G

Simon/The Convict

An Eater (NSFW)

Simon thots (NSFW)

Simon as a dad

Eel/mutated dick talk (NSFW)

Wilford Warfstache

Wilford thots (NSFW)

Wilford NSFW headcanons

God of the Night

As the world caves in

Annus

NSFW headcanons

Google

A Human's Touch (NSFW)

Multiple

Pets for our Pretty Boys

Dark, Wilford, Host, Dave, Simon

Falling behind

Dark, Google, Simon, Host

To be Written

Requests open

Anons

i think his parts are swappable [im kinda a slut like that /ref] and google pussy has been on the mind…. i miss my wife

I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK!!

A Human's Touch

Requests open, not cross posted anywhere. content warning// Plot what plot/no plot, slight demeaning language(?), mean Google, Oral/eating pussy (Google receiving), slight descriptions of a pussy, Reader has hair.

When you came home from work, you didn't expect to find your android on your bed. He sat there, legs crossed, fully... nude? It wasn't the first time you'd had sex with the android, in fact you'd go as far to say you were in a romantic relationship with him- and he'd say the same. But he'd never really... Been so forward with his approach.

It didn't take long for him to beckon you over, pushing you when you tried sitting next to him. He wanted you to sit on the floor? Sure...

"So... What's this about sweetheart...?" You look up at him from your spot on the floor. One of your hands rested on his ankle, soothing at the synthetic skin.

"You will not speak." His tone was authoritative, and maybe a little irritated. "I waited for you."

"Sorry, I was-"

"I said you will not speak." He cuts you off. It's not unusual for him to get an attitude, or for him to tell you to shut up, but the way he speaks- and the fact that he's nude- sort of.. turned you on?

"You were late from returning home and left me waiting." He crosses his arms and scowls at you. "You will repay me for that. I was going to be nice tonight, but I guess you don't deserve it."

You were about to ask what he was talking about, but you quickly cut yourself off when he uncrossed his legs. Where his dick attachment usually was laid a vagina. What the fuck.

"I wanted to give you a treat, but your tardiness has ruined my mood." Google uncrosses his arms, reaching out for your head and grabbing onto your hair. The grasp is anything but nice as he yanks your head closer to him.

He glares down at you as you rest your head on the edge of the bed, resting your cheek against his thigh.

"You will be good." The way he says it more like a fact, and you know better than to go against his word like that. "Now go on." He tugs your hair again, pushing you up against the bed more and up to his vagina.

Shit, you weren't going to pass up the chance, you did always love when he was in charge anyways.

Gently, you adjust your position and rest your hands against the inside of his thighs, the synthetic skin smooth against your palms. With one last look up at him, being met with the same scowl as before, you lean forward and dive in.

You admire it for a moment before your tongue pushes up against his pussy, his thighs slowly press against your head in response. It doesn't take long for you to start putting your all into going down on him, pressing your face into him as much as you could so your mouth could cover him as much as possible. There wasn't any bush, which was probably for the best, but it left something to be desired, not that you would tell him that. He'd probably smite you for even bringing it up.

The more you tongue and mouth at him, the more reactive he gets, even going as far as letting out a deep- guttural moan when you take the time to kiss at the clitoris. Sure, you knew he was reactive all the other times you've fucked, but never so much like he is now. It was wonderful and turned you on more that you ever thought it could.

As you tongued at Google's pussy and kissed over him gently, he continued to pull you closer by the hair and squeeze his legs around your head. The deeper you go the more he moans and pulls you closer. It's weird, licking and mouthing at synthetic skin, but the more you do the more you like it, lube dripping from him like it's supposed to imitate precum. It's almost addictive, scratch that, it is addictive. It only motivates you to push yourself up further into him, so close that your nose is practically buried in his pussy as much as your tongue is. His thighs are tight around your head now, like a nice pair of earmuffs, and his hand in your hair has a tight grip, but he's no longer pulling as much.

There's a barely audible "fuck" from him, his legs pressing as much as they can against your head, and you take it as a sign that he's close. More effort is put into you eating him out, paying a bit more attention to his clit with kisses and tonguing at it. It seems to work pretty well, as he gets more vocal. Groans and curses slipping from his voice box and he's biting on his lip a little. He's so human at times, it's odd to remember that he isn't.

With one last push of your tongue into his pussy, he throws his head back with a loud "Fuuuuck" as he tries to hold your head in place, artificial cum gushing out from him and onto you. Your face is covered in it, even as you try and get most of it in your mouth, but with how tightly his legs are locked around your head you can't pull back to do so very well.

A minute or two pass after he finishes, leaving you smushed against his pussy for a while before his systems calm down enough to remember you need to breathe. His legs slowly pull away from your head, sweat from you against his synthetic skin causes it to pull off like leather on a hot day. His hand in your hair lets go, and you sit back just a little, breathing heavily to try and get some air back in your system.

If Google were human, he would be shaking, but he isn't. He stares down at you as your hands rest on his knees, your head resting against one of them as you catch your breath. He's already recovered.

"I suppose you were..." He pauses, narrowing his eyes at you, if only you knew he was admiring the artificial cum on your face, "Satisfactory."

You let out a little huff of a laugh, looking up at him with a smile.

"I'm happy to be of service." You mutter, closing your eyes for a moment. Your hand on his other knee moves off to start wiping off your face of the mess you made.

"Good. You should be." He says all matter of factly. "Then you equally be happy enough to clean me up." His legs spread just a tad more, showcasing you his pussy dripping, the bedsheets under him equally messy as your mouth.

The silence was pregnant; you go from staring at him to back as his pussy. He stares down at you still, eyes unwavering.

"Well?" It's an expectant tone.

It's not everyday someone remembers Annus exists, so we'll go with him for today (:

Annus NSFW Headcannons

Requests open

Really into teasing, like, really into it. Receiving or giving it doesn't matter, this guy will always be down for some teasing. Be it as foreplay, or just because- this goes for non sexual teasing too.

No patience whatsoever with this guy. Like none. Unless you want him to be, but like his default would be eager to be with you.

Would absolutely have a somno kink, at least a little. He always communicates when he's in the mood, don't worry, but wowie.

Total switch! He can top or bottom, or do neither or both, it depends on what you want the dynamic to be! Just let him know if you're feeling a certain way. He cares for your pleasure, probably more than his own.

Hair pulling, but has a preference for gentle tugging when it comes to him. His hair is delicate, please be gentle. Though you could tug his hair a little rougher if it's up (bun, ponytail), especially if you're behind him for.. any reason (PEGGING).

Since he's like, an entity, his genetalia is questionable to me. As in, he can shapeshift it, y'know? You want pussy? He's got pussy. you want dick? You get dick. It can be.. other stuff too.. Tentacles, and stuff...

He is a bush enjoyer.

I think he would have a preference for cumming on and getting cummed on, rather than inside.

THAT is not to say, he doesn't have a breeding kink. He could (AND DOES).

This guy moans like a bitch. He is all about being vocal, and that extends to you being vocal too. He looves hearing the both of you moaning and making noises together. The highlight of having sex.

Equally so, very talkative. He likes praising (and maybe degrading if you're into receiving, degrade him PLEAAASE) out loud. He's pleading and desperate for you, and he will say everything to let you know.

I feel like I give this to everyone, but knife play, just a little. He's more into doing it to others, BUT if you don't like it that's okay. It's nothing major, and he can easily go without it.

Super into making out, it's not that crazy but he WILL stop mid fuck to have a little sesh of kissing sloppy style. Like, NASTY style making out, so much fucking tongue.

Another one that's open to basically any kink you want. Let him know and he's happy to try it at least one time with you. Though, there are some things he might be hesitant about. Major pain that leaves a lasting injury, like major stabbing or burning for more than a few seconds has him worried.

Would be into leashing. Him or you, whichever you prefer. So, if you're sad you can't tug his hair harshly this is your solution. He'd love for you to yank him around with that leash.

Blood kink. Could be yours, could be his, could be someone else's...

Could play into a vampire thing if you think about it.

Body worships like a mother fucker. He could spend hours sitting down and admiring you and your body. All the scars, stretchmarks, moles and birthmarks, everything about you is perfect to him.

Has a preference for being sucked off rather than jerked off, BUT I think a lot of the time his praise/body worship and service-top like behavior leads to him going down on you more than you going down on him.

Loves eye contact, like really loves it. Keep your eyes on him, as he does the same.

MAY or may not have a dick piercing. Or multiple (COUGH Jacob's ladder).

Blindfold this mf and top him, oh lord he'd lose it so fast.

Indulges in roleplay if you want, in fact he's probably encouraging for it! He'll play the role of anything you want, tell him what you desire.

I'll do my best to get stuff done when possible, I can tell you guys are such lovely people from your asks ❤️ and I wanna make sure I get stuff out for you all

Like I'm utterly convinced, he would enjoy beeing a bottom to his love. But would have no shame to suggest some of his kinks. I see him beeing into gun play. Begs you to point it at him while beeing on top of him and so on. Also, maybe some knife play.

🪩 Hope it's not to much to ask. Feel free to ignore, if you are uncomfortable.

Anon, you literally speak my language, istg you dug around in my head and found these because I genuinely believe in all of what you said. What the helly.

Requests open, obviously NSFW.

Wilford NSFW headcanons

Starting off simple, with his preferences for top or bottom, I think he's a mighty fine switch. He's more than happy to top or bottom depending on what his partner wants at the time.

He's gentle as both, but definitely can get mean if you want it.

Would absolutely adore both seeing you under him, and seeing you above him. He genuinely has no preference for either.

It's the same for positions. He doesn't have a preference, so if you have a favorite it'll most likely be the default. Push and pull him around, tug him by the tie and tell him to lay down, let him push you against the wall, it's all on the table.

Speaking of all things on the table, it applies to kinks too. He is not ashamed of anything, and you shouldn't be either!

If you find something new that you want to try out, even just because you're curious about it, let him know and he's more than happy to participate. And if he finds something new, he's gonna bring it up to you and ask if you're interested. If so? Great! Get on the bed it's gonna be a night. If not? Well, that's okay, he won't cross anything.

He would absolutely love gun play, and knife play, and bondage, and more stuff online the likes.

Usually his gun wouldn't be loaded, he doesn't want to actually hurt you, but on occasion - when he's more frustrated about the day - it might be. It's a risk you'll have to trust him in. At least he makes sure the safety is on.

He doesn't just point it at you, no no, he lets you hold it and point it at him. Feel the heavy steel in your hands, the way it weighs down your hands. Point it at him, point it at his heart, his neck, the middle of his forehead, hell even his dick- he doesn't care just point it at him. The thought of possible death while also knowing he can trust you to do all of his just turns him on so bad.

And he'll do the same for you if you're comfortable with it. Let his drag it down your body, feeling the cold steel roughly against your skin as he presses the muzzle into your mouth, or against your genitalia. (If you're afab, he would absolutely put it in you if you feel safe enough about it).

Oh, and absolutely put the gun in his mouth, he thinks it's hot as fuck. He'll tongue at it and suck it like a dick, not at all breaking eye contact as he does so.

Knife play is also something that's average in your sex life. He'll gently trace it against your skin, teasing the thought of breaking skin, letting it scrape around until eventually it divides a thin layer of skin.

Of course, every wound is treated after, and he's careful to avoid cutting too deep, and cutting parts that would be dangerous. It's really just the thrill of having so much control over the situation.

If you like it more rough, he's absolutely holding the knife up to your throat as you guys fuck. He won't cut, but again the thrill of it all is what gets him more than anything.

And again, he loves when you do it to him too. He knows he's more resilient than you, so he's quite encouraging of it. Cut him up sweetpea, he can take it ❤️

Also, mutual knifeplay? Like, you're both holding a knife up to the other's throat, or sharing a knife between the two of you- letting it pass from his hand to yours- he likes all that too.

Bondage is nothing new to Wilford, that much is obvious. Ropes, belts, scarves, just about anything to type you up. Blindfolds are also used- which could also turn into sensory deprivation if you want, there's got to be a pair of headphones around the room somewhere...

He can be mean with it too. Tying you up and then leaving to go do something, letting you sit on the bed all restricted and horny.

Yes he has a swing. What? You expect him not to?

Even when he's being more rough, his words will be coated in sugar. Sure, he might be degrading you, but it's in the tone one would use for a pet, so even when he's saying mean things to you it just sounds so nice.

Now for some other, less in detail stuff.

Wilford would very much indulge in hate sex.

He likes being tossed, and tossing around his partner. Grab him by the shirt and throw him to the wall for a sloppy ass make out.

Buttsex

He would threesome if you want, with literally anyone- I don't think he'd care. It's more fun if he knows the person though (COUGH COUGH Dark COUGH)

Just like how he indulges in any kink possible, if you have a fetish he would also indulge. He does not judge. (I'm not too sure about paraphilias, I think it would VERY MUCH depend for that one)

Sex toys of any kind are welcome.

He's more of a scratcher than a biter.

HUGE ass tease. In public or private he will whisper dirty shit in your ear, or touch you to get you all riled up. Receiving is also fun for him.

Will lock in if you have a voice kink, it's awful /pos

Enjoys giving oral, could probably do it for hours on end.

Impact play, at least for him. Slap him around a little.

(Semi) public sex. It's not a necessary, but if you want to try he'd do it no questions asked.

Orgy? More likely than you think...

Pet names of ALL kids, you are not safe.

And to end it off, mind fuckery. We all know Wilford is a creature™, even if it isn't intentional he's gonna fuck with your head with the shit he does and says.

*Fluttering my fabulously long eyelashes at you*

First of all, LOVE your idea for mutated Simon and how his dick would be.

Secondly…. Would mutated Simon have a breeding kink? I can imagine due to him being mutated, maybe he suddenly gains instincts to breed?

Especially with a knot added to his dick. And maybe he would talk about breeding the reader (or whoever he’s with) and calling them his mate?

Requests open

I think so, yeah. Moreso with eel Simon- which I think a few of you are just combining with mutated Simon so I guess I'll just do the same? At least for this one.

It's one of those urges that leaves a heavy feeling in his chest, something he can't help but think about a lot. The urge to knot you up and breed you- regardless of gender he'll have you take it.

It's weird for him, having never wanted kids of his own, and then all of a sudden he can't stop thinking about it!

It starts with him getting a little more clingy, wrapping his arm around you and rubbing his face all up against you, and then it turns into him humping against you, and then he's practically begging you to let him breed you. How could you say no?

After his knot is snuggly inside you, he'll wrap as much of himself around you as he can and just lay there, probably on top of you. Don't be shy and grind into him if you feel the need too, he won't mind at all. Just means it might lead into another round- and his puddled little mind full of nothing but breed, breed, breed would love nothing more.

Do you think his dick would be mutated? Not in a gross way, but maybe had a few new textures/features on it? Like it could have small soft spikes on it, could it form a knot, could have small tendrils around it to grip onto the person he’s fucking?

So many ideas 😏

Requests open, obviously an NSFW post

I haven't actually thought about it much, but it absolutely is different from a regular dick. Absolutely somewhere in terato levels if nothing less.

I personally don't mind if his mutated dick is in a gross way, we all saw him at the end of the movie so it wouldn't be too out of reach.

If it's just mutated Simon, I think it would be closer to when we see his forearms all blistered and torn, as well as possibly some ridges, teeth, additional smaller stuff. But it would still keep its basic shape and form as if it was just regular Simon. Maybe, maybe, it's got some more reactive bits, but overall it only gains some small additions.

Now, if we're talking about eel Simon on the other hand... THAT is where most of your thoughts come into play. I don't really have a lot of thoughts for eel Simon yet, but there's this artist I'm obsessed with on Instagram, and they have a really cute design so I'll reference it with slight changes to be more freaky.

Art by ML2KEY on Instagram

The only real change would obviously be the mouth on his torso/connecting to the tail. It would be smaller, and more like a protective pouch for his dick, similar to a merman's, still with me?

It would probably be a lot softer than Mutated Simon, perhaps similar to snake skin, but still a bit rough and bumpy. It would absolutely be able to knot, because who doesn't love a good knot? and perhaps, maybe, double as an ovipositor- or maybe he has a second, smaller one, just for that. I'm not sure about tentacles, but I think the teeth that usually protect his dick would be able to gently latch onto whoever he's fucking to make sure they don't leave. If nothing else, his arm is strong, he can bite, he's heavy, and he's got a tail, one of them has got to be able to keep you in place. Also, I think the base would also have teeth that would poke and prod at you, gently of course- unless you'd be into being treated roughly.

Again, both of these would probably end up being gross in some way. I personally like it, and with how he looks at the end of the movie I don't think I'd be able to write it without a little grossness anyways. It wouldn't be descriptive, but it would be there, y'know?

Thinking about writing a fic- probably just a oneshot - where reader is also a convict, and gets sent down a few months after Simon. The COI decided the black box wasn't informative enough, and grabbed one of their Eden prisoners to go down.

While down there, they find nothing but what looks to be roots. Then they run into a huge wall, and when they take that final picture?

"Simon...?"

Wilford has been one of my favorites for a long time, I really do think he deserves more!

Requests open, not cross posted anywhere

I personally believe in big bear Wilford, thick muscle underneath the extremely comfortable fat that covers his entire body.

His thighs are huge and perfect to sit on, giving you the perfect opportunity to sit in his lap and lay into him, resting your head on his shoulders and letting his warmth soak into you. The perfect opportunity to sit in his lap and cockwarm him.

He lives for holding you against him, your back against his front and burying his face into the back of your neck. He makes sure you're comfortable, be that simply resting against him, or having his thigh or hands between your legs, or letting you warm or ride his dick as much as you want. His big arms wrapped around you and his hands grabbing onto yours and entertaining them as you both relax.

With how big he is, you could practically fuck anywhere without worry of discomfort, he's happy to be your cushion. Being pressed between the bed or couch as he fucks from behind, or leaning into him against the counter, the way he's so warm against you, it's addicting.

And he's all about physical contact, more than just what's necessary. Hand holding, kissing, hugging, even hair tugging, giving or receiving he wants it all. Please slip your hands into his hair and pull. It doesn't matter what he's doing at any point in time, he's more than happy to stop whatever and give you all his attention. Kisses are sloppy, open mouthed kisses with tongue and spit, but also small and peckish the way he pressing them all over your face.

Body worship is rooted in his bones, taking his time to tell you how amazing you are, and how you're so perfect for him. Watch him kiss up and down your arms like Gomez Addams, and perhaps your legs as well. Any parts of you seen as "not attractive" by society are the most gorgeous parts of you physically. He loves it all, because he loves you.

Toys aren't new to him, and if you want to or do use them, he's happy to join. Give him the toy and let him use it on you, he'll be gentle he swears. Let him use that vibrator, or dildo on you, guiding it or you against whatever you're using.

How do you think Simon would be if he was a father? Maybe him and the reader have a kid together after the events of the movie.

Requests open

I've always thought Simon would be a good father, though it would take time.

Now I'm gonna start with the last point and say I don't think Simon would probably ever willingly have kids- the fear of somehow passing his trauma onto them somehow, and depending on if he has mutations or not post-movie, it would just be too much for him. He would never choose to have a kid like that.

Now, if you had a kid before he met you, that's a different story.

Obviously, he's still very hesitant, he's the butcher he isn't meant to be around little innocent kids- what if he taints them? But he loves you, so he'll try.

The relationship between him and your kid is rough, at the start. Especially if they're a shy kid. He's this big and intimidating man, with one arm and scars practically everywhere, yes they'll be scared. But he's a sweetheart, and even the shyest of children will come to see that.

He makes a great babysitter! Hyper vigilant about basically everything that could cause even the slightest bit of harm to your kiddo. He'll sit on the couch and watch over them as they play games, watch TV, or do whatever your kid does. And if they ask, he'll hesitantly join.

His large stature, which is much softer now that he's properly being taken care of, is perfect for kids to crawl all over him. He'll let them crawl on to his back, or up into his arm, and watch as they press into him and try to steal his body heat. So cute.

The first time your kid calls him "dad" or any sort of variation of it, he cries later that night. Sitting on your bed, head in his hand as he just cries. He never thought that a kid- the pinnacle of innocence- would ever see him in such a light. Him? As a source of comfort? To them? They see him as their dad? As part of their family??? It takes some time to comfort him, telling him that he's been part of the family, but it feels like he's grasping at straws. I mean, your kids approval is everything, he knows that.

Don't even get me started on father's day. Even if it's been years, he never expects anything, and everything he gets is cherished deeply. Really he just wants to spend the day with them and you, but then they give him a card and he has to leave the room to hide his tears. His desk drawer is full of everything ever given to him.

It takes time, but he's good with kids.

Not cross posted anywhere

Requests open

Thinking about post-canon Simon, saved by the sub entering an anomaly portal and ending up in your care.

After months, he's doing okay. He's gotten skin grafts for most of the affected skin,he isn't malnourished anymore, and he's actually.. happy. Happy with you.

Even happier spending the night with you, his one hand resting over yours as it presses against his chest, the fat covering his breast squishing under your presses. You aren't even sitting on his dick, rather above it, against the newly gained chub of his stomach. You feed him well, he tells you with nothing but love in his eyes as he looks up at you reverently.

You grind down against the chub, flushing red at your perversion, the way his bigger- healthier body moving around you. It's a comforting ride.

Use his body however you want. Ride his stomach, use his fingers and thighs, his dick is there whenever you want it- any position. Just please, press kisses against his lips as you do so, he'll be so good for you.