é h o n t é e

*pops champagne*

THE DAY HAS COME.

I’m proud and super excited to say that today marks my one-year with Kihyun and this blog. I want to express my gratitude to everyone I have interacted with thus far for helping me develop my writing as well as this muse. I really don’t know what to say except thank you for putting up with this munchkin and me replying slow as a turtle. Kihyun has really come full circle and I have all the wonderful muses he’s come across to thank and the amazing writers that help me branch out of my own style and find one that works for me. I have a lot to learn and still a lot more I want to do with this muse but I hope you guys stick with me and him through it all.

I also wanna pat myself on the back too because I lasted this long and didn’t delete and I’m really proud of myself. I’ve had ups and downs with my writing on this blog but I pushed through. Kihyun is hands-down one of the longest blogs I’ve had consistently, only maybe three more come out on top, most of which were years ago so this is a big deal to me. Honestly speaking I don’t know what my future with this muse or even krp is but making it this far is a milestone and I’m super happy. I love this muse and I’m proud of myself for creating him even though he’s a little shit. We’ve come a long way!

And here’s to everyone I had the pleasure of interacting with as well as writers I’ve never written with but who inspire me a lot. 

Fill in about your muse:

Art was her favorite subject. They gather the patients around, give them broken crayons, dull pencils, and plain paper as their canvas. They are not allowed any markers or paint, the ladder because of an incident which involved someone blinding themselves because they could not bare to live another moment looking at stark white walls until death. They wanted, no, needed color. An inkling of association has her thinking of someone who once ate paint for happiness. Can’t remember who, though. She shrugs off the thought. 

Careful as to not ruin any clothing, she happily smothers her clean face to the other’s side, keeping their leisurely pace while doing so. Her heart warms at the notion. 

“Thank you. I owe you one. I can’t get caught by the police. If I do, I’ll never come back.” She says this definitively, as if she knew just what they’d do to her as soon as she’s held captive. Still considered a minor, she supposed they’d reach out to any nonexistent family, whatever is left of them anyway, only to be met with disconnected lines and wrong numbers. Then they’d restart her case, find her guilty, and – 

Haeri’s gaze seems shy when she glances up at her from where she’s slowing her pace a little. It’s hard to think and do anything else at the speed she’s used to. It’s why she likes jogging, no, more like it’s why she started jogging. She remembered always forgetting everything whenever she had to run in Gym class. She remembers not even knowing what she’d lacked, or thinking of what could have gone differently if she had been good enough to be here where she was one percent out of a ninety-nine who shared the same kin. It’s not as if she was singled out for that, she just didn’t like cliques. They tried to fit her in the geek squad, then the nerd part, then the geniuses, then the literary club, then the technology side but Haeri had kept to herself. The only time she’d felt like none of these mattered and maybe she did belong to their world was when she was running because she’d stop thinking or feeling. She’s not good at feeling, it’s where she lands.

“I don’t think about that.” Her answer is uncharacteristically curt because this all she’s willing to let out clearly, without any hidden intent, no need to mask how she feels, she just doesn’t think about being hopeless. If Haeri had to stop for a second in her own mind to see if she felt lost then she felt she would be swallowed whole. It’d wrap itself around her life and not let her have a second to let go of it. She doesn’t linger because she makes sure to lay it out as if she’s an open book, that way her mind stays at piece. Tricked into believing that it is honest with itself. 

Dare he say it, Sehun was a bit astounded to have found someone that he of all people could say over-complicated things. He didn’t feel that he was like Haeri, but he felt that he provided a good way to look at all options in a much more organized fashion. Haeri was too hectic! It seemed to Sehun that even her teasing was complicated… At least his parents would be proud of him for being organized.

Chances are if he could see her face right now, he’d notice that she’s nothing if slightly childishly making faces down at the term itself. It’s not an insult, she takes no offense to it whatsoever, she’s been called worse it’s a reality. This is nothing if mild compared to what she’s heard before, coming from herself, or people she’d let close enough to distinguish every little piece of herself. Somehow, the more they peel, the more they undo, the less she starts caring about the jolts of her heart at the slightest chance of a discard. For one flaw, judgement installs itself, for two flaws distance casually starts slipping in between awkward laughter and encounters. There’s never a time for a third because by then she’s unloaded all that she has and said better be done with it rather than wait for the torture of seeing it get to the finish line. 

kihyun’s growth as an artist was supposed to add to the dry and rather neutral nature of their dealings. he was supposed to provide the empathetic sentiment needed in their work. that aside he was supposed to be the ace in the hole when it came to business. the genes didn’t exactly flow down the pool to him and everyone knows why, no one says it. kihyun had the brain and understanding for the concepts and networking of business and marketing he just vehemently refused it. it’s why when haeri so much as mentions the topic he starts groaning and sprawling out over the bed, denial written in the acts he used to use on his parents.

it didn’t work for them and he knows it won’t work for her. that won’t stop him from voicing his dislike and it certainly won’t stop him from pretending like he’s listening. just as he can’t turn off his mind he can’t turn off the need to keep it moving and whether this lecture is welcome or not he’s listening. 

“I just wanted a game I didn’t know dealing with you would be like dealing with my parents.” there’s bitterness in his tone. it’s because he has the same issue with them. when he comes with a proposal he always has to think four steps ahead and every avenue down the road if he wants to win. quite frankly it’s tiring and he’s rather zig-zag his way through. he was clever and intellectual but he relied on his way with words more. his parents didn’t have te time to keep up with him, and when they did he was never around. he got tired of the clauses that came with his words, but he forgets haeri is cut from a similar cloth, more finely than him.

“I thought of the good and bad points honestly, I just forgot all about my Hwaorang figure.” truthfully he knew it wouldn’t be as simply as waltzing in and requesting the game for his troubles. haeri wasn’t so nice that she’d simply give it to him. everything was a lesson. kihyun was still young and in terms of everything she was his superior, his mentor. he just hated the effort. he gets spent a little too quickly. “yeah yeah I know I have to make sure to remember all avenues before even going forward that’s like immediate defeat right? going on without having knowledge of every step your opponent would take is battle suicide but….who goes to war with the intent to bring both down? I mean if I know someone wills tab me a bunch of times why not bring a gun? why not get rid of the sword first? why give them the chance to stab me?”

he’s about to enter another lecture he can feel it. the good thing about this is haeri is probably the only one he’d take lectures from. or engage in discussion with because look he’s not done.

there are just some times when haeri knew she pushed and tugged until they eventually had to slap her own words right back in her face. those were painful moments. very painful. she’d like to never remember them if possible, but they say the most marking wounds are the ones who stick to your skin and scar you to the point that you can never get rid of them. or maybe she made that up. like shes about to make this thing up as well, “you’ve got parental issues, i would know, i whine a lot when people sound like my mom and i have got mom issues, i mean big mom issues you know, the kind that probably makes me look like you when i am whining, that look that most certainly will never get you someone like your little tiny princess you know, even if she isn’t a catch herself.” 

she’s lost herself among her words and thoughts and the usual derailing. the usual, so there is no actual need to pay attention or try to straighten them out. there’s no use to mask anything around kihyun is what, he might as well be as disheveled with his speech as she was, so he had to not care as much as other people usually did. even if e did, she could careless actually. did she even care that other people minded her speech pattern? sometimes. maybe depending on who she is talking with. when and where. and if she hasn’t had any sugar while holding the conversation itself. 

she’s sure though as her mind wanders back to his words that he’s expecting something, something very haeri like which is why she surely aims to deliver when she opens her mouth again. there’s a quirk of her lips, it’s furtive, gone, as if it’d never been there, blink and you miss it before she’s titling her head. “because you want to die? simple as that? anything wrong with wanting to die? we all feel that sometimes, dramatically, really, truthfully, certainly, doubtfully, i mean if that’s your thing then do it, go ahead and forget the gun so you can get stabbed, only the afterlife will judge you, me? i don’t care, it’s your life. your skills that you literally decided to totally drop and your brain that you forgot existed or something like that, i mena if you have a brain and you don't want to use it or let it assimilate information that might be helpful then be my guest don’t.” a pause, short lived as she raises the volume of her voice, “don’t! doooon’t! don’t, don’t, don’t!”