Eero's blog

About one year ago I met this girl via work. She was a trainee. As the pandemic came real I was one of the few people still being at the office instead of working home. I found myself often with her talking about everything because basically there were so few people in the offices. As the time went by I found out how great she was a person altough I only saw her “chilled work personality”. I had a crush - I was texting with her often but I didn’t take steps forward.. I was waiting to take my chances. Little I knew - I should have taken the steps earlier. But I lived in the bubble thinking everything is “under control” and I wanted to take steps forward. That lead me to be ghosted but this time I didn’t want to be like that way and wrote her a long message which had the message why. To my surprise she actually answered it politely and I found out she just wasn’t into it but she was afraid to say it loud earlier so she gave the silent treatment... Well I was happy I got an answer, a conclusion but on the same time I felt sad, really sad. It took a few months to forget and when I thought it was all over I found myself yearning. Got past that too eventually but these days I found myself isolated from social media and generally from the world too. I’ve become passive. I used to post weekly stories on instagram or snapchat. Nowadays I do it maximum once a month. I don’t follow social media anymore that much. I usually have 2-5 days old posts in my feed where as I usually checked everything at least one a day. I used to read the newspaper and news in general every day and nowadays I don’t care. I read news maybe once a week or less. I don’t actually even clean up my apartment once a week anymore. It could take a month or even two before I do it... so it’s pretty dusty around here.. I don’t like to use tinder anymore as I’m afraid to make new contacts and find myself being ghosted again. I’m even doing my work quite slowly because I’m trying to avoid mistakes. I think I have lost motivation to almost everything. Feels like I’m one big mess that says “everything is fine” even if I’m at the bottom. All this traces back to one failed relationship. Speak up. Tell about your emotions and talk it over. It feels like I’m caring about everyone else than myself. Maybe someday I can get back to my feet again but until then I keep smiling as I’m telling people everything is fine.