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Never thought I’d see the day when I’d be so desperate for help that I’d beg for donations on tumblr, but here I am.

We’ve always managed somehow someway to make ends meet but I don’t think we’ll get to it this time without help.

I’m on SSI (I make $400 a month) and my roomie is a phone sex operator; now the thing is she gets paid in clumps, not every two weeks like with a mundane job so it’s difficult to pay our rent on time in full and we always end up late paying partially at the beginning of the month and partially on the 15th. The manager, for the last year, has been really cool with it and understanding considering he knows MY health issues (I mean, they make an extra two hundred fucking dollars off us. You’d THINK they’d WANT us to be late!) and that I’m going through fucking cancer treatments right now (I hate even disclosing that because I HATE getting attention and pity. I don’t want it. But in this case you guys should probably know.) Anyway, he showed up last night a little after 6pm and knocked off and on for nearly an hour then came BACK this morning before the office even OPENED at 7:30am and started knocking AGAIN. I have severe anxiety with dealing with management due to past issues so my roomie normally does it so I didn’t answer it last night and when he came back she got the door this morning and he was very cold and rude and told us we have until Monday to get the rent in or they start eviction proceedings.

We have all of it but $194 dollars.

I’m asking friends (I have no family that can help) and my roomie is doing the same. I’m also selling a few things of value on ebay (since the roomie has a paypal debit card) so I’m hoping to get half of it together ourselves (lovely he decided to do this over the weekend, huh? AND right before I was set to go to chemo today so now I have to reschedule THAT.) through those auctions but, I’m also going to post this here and hope some of you guys will find it in your hearts to donate or reblog if you can’t. The paypal address is [email protected].

I know a lot of you love my themes and I’d even be willing (might take me a bit but I will!) to create a theme for you (I don’t do code, so basically it would be the background/graphics portion) if you donate $30 or more. If you do this and would like a theme, just send me an IM/ask with your name, etc.

And thank you for reading this, and once again I apologize for even having to do it.

•18+ Adults Only

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elenasdiariesx

Their lips had met so hesitantly; afraid of rejection. Afraid of anything even the return of the kiss she had so helplessly planted upon his soft lips. Even if he did return it, that would then seal their fate. Giving them that closure that whatever she was feeling this entire day wasn’t just something so out of the blue, but something that was actually normal in their own hectic and forbidden world. Elena was siding with someone she should have killed, she was getting closer to a man that was just as dangerous, just as broken as she was and this between them. It was lethal.

Elena couldn’t stop her own mind from scolding herself from doing something she had been set to not doing. For bringing someone in, someone to become close to especially after the day they already had. it was terrifying to say the least and yet that instant correction, clearly stating that he had become vulnerable that he found a weakness, showed that it wasn’t just her. It was the both of them and that they were no longer alone in the world that they had been used to all those years. This wasn’t supposed to happen, it was a moment of truth that even feeling his lips pressing back against hers brought warmth into her cold heart. This time he didn’t retreat, this time she’s not going to be left alone in this.

There was no rejection; just soft movement. Petals brushing against the others, touching gracefully and full of hesitation yet she began relaxing as his strong palms came up to frame against her face. The gentle and smooth glide of the pad of his thumb touching against her cheeks just as her own hands replicate his, brushing against his jawline and finally resting upon his cheekbones which she continues on stroking.

Their lips slowly part, just to a catch the breath as through the darkness their eyes lingered on the other, the silhouettes of each others bodies, the heavy breathing that filled the silence as the space between them closed again just as he leans in. A soft whimper left her lips, vibrating into his mouth as their lips crush, only to part and increase in pressure, in pace, moving deliciously as her tongue tip pokes out just to swipe at his bottom lip, her hands gliding now into his raven strands, holding onto him as though he was about to break away any second and regret what is happening. She’s in fear all over again, and yet in her gut, she know’s that this is more than just right…

eldestsalvatore

The second that Elena’s tongue glided along his bottom lip he knows he’s a goner. Hooked, lined and sunk is exactly what he is because he’s already fallen trapped to whatever spell she has put on him. Her hands find themselves into his raven locks and the grip she delivers is enough for Damon to know she fears he might pull back. How can he though? The only way that can remotely happen is them pulling his dead body off because thats the only way he’d ever separate from her. Probably not the best thing to picture in your head considering you both are on the run he thinks to himself. However, thoughts are forgotten as their tongues and limbs tangle together. Speaking of tangling together Damon decides to tweak the positions. Carefully shifting his body and laying her down as his body hovers above her. Better he thinks to himself their lips never breaking from the movement. Staying locked together as they take their time exploring one another. From the way things are progressing between them he’s well aware of what will eventually happen and because of that he draws back.

“Elena”

Body still remaining above hers. The only light peeking in the room is from the moon and yet he sees her so vividly. Swiping his tongue over his lips as his hand grasps the hem of her shirt. “Are you sure?”

selfpreserving

---- heart l e s s | datherine.

’ humanity is a vampire’s greatest weakness. no mater how easy it is to turn it off, it keeps trying to fight its way back in. S O M E T I M E S i let it. ’

she was BRILLIANT with the way she always let stefan and damon fall into a false sense of comfort, settling into a new town or new era and watching them adapt to their new surroundings. no matter where they went or who they were around, something always brought them back to each other and this time was no different. for months she watched – stalked the salvatore brothers, katherine favoring damon over stefan. his development was alluring to her. he’d gone from this sweet, innocent, pure hearted human being to this destructive, monstrous, and reckless vampire but katherine knew somewhere deep down that heart was still GOLDEN. stefan was still stefan; caring, compassionate, B R O O D I N G. damon? now he was enticing.

just when the boys thought they’d moved on with their lives, katherine always popped up like a daisy– just a lot less simplistic and a whole lot more chaotic. much like a daisy though katherine was a beautiful thing… her appearances weren’t.

standing on the front step of the salvatore boarding house, katherine waited patiently for someone to open the door and when damon came to answer, katherine felt all too nostalgic.

“ hello damon. ” katherine greeted pride filled smirk. she’d found just who she had been looking for. “ did you miss me? ”

@eldestsalvatore —- liked for a starter.

eldestsalvatore

Today wasn’t going to be a ‘normal’ day. Of course normal for Damon meant some big bad running a muck in the small town. That Elena would be in danger again and Stefan, the Justice League of Idiots and himself would be responsible in saving her and they would. That, that was what he’d consider to be a normal day but upon waking up this morning something had felt off. He couldn’t explain it but his gut had never been wrong.

He’s keenly aware that there is a change in the wind but that doesn’t stop him from his normal routine of preparing for the day. Stripping himself down, hopping into the shower and reveling as the hot steam surrounds him. The Boarding House was big, ancient and harbored many rooms but if he was forced to choose his ‘favorite’ surely it would be his bedroom. It possessed everything he needed like a custom made California King sized bed that was big enough to fit a whole sorority should he choose to bring them over and ‘entertain.’ It practically had it’s own zip-code with it’s size. Unfortunately the only person Damon wanted to roll around his bed with is one Elena Gilbert, otherwise known as his brother’s girl.

Fuck thoughts like that aren’t allowed and for good reason biting down so hard his teeth actually ache as he grit his teeth together. Any thought of Elena served as a reminder of how he’d never have his chance with her. It’s always going to be Stefan the taunt ringing in his ears from both Elena and Katherine. Bracing his hands on either side of the shower tiles as he stands under the spray as it continues raining water onto his body. He wants to smash something but not his shower. No, no this shower provides relaxation, comfort and sometimes pleasure and it shouldn’t suffer under his hands. Collecting himself he kills the water, grabs a towel and wraps it loosely around his waist.

Great I’m starting my day in a bad mood he miserably thinks to himself as he enters his bedroom and chucks off his towel. Now, standing in nothing but his birthday suit as he walks over to his dresser and pulls open drawers retrieving boxers, jeans, socks and a shirt. He takes his time getting ready because whats the rush? Boxers.....jeans....socks.....shoes.....smoothing out his black button down. Obviously custom made. He had chosen the color, the cut and the fabric. It had been crafted to mold to him perfectly and only him. Walking over towards the full length mirror and smirking to himself damn I look good.

Knocking is what snaps him from admiring himself as he makes his way out of the bedroom and walks down the hallway. Who could that be he wonders seeing as most people just sauntered straight in losing the manners of knocking. Reaching the end of the stair case he crosses into the foyer and swings open the large oak door only to be greeted to the woman he had loved and now despised. The woman who was a mix between heaven and hell. Inwardly he groans as he takes her in smug and seductive as ever. Rather than greet her he flashes her a faux smile.

“Nope”

And with that he shuts the door in her face, turns on his heels and makes a beeline towards the parlor. He knows it’s not that easy. Katherine will stroll right inside and because of that he’s going to need a drink.

#Damon Salvatore #Datherine #Datherinerp

DAMON SALVATORE

The man behind blue eyes

The man beneath the monster

The man who is a little dysfunctional and if you push him it might make him mad

Authors note: I’ve been away for quite some time but I’m certainly not new to role play. I know this character like the back of my own hand. So, come play. I don’t bite. I’ll leave that to Damon.

#indie rp #opentvdrp #Damon Salvatore #DamonSalvatore #indietvdrp #tvd #selfpromo #damon salvatore rp

Who Am I?

‘Who do you think you are?’

It’s a loaded question and if the bar patron knew of my story they’d find it’s one hell of a tale. Unfortunately, they don’t. This man who is most likely in his mid thirties is under the ill belief I’m some stranger that he’s about to teach a lesson to but oh how wrong he is. My visit to this pub was simply to have a drink with no trouble. Sadly, I forget the universe is never kind to me and the things I want I never get. This idiot has had one too many and wanted to pick a fight but he’s chosen the wrong opponent to match up against.

The corner of my lips quirk into my signature smirk. My pale baby blues take the stranger in as he circles around me. Him and his buddies think three against one is an easy fight. However, they are severely mistaken because they’ve never gone up against someone like myself before. I’m in a run down alley after taking my leave from the pub but they followed. Of course they followed thinking they were stalking their vulnerable prey but the joke is on them because I’m not the prey. I’m the predator. The deadliest of all.

‘Who do you think you are?’

The question again runs through my mind as I begin to answer it for myself. I was once a man son to Giuseppe Salvatore. No, no more like a burden to Giuseppe Salvatore. The son my father never wanted. The son who was always deemed a disappointment and lost cause. Why? Perhaps because I had a voice that I never silenced or had no fear in defying him. Either way I was the outcast while my little brother Stefan was seen as the Golden boy. Even as a child he had already been given the title of ‘could do no wrong.’ Living in that era I had felt trapped. Doomed to go around and around on this never ending merry-go-round called life. I was convinced that life would remain the same but boy was I wrong. Enter Katherine Pierce the woman who changed my life and ironically she changed me.

When my eyes fell upon Katherine I honestly believed she had been an angel fallen from grace. Again with the irony seeing as she was practically the devil herself. A wolf in sheep’s clothing and soon I learned she was like no other woman. No, she was like no other human because she wasn’t human. A woman I had once deemed from the heavens instead had been delivered from hell itself. Now, most men would flee and run for the hills but I wasn’t most men. I embraced it because ‘what’ she was made no difference to me only the ‘who’ and who she was at the time was the love of my life. I didn’t have many people in my life. I was viewed as an outcast and in time labeled a deserter. The people, my own people who had watched a boy grow into a man had turned their backs on me, thrown things at me and even turned on me. ‘Yankee’ is what they’d say each time I’d try to walk into one of their shops. I wasn’t welcomed so it’s really no surprise that this outsider felt drawn to the darkness that Katherine presented me with. Humanity wasn’t something that would be hard to part with because it meant I’d have forever with my beloved Katherine.

‘Who do you think you are?’

I’m someone who has experienced loss because many years ago back in Mystic Falls one night the council took part in a vampire roundup. My brother being the naive and starry eyed fool that he was hadn’t spilled the beans but had said enough to draw my father’s suspicions. He had laced Stefan’s drink with vervain which is deadly to vampires. Think of it like Supermans kryptonite from his home planet and how it weakened him. That’s what vervain is. When Katherine fed on my brother she weakened instantly proving my father’s suspicion and just like that my beloved was hauled off.

‘Who do you think you are?’

Someone who knows death because I was ready to embrace it in more ways than one. That night I had run off wanting to free Katherine only to be shot by my own father. Dying wasn’t scary because in my death I’d be greeted to life. When I finally did come around I rushed off only to stand witness to my Katherine burning in the church the council had set fire to. There was no world without her. I had joined this world to be apart of her world but with her no longer in it I hadn’t wanted to be in it. I couldn’t even fathom it and a world without her was a world I had no desire to live in. Eternity, something I once viewed as a gift I only saw as a curse. I was ready to say goodbye. I was ready to die but my brother wasn’t. He had always been selfish and always expected to get his way. My parents had spoiled him rotten and he was never used to the word no. It’s not all that surprising he wasn’t pleased with my choice but what was shocking was the realization Katherine had fed him her blood. She had made me believe I was the only one joining her as a vampire and yet there he was a newly turned vampire gloating on how he had killed our dear ole daddy and how much he had reveled in the taste of blood.

‘Who do you think you are?”

Someone who knows betrayal from Katherine and brother who had forced me into completing the transition. The two people I loved had hurt me the most and yet only one I had promised vengeance to. An eternity of misery that I was keen on delivering. Stefan would feel my wrath and Katherine would too because it turned out thanks to Emily’s admission Katherine was indeed still alive, entombed and it would take me over a century to reunite with her. That’s one hundred and forty five years and though the wait time was hell I’d endure it for her, for me and for the future she had promised us.

A punch straight to the chest snaps me from my thoughts as I let out a low groan. I flick my eyes around and notice they’ve now got me cornered. Their closeness is meant to intimidate but it only amuses me. I allow them the assumption they have me beat for a few more seconds before I decide it’s time to answer them.

“You shouldn’t be asking who I am”

I drawl and it’s enough for the first thug to get in my face. Ugh, greeted to the stench of cheap beer and cigarette lovely combo.

“Shut up bitch”

Bitch, right because I’m not fighting back. I’m the poor ole victim who is getting his ass handed to him and in a few seconds will probably be left knocked out on the cold pavement. He draws his arm back and I’m anticipating him to strike. In one fluid motion he’s coming in hard but before he can make contact I’m effortlessly catching his wrist and flashing a smirk at his dumbfound expression.

Showtime

“You should be asking what I am”

Allowing my vampire visage to come out in true form. Baby blues darkening into a soulless black. Veins appearing beneath my eyes and fangs elongating from behind my gums. Violently I’m pIercing my fangs straight into his flesh. I’m usually a little gentler when I feed because I’m not a messy eater but this guy really ticked me off. I rip into his flesh and I hear him howl in pain. The two men from around me start to freak out causing me to draw back and SNAP cracking his neck so his lifeless body sags to the floor. Blood running down my chin as I shoot my gaze over towards them bolting out of the alley but I’m faster, much faster.

Now, standing in front of them and blocking them from their freedom. Their buddies blood dribbling down my chin and running onto my jacket. I revel in the fear mirroring in their eyes as I cock my head to the side and observe them. They’re not daring to move. Oh how the tables have turned because they’re the ones to petrified to move.

“And what I am gentleman”

Flashing them a smile fangs and all as I advance forward.

“Is a vampire”

Without another word I strike thrusting my hand into one of their chests and pulling their heart out. Turning towards the other as I display the object in my hand and then toss it carelessly to the ground. This one, this one is my dinner as I sink my fangs into his tender flesh. Pulling the blood, his sweet ambrosia and my life source into my mouth. The more I take the slower his pulse becomes. If I was nice I’d stop pull a snatch, eat, erase and send him on his way but I’m not nice so I take every last drop he has to offer and then drop his body down with a thud. Glancing around the dark alley I take in the art I’ve just made. It’s beautiful. Three dead corpses scattered about on the cold pavement. I think I’ll title this piece ‘Don’t Mess With Me.’ I chuckle at my dry humor, my face returning to normal as one by one I effortlessly haul each body and throw them into the dumpster letting whoever comes here next be the one to discover them. What a surprise that will be.

It’s where they belong.

Where do I belong?

Well, I have a long overdue trip to Mystic Falls and some serving of an eternity of misery to deliver towards my baby bro.

So, who am I?

I’m Damon Salvatore. Once man, turned monster and I’m back.

#damon salvatore #damonsalvatore #TVD #tvd season1

•18+ Adults Only

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To All A Goodnight (Opener Perhaps?)

Damon Salvatore is many things; sadistic, monstrous, cruel, manipulative and borderline evil. Yet, beneath all that there is still a man. A man that had once been human and brought up to be a Southern gentleman who respected the Southern belles or any other girl he met for that matter. It’s that man who every now and then surfaces when he spots some idiot not understanding the word ‘no.’ It’s that man who doesn’t take kindly to a woman being taken advantage of and it’s that man whose attuned hearing picks up on the sound of a woman in the streets of New York struggling to break from her captor.

It’s the night before Christmas and even though most are spending time with their loved ones there are still individuals doing some last minute shopping. Maybe it’s because they procrastinate or their job is their life but either way this woman had been at the wrong place at the wrong time. Walking into the darkened alley he spots shopping bags on the ground and the woman pinned against the cold brick wall. He remains silent for a moment, cobalt blues assessing the situation and noting that the attacker is using his burliness to his advantage. That drawing Damon to smirk because the games just been changed.

“Well I know who will be getting coal in their stocking”

Announcing himself as the man turns around to see who the hell had been stupid enough to interrupt.

“Piss off pretty boy she’s already taken.”

The comment only drawing Damon’s smirk to widen.

“Yes, she seems quite taken with you given the fact that she’s trying to break free from your grasp.”

Feeling a hint of bravery the woman calls out to Damon.

“PLEASE HELP ME”

That earning her a slap and causing Damon’s jaw to tick as he steps forward.

“You know I’m trying to accept the Christmas spirit and be jolly but you’re making this really difficult for yourself.”

Laying his hand on the man’s shoulder which results in the burly man’s fist coming straight towards Damon’s face but he’s already anticipated this. With ease he catches the man’s fist and shakes his head. Gone is the amusement mirroring in his eyes and the Cheshire cat smirk on his lips. Leaning forward, his movements fluid and steady as he does so and for a moment he just stares the man down as he increases his grip on his locked fist. When he does speak it’s clipped. His voice deep and menacing as the monster takes over.

“Bad move.”

In one fluid motion he snaps his wrist back. The man howling in pain as he drops to the floor. Attention now diverting back to the woman who is paralyzed in fear. Cupping her face in his hands, his pupils dilating as he draws her under his spell.

“You’re going to collect your bags and leave. This didn’t happen. You went shopping. It was chaotic and stressful but soon as you finished you went straight home and made yourself a much deserved glass of eggnog, Merry Christmas.”

Robotically the woman brushes past him, collects her things and takes her leave. Casting his attention back towards the man on the pavement the blueness in his eyes a soulless black.

“Now what am I going to do with you?”

Considering it before he grabs him by the collar of his jacket and slams him against the brick wall. Reveling the monster within as veins appear beneath his eyes and pupils begin to dilate pulling him in.

“Don’t move in fact don’t even speak”

Without another word Damon is releasing his hold on the man and stepping over towards the dumpster as he spots something that catches his full attention.

“You know what I’m not a fan of rats. They’re disgusting little things. There is nothing remotely good about them. They sneak into places where they are unwanted, dirty little things and let’s be honest just plain ugly.”

Retrieving the bottle he spins on his heels and flashes a disturbing smile to the man who is rooted to his spot.

“You”

Slowly advancing towards him with a slight pep in his step as he jabs him in the chest with his finger.

“You’re a rat. You look like you haven’t showered in days, your breath reeks with a mixture of alcohol and smoke and well those advances you made towards that woman tonight were unwanted and I don’t take kindly to that. You know how they go about eliminating rats?”

The distaste in his voice sharp enough to cut through glass as he unscrews the cap of the bottle.

“By killing them.”

Once again Damon’s eyes darken and his pupils dilate as he shoves the bottle into the man’s hands.

“Since you enjoy drinking so much here’s your poison. Rat poison to be exact and you’re going to finish the whole bottle.”

The struggle in the man’s eyes is borderline satisfying to Damon. Catching sight as tears well in them because he’s trying to fight off the compulsion but failing. His mind is screaming to drop the bottle but his hand raises it to his mouth.

“Oh how the tables have turned. Sucks to be powerless doesn’t it?”

Tears starting to run down the strangers face as his mouth touches the rim of the bottle.

“Now you know how all those past victims felt when you took advantage of them”

Gulp after gulp he watches as the strangers life suddenly begins to fade from his eyes. Blood starting to trickle down his nose but Damon doesn’t even flinch because there’s no way in hell he’s tempted to take a sip.

Enhanced hearing listening as the man’s heartbeat begins to fade until finally his now lifeless body sags to the cold pavement.

Dangerous yet delighted blues casting down towards the dead man as Damon claps his hands together.

“And to all a goodnight”

He smoothly supplies, stepping over the body without a care, wandering back onto the New York streets and whistling a holiday tune.

#Damon Salvatore #TVD #Delena #Datherine #Defan #Vampire Diaries

Ian Somerhalder is responsible for breathing life into the character of Damon Salvatore. In my opinion this character was the most complex and layered person in the series. Fans were first greeted to Damon as a monster but bit by bit we saw cracks of vulnerability show, weakness peek out and love shine through. We saw a man hidden beneath the monster. His performances are compellingly beautiful to the point they can take a viewers breath away.

This character saved my life. Whether it was offering an escape by watching the show or diving deeper into Damon with writing. In short, just wanted to wish a happy birthday to this guy right here.

#Damon Salvatore #Ian Somerhalder #TVD #Vampire Diaries

elenasdiariesx

It was something she would never usually talk about and that something was what she was telling him now, how she truly felt, what really went on in her head and mainly the nightmares that overtook her mind and dream state. Though she was held in her own world, in her own bit of space just next to him, yet at the same time she felt she couldn’t be close in the same aspect as he pulled away from her. It was something that she never would show her weakness to, and to Damon, to show him.. she felt a little too vulnerable and a little too close for comfort. If he held back then so should she. At least that’s what she assumed knowing that even that vulnerability could cause complications. Already she was a problem.

There was much negative thinking going on in her head. What if she revealed too much? what if she came too close to comfort giving him everything that no-one else had heard from her before. To expose herself.. and shes left, hiding, pulling in as much as she can as she hides herself away into the darkness. Something however takes her by surprise. Those soothing words reaching her ears just as his hand delicately rests upon her cheek, her face now turning towards him and facing him. The tone that leaves her with, something of a promise. That he would be there, that he WOULD protect her and she couldn’t help getting lost in those blue orbs completely..

All it took was that reassurance. That one touch and she’s right back where she started..

He wouldn’t allow it? he wouldn’t allow her father taking everything from her, the chance of anything. Those very words making her heart leap, thudding harder by the second and she was already closing the space between them.

“I don’t want to find a weakness… but I’m afraid I’ve already found one…”

The darkness consumed her and so had the warmth she felt inside. Reaching her hand to cup just underneath his jaw, she found herself leaning in just to touch her lips against his, pressing lightly now. This was the chance she had taken, maybe it was the wrong move for her, maybe it was too soon, or maybe it wasn’t meant to happen this way… the vulnerabilities had grown and now they had another weakness. Each other.

eldestsalvatore

“So have I”

Damn it, damn her and damn him. Elena’s admission matching his own. They had barely known each other but he’s sure he’d move heaven and earth if she requested it of him. He knows he will get his hands dirty if it comes to it and he will gladly lay down his own life to spare hers. She’s close, so dangerously close that he can feel her warm breath fanning his lips. He’s threatened by her proximity but he’s not pulling away honestly I don’t even have the strength to she had already claimed his heart. A heart he believed would never love was now proving him wrong as he finds himself falling in love.

As he finds himself falling. Elena’s lips touching his own. The kiss soft and hesitant. He knows she’s worried he’s going to reject her like before but this time it’s different. Damon’s hands framing her face as he returns it. The pad of his thumbs tenderly coming to caress her cheeks. This kiss sealing the promise that they were now in this together.

When he draws back it’s to catch the breath she had stolen from him. He had meant to take things slow but one look at her causes him close the distance one again and desperately claim her lips to his.

elenasdiariesx

A thousand times over she finds herself lost and wanting more; craving to keep feeling his touch, the smooth movements of his fingers and yet her own replicate what she’s doing as the pad of her thumb brushes slowly along his jawline. That distance is still there. Wary of what he might do, what he might say… mainly if he would pull away and before he can, she ends up doing. Withdrawing her hands, she rests her head against his chest. Keeping her gaze away from his as she traces her fingertip against his chest, close to the open buttons where his skin is showing. Half wondering what he would look like without his clothing. She doesn’t answer, at least not yet. Holding back any tears that bring her back to the nightmare she had experienced. Only now, she’s calm and in the arms of a man she can’t quite put her finger on.

“The loss… the heartache, finding myself back in the position where everything is taken from me. Not allowing myself to love, not being able to save innocence..” she began, but continued as she brushes back a few strands of her hair away from her face. Letting out a more than content sigh, she tilts her head up, the back of her head leaning against his shoulder but just enough to face him. Chewing on her lower lip, those images vividly reliving itself in her mind as she scrunches her eyes closed.

“It’s a place I never want to be in, a person I don’t want to become especially at the force of his hand…” for a moment she forgets who she’s talking to, or if she’s even talking at all. Exposing herself of how she really is. That deep within that hard shell was something so soft, something innocent and yet she wasn’t innocent at all. Elena had the reins in her hand, she was pulling at them like a leash on a dog, she made her moves because of her fathers word and she never questioned it. This is what she had become now without any choice..

But. Would she choose to live differently? Slowly she opened her eyes, everything became silent and the only thing she could hear was the thudding of his heart. Just one simple touch, one lean in and she would get lost in it all, but she pulls away, looking into the darkness but remain where she were. Where she couldn’t continue exposing herself of the weaker woman. Of the loss she had endured in her lifetime. They were both more similar than they originally thought.

eldestsalvatore

He doesn’t pressure her to talk. He’s never been a fan of people forcing him to talk. He’ll do it on his own time and he knows she’ll do the same. He simply continues to hold her in his arms and hopes that his touch will scare away the demons that she fears. The demons from her past and considering her monster of a father is still alive he supposes her present too. When she finally does speak up his attention focuses solely on her. Listening and taking in every word so that he can better understand her. Listening to what her father has put her through so that when he comes face to face with the man he can put a bullet in his chest without remorse or hesitation.

“Hey”

Suddenly she’s turned away, facing the darkness and he reasons it’s most likely to hide herself. Good going idiot that stunt you pulled today at dinner clearly has her rattled she was holding back on him and he knew it was because of him. Reaching forward he places his hand delicately on her cheek so that he can turn her around so that she is now facing him.

“That’s not going to happen” His tone fierce and promising. Even in the darkness he’s sure she can see his blue eyes shining with determination.

“Your father has taken enough from you. He won’t take away the person that you are or your chance to love. I won’t allow it.”

Apologies for the absence and delay I’‘m dealing with a concussion and it’s a real pain in the ass

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elenasdiariesx

It became calming for her; soothing that he was here. Comforting her like she had never been comforted before, and honestly she hadn’t. No-one had been around Elena long enough to know what had gotten to her, they weren’t there when she had the nightmares. The only people around her in her life had been her father, her mother was a goner long ago, her Aunt and Uncle were the only ones to ever love her and they were gone. Yet here she was in his arms, soaking his shirt with her own tears. Falling apart against him. The strong woman that she was, was completely broken on the inside and only now was she showing it. Just like Damon had with her that night.. Maybe because they were near each other did they experience something that really exposed what they were and how they felt?

Those words he spoke, echoing in her ears. Her own fingers continued its effortless glide through ravens strands as she encloses her frame against him, fragile. It felt peaceful to be held by someone, it felt right in all the right ways because it was with him. What was it about him? was it their similarities and understanding? They had both been through so much and they could understand what the other felt but still, they were the type of people not to express it because there had been no-one there to listen, there had been no need to because anyone they had gotten close to would end up dead. There had been quite a few moments, but those moments had caused her to shut down and build up her wall, mainly because whatever she felt wasn’t being replicated or given towards her or he would shut down in the process of her giving herself towards him.

Remaining silent, all that could be heard was soft sniffles, whimpers from her trying to breathe and calm herself from the upset she had endured. She’s never felt so comforted, so at peace, that simply being there, she holds on and remains pressed into the crook of his neck. The warmth of her breath touches against his neck, leaning into that delicate hand that as his fingers glide through her hair, she finds herself doing the same thing through his. Gently her soft lips press against the skin on his neck, touching at his pulse pressing a soft kiss there before pulling back just to meet his face with hers. Their eyes met, her wet brown ones with his ocean blues as she searches his eyes for answers.

“Thank you” she manages to whisper, both hands moving to frame his face in her hands, but she keeps her distance. Learning from the mistake she had made when she had gotten too close earlier. The lie was, she was quickly losing herself within him all over again.

eldestsalvatore

Frozen, that’s what happened. His body going rigid when he feels her soft lips press a kiss along his pulse point. Mentally he finds himself cursing her out because one simple kiss like this is enough to draw out so many emotions from him. A featherlight touch of her hands making Damon yearn for more.

He knows he’s the reason why she’s being cautious. She had learned her lesson earlier when he had withdrawn from her. Now, she was keeping her distance and yet still within arms reach. All he had to do was lean in and press his lips to hers. It was so easy yet he mad everything so difficult for himself.

“Whatever you were dreaming about seemed intense, to you want to talk about it?”

elenasdiariesx

The dream has taken hold of her. Making her wish that she was dead. The nightmare continuing as blood soaked bodies pile up, one after another of the innocence and that’s all at her hands and her fathers. Pushing her to do the unthinkable to fight for her own life. Elena would rather die than kill another innocent soul, she would rather feel the pain they would have to endure because her life wasn’t supposed to be this way and neither was there’s. She’s shaking, panting, screaming and moving in place. Never before had she had a dream as bad as this one and Elena had always been afraid of her inner demons. This time one coming to life before her very eyes. Again she moves, sweat covering her face as she clung her long fingers into the sheets, almost tearing at them with her nails..

If it wasn’t for a soft voice lingering into her ear, that hard chest pressing against her back, she wouldn’t be soothed. Tears fall down her cheeks, soaking at her skin as she finally adjusts to where she is. Whimpering to the sound of his voice as she moves into his frame. With her face buried against his chest, her hands move against his back as she turns her frame into him. Clinging on for dear life.

She’s safe… she’s not alone.. she’s with him.

It’s the only thing going through her mind as her panic starts to settle, realising that she wasn’t in that dream. Realising he was here with her and that she wasn’t alone anymore.

“Damon..” her voice is breaking through a sob, more tears falling, staining his shirt as her fingers dug against his shoulder blades. Familiarising herself with his scent, as she tilts her face up just to look at his face. Brown hues shaking as she met piercing blues, reaching one hand round just to cup at his jaw, touching him.

Fingertips start to drag against his face, touching over his cheek bones slowly as her eyes adjust in the darkness. The pad of her thumb brushing against his jawline as though making sure that he was real and that he was there. Again she hugged herself into his frame, her face buried into the crook of his neck as her fingers ran through raven strands.

“Please don’t leave..”

eldestsalvatore

Eyes didn’t flutter open, they don’t open along with her shooting herself straight into his arms. Hands grasping against the material of his shirt she so desperately was holding onto. Tears already soaking through his shirt as she held onto him for dear life. Strong arms coming to wrap around her frame. Elena, she’s a strong woman but at that moment she’s vulnerable and weak and all he can do is hold her. Chase away whatever demons had plagued her.

“Shhhh it’s okay you’re safe.”

He’s never comforted anyone before. When he’s in such a situation he’s never been comforted either. He holds her the way he wishes to be held and says the reassuraning things he had wished to hear. He froze when one hand came to cup his cheek. Touching his face as if she’s inspecting if he’s real or not. With answer confirmed she goes back to hugging him.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

He vows. Scooting back so his back could rest against the wall. One arm remaining looped securely around her while the other arm lifts up so he can run his fingers soothingly through her hair.

“You’re safe.”

elenasdiariesx

There would have been a time where she would have gone after the person that needed her help the most. But she knew deep down that this man didn’t need it. She didn’t try to knock, she didn’t call out, she didn’t even try to see how he was because right now she knew he wanted to be alone.. this was the wrong move for her, a wrong move to finally admit she had felt something. That fear of letting someone in was sinking in and she fought hard to keep her walls up. What made it hard was that she was feeling that weakness, that she was feeling something for him. Why did she have to admit that she felt at home, why did she have to dig into his background that made him unstable and break right before her eyes? She was cowering back into her hard shell, attempting to shield herself from any feeling she has.

The warmth of the fire had died down, the darkness overtaking her and she’s left in thoughts and dreams of things that had already happened. Nightmares. Of what had happened in her life to bring her to the point of where she was at. Blood soaked fingers, she was coated in blood, having shot down a man and his entire family all because her one and only friend, life was on the line. Caroline had moved far away with her family, Bonnie had disappeared with hers, getting far away from Mystic Falls whilst they still can. Matthew Donovan, her only friend suffered a worse fate the longer he stayed there. With a drunken mother, his sister dead and no father, Elena had a lot to relate with him but in turn their friendship became sour especially when he learned she had chosen to a kill a family over killing him.

“I- no- please”

Soft mutters in her sleep, those endless screams making her whole core quiver, she was covered in blood, and running… running like her life depended on it. Those faces lingering, yelling, screaming, the blood shed of innocence daunting on her as she fell back into the darkness. Demonic eyes looked on and yet when she got close enough it was a reflection of herself..

Back into the darkness where she woke, bolted upright. Screaming..

eldestsalvatore

Startled from his sleep as a scream pierced through the night Damon is quick to bolt right up. It takes him a second to adjust until he remembers his new houseguest.

Elena

Eyes widening as he throws off his blanket, reaches underneath the coffee table, feeling around until he pulls his gun out. Unlocking the safety as he silently makes his way towards his room. Fear, gripping him at the thought of someone harming her. As he approaches he gets a good look around the cabin not spotting anything out of the ordinary. No forces of entry or broken glass. Still, prepared as he pushes the door open, gun at the ready, ready to eliminate whatever threat is there.

He’s expecting to see someone with his hand covering her mouth, her struggling or something that draws rage from him. Instead, she’s fast asleep but tossing and turning.

Fuck, it’s just a nightmare

Breathing a sigh of relief as he puts the safety on and sets the gun down onto the nightstand. Whatever demons she’s dreaming about really has her worked up. Moving to the opposite side of the bed. His chest pressed to her back as he gently lays his hand on her shoulder.

“Elena wake up”

Nothing, this time giving her a slight nudge.

“Elena, wake up. It’s just a nightmare.”

elenasdiariesx

They were so close; so close to have this moment- to share it and yet as open as she was being, she felt him shutting off. A moment where she was about to give herself something she had always craved for. A moment where she could, be herself, have something she needed in her life and that was her humanity. Humanity had always been a weakness, it always had been something she couldn’t have even if she strives for it. Now however she’s left almost crumbling. The walls she had been pulling down because of this man alone, was quickly being put up again. Why did she have to give in? why did she have to say those words. That she felt at home with him? it couldn’t be more than true, it was the only part of her that had as much belief in the both of them, where she got swept up in how things could be.

Sure, they were running now but how long for. This had to be a professional thing where she didn’t go falling for someone she had just met and yet- the latter had already happened. What was it about him that made her question everything? that made her feel soft and gooey inside the hard exterior that was her. Elena had always been selfless before, had always had a place in her heart for someone she could love and yet every person she loved got taken from her- they were dead. Now, she had a man in-front of her, within her own close embrace, hands touching against his face and brown does searched his face looking for the answers she might need. She was there to help him and yet she knew deep down, any sign of weakness that this man had. A man that was breaking on the inside was pulling away, was darkening his heart all over again.

Glassy eyes water as she furiously blinks back any feeling she might have when he removes her hands from his face. Her heart sinking, her body cold as she steps back away from him watching him leave her there alone. Alone…. that same replication pulling over her as darkness settled in. Glancing around, she moves her hands against her cheeks pushing back the tears she had fighting to come down her cheeks, she couldn’t cry, she wouldn’t. Instead she carries on, making their food and setting it out on the table hoping that he might return to her. Yet minutes turned to hours, the food cold even though she had picked at her own, she sat there feeling pretty alone.

Eventually she lay on the couch, pulling the couch throw over her as she stared into the dancing flames of the fire, eventually she fell asleep.

eldestsalvatore

In the confines of his bedroom he could hear her shuffling around. He knew she was finishing the meal they had prepared in hopes it would be enough to draw him back out but it didn’t work. Even as the scent snuck into his room he chose to stay perched on his bed. Eventually, hunger had taken over causing the door to slowly crack open and then he stepped outside. It had gotten dark, the only light in the room coming from the moon peeking inside. He half expected to be met by Elena but instead he found her sleeping on the couch. His gaze cast over towards the left overs she had set aside for him and his heart sunk before he began to warm everything up.

He ate silently, not wanting to disturb her. He cleaned up his plate not letting any piece of food go to waste. After placing everthing into the sink and opting to finish it tomorrow he moves over towards the window, drawing the curtain back and peeking outside. Silence, good, they were safe for now. He’s about to make his way back into bed but stops turning his attention to her sleeping form. She was his guest, she shouldn’t be taking the couch, he should be. Walking over he carefully and effortlessly lifts her up carrying her to his bedroom. Treating her like she’s the most precious thing he sets her down onto his bed and then draws the covers over her body. Lingering for a moment as he takes the pad of his thumb and ghosts it along her cheek.

“I feel the same too but I can’t lose you.”

Whispering his admission into the darkness as he leans down and presses a kiss along her temple. Taking leave, exiting his bedroom and then closing the door behind him. Walking over to the couch he pulls his shirt from up and over his head. Getting onto the couch and throwing the blanket over himself. It takes about an hour but eventually he falls deep into slumber.

elenasdiariesx

There’s a broken man behind that strong frame of his, behind those orbs that seem to be shattering the longer she’s staring into them. There’s a moment between them too hard to ignore, yet she’s there to comfort, to help him feel which seemed to be something he hadn’t felt in so long. Love. What was it about this man that left them so in tune? that made her want to feel something and for him to feel something to? her expression softened, exposed to the sadness he was feeling as the pad of her thumb continues that gentle, soothing brush against his bottom lip. It’s when his eyes meet hers the second time that she feels him unravelling. There’s no sound soothing him other than her own voice, she could see herself in his reflection, how she felt from what happened in her life and for a moment she feels the same. They are. The same in so many ways.

Warmth from his breath hit against her mouth; touching against it the closer they had gotten. Their chests were touching; her breasts pressing lightly as her chest rose and fell from her breathing. Sure this could have been a sexual advance but she wasn’t doing that with him. There was trust there, there was a feeling deep down and she was trying to course through this with him so that he could trust her. That he could open up to her. There’s a change in his eyes, that glassy look shining through those orbs. Those ocean blues watering yet he was quickly blinking his eyes to push them away. The softness of her name leaves his lips as her hands reach over his cheeks, brushing the pads of her thumbs against his cheekbones now.

“Damon, don’t… don’t pull back. I’m not going to judge you, and this doesn’t make you weak” she’s leaning in just to press her lips against the side of his face. Brushing her soft lips against his cheek “You can be yourself with me, you can feel. You know that?” she had been waiting so long to feel something, to be close to someone and then he comes along… and she’s running away with him. Leaving that cold life behind, but she knew revenge and the road of blood was on their path. “I’ve never been open to anyone before, but you. You’re different and I feel… I feel–” she stuttering, keeping her place against his cheek, whispering against his skin, but her heart is currently hammering into her ears. Deafening her. “I feel at home..” she leans her head back, only slightly, her nose touching against his.

eldestsalvatore

All Damon yearns to do is embrace everything that Elena is laying out in front of him. He doesn’t argue against her on anything because it’s all true. He’s never felt this way and he’s never felt more at home then he does now. He wants to get swept up in this feeling. This feeling that so many people seek to find. He’s about to, he’s about to tell her he feels it too all of it but then a face comes to his mind.

Enzo

Enzo, his best friend and his brother. He had been in the business with Damon but he wasn’t as cynical and violent as him. Enzo, had known how to fight he could hold his own but he was still vulnerable. That vulnerability showing when Damon had walked into their bar and he had found him lying in a pool of blood. It had crippled him because Enzo had been the only good thing in Damon’s life. He had been this light that every now and then replaced the darkness. That light had flickered out and now it was slowly coming back.

Elena, was becoming that light and it scared him because he knew if he allowed himself he’d love deeper. She would be everything. Losing Enzo he had lost a part of himself but he still found the need to fight. If he lost Elena though he knew he’d lose everything including his nddd to survive. He’d lose his fight. Enzo, had lost his life because they knew he was of value to Damon. They had used his weakness against him and he wouldn’t allow such a thing to happen again. Elena’s life wouldn’t be at the cost of him loving. Sure, she could hold her own. Just as lethal as him but he didn’t want to test it.

“Elena”

Hands now placed over hers as he slowly removes them from his face.

“I can’t”

“We can’t”

Giving her one last lingering look, forgetting about their food he heads into his room. Closing the door behind him and submitting to the darkness.

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elenasdiariesx

Was his family this bad that he had to murder his own father? Did he really fall this hard? Elena knew how it felt like for her. She was made to do unspeakable things, to kill people of such innocence and every day she regretted it. At least the innocence part, if it was anyone else with a crime or did harm to others, maybe she wouldn’t even think twice? However. This matter for him, something that turned him into the man he was, someone who had crushed him so far into the ground, he had picked himself up and he had pushed on but with what seemed like the meaning of revenge. Yet she couldn’t blame him. The more she had gotten to know Damon, the more she started to see the type of man he was. The more she wanted to know more… how he made her feel?

Elena couldn’t help it, holding his face the way that she did. Caressing the pad of her thumb against his cheek and stroking against the smooth delicate skin. Just as he began speaking, he fell short on his words and yet all she wanted now is take him in her own embrace. Yet she listened, she didn’t do a thing but listen as her dark rum orbs met his own, searching them entirely and getting lost in them all over again even if it wasn’t the right moment, the feelings he was causing her to have. The admiration she was having for him? Yet her expression softened, her brows knitting together sadly noticing the way he was stuttering his sentence. Just as he turns away from her, she finds herself shaking her head, her heart aches for him.

“Damon I–” she answers, moving to stand in-front of him again, both hands keeping hold of his jaw and tilting his face towards her “shhh” she murmurs, moving to rest her finger against his lips, silencing him just for that moment “I can relate with so many things that’s happened in your life as it’s happened in mine” her chest rising and falling and she’s moving closer now, closing the space between them. “But that never makes it okay. What’s happened has shaped you to who you are, and out of so much loss… you’re the man I’ve come to admire” she pauses.

“Damon I’m so sorry” she answers, leaning in close enough to rest her forehead against his, letting out a release of breath

eldestsalvatore

His eyes won’t meet hers. He’s pretty sure he will end up getting a crick in his neck with the way his head is turned. He can’t look at her because once he does she’ll not see the man but the boy who had been taken advantage of by his own flesh and blood. However, that proves to be difficult when she’s once again standing in front of him. Even when she takes his face in her hands his gaze still remains focused anywhere but her. Sadly, she wins this volley though. The moment her finger touches his lips he’s drawn to look at her. He does as she requests and remains silent. Listening to what she feels he should know. Had she been abused? Taken advantage of? The thought of Elena being powerless against her own father making him sick to his stomach. They’re close, so close he can feel the warmth of her breath can his lips causing him to inwardly gulp. He looks at her in complete bewilderment when she confesses to admiring him. No one had ever admired him. When it came to sex, sure; he got praise but this, this was different because this is personal.

As she comes to rest her forehead against his he mirrors the action. His eyes fall shut when he feels the start of tears prickling his eyes. He had been vulnerable enough, he refused to cry. His father and uncle didn’t deserve his tears. The boy hadn’t cried and the man wouldn’t shed a tear. Furiously blinking them away.

“Elena”

He’s not sure why he’s saying her name. It comes off sounding like some finally answered prayer.

elenasdiariesx

Before she could really answer; he had chosen the drinks out for them. Good choice in her eyes, something to kill that taste of— well… whatever this was. Lust, need, want? to feel? yet it was something she had been welcoming since the moment she lay eyes on him. Sitting down in her place at the table, one foot hooks over the other yet pointing out in the direction of where he would be sitting, shuffling closer on her seat towards where the meal would be placed out she was eagerly licking her lips. The scent alone was making her hungry, not to mention what had happened a few moments ago where she wanted to grab his face and just……… thoughts drifting and again she was mentally scolding herself for being so far one edge.

There’s suddenly a confused expression on her face “your fathers?” she answers, repeating what he had just told her. What happened there? was his father exactly like hers? selling her out to the wolves. Using her as the bait. Beginning to plate up the salad, her gaze never left from him. How bad had his life had been? was he opening up to her now? her teeth were tugging tighter upon her bottom lip the more she thought as she reaches over the table to the bottle of jack and the coke he had placed out. Filling two glasses up she sets the bottle down before wrapping her long fingers around the glass and lifting it towards her lips before letting it glide down her throat, stinging on the way down as she swallow.

This was a subject that was in need of a good strong drink and they had it. Especially now they were becoming that more comfortable one another. There was still a lot to learn. How their lives had been, and possibly the future of where it would take them. There time together was increasing and this was the best move she had ever made in her life to finally feel. To finally feel free… What was it with Damon Salvatore? a man that was managing to make her feel something, a man that she was finally letting in. The more she started to realise it, the more thought of them barriers she had up would soon come crashing to the ground.

“What happened Damon? how did your life get this bad?” she’s now standing, placing her glass back down on the table, before approaching him as she gently reaches her hand towards him, resting her palm upon his arm. Elena’s free hand finally catches against the side of his face turning him towards her as her other hand leaves his arm and frames his face now with both hands. That selfless nature shining through her doe orbs as she searched those blues that were like oceans.

eldestsalvatore

“Yeah”

Stabbing his fork into a couple pieces of pasta, leading them into his mouth, chewing and then swallowing. Using those short seconds of swallowing it down to buy himself sometime to think.

“I killed my father.”

Seeing that she had placed his drink down in front of him Damon wastes no time in reaching for the glass. Fingers coiling around it, lifting, inhaling the sweet aroma, tipping his head back and then taking a long pull. Of all the things he’d be discussing with her tonight he didn’t think it would end up being this. Releasing the glass that had been latched to his lips and setting it down onto the table. He hears the question but he doesn’t answer. His grip on the glass increasing and he’s pretty sure it’s about to shatter. He’s pretty sure he’ll be picking at the shards of glass that will get caught into his palm. However, the hold on his falls slack when he feels warm hands come to cup his face. She has to have some sort of mythical power. It’s the only reason that would explain why I’m willing to be so open with her or maybe it’s just because she’s been where he has been as well.

“I”

No, he’s going to need another drink. Reaching for his glass and swallowing back the rest of the contents before his attention casts back over to her.

“I was born into this life. My mother Lily was the only thing I had she loved me. She died though I was so young. My father had always been a bad man but after losing her it’s like he had lost his humanity. He became a monster. He called me a curse....beat me.....he even let his brother....he let his brother.”

Not able to finish the sentence. Not wanting to relieve it as he turns away from her completely. He might not have said it but from the haunting expression he’s wearing he knows she’ll figure it out.

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