Heya, I'm Elcee π€ early 30's, queer and ND, going by they/them pronouns. Welcome!
Writer, TTRPG enthusiast, music lover, and occasional psychology nerd (not trained, it's just a big interest of mine). And I do art sometimes. When the muse strikes.
Mostly posting and reblogging bg3, OC content, and writing things, and it's likely going to be like that for a while since I'm currently in the middle of writing my longfic for bg3, but you can consider this place to be a multi interest platform for all the aforementioned hobbies.
[Their masterpost is here]
Natavriel (Tav, they/them) and Storm (DU, he/him) exist in the same timeline. Storm is a forsaken Durge, having lost his duel to Orin (at least in the main timeline I write about, but I occasionally delve into a happy ending for them too). My longfic dealing with the consequences of that for Tav and Astarion is post canon, but I do write one shots during the events of the game too, and those are a tiny bit less tragic.
If there's only ONE post to read about them it's the one about the companions relationships with them, here :3
Common tags : #elcee posts | #elcee writes | #elcee draws
All my posts without the reblogs, for quick browsing
More navigation links under the cut
(bg3 exclusive for now but who knows what the future may bring)
[AO3 link]
The battle is won, the Netherbrain defeated, and Astarion is free. But as he returns to the shadows, someone fails to follow him βhis lover, child of Bhaal, condemned to madness by his own father. For weakness, for disobedience, it matters not, Storm is lost. Astarion navigates his grief with the help of Tav, and fights for closure as they both try to find where the balance of their friendship lies, now that Storm is gone.
In progress : 19/30. Updating... when I can.
Longfic Interview is here
The context of how this happened in my head can be found here
General tag | WIP tag
Snippets of my Dark Urge's tadpole journey alongside Natavriel, of their platonic bond, of his friendships with the tadfools, and of his romance with Astarion
POV varies between Storm and Tav
Home (some backstory, lots of angst)
[AO3][Tumblr]
Violent Delights, Violent Ends (durge backstory, tragedy, mind the tags)
[AO3]
A Name is a Powerful Thing (angst, some minor comfort in the form of Tav being here, mind the tags. One of my fav piece of writing ever.)
[AO3][Tumblr]
Conflicts Of The Mind (act I angst, hurt/comfort, mental health exploration)
[AO3] In progress : 3/4
His fangs mean Death (character study for my Durge, mild smut)
[AO3]
(mostly, those are the chapters of the previous fic diving into Astarion's memory of the tadpole journey, and they more or less all work as standalone if that's all you have the space for)
The simple plan (angst and comfort, durgestarion/bloodspark)
Kindness is a hateful thing (hurt/comfort, durgestarion/bloodspark)
[AO3][Tumblr]
You will feel my hunger (hurt no comfort, durgestarion/bloodspark)
[AO3][Tumblr]
Here Comes the Sun Again (fluffy angst? is that a thing?, Tav & Astarion)
[AO3][Tumblr]
Stay (angst)
This one is about Nocturne and Shadowheart! Also unedited because it was for a flash fiction prompt and I rarely go back on those
Only on Tumblr (if I edit it it might make it to AO3 one day)
First Snow (fluff, Shadowheart x Halsin x Karlach)
[AO3][Tumblr]
Astarion and gratitude
Astarion and Drizzt
Astarion's resilience
Astarion thinks deus ex machinas are very twee
Why Astarion's character resonnated with me (answerring an ask)
Shar, Shadowheart, and grief
My favourite BG3 NPC (it's Doni, if you don't know who that is go read the post and I might forgive you /j)
Karlach/Shadowheart/Halsin headcanon
Karlach/Shadowheart/Halsin relationship post game
The Natavriel/Storm/Astarion situation
My Gale'zel version
The Mucha series
(almost complete with the Origin companions, I'm only missing Karalch :3)
Hugs (Astarion x Storm & Natavriel)
A Night of Peace (also Astarion x Storm & Natavriel)
Kitten Agression (still Astarion x Storm & Natavriel but happy)
Most of those are written in one go, and unedited, so they have various degrees of quality haha
I do those mostly as a way to practice, and also because I like to procrastinate when I'm at work
(yes, those have all been written on company time... Does that mean I'm a paid writer??)
Gravity [Read on Tumblr][AO3]
This one is dark. CW : depression, suicide (though not super explicit)
Chrysalis [Read on Tumblr]
WoD:Changeling themed if you squint
There is power in a name [Read on Tumblr]
Also about faes, if the fae in question is a child snatcher
Night Killer [Read on Tumblr]
This one is an experiment with some worldbuilding I had done a long time ago and I wanted to bring back. I had a lot of fun writing it but I'm not sure how readable it is.
You blood is mercy [Read on Tumblr]
This one is also dark. CW : child's death (more or less)
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ty for the tags @litsenn @missfortunetherogue @spillingteanotpermitted @perpetualmaladaptivedaydream - think that's everyone who's tagged me recently!
tagging: @lilhumanoid @heartcrystal2000 @fireflyeyes @thepalelawyer @elceewunjo @dr4gonwriter and reverse tagging everyone above if you have anything new to share!
yes, it's past 10 PM in my timezone, and i feel the need to prove that i am actually still working on pride month stuff and i didn't just give up halfway through last month. i meant to only slow down a little, then "a little" turned into "a lot" because so much happened at the end of the month... anyway, this is from my fic for day 15: purple - spirit.
(the idea here is that it's essentially about the spirit of their wedding vows... is that a loose interpretation of the prompt? maybe. but it's what i came up with, lol. also i really wanted an excuse to write about this.)
"Sweetheart," Elenion said from the doorway, "please tell me you're not revising lecture notes the night before our anniversary."
Gale startled, one hand sweeping over the papers with all the subtlety of a cat knocking a goblet off a table. Which was not the behavior of an innocent man.
"Gale."
"Len," Gale said, looking down at his hand still spread uselessly over the papers. "I⦠appear to have reacted in a manner that has made this significantly more suspicious."
Elenion's eyebrow rose.
Gale held his gaze for a moment, then sighed. "I was only reminiscing, darling. I'm sorry I woke you."
When Elenion stepped closer, they saw their own name at the top of the nearest page, followed by a single word underlined twice.
Vows.
These clearly weren't lecture notes.
Their gaze moved over the desk: page after page in Gale's careful hand, whole sentences crossed out and rewritten in increasingly desperate strokes.
"Gale," they said slowly, "are these drafts of your wedding vows?"
Gale glanced down at the papers. "β¦Some of them."
Elenion looked pointedly at the desk.
"Most," Gale amended.
"All of them?"
There was a pause.
Gale cleared his throat. "All seventeen of them, yes."
Elenion let out a soft laugh. "Why am I not surprised?"
"I may have suffered a minor linguistic crisis," Gale said with a small, embarrassed smile. "I wanted to get them right."
Elenionβs gaze caught on the first line of the nearest page. "I have looked to the stars all my life," he read aloud, "yet none have guided me so surely as the constellation of your gaze."
Gale closed his eyes. "That was from an early draft."
"I can tell."
He glanced down again, his smile softening. "It's beautiful, though. A bit absurd, but beautiful."
Gale opened one eye.
Elenion picked up another page before Gale could object. βYour beauty is a theorem for which my heart has no proof, and yet all evidence compels belief.β
Gale made a strangled sound. "I will remind you," he said, "that these pages were never meant to be subjected to bardic critique."
"Then maybe you shouldn't have married a renowned bard."
"A tactical oversight."
Elenionβs gaze flicked to another page and stopped. "Gale. This one continues on the back."
Gale's hand twitched toward it. "It was very late when I wrote that one."
Elenion smiled and shook his head. βDid Tara read these?β
Gale let out a deep sigh. "She was merciless. She once advised me that vows are traditionally expected to end before the guests begin aging visibly."
A laugh slipped out before Elenion could stop it. "Very wise of her."
Gale reached for the pages, but Elenion lifted them just out of reach.
"No, I need time with these. They're historical evidence."
"They are private evidence."
"Evidence that you loved me so much you temporarily forgot how language works?"
Galeβs mouth opened, then closed again. "Yes," he said softly. "Something like that."
Itβs Disability Pride Month! And you know what that means, right? No? Well it has been ages and Iβve long been casually planning a series of short (maybe) essays around the parallels to disability - and the clearer disability representation - throughout Baldurβs Gate 3 in both the characters and the story. So what better month than this to finally work on them and bring them out?
Whilst I do have some personal lived experience with disability, this doesnβt account for every type of condition or all the ways that different disabilities affect so many of us. Two people with the same condition can have quite a different lived experience, and even the condition itself can vary significantly. So what I mean to say here, loves, is that if you have a differing opinion, or thereβs something Iβve missed, or youβd just like to add your thoughts - please do just that!Β
I welcome hearing from all of you about how you relate to the game through your own lived experiences, and what the characters can mean to you. Representation isnβt always clear, but honestly I think when we look closer we can see parts of all kinds of experiences reflected through the characters and story.
So, what I intend to do is create a series of essays, looking in depth at the potential parallels we can see in each of the main companions that Iβm most familiar with (unfortunately I donβt know Minthara well enough to include her in this, but I would welcome input from others!) and then perhaps some of the other characters. (Edit - all pieces completed for now, next year I may add more!)
These pieces are not meant to be diagnostic in any way, or claiming βthis character has this illnessβ, but instead is a look at how the characters and their stories and details can be similar to real world disability and health, and how different people might find ways to relate to their experiences through this.
Links to the Disability Discussion Posts
Karlach - Terminal Illness (Completed)
Wyll - Sudden Physical Change (Traumatic Incident) (Completed)
Gale - Chronic Illness, Autism (Completed)
Astarion - Complex Needs, Specialised Diets, and Addiction (Completed)
Laeβzel - Ableism, Eugenics, and More Neurodiversity (Completed)
Shadowheart - Memory Difficulties, Depression, Fluctuating Chronic Pain (Completed)
Halsin - Carer Fatigue and The End Of The Path Of Healing (Completed)
Gortash - Invisible Disability and Visible Mobility Aids (Completed)
---
I'm not sure how quickly I'll get through posting these as I'm having a tough time with my own physical health right now - isn't that ironic? - but I do intend to get through at least this list by the end of July in between fic writing and other projects.
If you would like to suggest other characters, storylines, or disability related topics in BG3 please let me know! I'd love to hear how you all relate to the game and the characters from these angles too, and I might be willing to add things to this list if I can.
Lia's Disability Experience
As a little peek behind the curtain (and for full disclosure that I'm not an abled person here to talk over disabled experiences) without giving you too much of myself on the single plate, my lived experience is with an unpredictable chronic pain condition as well as a few other chronic illnesses and disability issues. I'm a wheelchair user, partially ambulatory (essentially I can shamble around in my home with assistance but outside the house I rely on my wheels), and my most prevalent symptom is constant pain.
I have made vague references to these things in a few works and the experience does provide me with some fic inspiration for a couple of works. I'm far too familiar with Loviatar's embrace, but I feel this is something that can be used to my advantage at times like these where I can examine the characters and storylines from angles that abled people might not consider.
Your Input!
I really would love to hear from all of you - what other characters do you feel reflect some of the lived experiences of disabled people? Are there any that you connected to? Did you find the game was accessible for you to play as a disabled person? What do you wish you saw more of in the game or in games in general?
This month really is an important one for awareness and understanding, as well as finding things in ourselves to be proud of that don't fall into the categories of "inspiration porn" or the kinds of internalised ableism that can drive some of us to push too hard to work against our conditions instead of with and around them leading to more issues.
Remember - The Disabled Community is the one minority that anyone could become a part of at any time. Advocating for our rights could also be advocating for your own future or that of a loved one.
Small addition, even though he's not a companion: I'll never stop lauding this post about Doni and autism by @elceewunjo. In my recent replay, I was able to read his thoughts to learn about his sensory sensitivity and I felt so seen.
Tagging in turn @ranger-jahen, @litsenn, @spillingteanotpermitted and @missfortunetherogue (if you've done it already please drop me a link, I always want more music :3 or feel free to do it a second time xD)
Tried to 1)keep out my writing music out of this and 2)display the eclecticism of what I like ot listen to ^^ But three songs isn't a lot, to do that hahaha (I cheated anyway, and did albums instead if songs, cause that's just how I work, I listen to albums π€ unless a specific song scratches my brain the right way and I end up looping it)
Seelie - CLANN
Yes, technically I've already yapped about that one when I posted my drawing of Storm and Natavriel cuddling, because the lyrics I posted with it are from the last title of this album, "I Hold You". But I feel like CLANN is criminally underrated haha, so I had to yap again. I've been relistening to this album a lot lately (mostly because of Natavriel being on my mind 24/7 ^^, their signature song is also a CLANN song titled "Arise" lol), it's a timeless favourite of mine :3
I think their other album "Kin Fables" might be my favourite, but "Seelie" is the one I've been listening to lately.
If you're up for slightly weird and evocative faerie vibed music, this is it (I mean, the album is called Seelie, you know what you're in for)
A Frame of Mind - Kalandra
Another favourite of mine that I'm always listening to. It has never really left me since it came out 2 years ago and it turned a band that I just liked into one of my fav recent groups :3
This whole album is a story, one about healing from generational trauma and finding your place in the world, and I love it with all my heart :3
The Wow! Signal - Muse
Aha finally something a lot more people will know xDD Muse is my nostalgia group, having been with me throughout my teens, and being my first phsical music purchase when I was younger. And since they released their new album recently, I've been playing it almost daily haha
Not my favourtie of theirs, but I still like it a lot :3
It was so hard to choose from my "recently listened to" list xDD I realise that the amount of music I consume daily is pretty insane when doing games like this ^^ I could do this game at least three more times with things I've listened to over the past two weeks lmao
(Still working through tags after my many absences this year. I swear I'm not intentionally dissing anyone, I'm just a disorganized slowpoke. Pls don't stop tagging me <3)
Here's something from ages ago, like literally last year, by @onlytavs π₯° Read about their character Data here! (Thank you and apologies for my tardiness!)
I'm so late everyone has probably done this already, but on the other hand it's been so long you might be up for another round? π So, the gentlest of tags for @lutethebodies, @blackwelliath, @kcwriter-blog, @ignistigator and @ranger-jahen. Feel free to ignore or send a link to your old posts. Anyone else interested is of course very welcome to participate as well!
Alias: Rani, The Starflower, Daoin Ath Tel' Vandor ("The Star in the Forest"), A'mael ("Beloved", by Gale), That Insufferable Self-righteous Tree-hugger (mostly by Astarion and Lae'zel, but I'm sure by many others as well)
She grew up with her parents and sister - all of whom she's still close with, especially her sister Rhenna.
Growing up in a small rural village also means having a tight-knit community where everyone knows everyone and always looks out for one another - for better and for worse. While of course closest to her immediate relatives, Rani is familiar with almost everyone in the village and considers many of them family in one way or other.
There are also the wolf, Crow's Eye, and his family.
He's not a true ranger's companion as he doesn't follow Rani on her journeys - she is very protective of them all and prefers them to stay in their territory - but he considers her Pack and she tries to go see them whenever she is home.
Birthplace:
Wyckhollow, a small wood elf settlement and druid circle in south-western High Forest. Rani's sister, mother, and grandmother are all druids.
When she was around 10 the family moved to the larger village of Mullholm right on the outskirts of the Forest. It is a hybrid village with the northern part firmly inside the forest and consisting mostly of wood elves and wood elf buildings - while the southern part is outside the forest and has a population of mostly humans and dwarves.
Both places are dear to her, especially Wyckhollow. No matter how far away her journeys take her, she makes sure to return regularly to check in with both the people, the wolves, and the Forest itself.
Job:
For most of her life, she's lived off the land. Hunting, fishing, farming, trading with other villages etc.
It was sort of expected she'd follow in her mother and grandmother's footsteps and become a druid as well, but unfortunately, she's not much of a magician... Instead, her love for roaming the forest and natural ability to speak with animals (the one magical thing about her) led her to pursue the path of the ranger.
It wasn't until she left High Forest she got actual employment in the true sense of the word. For the past half-century she's been doing a lot of odd jobs and adventures. Usually as some kind of wilderness guide, hunter, or tracker, but not always. She stayed in Secomber for a few years working in a tavern (not fun) and even had a stint with a circus doing trick archery and trick riding (very fun!)
Phobias/Fears:
Quite claustrophobic.
Puts a lot of self-worth in being The One Who Fixes Things which leads to a lot of struggles with fear of not being enough. Like what if she can't fix this? If she can't save everyone? What good is a ranger if they get lost in the woods?
Hobbies:
Everything to with animals and their care and training.
Dancing, and anything that lets her move her body.
Reading, especially trashy romance novels (she used to sort of hide it from Gale in fear he'd mock her - and he absolutely did - but truth is he likes them too. It's a mutual guilty pleasure.)
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In the early hours, Wyll tastes like apricity. His mouth is so warm it brings to mind the way the morning dew evaporates under the sun; thereβs a faint and pleasant bitterness just past his lips, of herbal teas heβs made for himself to carry on the road. When he kisses, heβs hungry and happy. Maybe for breakfast orβ¦ for something else. β€οΈ
In the late hours, Wyll tastes of wine and campfire smoke. Heβs sipping from a battered tin goblet and raising animated hands to tell his stories, the flames dancing in tune with his tales. He kisses slowly, deeply, and heβs content. His fondness for Ashaba Dusk lingers on the tip of his tongue, and itβs wonderful, and dizzying.
Happy disability pride month to everyone with ptsd, happy disability pride month to everyone with complex ptsd, happy disability pride month to everyone who questions if their problems are big enough to count as a disability, happy disability pride month to anyone who questions if their problems count as a physical or mental disability, happy pride month to everyone who has a disability that causes people to stare, and to those whose disabilities are hidden, happy disability pride month to everyone who deals with any kind of disability physical or mental, youβre all badass and I want you to remember that this month okay
Rating: Mature
Word count: 1,7K
Summary: Post game-events, Durge Ellith (Half-drow, bard/sorcerer, they/them) wakes up and something feels amiss..
CW: πSuggestive - Adult onlyπ Nothing too explicit but still quite cheeky + body depictions - bodyswap.
Note: I was tagged by @wild-surge (Thank you!) for this prompt : "Your Tav/Durge and their LI have been body swapped for 24 hours! How do they deal with it? What problems/issues arise?"
And it turned into a whole little fic π
READ ON AO3
Ellith sprawled their body across the bed, limbs wrapped around the bedsheet. They were cold, which seemed strange for the summer season. But through the haze of sleep, they didnβt bother considering it, and they pulled the blanket over their shoulders. A disapproving grunt rose beside them. βThatβs why we should have separate blanketsβ, the bard thought, eyes still closed. They rolled over, seeking their loverβs touch, only to find themself entangled in a cascade of silky hair.
βWhat the..β
When they opened their eyes, all they could see was an abundance of red curls imprisoning their face. Jerking away, Ellith instinctively kicked the creature laying on the bed where Astarion should have been resting. The blow was immediately followed by a sharp but melodious yelp.
The room was dark, windows covered with heavy fabrics to keep the sun from sipping in, but it didnβt take long for the half-drowβs eyes to adapt to the shadows. In fact, it took no time at all, quite surprisingly. And they could see better than ever. Every piece of furniture, every greasy mark on the ground, every fold on the blanketsβ¦ even the stains left by their own fluids were perfectly distinct on the bedsheets. They could even smell it, smell the moist and lust from the moment of intimacy they had shared a few hours before.
Passing the initial surprise, the bard focused on the form one the bed, who was staring at them with stupor.
βAstarion?β
βEllith?β
The two names resonated at the same time, perfectly in synch. And when they heard Astarionβs voice leaving their lips, Ellith pressed their hand against their mouth. As they did so, Ellith hurtΒ their tongue with their own teeth, much sharper than usual.
The creature in front of them was a half-drow, tall but rather skinny, their naked form showing ribs and ridges where there should be flesh and fat. Their long red curls were spread on the mattress like an abstract painting, and their golden-violet eyes where shining in the darkness. Deep, healed scares were adorning their whole body and the tattoos on their face were wrinkled by a shocking expression.
It was a form they were used to seeing in mirrors. The perfect reflection of their sick flesh.
Given the way this Ellith was staring at them, agape, the real Ellith didnβt dare look down at the body they were inhabiting. All they could say that there was something wiggling between their thighs, and they could already picture what it was.
βOh, noβ¦β they whispered, swallowing painfully.
βYou look amazing.β The other Ellith purred with their own signature purr, gawking at them shamelessly. βI mean... I look amazing.β
The bard rushed to the mirror standing in the corner of the room, only to see⦠nothing. Nothing at all.
All right.
βWhat did you expect, darling?β the other Ellith chuckled, lying back on the bed.
The bard was connecting the dots, but the initial shock wasn't receding.Β
"That kick was unnecessary though..." The other Ellith winced, massaging their thigh, but there was a hint of amusement and endearment in that voice. "How dare you damage that lovely body of yours?"
"I... didn't... What in the hells, Astarion?!"
He laughed.
How could they β- heβ¦ HE be so relaxed?
After a few more seconds of bewilderment, the bard finally accepted their fate and looked down at their own body: Flat chest, pale skin, muscular but thin⦠Ellith's eyes lingered on the penis, hanging there, free and⦠well, a little sticky.
βItβs all right sweetheart, you can play with it.β Ellithβs voice rose from the bed, much more amused than should be appropriate in such circumstances.
The bard hadnβt said a word, too afraid to hear Astarionβs voice in their mouth again. When they refocused on the other Ellith β that is, the real Astarion β he was gently cupping the tiny breasts of his new form, toying with every little curve.
βHeyβ¦!β the bard scolded him, once more surprised by their new voice. βDonβt you dare arouse my body now!β
Startled, the real Astarion quickly ungrabbed himself β or themself β and grinned innocently at his clone. βApologies, darling. You know how much I love them.β
βHow can you take it soβ¦. lightly?β the bard burst out, their voice reaching Astarionβs adorable high-pitch note. They forced themselves not to marvel at it.
He kept on grinning.
Ellith understood.
βOh gods, Astarionβ¦ what have you done?β
His grin turned into a mischievous smirk, which allowed Ellith to realise how unsettling they looked when they were wearing the same expression.
βHonestly darling, I had no idea this would work.β
Ellith let out a deep sigh.
βDonβt worry, itβs only for 24 hours.β
βAh!β the bard rolled their eyes. βAnd that should reassure me?!β
They walked towards the bed and sat down, rubbing their forehead. And thatβs when the bard realised how famished they were. Not the same kind of hunger they could feel after days of self-inflicted starvation. No. It was deeper. As if something was gnawing at their bowels. Their tongue rolled over their fangs.
Astarion didnβt seem to have noticed anything, since he was playing lazily with the little bush on his crotch.
βCould you please leave my hairs alone?β The bard hissed.
Stilling his hands, Astarion crooked his head in their direction. βYouβre hungry, arenβt you?β
Of course he could see it, if not feel it.
βYES! And mortified, and frustrated, andβ¦ why did you do this without telling me first?β
He reached out to wrap his arms around the bard inhabiting his body. It felt warm, but the smell of his flesh was more tantalising than it had ever been. Ellith was almost drooling.
So thatβs how it felt? Thatβs what he had to learn to control? Somehow, it felt almost more intimidating than the Urge itself.
βI told youβ¦ I wasnβt sure it would work. And besides, itβs much more fun to watch you struggle through this.β
βYou, bastard.β
He pressed a long, warm and wet kiss on their cheek. βYou look so pretty.β
βI look just like you.β
βPrecisely.β
The bard tried to repress a giggle but failed dramatically. They knew Astarion had been yearning to see his face again, it just felt weird to be the one wearing that face. Inappropriate, even.
The gentle pressure of those soft little breasts against their back wasnβt unpleasant though; warm and comforting. Β One slender arm sneaked around Ellithβs waist to rest on the tight belly. βA chance I had a good meal a few hours ago, or else youβd be positively starving, darling.β
βYou mean this could be worse?β
He laughed loudly, barks dripping with sarcasm, and his fingers squeezed the flesh on their hipbone. βOh, sweetheartβ¦ Thatβs only the basic condition.β
Oh.
Now Ellith understood better. Not only Astarion himself, but the other spawns too, back in the cells. They hadnβt really given them a second thought after watching them leave for the Underdark. Now they could clearly see the danger they represented.
βDonβt be mad, my loveβ¦β He whispered softly into their ear, his voice much more vulnerable than expected. βI just wanted to know how it felt to beβ¦ delivered from my own body.β
It made sense.
Perfect sense.
The bard relaxed, painfully aware of what it meant for Astarion to experience this: feeling alive, warm, unchained from hunger, in a body free from his past. How could they be mad at him?
Ellith looked at the clock. As usual theyβd slept all day and it was already the end of the afternoon.
βWhy donβt you go outside, Astarion?β They offered, their voice now soft and gentle. βAnd enjoy the sun before dusk?β
His eyes, golden bright and purple, shone and sparkled in the darkness of the room. βIβ¦ yesβ¦ Yes! I can do that.β
A large smile crawled on his lips as he jumped from the bed, the slender body he was inhabiting moving gracefully, which allowed Ellith to admire the lovely shape of their own curves. Their ass could have benefited more flesh, they thought, but there was something adorable in the flatness of their butt-cheeks.
Astarion rushed to the wardrobe to pick up something to wear, and of course, he chose that dress, the one he always wanted Ellith to wear. A gift from him, and his favourite one. It made the bard smile, and they too stood up to put on Astarionβs shirt. βIβll stay here in the meantime. I'll have a bath or something.β
As he clasped the last button, he walked up to them and pressed another kiss on their cheek. βAll right dear, Iβll be back in an hour or soβ¦β He grinned, obviously excited by the sunlight waiting for him outside. βDonβt you get too cheeky with that body while Iβm outβ¦ We donβt want it to be too exhausted when Iβll come back, do we?β
An impromptu giggle, which sounded weird through Astarionβs voice, escaped the bardβs throat.Β βDonβt worry, love, Iβll keep your body safe and sound, and I wonβt venture too far in myβ¦ exploration. Not without you, at least.β
"I know, I trust you not to." He smiled, his hands resting on their cool torso. "And if you behave, I might let you experience a brief nibble, just enough to satiate that little craving of yours."Β
He winked, clearly even more excited by what would come after dusk, and Ellith felt their new member harden at the perspective of it. An uncommon blush painted their pale cheeks, and of course, Astarion didnβt miss any part of it.
βMy eager little slutβ¦β He purred with Ellithβs deepest, sultry voice. βBe patient, will you?β
Leaning against them, he kissed their lips β or his own β with a soft moan, tongue sneaking in as to have a little taste of himself. Their growing erection was almost painful now. He pulled away and stared lovingly at his own face.
βYouβre not making it easierβ¦β Ellith whispered as they perfectly mimicked his signature smirk, glancing down at what was standing proudly between their legs, half-hidden by the loose shirt. βBut Iβll find my out ofβ¦ this.β
The laughter that left his lips was endearing and melodious at the same time, and Ellith couldnβt help marveling at their own voice. βIβm sure youβll know how to deal with it, darling.β
With an amused snort, Ellith squeezed his butt β theirs β and gave it a gentle spanking. βNow go, my love. And enjoy the sunlight while you can. I'll be here when you're ready. I'll always be here, my love.β
my friend dandy (reflectingstars on bluesky) made this VP of elenion for me a while back and i hadn't gotten around to posting it yet, but it looks fantastic so i'm glad to finally share it here now π
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Let us see your moodboards! Your OC, your OC and their Love Interest, a theme, a song, a quote - anything!
Thank you for the tag @optimisticgrey @unovafarm @gortashsrighthand [I have to admit I feel a little bit self-conscious because you all made such beautiful moodboards while I'm terrible at this type of things and have no artistic skill π«£Please don't judge me.]
Credits:
Snake photo by David Clode on Unsplash
Abstract blood Photo by ΠΠ»Π΅Π³ ΠΠΎΡΠΎΠ· on Unsplash
I made a modern AU fashion moodboard for Elenion because @pavusprince asked what his modern style would be and I was like... huh, that's a good question! I will ramble about all of these outfit choices below the cut. π
I've made several other fashion moodboards for Len before (here, here, and here) and none of them were intended to be for a modern AUβbut I am not great at determining what's too modern for FaerΓ»n and I also feel like there's a lot of overlap, at least in the style outfits I've chosen to give Elenion in-game (I will never dress him in the vanilla bard clothes. He wouldn't be caught dead in them). So I definitely put some things in those other boards that could work for a modern AU. But this is the first one where I purposely tried to choose a style for him that would be more specific to modern day. It was a little difficult since no matter what time period he lives in, he's still an obnoxiously fancy rich boy who quits being a pop/rock star to run a museum and never learns the meaning of the word "casual", so... here's all the unnecessary rambling:
I decided modern-day Len would wear lots of artsy button-ups that look like paintings in his day-to-day look. With several buttons undone and a layer of necklaces hanging over his chest, naturally. And when he wants to look a little more professional (and unfairly gorgeous, as usual) while meeting with museum donors, he could also button something like this up, tuck it into his pants, and maybe put a blazer on over it.
Len would "throw on" a lace-up shirt and a rose-print cardigan just for grocery shopping, or getting coffee, or sitting at home and reading beside Gale because their definition of casual is ridiculous. π They will be the prettiest, most well-dressed person in every room whether they're performing in a sold-out arena or comparing pasta brands at Walmart.
This is for black tie galas, award ceremonies, museum fundraisers... any big formal event where a normal person would just wear a normal tuxedo, but Elenion Silverdew insists on showing up with the entire night sky on their jacket!
Len would have this and many other leather jackets and satin shirts as part of his everyday look. I wanted to fit a pair of ripped jeans somewhere in here too and couldn't, but I know in my heart he would wear them with this type of outfit.
This incredible outfit is Poster Boy by badwitch69, and I was going to link the mod but their patreon seems to be gone and I am so sad now... I'll update this later if the mod becomes available again (edit: they brought their patreon back! added a link to the mod!). But anyway, this feels modern enough to me that Elenion would still own it and look devastatingly hot in it.
This refined tailored blazer costs $10,000 in real life. Len definitely custom commissioned it, fell absolutely in love with the design, and then realized it perfectly matched the astronomy exhibits while giving museum tours. I hate him. (Gale loves it and thinks he looks gorgeous in it.)
In BG3's era, Elenion wears a ton of fancy brocade vests and embroidered tailcoats paired with cravats to work at the Starlit Gallery because he wants to look like he just stepped out of one of the paintings in his own art gallery. If he did that in the modern day he'd look like he got lost on the way to the renaissance faire. So his modern day work wardrobe includes a lot of elegant blazers in different colors and patterns! I think he would look so good in a velvet blazer + turtleneck combo but of course he could pair this one with nearly anything and look stunning.
& 9. These are both the kind of sexy kpop idol outfits that I know would look soooo good on him because modern day Elenion definitely dresses like this on stage all the time. π I made a pinterest board of modern AU outfits and ended up with so many of this type of stagewear I could've made a moodboard just out of it. He performs in these and the internet never shuts up about it. He performs in front of Gale in these and Gale writes a dozen poems about his husband's perfect legs and waist.
I made it!!! π The happy AU fic to conclude Pride month (and hopefully this will only be the first of many :3) is here on time ^^ Unbelievable.
Thank you @worfs-glorious-hair for the event :3
Rating: Gen
Relationships: Tav & Durge, Tav & Astarion, Durge/Astarion, general QPR vibes <3
Word count: 3K
CW: None? At least I don't think xD
Summary: Five months after the battle that saved Baldur's Gate, Natavriel finds themself pondering just how different their life feels now, with Astarion and Storm at their side.
AO3 link or read below the cut
It was well past midnight when Storm stepped out of the room he usually shared with Astarion in Tav's little house, where he'd been attempting to sleep off a bad headache. Shirtless, of course, as he always was at night, even in the dead of winter. How was it that he was never cold, Tav couldn't understand.
Storm hopped onto the slightly raised platform that housed the reading nook, where Tav had been lounging on a comfortable pile of cushions, reading. They set their book aside, watching him kneel at their side before welcoming him when he lay down and snuggled half on top of them, sinking into the cushions.
"Couldn't sleep," he mumbled, shifting so that his head rested on their sternum, nuzzling the soft fabric of their waist scarf. "I'm not crushing you?"
"Not at all."
Even if he had been, they couldn't possibly have found the will to push him away. His thumb tested the different fabrics of their clothes, tickling their ribs, and he settled on the same spot he'd nuzzled moments before, rubbing tiny circles to feel the weaving of thread.
"Is your headache any better?"
His wordless shrug indicated that probably not much, if at all. The headaches were few and far between, now, but painkillers seemed to have dulled in efficacy.
"I wonder if we could try to find someone that can help you with that," said Tav, winding their fingers in his hair carefully so that none of their rings would catch on the silky dark strands. "Halsin did what he could, that does not mean nothing else would work."
A contented sigh came from him when their fingers softly traced the hairline behind his ear. "It's already much better than it used to be. I'm willing to live with how it is now, it's alright."
Those words always had the effect of a warming balm to Tav's heart. I'm willing to live. I'm willing to live. And maybe the context of the words should have made their impact lesser, it was simply a turn of phrase after all. But it didn't. Storm was willing to live. There were many bad days, of course βthere likely always would be. But today, Storm was willing to live. Tav breathed through the peace that settled in them, one hand still playing with Storm's hair, the other tracing thoughtless patterns on his bare shoulders.
Five months had passed since the city had been saved, and Natavriel, too, was finally starting to feel like themself again. Without the weight of the tadpole, or the crumbling of their state of mind that had followed the aftermath of its disappearance.
And that disappearance had been a relief, certainly. But their mind was a fragile thing, and the sudden departure of the adrenaline that had kept them going for the past few months had been a hard thing to contend with, and apathy had followed as it usually did.
They took in the sight of their apartment, bathed in the soft warm glow of the fire they'd started going shortly before settling to read. They'd often hated this house, before. It had rarely felt like theirs βjust an empty shelter that they had decided would be temporary, until the Court would feel hags were no longer worth surveilling and Tav would be allowed to return to Waterdeep. Where friends and family waited for them.
Here and now, though, Storm nestled in their arms and with the knowledge that Astarion would soon come back from his night, there was nowhere else they would have rather be.
In the past five months, Storm had insisted they replace all the plants that had died, had been at their side when they found two starving kittens, had built a small wooden tree to make sure those same kittens would play there and not destroy their furniture, and had helped them put order in the mess of their bedroom whenever it all became too much for them to manage alone. Astarion had then decided the house decor was decidedly too drab to live in, and had started adding as much colour as he could by way of vibrant fabrics for new cushions, curtains or couch covers, as well as various paintings dubiously acquired that had started stacking in the room he shared with Storm for lack of space on the walls. And little by little, just as joy slowly returned and found a place in their mind, warmth and safety had found its way in this house.
Because surely, if these men put so much effort into making this house beautiful, that meant they intended to stay. And that, in turn, made Tav want to stay.
Their hand moved to trace the ridges of Storm's shoulder blade, then those of his spine, and he shivered.
"Tickles."
"Sorry. My hands aren't too cold?"
"S'alright. Astarion has colder hands than you." He propped himself lightly on one elbow, glancing at the emptiness of the living room with sleepy eyes. "He's not here?"
"He went hunting in the Upper City not long after you went to bed."
"Oh," he whispered, falling back into the cuddle.
Both of them knew what that meant. Astarion had begun tracking down every patriar who had knowingly participated in Cazador's little masquerade of nobility, lately. One by one, heads had started to fall.
"I'm always scared he'll get caught when he does that."
"Yes, I think that's why he didn't warn you this time."
"Oh but he tells you, because you worry so much less than me," Storm chuckled. He craned his neck to kiss their wrist as they trailed the little bumps on his shoulders to ease the tension that had formed there. "Makes complete sense."
They laughed softly at his teasing. "Maybe it's only that this was a last minute decision and he thought you were asleep."
"Yes, now, that sounds more like him."
One of his hands slid up in their hair to trace the line of earrings adorning the shell of their ear one by one, until he landed on the long one dangling from their lobe. With a satisfied little hum, he rolled the thin chain securing the amber pendant back and forth between his fingers, the motions tickling their neck.
Little by little, the weight of his body on theirs relaxed. His tail lazily flicked on the ground ever now and then, sure sign that he was entirely at ease.
It was a shame, Tav thought mischievously, that the kittens were currently both sleeping in their room. Chasing around Storm's tail would have offered plenty of entertainment, be it for the cats or for Tav. Because he was right. They did worry about Astarion just as much as Storm did, whenever the desire for revenge prompted him to hunt in the city βhence why they were not in bed, irreverently ignoring their usual schedule to wait for his return. Maybe it would indeed be worth calling the cats over.
"Natavrielβ¦"
"Mh?"
No answer came but the deepening of his breath, and the progressive slowing down of his fingers' motions in their hair. Storm, as it turned out, could sleep just fine.
And so the cats βjust like Tavβ would have to wait at least a few more hours before playtime.
When Astarion came back from his hunt a few hours later, it drew Tav out of a trance they hadn't intended to fall into. The little chime that anchored Siovi's protective enchantment over this house rang softly, and their full awareness returned to them as Astarion crouched by their side in his full leathers, looking at Storm sleeping in their embrace.
"Hey," they greeted him.
His eyes gleamed in the darkness βthe glow of the fire had considerably diminished, plunging the entire living space of Tav's house into dimness.
"Can you believe he stays asleep, now? Four months ago he would have been awake before I even touched the door."
They tried to shift, but most of Storm's weight was firmly set on one of their thigh, and the attempt only served to intensify the tingling numbness they could now feel in their right foot.
"That's probably because of the tea I gave him before you left," they said in a low voice, giving up without much resistance the idea of ever moving again. "For pain, and for the dreams."
"Oh. That's right, you did do that."
He blinked a few times, not breathing.
"How did it go?" Tav ventured carefully.
His gaze flitted between Storm's sleeping figure and their face, back and forth, for a few moments. He extended one gloved hand, fingertips hovering inches away from Storm's cheek. Then shook his head subtly and sighed.
"I'll⦠go take a bath," he simply said.
A bad one, then. The killing unearthing unpleasant memories more than it offered satisfaction, not doubt. Astarion's eyes had that distant look they always had whenever he was struggling not to be swallowed by the past, unable to receive a touch that might have been grounding to others, but was only triggering for him.
"I could prepare it for you, if you'd like," they offered.
"You know, that would actually be really nice."
They smiled at him before brushing their fingers to Storm's forehead. "Love."
A sleepy groan answered them, but Storm didn't stir.
"Storm," they called again.
"What," he sighed, clearly still half asleep.
"Hello, lover," Astarion said, an amused smirk teasing his lips in spite of all.
His voice shook Storm awake instantly, and the tiefling hastily scrambled to his knees, freeing Tav's leg. Their subsequent attempt to stretch some feeling back into their toes only served to widen Astarion's crooked smile. Until Storm winced in pain from the sudden motions, that was.
"Ow." He braced himself with one hand on the floor, the heel of his other palm pressed above one eyebrow. Still, he squinted at Astarion, relief and concern mingling in his eyes.
"Are you alright?"
"I am unharmed. And I was not seen."
Storm closed his eyes with a small sigh, and only Tav witnessed Astarion wrestling between the desire to reach out, and the fear of what it would mean to accept Storm's touch in a moment where all the thoughts plaguing his mind were bad.
"Sit with me, a while?" he asked instead.
"Of course." One glowing blue eye cracked open. "Though, if you don't mind, it will be 'lie down next to you', because there is no way I am staying upright if I don't have to."
That did get a chuckle out of Astarion. "That sounds perfect to me, my love."
As Tav stepped away to start preparing the bath, Storm lay back on the cushions they'd just left, Astarion settling quietly at his side, cross-legged. And Storm did what Tav themself sometimes struggled to do; he provided the silent space needed for Astarion to simply be.
For a little while, no other sound filled the house but that of Tav pouring water in the linen covered wooden tub near the fireplace.
One of Siovi's first gifts when Tav had left the Feywild had been a beautifully engraved golden jug, invaluable not because of its precious material, but by virtue of the enchantment it held βfresh water from the numerous sources of Siovi's domain always flowed from it. Thus Tav never found themself in want of water, and what might have been a luxury for many became accessible easily. The running water would have been harmful to Astarion while it was flowing, of course, but as long as it could sit in the tub for a little while it ceased to be a danger.
Warming the bath was another matter entirely, and it took several batches of heating water on the iron-cast stove that served as the house's fireplace before the temperature was adequate. Tav then went to retrieve oils βlavender had become Astarion's favourite very fastβ, and soaps βsimple fragrance that would not clash either with the lavender or with the perfumes he favouredβ, unfolded the privacy screens, placed fresh clothes and towels by the side of the bath, and made sure the fire would not be running out of wood to burn while Astarion bathed.
Every now and then as they worked, they stole glances in the direction of the reading nook, unable to help themself.
Astarion had removed his gloves and had threaded one hand in Storm's hair, that was a good sign. And no doubt Storm enjoyed the cold, that always helped with headaches. A few moments later some murmurs came, and they caught sight of Storm helping Astarion undo the buckles of his chest leather piece with one hand, still lying down, and a tender kind of warmth spread in their chest at the witnessing of such casual intimacy.
When Tav finally joined the two men, it was to find Astarion laying down on his side, his forehead pressed against Storm's bare shoulder. Not resting yet, though, and he acknowledged their presence with a little smile.
"Bath's ready when you want," they informed him.
"Thank you."
He sat up and Storm stirred lightly, clearly not asleep either. Astarion's armour now lay discarded in the opposite corner of the reading nook, and he threw one glance at it.
"I'll take care of it," said Tav. Then had to stifle a yawn. "Tomorrow," they amended.
"But you hate it when I leave my mess everywhere."
They shrugged at him as Storm suppressed a chuckle. "Today I don't mind."
"Be careful. I might take advantage of that."
"Yes, I know you will," they sighed with a very dramatic fatalism that had no other purpose than making him laugh. And it did work, so as far as Tav was concerned, the theatrics were worth it.
His gaze lingered on Storm for a bit, and whatever internal battle took place in his mind resulted in him bending over to place a single small kiss on the corner of Storm's mouth.
"You can go sleep." He stood up, already stepping towards the bath that was waiting for him. "I'll join you when I'm done."
"Mh. Alright," Storm mumbled, prising one eye open. "Where would you like to rest?"
Astarion stopped in his track and ran a hand into his hair as he pondered that, shifting his weight where he stood. Clearly that was not a question he had expected.
"Tav's bed?" he said hesitantly. "If that's alright?"
That had happened more than a few times, already, the three of them resting in Tav's bedroom. But it might have been the first time Astarion himself expressly asked for it.
Storm only nodded in answer, and closed his eye again.
"Of course," said Tav at the same time.
The 'no-sex-in-this-bed-even-if-Tav's-not-in-it' rule they'd established early on when Storm had kept spending half of his nights with Tav and Astarion ended up joining them had been for Tav, initially. But they wondered now if it didn't also offer some assurance of safety for Astarion. Not that Storm would ever push him, and they all knew that, but on a day like today, the added spoken rule might ease his mind anyway. A clear signal that he was not open to that kind of intimacy, without ever having to voice a refusal.
There might have been a tad too much unconcealed understanding in their eyes though, because Astarion's quiet musing rapidly shifted to an annoyed sort of self-consciousness.
"Just keep the cuddles confined to your side of the bed when I get there, will you?" he said sharply with an aloofness that did not quite conceal his discomfort.
"Whatever you want, darling," came Storm's sleepy voice at their back, rendered entirely oblivious to Astarion's dilemma by his hazy state of semi consciousness. "I love you."
Astarion's sourness melted as fast as it came, and he threw Tav a look of fond exasperation, presumably at his inability to resist Storm's sweetness. To which they shrugged playfully, and that only made him roll his eyes.
"Get this man to bed," he said, finally heading towards the bath. "Please. Before I permanently forget what anger feels like."
Tav snorted softly, before diligently prodding Storm in the direction of their room.
The cats begrudgingly accepted to surrender the bed to them once Tav had changed into looser night clothes. Smoke immediately settled back on it, curling on top of Storm's chest. Light grey fur on dark grey skin. Mirror acted as if joining was a chore, but he purred all the same once comfortably nestled in Tav's arms.
Until Astarion finally came to bed, and the little black and white menace started hissing at him.
"Yes, yes, I know," Astarion sighed, sitting on the bed. "If you're not happy you can leave."
Smoke walked all over Tav to go nestle comfortably near Astarion's shoulder when he lay down, and Mirror indeed fled the bed to relocate in a spot of the room where he was not in direct view of the vampire.
But there was no way Tav would ever lament the loss of the cat's warmth βMirror's dislike was mostly for show, anywayβ, not when Storm shifted at their back and his warmth enveloped them instead, not when Astarion smiled so sweetly next to them when one single dark finger tangled with his own, and certainly not when they could hear the tiefling's tail flicking happily against the side of the bed.
"Oh, it's happy rhythm time," Astarion chuckled quietly. "The 'I am with Astarion and Natavriel' happy rhythm, no less."
The quiet thumps of Storm's tail halted, and Astarion's protest came within seconds.
"Don't stop!"
"What you just said is the equivalent of telling someone 'oh you're blinking really fast when you're happy' and then expecting them to keep blinking very fast. I can't not stop now that I'm thinking about it."
"Don't fight," Tav teased, even though Storm grumbling might have been the cutest thing they'd ever heard. "Or I'll go rest somewhere else."
"No, I'm quiet," said Storm, holding them tighter. "I'm quiet."
Astarion smirked as he played with Storm's index ring, but also stayed silent. And before long, the rhythmic tapping of Storm's tail started again. Tav joined their hand with his, intertwining one finger with Astarion's in the same way Storm had, and for the second time that night, they thought there was nowhere they would rather be than here.
Because that house they had so often despised indeed felt more than a simple roof over their head, now. For the first time in thirty years, this house had finally become a home.
You know what feature I miss here? An "original posts" filter.
Like over at Bluesky. There you have a feed that shows "only posts" from the accounts you follow, with only original content and no reposts.
Not because there's anything wrong with reposts, it's a cornerstone of the site, but sometimes they vastly outnumber original posts so they get sort of drowned - and while I do like the reposts I want to make sure I see your original stuff too. Like when visiting someone's blog it would be neat with a "see their own posts"-button.
Just a thought, I understand it might not be technically possible.
And now the word "post" has been repeated enough to lose all meaning in my mind.
I moaned about this last winter and finally found a solution: XKit Rewritten - a browser plugin for both Chrome and Firefox that (among many other things) gives all blogs a handy little "original posts" tab π
Works well enough, except it just hides the reblogs instead of taking them out of the feed. So if the blog has a lot of reblogs you still have to click through the pages in hopes of finding an original post further back.
The example image is from my blog where the first page is blank atm, I had to go to page 2 to find an original post. But still! Now it will be so much easier to find people's original content! π
at least on my browser, if you go to a blog, hit the search icon, then hit in the filter section "original posts" toggle to "on", it'll show only the blog's original posts
Jamie does not see themself as a leader, really. They realize at a certain point that the companions consider them a leader and trust them to make decisions, but Jamie thinks that is Very Fucking Weird Actually and considers themself to be following the companions for the most part.
There's a githyanki creche up yonder? Sounds fun, Lae, let's head over there! / Gotta go through the Gauntlet of Shar? Okay goth gal, lead the way. / You're gonna kill your vampiric master, sunshine, I'm just here to help. They think the only reasons they speak for the group so often are 1) they tend to capture strangers' attention due to their weird eyes and general infernal-bloodstained-freak aura and 2) they're pretty friendly and are indeed a half-elf; in the Forgotten Realms, half-elves are trusted/liked by most folk, so it's kinda fair to make the non-Sharran half-elf your group's representative (especially when your other options are Wizard With Propensity For Verbosity, Guy Who Just Became A Devil, Loud Scary Tiefling, Mean Vampire Elf, and... Lae'zel).
Jamie doesn't understand their influence over the party until they help Shadowheart free Dame Aylin. That's when they start to notice the others turning to them for input and valuing what they have to say. They pick up on how every morning, everyone gathers around Jamie for direction: what mission are we taking, who's coming, what roles are we playing, who's staying at camp? Folks ask Jamie for guidance (or even permission) with personal decisions. None of this is new in the Shadow Cursed Lands, but that is where/when Jamie actually internalizes it.
Even then, Jamie's a reluctant leader. It's a mindset of "I guess these guys need me to make the big calls... I can't let them down, so I'll do it, but uh. They probably should pick someone else, like, eventually."
If they had to choose who they view most as The Leaderβ’οΈ they'd probably pick... Gale? Not necessarily because Gale is making strategic decisions, but because they view Gale as the one keeping the group together. He does most of the cooking and gives lots of advice and! He can read! He can read better than anyone, in fact!
That last part sounds like a joke but it's not. Early-story Jamie, noted illiterate blood-mage with food issues, believes the person who can cook best = the most capable person and anyone who can read = more intelligent than Jamie. That belief is part of why they don't see themself as a real leader. However, when they learn about the orb they start to trust Gale's decision-making sliiiightly less (I really do mean slightly; also, it's not that they think their own decision-making is much better).
But really Jamie likes to think of their friends as leaders in certain topics. Lae'zel is an expert in combat, Gale is an expert in language, Minthara and Jamie trade poison recipes, etc. etc. They never realize that the fact they intuitively see and genuinely value every person's input individually is exactly what makes them a natural leader π€
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Rating the birds in my backyard by tendency toward violence
Northern Cardinal, 4/10
I'm sometimes worried the male is sexually harassing the female but I'm pretty sure they're just doing some elaborate public pickup roleplay. The rest of us didn't agree to participate in your kink, guys.
American Robin, 1/10
Literally just some dude hanging out. Never bothered anyone but worms. Big fan of the way you just stand there in the middle of the grass like you forgot what you were supposed to be doing.
House Sparrow, 10/10
You're a gang. You're participating in gang violence. There's ten billion of you living in a single wood pile and it's been civil war for three years now. When will the bloodshed end?
Tufted Titmouse, 1/10
A shy baby. A pretty little guy. I saw you on the neighbor's garage roof and time stopped. There were anime sparkles around you. Come back.
European Starling, 9/10
Why is it always you? Listen, I know, I KNOW the sparrows are the problem, and YET. When the fighting starts, it's always you in the middle of it, provoking them and then screaming like you're an innocent bystander defending yourself. I'm onto you.
Carolina Wren, 3/10
This rating is not for physical violence, which you don't engage in, but for your role as an incurable narc. A tattle tale. I know they're fighting again, okay? I see it. Our yard has been a warzone for years, you don't have to make a big announcement every time someone misbehaves.
Eastern Wood-Peewee, 0/10
If this were "birds who think they're better than everyone else," you'd get 10/10.
Red-bellied Woodpecker, 6/10
It's a utility pole. It's not a tree. You're surrounded by trees that are full of bugs. But there you are, on the utility pole. Committing vandalism.
American Crow, unrated
For who am I to cast judgment on the actions of La Famiglia? I assume you are doing what is best for the neighborhood. If I could, though, without criticism, make a single observation. That when large numbers of you gather in the ominous dead cottonwood - no? No, you're right. None of my business.
Great Crested Flycatcher, 5/10
Frankly, I think you could be doing more. I think your name implies a great potential. I think you should massacre the insects. I think your beak should drip with viscera.
La Famiglia does not suffer you to stop in our neighborhood long, and I trust their judgement in this manner. You have the look of a guilty bird.
Tennessee Warbler, 2/10
You keep to yourselves, and I respect that. I get the sense that you could defend yourselves if it came to it, though.
Brown-Headed Cowbird, 3/10
You're not a crow, and eventually they ARE going to figure it out, kiddo.
Gray Catbird, 5/10
Would you. Respectfully. Would you shut the FUCK UP.
Eurasian Collared-Dove, 0/10
You're doing great, sweetie, everyone loves you.
Red-Breasted Nuthatch, 4/10
A comedian. A little jester of a bird. You're so silly. Sure sometimes you incite violence in others but, really, is that your fault? If it is, we forgive you.
Blue Jay, 12/10
If you could learn any human behavior you wanted, it would be how to build a bomb.
Honorable mention:
Turkey Vulture, 5/10
You weren't in my backyard, but you WERE eating roadkill in the street in my neighborhood. I know the animal was already dead when you got there, but you get violence points for frightening the small children that walked past you. Incredible work.
I immediately scrolled to the blue jay to decide whether or not I wanted to read the rest of the post. Once I realized that OP got that right, I went back and read the rest. 10/10 OP.
I read this to my dad who sits on his porch and watches the birds and his only note is that he has seen multiple male cardinals attempt to fight their reflections to the death and should have a higher rating.
