i get everything i want cause i attract it

Oh, no, can you imagine if I made you go the whole way there with it open? The fall risk alone … *shudders, shakes her head, and grins, before she wastes no more time in following the gentle prompt, gesturing for Eve to follow, and hops up, setting off, ready to problem solve* Did you have a lot running before the crash? In the background, I mean!

I am very good at balancing. One time in Bali, I carried six drinks from the bar to our table. [once prompted, Evelynne closes her computer screen and quickly packs her bag, filling her arms before following the other towards her shop.] Um... I must have. I hate closing tabs, like... my curse is to need a tab as soon as I’ve closed it, so I’ve taken to just opening a new browser when my little bar gets too full. 

Don’t tell anyone, but yes. I’m a wizard, it’s true. [messes around with the computer for a few more minutes before turning it back toward Eve with the screen turned back on] I’m not sure if the work is saved.. but at least your laptop is.. for now. I’d look into getting a new one soon, unfortunately. [Meredith grabs her note pad from her table and begins writing down the steps she had just performed, pausing every few seconds to remember exactly what she did] Students? Oh, wow! What do you teach? [looks up from her notepad for a few seconds, then continues to write]

What kind of process did you go through to get to that status? Jaemin told me in Korea if you’re a virgin until you’re thirty you turn into a Wizard but there’s no way you’re thirty already. [She leans in closer and whispers] By any chance, if you are over thirty, what skincare do you use? [Eve leans back and takes her computer once it’s slid over to her. She glances at Meredith who’s now writing, and quickly signs in to try and recover her document.] I’m an English teacher! It’s my first year as a permanent teacher so I don’t want to fuck up my report cards. Do you work in tech repairs?

[He stops for a moment, genuinely mulling that question over.] I mean… yes? But they’re cringey, so it kind of cancels it out. That “mama” Asian kid is pretty cute, but… “mama”… yikes, you know? I have a youthful face and glow, James Charles would be on my ass whether I’m older than him or not. [He rolls his eyes with a small smile, giving Eve a weak shove.] Don’t act surprised, you’re gonna hurt my feelings. Besides, I don’t think I’d survive a day in the actual Army… Well, I don’t know. I don’t want to, at least. [He chuckles.] Let’s hope Crustache moved on to another victim. But in the meantime, just make sure he’s blocked anyway. [Blu glances down at her, his frown growing deeper with every word.] …why are you talking about this? What’s going on? You’re scaring me a little, here.

oof yeah mama doesn’t hit for me. You’re so sexy and I still don’t wanna be mama for you. Maybe like a hispanic guy can pull off mamacita but hey mamas has so much cringe around it now it can’t be redeemed. You’re that guy he was talking about when James said he wants to date guys who look as young as possible? [She grins and pushes herself back from the shove to wrap around Blu even tighter] You’re not allowed to go to the army it’s illegal. If you do I’m pulling a Mulan to follow you there. Or a reverse Mulan to sneak you out?? But they do let women in the military now so I guess a drag look wouldn’t work. [Eve’s hands raise to Blu’s face to gently smooth out his frown with her thumb before giving his lips a soft kiss, letting herself fall into the pillowiness for a moment before pulling away.] I’m just a worry-wart. Will you let me ride around on your back koala style so I never have to let go of you ever?

Oh, please. As if Blu was a fucking altar boy. He’s a whore despite his work. Or at least, he was before you sunk your claws into him. Now that’s impressive, not gonna lie. [Min gasps, ready to bark back at Eve, but instead he reaches for the thing nearest to him, which just so happens to be a freshly squeezed lime, and he tosses it at her.] He does indeed know and like the fact that I’m homosexual, Eve, thanks for your worry. I’m going home to 10 inches, so keep laughing, bitch. [He quirks up a brow.] Are you kidding me you klutz? You’re gonna fall somewhere and die or something. Your death is gonna be beyond ridiculous and early.

He does his work because he’s a whore, Jaemin, and you and I wouldn’t be in this lovefest if it weren’t for our mutual whore. I didn’t sink my claws though, I just nursed the red string of fate that binds us to each other, duh. [Eve gasps dramatically as she fails to catch the juiced lime and lets herself slowly slip from the counter onto the floor, sprawling herself out at Jaemin’s feet.] Look what you’ve done to me. I’m aching, Min. [She hums as she wraps her arms around Jaemin’s legs.] 10 inches? he’s your dream man. Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to like... die from cardiac arrest while riding Blu or something. 

Oh my god, don’t you ever say that to me ever again. How could you- How could you compare me to Noah Beck? That Cabbage patch kid on steroids, no thank you. It’s not his fault he looks so eerie but christ… [He shudders dramatically.] Mm, seems like you got it all figured out. I don’t like the last bit, though. I’ll go to war with anyone who gives you trouble, you know that. [He watches her, chuckling fondly.] I only know Eve Wilson! [He mirrors her unconsciously, his own eyes wider now.] Babe, I think he’d’ve cut more than ponytails. [His expression softens somewhat as he hears her out, squeezing her hand gently.] I love you too, Evie. Besides, it’s not like you could get rid of me even if you wanted to. We’ve been together for years, now. I don’t see that changing… Don’t go looking for problems where there’s none. 

Okay real question, are there any Tik Tok boys who are cute? like actually? Because all of the famous ones are ugly from what I’ve seen? You’re just so lucky that you’re too old for James Charles to try and collab with you. [Eve’s lips twist into a pucker before she smiles.] Oh really? I could go for a lil military wife moment. Omg waiting at the airport for you... it’s so romantic. [With Blu’s teasing, Eve squeezes her eyes shut.] God, I don’t want to think about it. He’s probably made a shrine of me in his mom’s attic. [Eve opens her eyes again as Blu squeezes her hand, and she leans forward for another chaste peck before resting her head on his chest.] Yeah... You can’t get rid of me either. I mean, you remember when we fought and I basically stalked you until you agreed to see me again. 

Yeah, and that’s exactly why you wanted to fuck me, too: whore. You have a type. [He brings his index finger up to his mouth and pretends to make himself vomit. Her comment about Diego brings a small smile to his face.] You’re not allowed to call him that, but yeah, ‘can’t take credit for that, unfortunately. He’s just… attentive and kind. Always very careful with my feelings… [His cheeks flush when he realizes he was musing out loud about Diego, a glimpse into the tender feelings he held towards him. He swallows, immediately regretting this show of vulnerability.] Anyway, whatever- [He rolls his eyes.] I hope I’m dead way before that, then. 

Are you calling Blu a whore? That’s so derogatory. Sex work is real work, Jaemin. [She fakes scorn, but her smile tugs at the corners of her lips as she listens to Jaemin boast about his lover. She sips her mojito and gently nudges him with her foot with a big grin.] Damn, Min. Does Diego know you’re like super gay for him? [She continues giggling into her cup as she half anticipates getting the contents of the blender dumped over her head.] You’re so gonna die before me. 

[Blu laughs softly as Eve muses by herself, observing her fondly.] Mm, no, I don’t want you making them. ‘Has to be organic, babe. Levitating doesn’t have fancam energy anyway, more like a thirst trap. [The smile on Eve’s lips only serves to make his grow wider, forehead pressed against hers as he giggles along with her.] Oh, Evie, at the very least 2.5 milli. At the very least. That’s traumatic, it’s beyond what any nonprofit has ever done. Do we even know where he is now? [He gasps, bringing a hand up to his mouth.] What if he’s actually in jail? Could you imagine?! [His brows furrow a little at her words as he gives her a somewhat confused, but mostly worried look.] …And that doesn’t mean I don’t do things you hate sometimes, too. Where is this coming from?

I just have to kickstart the movement. You’d be the next uh... Noah Beck? Anyway, Fancam city for you once you’re discovered. All my comments are going to be like “bestie, please crop this!!” God I’ll have to go private because too many of your fans will be jealous of me. [Eve grins at Blu before dropping her arms from around his neck and letting herself fall onto her back on the couch quite dramatically.] At the very least. Mother Theresa has nothing on me. The Innocence Project? I don’t know her. [At his words, Eve sits up with wide eyes and pulls his hand away from his mouth.] Don’t say that! I don’t want to have slept with someone who probably went to jail for like... cuttting off women’s ponytails.  So creepy. [She cups his hand in hers and climbs onto his lap, phone forgotten while she looks up at him with a pout] Sometimes I just think about how special you are and how I love you so much and I get scared to lose it. Fun fact about me.. I’ve never known peace. 

She’s not your style anyway: she’s not a whore. [Jaemin gives her a one-shouldered shrug, satisfied with his teasing.] I think yes. Y’all are always buying each other shit, I don’t need, nor want, to be added to the equation. You’re perfectly fine in your own little world… per usual. Diego would never help you because he knows that gets him in trouble with me. You underestimate the power a silent treatment has on that man. [He opens his mouth, index finger raised accusingly as he’s ready to defend himself, but he stops, looking puzzled for a moment before snorting.] Okay, you got me… Fuck you. [He clinks his glass with hers, nodding along to her comment.] Indeed I do. Attribute that to countless nights spent getting blackout. I’ve… I’ve seen some shit. Or, I guess in that case, I’ve missed some shit.

That is so rude? I’ll have you know your body count is way higher than mine will ever be. I’m a one man girl now, anyway. [Eve sits back, listening to Jaemin go on and on and knowing her and Blu will always buy him unwanted gifts anyway and Jaemin will always pretend he doesn’t like it while secretly loving it because Eve and Blu are pro shoppers.] Yes, yes, you’ve trained your human dog quite well. He knows not to accept candy from strangers and everything. You’re the next Cesar Milan! [She smirks at her victory, laughing into her glass as he continues] God... You’re going to have war flashbacks in your eighties when all your blackout memories come back to you. 

Baby… There are nothing but Big Ed fancams. The most frustrating part is that they’re so well done. Where are the Blu Sinclair fancams? I’m waiting! [Blu sighs dramatically with a shake of his head, but he can’t hold his act for long, breaking into soft chuckles. As Eve agrees with him, his eyes widen, invested in the argument and pointing her in a way that obviously means “right?!”] Ugh, oh my god, Crustache… I don’t even wanna talk about it. The fact that you’re so charitable is something I do love about you, though. All these fools have is the nerve. The audacity. They know they’re ugly, so they claim to be nice but really, they’re not. [He smiles at her words, leaning down to meet her halfway.] That’s not something you ever need to worry about, Evie.

Do you want me to get good at video editing? Or I could hire someone... We’ll make a million fancams and a bunch of fake accounts to post them all. What sound do you want baby? Hot girl summer? Levitating? I’ll do it it’ll be your sound now. Blu Sinclair fancams only. I wanna be on blutok. [Eve stares up at him very seriously while she rambles, only breaking when Blu starts chuckling and she can’t hold down the corners of her lips anymore. While they’re laughing together, she still has to dramatically cringe from the mere mention of her ex-boyfriend, despite the fact that she brought him up first.] I should get a tax receipt for that charity work. How much do we think my virginity is worth in terms of getting that refunded through the government? Like, if Joe Biden asks, I probably kept Crustache out of the prison system for the duration of that. He was going down an incel path. [When she’s met halfway, she sighs into the kiss and wraps her arms around Blu’s neck, leaning her forehead against his when they finally separate.] I don’t know babe. I’m scared to mess things up... Just cause we’re made for each other doesn’t mean I don’t do things you hate sometimes.  

…Leave her alone. Don’t even think about it, she’s off limits, you vile demon. [He makes a face.] They do? That’s fucking… weird. I don’t wanna be one half of your favorite couple, either. Brangelina type shit. [Min rolls his eyes.] I think that the fact that your support of our relationship came out of spite, selfishness and greed sort of cancels that shit out, though. [He leaves the blender whirring as he paces towards the cupboard, grabbing them two clean mason jar-like glasses. When he comes back, he quickly checks on the consistency of their drink before shutting it off.] ‘Happy for you, Vee. [He pours them each a drink, then slides her across the counter to her.] Cheers, bitch.

Just for you... I’ll leave her out of Blu and my plans.[As if she were the most humble, generous person on the planet, Eve lifts her hands and shakes her head.] No, no. Do you think there’s a situation where Blu and I won’t buy you things? Even if I have to get Diego to sneak them into your apartment. [She quirks her eyebrow at him, challenging Jaemin.] Is there a single thing you haven’t done out of spite and greed? We’re two selfish peas in a pod, babe. [When that noise finally shuts off Eve reaches forward, waiting for a glass to appear in her hand, and she lifts it up in a little cheers towards her friend before taking a sip.] Cheers, gorge. You make a mean slushie cocktail. 

What you call a mental catalogue I call trauma. I’m still working through it in therapy to this day, Vee… You’ve broken me. You and Blu? Absolute terrors, ‘ruined my fucking life. [He bites back a grin and scoffs.] First of all… shut up. And second of all… shut up. I don’t want a gift for our anniversary, much less from someone outside the relationship. In fact, I don’t even wanna talk about it. [He flinches when he’s poked and slips away, just out of her reach as he works on their drink.] It’ll be loud, so now’s the perfect time to confess your undying love- [After everything is inside, he starts the blender just as Eve opens her mouth to speak, the sound obviously burying her voice. ‘What was that?’ he mouths, eyes narrowed and gesturing vaguely as if he wasn’t the sole reason he couldn’t hear her right now.]

mmm giving your therapist something to think about at night. Is she hot? I’m not gay but I’d do it for Blu. Oh come on, people always give gifts to their favourite couples on their anniversary. Besides, I was such an instrumental part of pushing you towards Diego to have Blu all to myself, I feel like your relationship’s mommy. The least I can do is buy you matching underwear- [Eve gets cut off as he starts the blender, but takes this opportunity to list off all the reasons she’s glad he moved out of her and Blu’s home, starting with the significant lack of snake food waiting in their freezer for the next trip to his dad’s house.]  It felt really good to get that off my chest.