funny is all.” You shrugged as he went back to work. You helped him with the sprinkles so he didn’t get them all over the kitchen and by the time you guys were done, you had a finished cake. It wasn’t exactly beautiful by any means, a bit sloppy but it was perfect in your eyes.

After the cake was finished Gator tensed up a bit again like he always did and you came up beside him, wrapping an arm around him, letting his body mold itself against yours.

“You wanna sing happy birthday?” You asked, dusting some dried frosting off of his shoulder. You always asked because sometimes it just seemed too difficult of a task for him to do.

“Yeah. Yeah I do.”

You placed one little candle in the top of the cake and lit it, watching as the flame danced in front of your eyes, the slight burnt smell from the candle as you lit it bringing you comfort, memories of all the birthdays you’d enjoyed with Gator over the years.

Happy birthday was sung and you let Gator blow out the candle, tears forming in his pretty brown eyes that broke your heart.

He hated crying about it, especially all of these years later, but there was just so much unknown. Was she dead? Was she alive? And if she was, why had she never come back for him? Her only son?

You’d told Gator countless times before that there was no timeline for grief, that he was allowed to feel sad about it for the rest of his life. He just had a hard time accepting that.

“I miss ‘er…” He said softly and you instinctively pulled him into a hug as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. He cried silently, no big, exaggerated sobs. Just soft sniffled breaths as he held onto you, scared if he let you go that he’d lose you too.

Little did he know he’d never, ever lose you. You were just a part of him and you always would be.

Eventually he pulled himself together, wiping at his eyes and letting out a soft chuckle, shaking his head. “Sorry.”

You smacked his shoulder lightly “Quit apologizing you dick. You know you don’t have to apologize.” He laughed at that and nodded.

“Want a piece?” You asked.

“Yeah, dying for a piece. Miss eatin’ your cake all’a the time.”

It was true, he hadn’t eaten any of your cake in a while now, just because the two of you had been too stubborn to talk about what happened, instead ignoring each other as if you never existed. You knew you wouldn’t be able to keep that up for long but you still tried anyway.

You cut the cake, Gator getting a bigger slice as always and then the two of you settled onto the couch.

“Wanna watch the notebook?” You asked, glancing over at him as he was already shoveling bites of cake into his mouth. He nodded, frosting on his nose.

“You and that damn movie I swear..” He shook his head, mouth covered in blue frosting and you leaned over, using your napkin to wipe him up. The whole time he just stared at you, barely daring to breathe until you finally pulled away.

You turned the movie on and settled against the couch to eat your cake. As the movie progressed your plate and Gator’s was stacked onto the coffee table and the two of you snuggled up under the blanket, your head resting on his chest as he laid his head on the top of your hair. You knew it wasn’t exactly normal for best friends but it made you happy that even dating Chloe, he still treated you the way he did.

“We should watch somethin’ new next time, doll.” Gator rubbed your shoulder and you just hummed, shaking your head.

“Why, what’s your suggestion?”

Gator shrugged. “Somethin’ that.. Ain’t the notebook?”

“You said you liked this movie!”

“I do, just gets borin’. Pretty sure I could recite the whole damn thing in my sleep at this point.”

“I only put it on because you like it.” You huffed, smacking his arm.

“Well I only watch it cuz I thought ya loved it.”

“Guess we’re both just idiots then, huh?”

“Sure are.” He said softly, pulling you as close as he could get you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Missed ya, mama.”

“Missed you too, Gator. Even if you’re a dick.”

“M’sorry for the way I’ve been actin’. Guess I didn’t realize. M’gonna be better, I promise.”

You sighed, his words only bringing you a little comfort.

“Do you love Chloe?” You asked and you felt him tense against you.

“What?”

“Do you love her?”

“Well I… I don’t know.. Not.. No.”

“You don’t love her?”

“I don’t.”

Well you weren’t sure if that left you with confusion or relief. Maybe both?

“Then why are you still with her?”

His words broke your heart.

“Guess I just wanted someone, tired of not knowin’ what it’s like ta be in love. Or just ta have someone ta come home to every night. Just wanted to see what all the hype was ‘bout. It ain’t nothin’ special.” He sounded disappointed.

“Then break up with her, Gator.”

“Oh you’d just love that wouldn’t ya?” He pinched your arm and you yelped. “S’more complicated than that. And she’s not a terrible girl-”

“Gator-”

“Hmm?”

“I know I’m the one that brought her up, but don’t talk about her when you’re with me like this, alright?”

He squeezed you a little tighter at your words and nodded, yawning.

“Understood, mama.”

You felt sleep beginning to tug at you, intent on pulling you under. Gator looked to be in the same boat as you. It wasn’t too terribly late, but the day had exhausted both of you, maybe even in different ways, but with the same end result.

“Thanks fer makin’ the cake, thanks for not turnin’ me away or cussin’ me out. Lord knows I probably deserved it.” He sighed, fingers absentmindedly playing with your hair as you laid on his chest, the two of you getting more comfortable on the couch.

“Well yeah but sometimes it’s not about what you deserve. I think love sort of squashes all that other bad shit. So even though I am still very mad at you, I can look past it.”

“Ya love me?” He chuckled, teasing.

“Of course I do, idiot.”

“Love ya too, mama.”

Part of you wondered if he’d ever told Chloe he loved her. You really hoped not, you wanted that to be reserved for just you. Wanted his love to be towards you only.

You remembered what Roy had told you…

“I think he’ll realize that he doesn’t want that girl at all soon and he’ll come running back to what he really wants. His real prize.”

Were you truly Gator Tillman’s prize? Prize for what? You didn’t really want the title of prize, you just wanted the title of his, plain and simple.

You didn’t tell him to leave and Gator made no move to even though the drive to the Ranch would take all of one minute. He wanted to stay with you, curled up on your couch, plates covered in baby blue frosting still sitting on the coffee table.

The two of you fell asleep intertwined, pressed against his chest as he snored softly, the sound a comfort instead of an annoyance, filling the lonely silence of the old house you called home. Maybe this was what it was supposed to be like, it was easy like this.

—

Echo and River leaned their faces against each other through their stalls as they stood together in the barn,

Smoky and Hazel laid curled up outside underneath the old rocking chair,

And you and Gator laid together on your couch.

Everything was right in the world, this was what it was supposed to be like. You didn’t worry about the future, didn’t worry about Chloe, because Gator had chosen you to spend his night with tonight, not her.

—

The next morning you’d try to pull yourself away from Gator to sit up but he’d held you in place, still snuggled up against you, not even bothering to open his eyes.

“Gator we gotta wake up, we fell asleep on the couch.”

He just let out a little huff, pulling you closer, still half asleep.

“Just give me a minute ta hold my girl.”

His girl.

You were his.

And nobody was going to get in the way of that… Right?

————