Ulysses

I appear when you dispair

but I’m always there, my love

the waves no longer make me flinch they’ve become my home.

I don’t speak often, but don’t mistake my silence for indifference. Even when I say nothing, I love you more than words could convey.

I am here. I am here. I am here. I am your journey and your destination. I am the one who never leaves— because you are mine, forever mine.

They say opposites attract

I don’t know about that

but I know you were so different

that I kept my distance from you

but when I did come close

we crashed into each other

so hard that we exploded like a firework

Still, I don’t regret a thing

our explosion was so spectacular and captivating

it took my breath away

I don’t regret a thing

Wie ein Gewitter an einem strahlenden Sommertag

schlich sich seine Abwesenheit hinterhältig an mich heran,

als ich es am wenigsten erwartete.

Du sagst, mit einer anderen sprühten die Funken stärker.

Du sagst, was wir hatten, war nur Freundschaft.

Und ich frage mich,

wer kostete mich aus, als wäre ich der letzte Tag auf Erden?

Wer sah mich an, als wäre ich das schönste Feuerwerk der Nacht?

Jetzt lasse ich Dich zusehen

wie die Blitze auf mich niederprasseln,

Du drangst in die Tiefe der Wildnis ein und fandest den Ozean

Du tauchtest in die Wellen ein und schwelgtest im Gefühl der Nacht

... und das gefiel mir.

Ich habe die Karte zu den Unterwasser – Schätzen, die du suchst

Du ließt den Anker auf den Sand fallen und tauchtest ab

... und das gefiel mir.

Ich beginne von innen heraus zu funkeln

Ich koste den Moment aus

You delved into the depths of the wilderness and found the ocean

You plunged into the waves and luxuriated in the sensation of the night ... and I liked that.

I have the map to the underwater treasures you seek

You dropped the anchor onto the sand, and you dived

... and I liked that.

I begin to sparkle from the inside out

I savor the moment

Your kisses, like a cleansing, soothing rain,

Wash layers thick of grief and lingering pain,

They strip away the old, my past self gone,

In vulnerability, a new self is drawn.

Beneath the surface, where emotions flow,

I'm vulnerable, where truths and feelings grow,

With you, I find a strength to bare my soul,

my mother's tongue sang Russian lullabies to me

and all the most tender words I've heard were spoken in Russian to me

today I'm a grown up woman

I try to speak of tenderness and warmth

but slip to my mother's toungue

I love you in a language I don't even speak that much

You don't understand

But can you trust in the brutal softness of my words?

my movements - shaky

my body betrays me and you 

notice 

like a predator watching his prey

you notice

I distract myself with a stranger 

I'm dangerous, did you know?

born in the wilderness 

my bones have known hunger and longing

my blood awakened - boils shamelessly 

Are you strong enough to hold my wild?

you're dangerous

I can tell by the way you

look into my eyes

as though you are about to become my dirtiest secret

it is

not fair 

how you can stroke my face  and  hold my body without touching me

making me ask for more - I want more

funny how words can make clothes

fall off

when you call my

 neck-inviting my

 skin - soft my

body shape - illicit my

legs - spread wide 

You were my home,

I was your baby

that is why

I am running away from you

So strong

I soften and relax

I'm not sure about how healthy we are

But when we walk down the street

I know we are sex, baby

They stare at us

They want to be us

We are toxic as shit

But for them we are sex, baby

Your jealousy and anger issues

Sweep them under the carpet

Because tonight, we are sex, baby

When I come all the girls around you make space for me

I'm the queen

And you're the king in a lil town

Called Toxic City

Who has been texting you?

Why is he looking at you?

Who have you been on the phone with lately?

Why is your skirt so short aujourd'hui ?

I swallow and try forget about your

lack of self-esteem and abusive tendencies

We are far from healthy

But when we walk down the street

I know we are sex, baby

Bruises on my body

You love bomb me and say it won't happen again

Thinking about calling 911

It's okay

snakes running down my hair

Boys and girls beware

But midnight floods all my coolness

you take a step towards me

and my mood shifts a 180 degrees

I'm pulled by a magnetic force

I find myself under a waterfall

So gentle

my mask fell off

You left me

with my heart naked

screaming