TW:ana ~Just My daily Thoughts~

Why can’t it all be like it was. Back then when it all was perfect. Back then when I didn’t knew what the number on the scale will mean to me. Back then when I went for a walk just for fun and not to burn calories. When I didn’t need the music to feel something. When I didn’t tried not to touch someone because I feel too fat.

When I don’t eat I feel like shit

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I want to be extraordinary, perfect, pretty

Just imagine joining your new class after summer break. Imagine walking in the class room and you are the fattest person there. Imagine everyone talking about you because of your fat. Imagine how everyone else is beautiful, skinny. And than you. The fat one, to who nobody wants to talk to, the fat one nobody wants to sit next to, the fat one nobody wants to love.

If you don’t start now, this will be your start of the new school year.

If you binge, this will be you.

If you don’t have any discipline, this will be you.

This is me in the car seat. When you look at it you probably wonder ”where is the seat?” Well it is under my fat. It is under my fucking fat thighs.

2 days…

What is wrong with me other people can do it as well. Wtf Is wrong with me.

I will never be as pretty,as popular like the other girls. If I don’t start now I will fail and never change.

Do you want that? Do you seriously want that? To stay as fat as you are now?

No?

How can I do all these things while I look look like this? I look at the mirror and I still think, I can afford doing all these things? I look in the mirror and still think I don’t have to make sport every minute?