rain

Laurens: *mumbles* hopefully in your bed

Alexander: what?

Alexander: *bumps into Eliza and Maria Reynolds holding hands* Eliza!

Eliza: Alexander!

burr: so basically, what is was thinking is -

hamilton: punches him

burr: ah fuck, i can't believe you've done this

-

eliza, watching hamilton and laurens: two bros, chillin in a hot tub, five feet apart cause they're not gay

-

hamilton: is there anything better than pussy? yes, a really good book *piano chord*

-

eliza: i should've left you on that street corner where you stood

hamilton: but ya didn't

-

hamilton: hey thomas you think i can get this egg into that jar without it cracking

jefferson: no

hamilton, throwing the egg full force at jefferson: i guess you're right

-

cabinet members, watching hamilton and jefferson fight: can i get a waffle. can i please get a waffle

-

peggy: jello? more like hello *chokes on the jello*

-

jefferson, skating in on wheelies: good evening

-

lafayette, buried in sand: i am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand

mulligan: POSEIDON QUIVERS BEFORE HIM

lafayette to the ocean: fuck off!

-

hamilton: don't fuck with me. i have the power of God and ishmael on my side. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-

hamilton: toss me my keys

eliza: *throws a christmas tree at him*

hamilton: i said keys

eliza: i thought you said christmas tree!

hamilton: why the f u c k would you think i said-

-

madison: if i had a penny for every time i wasn't cool, i'd have no pennies

-

someone: who's the hottest uber driver you've ever had

maria: um, i never went to oovo javer

-

angelica: saw you hanging out with caitlyn yesterday

hamilton: re-rebecca, it's not what you think!

angelica: i won't hesitate, biTCH

-

hamilton: yo, what's the scoop?

laurens, biking up: penis

-

burr to angelica: other guys'll just feed you lines. but i'll take you to mickey-deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!

-

jefferson, madison, and burr coming to hamilton about the reynolds affair: you ready to fuckin' die?

hamilton: i'm a bad bitch, you can't kill me

-

washinton: people are constantly asking me "what's it like to be a sex symbol?"

washington: *slips and bangs his head hard*

-

hamilton: i'm sucking my own dick and dying

-

hamilton: and they were roommates

jefferson: oh my god they were roommates

-

eliza to phillip: if your name is junior, and you're really handsome, c'mon raise your hand

phillip: *bashfully raises his hand*

-

angelica: hey, i'm lesbian

phillip: i thought you were american

-

maria: hey alexander

alexander: sup bitch

maria: haha stop

alexander: bitch

maria: SFISJOAIFJSOIF UGH

-

jefferson: oh sorry i fell asleep while i was waiting on you to make me a sandwich

angelica: go back to sleep and starve

-

phillip: hey mom say "who want lasagna"

eliza: who want lasagn-

eliza: *runs into the kitchen counter*

-

burr: you know, sometimes i think to myself "what are you waiting for you dumb stupid fuck"

-

angelica: go suck a dick! suck a dick! suck a dick! suck a motherfucking dick

eliza: suck a dick! suck a huge or small dick

-

washington just before resigning: i don't know what fuck just happened, but i don't really care, imma get the fuck up outa here, fuck this shit i'm out

-

peggy: before i die, i'm gonna finish a chapstick without loosing it

peggy, two hours later: i lost that motherfucker

-

hamilton to washington: you are my dad (you're my dad!) boogie woogie woogie

-

angelica: two shots of vodka...

angelica: *pours the whole bottle in*

-

madison: hey how much you pay for that taco

jefferson: hey you know this boy's got his free taco

jefferson: *slips, falls, and drops the taco*

-

peggy: hey do you want to go out to eat

eliza: no, i don't really want to

peggy: you're right, why would we go out when we have

angelica, eliza, and peggy: canned soup

-

lafayette: i'm washing me and my clothes, bitch

laurens: he's drunk as fuck...

lafayette: i'm washing me AND my clothes

-

genie: i am a genie and i will grant you three w-

hamilton: i'd like to immediatly take your place

genie: really? i was trapped in there for 10,000 years of isolated slumber

Nat’s son and proud bug cultist, Flick spends his time making art of the wonderful swarms you bequeath upon him. He doesn’t get along with his dad that well, for Flick loves bugs deeply, whereas Nat eats them. Despite Nintendo’s attempts to state otherwise, Flick is CJ’s partner in crime, and they are very happy boyfriends whose home is filled with so many fish and bugs that you can barely find floorspace to scoot around. 

When you next see him, wish our local bug aficionado a very very bug-infested Happy Birthday! 

A lot of the time when people give advice intended to relieve anxiety, they suggest doing “relaxing” things like drawing, painting, knitting, taking a bubble bath, coloring in one of those zen coloring books, or watching glitter settle to the bottom of a jar.

This advice is always well-intentioned, and I’m not here to diss people who either give it or who benefit from it. But it has never, ever done shit for me, and this is because it goes about resolving anxiety in the completely wrong way.  

THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you. You need to ESCAPE from the dwelling and the obsession in order to experience relief.

You can drive to a quiet farm, drive to the beach, drive to a park, or anywhere else, but as someone who has tried it all many, many times, trust me–it’s a waste of gas. You will just end up still sad and stressed, only with sand on your butt. You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind. 

People who have anxiety do not need more time to contemplate, because we will use it to contemplate how much we suck.

In fact, you could say that’s what anxiety is–hyper-contemplating. When we let our minds run free, they run straight into the thorn bushes. Our minds are already running, and they need to be controlled. They need to be given something to do, or they’ll destroy everything, just like an overactive husky dog ripping up all the furniture. 

Therefore, I present to you: 

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHEN ANXIOUS

–Go on a walk

–Watch a sunset, watch fish in an aquarium, watch glitter, etc.

–Go anywhere where the main activity is sitting and watching

–Draw, color, do anything that occupies the hands and not the mind

–Do yoga, jog, go fishing, or anything that lets you mentally drift 

–Do literally ANYTHING that gives you great amounts of mental space to obsess and dwell on things.

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHEN ANXIOUS:

–Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other mind teaser game. Crosswords are the best.

–Write something. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Write the Top 10 Best Restaurants in My City. Rank celebrities according to Best Smile. Write some dumb Legolas fanfiction and rip it up when you’re done. It’s not for publication, it’s a relief exercise that only you will see. 

–Read something, watch TV, or watch a movie–as long as it’s engrossing. Don’t watch anything which you can run as background noise (like, off the top of my head, Say Yes to The Dress.) As weird as it seems, American Horror Story actually helps me a lot, because it sucks me in. 

–Masturbate. Yes, I’m serious. Your mind has to concentrate on the mini-movie it’s running. It can’t run Sexy Titillating Things and All The Things That are Bothering Me at the same time. (…I hope. If it can, then…ignore this one.) 

–Do math problems—literally, google “algebra problems worksheet” and solve them. If you haven’t done math since 7th grade this will really help you. I don’t mean with math, I mean with the anxiety. 

–Play a game or a sport with someone that requires great mental concentration. Working with 5 people to get a ball over a net is a challenge which will require your brain to turn off the Sadness Channel. 

–Play a video game, as long as it’s not something like candy crush or Tetris that’s mindless. 

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO DURING PANIC ATTACKS ESPECIALLY:

–List the capitals of all the U.S. states

–List the capitals of all the European countries

–List all the shapes you can see. Or all the colors. 

–List all the blonde celebrities you can think of.

–Pull up a random block of text and count all the As in it, or Es or whatever.  

Now obviously, I am not a doctor. I am just an anxious person who has tried almost everything to help myself.  I’ve finally realized that the stuff people recommend never works because this is a disorder that thrives on free time and free mental space. When I do the stuff I listed above, I can breathe again. And I hope it helps someone here too. 

The owner of the drone was so impressed by the brilliant attack that he suggested organizing a competition for bringing down “dragons” with short spears next year.

Resetti, the big softie, will comp you if you don’t have the miles to pay him, and he is willing to do so more than once…

Callie: My favorite is explaining the difference between a “butt dial” and a “booty call”.

Marie: It’s called connotation.

Agent 4: Try this one on for size: “Forgive me, Father, I have sinned” versus “Sorry, Daddy, I’ve been naughty”.

HUN, I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU. SOMEBODY HAS TO COLLECT FOR THE MUSEUM AND PAY FOR THE PUBLIC WORKS PROJECTS

Animal crossing was my get-away. Growing up, I made many animal friends. I got yelled at by Resetti because I played the battery out, I made prints and listened to the music in the Able Sister's shop, I wore the weirdest outfits.