I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good.

Britain just issued a travel warning for LGBT people headed to U.S.

Don’tlet my mocking tone in that post fool you. I adore Mr. Darcy with all my heart,I merely object to the way he’s popularly associated with the image of this perfect, brooding hunk,when really he’s just a socially awkward loser.

Okay,okay, so our first introduction to Darcy is at a ball, where he:

Doesn’t dance

Can’t make small talk

Is generally rude and embarrassing

Stands awkwardly in the corner the whole night

Decides he might fancy this one girl, so heinsults her.

Loudly.

Where anyone could overhear.

Including the girl.

Gets roundly insulted to his face by said girl, and hisreaction is ‘…damn.’

Later on, he gets to know this girl a bit better. He warms up to her, and starts to act a little less like a standoffish jackass.

Thencomes the infamous ball where the entire Bennet family, except for Jane andLizzie, embarrass themselves. He convinces Bingley not to marry Jane because itwould degrade him.

MONTHSpass, and Lizzie meets Mr. Darcy again. She finds out that he separated Jane andBingley and she is SIMMERING with resentment. Darcy, on the other hand, (whomust have been pining over her and doodling ‘Mrs Elizabeth Darcy’ in hisnotebooks all this time) decides this is the perfect time to propose marriage.He BURSTS into her house, completely unannounced, ignores her chilly reception,then makes awkward small talk and wanders around in agitation. Finally, heconfesses that he loves her, against his better judgment, and insults her and herentire family before standing back, quite pleased with himself and convinced that she’s going to accepthim.

Butshe doesn’t.

Shelets him have it. She tells him how much she loathes him and exactly why. He isstunned. Mortified. No one has ever spoken to him like this. He’s quite used togetting everything he wants, and this just shakes him to his core. He stands therefor a while with a face like a slapped arse, then, unable to defend himself, he slinks away with a haughty goodbye and goes off to wallow in shame and resentment.

Andthen.

THEN.

Thenext day Lizzie is walking around the grounds and Mr. Darcy finds her. Has hetaken this time to compose himself so he might talk to her and explain himselfbetter?

No.

Hewrote a letter. He wrote a fucking letter. He probably spent all nightagonising and poring over this thing. Then he skulked around the grounds ALLMORNING in the hope of finding her. His exact words: “I have been walkingin the grove some time in the hope of meeting you. Will you do me the honour ofreading that letter?”

Andhe shoves it in her hand.

Thenhe runs.

RUNS.

(Darcyyou fucking walnut.)

Lizziereads the letter, and of course it’s beautiful and eloquent and it sayseverything he’s too socially inept to say to her face. It radically alters her opinion of him.

In response to her criticisms, Darcyreally does make an effort to changehis manners. He was never a bad guy – it’s obvious how much he loves his friendsand his baby sister, and Lizzie too, he just tends to be rude and haughty and socially awkward,something that’s understandable considering his station.

Lizziemeets him at Pemberley and he introduces her to his sister (which,over-protective big brother alert, is the biggest compliment he can give) andseeing how he treats her makes Lizzie just a tiny bit weak in the knees. JUST ALITTLE. NOT THAT SHE WANTS TO MARRY HIM OR ANYTHING HAHA wow his house is big.

THENHE’S EVEN A GENTLEMAN TO HER AUNT AND UNCLE AND MAYBE JUST MAYBE SHE MIGHTTHINK HE’S A BIT HANDSOME???? JUST A LITTLE?????

Then she hears her sister Lydia has run away with the renegade Mr. Wickham.

Mr.Darcy be like

NOTON MY WATCH. NO SIR.

Hecomes to the rescue, finds Lydia and Wickham, and persuades them to marry with ahefty sum of money, thus rescuing the Bennets from disgrace. But. BUT.

HEDOES ALL THIS WITHOUT TELLING HER. OR THE REST OF HER FAMILY.

HERAUNT AND UNCLE TELL HER, MUCH LATER, THAT DARCY DID IT ALL AT GREAT PERSONALEXPENSE.

AndLizzie’s just like ‘oh no.’

(Because every girl’s a slut for a gentlemanwho treats her and her family with respect.)

BUTTHAT’S NOT ALL.

OHNO, THAT IS NOT ALL.

BINGLEYCOMES BACK. MAH BOY BINGLEY COMES RIDING INTO TOWN TO SWEEP JANE OFF HER FEET.

Gee,I wonder who could have been behind that? I wonder who could possibly havepersuaded Bingley that Jane truly did love him, and that her family was notbeneath his station after all? WHO COULD POSSIBLY HAVE DONE THAT????

Bythis point Lizzie’s a hive of conflicting desires and emotions. That’s whenLady Catherine de Bourgh comes into her house, unannounced, and tells her notto marry Mr. Darcy.

Howdoes Lizzie respond? Miss “From the very beginning – from the firstmoment, I may almost say – of my acquaintance with you, your manners,impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and yourselfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form that groundworkof disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immoveable adislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the lastman in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry” ?

Shesays, ‘WOW. FUCK YOU LADY. YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. HE’S A GENTLEMAN AND IAM A GENTLEMAN’S DAUGHTER. WE ARE EQUALS. I’LL MARRY WHOMEVER I PLEASE. NOW GETTHE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.’

(Oooooh, girl, you got it bad.)

After this, Darcy shows up and starts talking to Lizzie. And it KILLS me, because obviouslyhe’d given up on ever winning her hand. He did all those things for her notbecause he wanted her to like him, but just because he loved her. He was upsetwhen he found out her uncle had told her about what he did for Lydia andWickham. UPSET. And while Lady Catherine had raged about how inferiorLizzie’s family was, just as Darcy once had, now Darcy says that he respectsand loves them. He says Lady Catherine spoke to him of their encounter, and it filledhim with hope that maybe she didn’t think he was an insufferable jackassanymore. ONLY when he receives this encouragement does he renew his proposal,and even then he adds, “one word from you will silence me on this subject forever.”

IMEAN???? Just LOOK at this precious sunflower, dumb and stuttering and full of “awkwardnessand anxiety,” so fucking in love with this girl that he was willing to give hispersonality a complete overhaul and re-evaluate all his life choices, notbecause he thought it would make her like him, but JUST BECAUSE he loved her. And if she had refused him a second time, he would never have bothered her again.THAT is how you gentleman.

Thename of the novel says it all – Pride and Prejudice. He’s proud and haughty,she’s prejudiced and rooted in her negative first impressions. These are thethings they have to overcome, this is how they have to grow and evolve. Heneeds to lay aside his pride, she her prejudice, and only then can they betogether.