TARDIS in the backpack

@parvuls was speculating about Mama Bittle’s job and … look, I don’t know where this came from. I just think it would be kind of hilarious if the reason Bitty (unreliable narrator that we know he is) never mentions the specifics of Suzanne’s job is because he doesn’t actually know what she does.

“You don’t know what your mom does do you?” Jack asks as soon as they’re alone in Jack’s apartment. Jack’s parents stepped out to “walk off that breakfast” and Bitty had been hoping to sneak in a quick makeout session before their return, but Jack clearly has other ideas.

“Of course I know what Mama does!” Bitty sputters, entirely unconvincingly. “I told y’all, she works in an office.”

Jack’s eyes narrow. “What kind of office?”

The young progressive side of hockey Twitter notices something that kinda upsets them. Whenever hockey writers interview Jack Zimmermann, they always talk about how he's gay. They always find a way to bring up Eric Bittle and "the infamous kiss" etc etc. Knowing how much hockey means to Jack, they become angry that Jack is being reduced to "being gay" and not being appreciated for being good at hockey like any other straight hockey player.

Then one of the writers for The Athletic tweets "It's impossible to interview Jack Zimmermann and not mention his fiance Eric Bittle. Not because we view JZ as 'gay' first and 'hockey player' second, but because Jack NEVER SHUTS UP ABOUT HIM.

Headcanons for the Bittle-Zimmerman farmhouse:

Bitty keeps a garden. He plays Beyoncè for his heirloom tomatoes. The strawberries are Swifties. His herb garden prefers whatever Spotify playlist Jack uses when he goes on his morning runs. Jack started talking to the basil in French. Bitty ended up making pesto.

The kitchen takes up half the first floor. It’s the heart of the house. Clearly. It has a big stone fireplace that Bitty has used to cook things. Jack has pizza delivery on speed dial when Bitty announces he’s going to cook in the fireplace. It always smells like freshly baked bread. Bitty’s sourdough starter is named Blanche. Like the Golden Girl. She’s a sassy bitch. There’s a sitting area and breakfast nook. If they have parties, everyone gravitates toward the kitchen. It has a door that leads directly to Bitty’s hothouse. The kitchen is painted butter-yellow. There is more than one oven.

Jack found the dilapidated farmhouse while he was taking a drive to clear his head one weekend. He liked the wraparound porch. He pulled into the drive and instantly saw Bitty and a couple of kids cavorting in the yard. He put an offer on it the next day.

The wall of the staircase has Jack’s photos on it. Mostly black and white photos. The mantle of the living room fireplace is crowded with family photos. Most of them are candid shots.

There are six bedrooms, four full bathrooms, and two powder rooms. Tater practically lives there during the off-season. Ransom, Holster, Chowder, Nursey, and Dex call it Haus 3.0. Nursey finished his first novel in one of the guest rooms.

Alicia and Suzanne helped pick out the furniture. It looks nice, but can withstand an entire NHL team celebrating a Stanley Cup win.

There’s a photo of Patrick, their youngest, recreating Jack’s first encounter with the Stanley Cup during his first encounter with the Stanley Cup. In all fairness to Patrick, he was only 3 months old.

Jack built an outdoor kitchen for barbecues. Bitty uses it to can his jams.

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH, IMAGINE:

Bitty, upon hearing this, furiously starts texting Jack and calls him when he’s home.

“Did you put him up to that!!!???”

laughing “No.”

“JACK LAURENT ZIMMERMANN—“

It becomes a thing on twitter. #bittydoyourthesis trends. Everywhere he goes (online and irl), Bitty gets chirped about his thesis. He tweets, he gets “do your thesis” replies. Same thing but on Instagram, or any social media.

bitty: it’s too early to think about getting married, i havent even graduated yet

me, crying/jamming/drawing this: love is real y’all 💘

pictured: in yellow, the reasonable route from the library to the haus. in red, what jack wanted to do. (x)

CHECK, PLEASE! AS TIKTOKS: Part 1/???

I’ve been saving dozens of Tiktoks..waiting for the right moment…that moment is now…you’re welcome and I’m sorry.