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Oh my lanta I was a damaged little soul wasn't I 😂an extremely horny angry damaged little soul

Haven't been on this in a fucking grip.

Sometimes I think about where I was last year, compared to where I am this year. Each time, it's different in a significant way. It's usually for the better. Sometimes I find things that I still hate about myself. I'm not gonna lie, I have 2 cups of vodka and cranberry juice and 1/4 bottle of wine in me. That's a lot for a bitch that has one kidney. You know you tend to think shit when you're kinda tipsy. Anyways, I think I've changed a lot. A lot of people may not think so. I sometimes still don't think so. But that will power shit makes me think so. I still need to look for a therapist. Because I've been thinking about things. Stuff about myself. Does PSTD occur often, not just in war vets? I know it's a random tangent, but I go through scenes in my head that happened in the past and I either start to tear up or get really upset.. who knows. But. I don't know. I think I have changed. A lot. I'm still really sensitive.. is that something from my past that has happened to me? Either that or I just don't know how to stand up for myself. Pretty much both.. I always got made fun of. Whether it was for my medical issues or just because I was, and still am, an easy target. Maybe my next day off I'll call around and see if I could find a therapist. I mean, I am happy, but I have those moments where I can still get down hardcore. I haven't cut since the simmer and I'm proud of that. But I know I get in these moods where I'm just not okay. Again, I have alcohol in me. So this may not make sense or it may be irrelevant as fuck. But it's what I'm thinking. Drunk/tipsy or not, I guess. Also my mind races a million times a minute and it's all over the place so I'm always everywhere. But I'm really considering a therapist. That's one thing I promised myself this year. Like I said, I'm happy, but sometimes, I get in these moods, where my mind takes over and it's all downhill. That I can't deal with myself or anyone. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow. I told Matt that a while back that I was going to get a therapist but I never looked into it. That's another problem I have. I say shit to myself that I'm going to do but never do it.. I have a lot to work on on myself. But I'm willing to do it. I need to go to bed because the alcohol is doing its job and making me exhausted. Peace and love to all. Thanks for reading my rant.