ed vent blog

Tomorrow is admission day and I’m so scared I literally contemplate running away from home so they can’t take me there but I don’t even have the energy to walk up the stairs (so maybe that’s a sign I’m going exactly where I need to be🤡)

Also I want my life back. Gotta feel this fear and do it anyway.

just a reminder that there’s so much more that we still don’t know about ourselves and that’s what makes life so beautiful. next year you could find your next favorite musician or fall in love with someone you haven’t even met yet. you might see a new shade of green that will become your new favorite color or you could become obsessed with a new food that you thought you once hated. we change as life goes on. we grow as life changes. our experiences shape us into a new person. it’s beautiful.

I feel a tiredness so strong I didn’t know it existed

Is this what dying feels like lol

I really belong in a hospital I am physically not okay haha chuckles

I feel a tiredness so strong I didn’t know it existed

Is this what dying feels like lol

I am so sorry that at some point in your young and vulnerable life, you were taught that certain bodies made people less deserving of food, of comfort, of human indulgence. I am especially sorry to those of you who learned that lesson while inhabiting those bodies. You deserve to eat, You all deserve to eat. And you deserve to have food that you enjoy.

Also I hit my ugw lol and for what

“ur so chill” thanks i am completely disconnected from reality right now

You hate yourself so loudly. You hate yourself at the top of your lungs. Your loathing for yourself permeates your speech. “Sorry I’m just rambling.” “Don’t worry about it.” “Just ignore me.” “Sorry if I’m annoying you.” “Sorry I don’t make sense.” “Sorry about that.” Sorry, sorry, sorry. You act as if you have to beat everyone else to the punch. As if the punching bag is you. If you hate yourself first, if you hate yourself loudest, then nobody will hurt you. You clapped your hands over your ears and shut your eyes and balled yourself up so that you’d never have to experience people’s loathing for you. And it meant you never heard their love. You drowned it out. You screamed your hatred over it. And you never got to hear it. 

😶

opposite of depression nap. depression awakeness. refreshing the same three websites over and over. there’s nothing new on any of them. eight seconds have passed and it feels like a century

we need carbs and we need fats and we need proteins and honestly fuck diet culture for normalizing malnourishment