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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

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@eksafael
forgot to post it here

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your friends hating you is a lie pushed by Big Trauma. don't believe it!!!!!
i made a character uquiz. i 100% promise you that you will get a character you know AND like
Reviews are in!
what a colossal waste of my time this was
this is what i mean when i type 👀 btw

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my favorite customer service slip ups
here are some extra ones that made me break out in tears enjoy
Whats Bone about?
.........oh no.....
oh no how do I even BEGIN to answer this ask???
I WILL ANSWER THIS PROPERLY IT'S JUST THIS IS LIKE AN ENTIRE ESSAY I WILL HAVE TO WRITE AND I WAS OUT DOING ADULT STUFF FOR SIX HOURS AND I AM TIRED AND EVERYTHING HURTS SO I WILL HAVE TO DO IT TOMORROW BUT DON"T LET ME FORGET REMIND ME TO WRITE A 10k ESSAY ON WHAT BONE IS ABOUT
Ok I actually have no idea how to answer this so I will simply give you the broadest explanation.
Bone is a fantasy comic that is 1332 pages long (or spread across 9 volumes if you prefer). It's about a character named Fone Bone and his 2 cousins, Phoney Bone and Smiley Bone who have been run out of their town due to one of Phoney's hijink "get rich quick" scams blowing up in their faces. After a run in with a swarm of locusts they find themselves in an unfamiliar fantasy land. They find shelter in a small town and a farm owned by Gran'ma Ben and her grandaughter, the beautiful Thorn. The woods around the town are teeming with monsters known as "Rat Creatures" who have become bolder in recent months although it's unclear why.
The story starts with the tone you might expect from that intro. It's a fun adventure series similar to something you'd see in a higher quality Disney cartoon (the comics originally ran in the Disney magazine so I am allowed to make this comparison). Where there is danger and mysteries but it's all relatively in line with what you'd expect for a fun fantasy comic
And then book 3 happens....
And it never stops happened... for the rest of the story
For the next 800 pages.
And that's what Bone's about.
It's tied for my favourite comic ever made and you should 1000% read it.
There is the "complete edition" which has the entire story in one book so you don't need to hunt down all 9 volumes, and a few years ago the entire thing was also released fully coloured if you prefer (although personally I like the original stark black and white more but I understand some people probably prefer colour)
There were plans to make it into a Netflix adaptation, but due to netflix's fuckery earlier this year... it fell through once again.
Please support it. It's phenomenal.
Bone: The Complete Cartoon Epic in One Volume [Smith, Jeff] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Bone: The Complete Cartoon
(I couldn't find "The Brick" for sale from Jeff Smith's official site so I'm linking Amazon. But if you're a fan please check out the official site for merch and such)
there’s something endlessly hilarious to me about the phrase “hotly debated” in an academic context. like i just picture a bunch of nerds at podiums & one’s like “of course there was a paleolithic bear cult in Northern Eurasia” and another one just looks him in the eye and says “i’l kill you in real life, kevin”
I heard a story once about two microbiologists at a conference who took it out into the parking lot to have a literal fistfight over taxonomy.
have i told this story yet? idk but it’s good. The Orangutan Story:
my american lit professor went to this poe conference. like to be clear this is a man who has a doctorate in being a book nerd. he reads moby dick to his four-year-old son. and poe is one of the cornerstones of american literature, right, so this should be right up his alley?
wrong. apparently poe scholars are like, advanced. there is a branch of edgar allen poe scholarship that specifically looks for coded messages based on the number of words per line and letters per word poe uses. my professor, who has a phd in american literature, realizes he is totally out of his depth. but he already committed his day to this so he thinks fuck it! and goes to a panel on racism in poe’s works, because that’s relevant to his interests.
background info: edgar allen poe was a broke white alcoholic from virginia who wrote horror in the first half of the 19th century. rule 1 of Horror Academia is that horror reflects the cultural anxieties of its time (see: my other professor’s sermon abt how zombie stories are popular when people are scared of immigrants, or that purge movie that was literally abt the election). since poe’s shit is a product of 1800s white southern culture, you can safely assume it’s at least a little about race. but the racial subtext is very open to interpretation, and scholars believe all kinds of different things about what poe says about race (if he says anything), and the poe stans get extremely tense about it.
so my professor sits down to watch this panel and within like five minutes a bunch of crusty academics get super heated about poe’s theoretical racism. because it’s academia, though, this is limited to poorly concealed passive aggression and forceful tones of inside voice. one professor is like “this isn’t even about race!” and another professor is like “this proves he’s a racist!” people are interrupting each other. tensions are rising. a panelist starts saying that poe is like writing a critique of how racist society was, and the racist stuff is there to prove that racism is stupid, and that on a metaphorical level the racist philosophy always loses—
then my professor, perhaps in a bid to prove that he too is a smart literature person, loudly calls: “BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ORANGUTAN?”
some more background: in poe’s well-known short story “the murder in the rue morgue,” two single ladies—a lovely old woman and her lovely daughter who takes care of her, aka super vulnerable and respectable people—are violently killed. the murderer turns out to be not a person, but an orangutan brought back by a sailor who went to like burma or something. and it’s pretty goddamn racially coded, like they reeeeally focus on all this stuff about coarse hairs and big hands and superhuman strength and chattering that sounds like people talking but isn’t actually. if that’s intentional, then he’s literally written an analogy about how black people are a threat to vulnerable white women, which is classic white supremacist shit. BUT if he really only meant for it to be an orangutan, then it’s a whole other metaphor about how colonialism pillages other countries and brings their wealth back to europe and that’s REALLY gonna bite them in the ass one day. klansman or komrade? it all hangs on this.
so the place goes dead fucking silent as every giant ass poe stan in the room is immediately thrust into a series of war flashbacks: the orangutan argument, violently carried out over seminar tables, in literary journals, at graduate student house parties, the spittle flying, the wine and coffee spilled, the friendships torn—the red faces and bulging veins—curses thrown and teaching posts abandoned—panels just like this one fallen into chaos—distant sirens, skies falling, the dog-eared norton critical editions slicing through the air like sabres—the textual support! o, the quotes! they gaze at this madman in numb disbelief, but he could not have known. nay, he was a literary theorist, a 17th-century man, only a visitor to their haunted land. he had never heard the whistle of the mortars overhead. he had never felt the cold earth under his cheek as he prayed for god’s deliverance. and yet he would have broken their fragile peace and brought them all back into the trenches.
much later, when my professor told this story to a poe nerd friend, the guy said the orangutan thing was a one of the biggest landmines in their field. he said it was a reliable discussion ruiner that had started so many shouting matches that some conferences had an actual ban on bringing it up.
so my professor sits there for a second, still totally clueless. then out of the dead silence, the panel moderator stands up in his tweed jacket and yells, with the raw panic of a once-broken man:
WE! DO NOT! TALK ABOUT! THE ORANGUTAN!
@posturingsimpleton
OMG
Ok that one wins
[ID: text reading: ‘The Milton scholars screamed and argued about how the serpent was supposed to move before it crawled on its belly. Dr. Matthews, enraged that Dr. Goldstein could believe the serpent bounced around on the coiled end of its tail, flipped over the conference table. “Satan is not a fucking pogo stick!” he howled.’]

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this video has been all that i think about for days now
obsessed with characters being saved against their will. being knocked unconscious and carried away from a danger they won't stop trying to fight. being shoved through a portal somewhere far away and safe right before it closes. trying to self-sacrifice only to have the exact person they're trying to save swap their places at the last second. getting the only cure to the disease or curse bc the person administering it loves them too much to give it to anyone else, including themselves. being thrown to safety right as they had accepted dying. someone else they thought had gotten to safety running back to drag them out of danger. it's so fucking tasty
his ass was gonna get cursed one way or another like that
ancient curse any % speedrun
ghost swing 👻 🎸
EVERYONE SHUT UP THERES A NEW GHOST VIDEO

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If you know anyone who seems really chill to the point of being virtually indestructible, like nothing could ever bother them in any way, could get hit by a train and just shake it off and be totally fine, laughing it off as soon as they've dusted themselves off and stopped bleeding, but who occasionally just randomly falls apart to complete fucking smithereens with seemingly no cause nor warning, only to get back up again a few minutes/hours/days later like "ok yeah I'm fine again that was weird lmao", and you've ever wondered what the fuck is up with that:
They are actually not ok and most likely are not ok at any point. The whole "hardiest person you know who just collapses randomly sometimes" thing isn't a deliberately constructed façade, as a matter of fact it might be something that they actually personally believe themselves to be. But in reality this is somebody who's either unintentionally learned or has been deliberately trained to hide negative emotions and mask symptoms at all costs, as the #1 priority that goes over any other survival needs.
So even though it may look like they go from 1 to 100 completely at random and unpredictably, and then swing right back again to being totally fine, you have no way of knowing how long they've been at 95% before the last line of defense broke down and the system collapsed. And once they flip back up, odds are that they just managed to scrape their shit back together again just enough to get their backup masking systems running. The "check engine" light never turned on because the wire was clipped years ago.
If this is you, this is your callout to seek some sort of help. I'm telling on everyone in this room including myself.
Every engine failure is "unpredictable" and "random" if you've taped over the Check Engine light.